Previous Episode

“Some have raised questions about our document,” Dan Rather stated, “Saying it is not in fact a previously unearthed chapter of the Bible but instead is something written with a ballpoint pen on the back of a T.G.I. Friday’s napkin. All this debate just distracts from the point, though, that Bush has not answered questions about whether God did command him to go to a physical and he disobeyed.”
Dan Rather paused to listen to his earpiece. “We go now to a Whitehouse Press Conference.”
Behind a podium stood Whitehouse Press Secretary Scott McClellan. “I just wanted to hold this emergency press conference to tell you all that nothing strange is happening.”
“Is the President escaping police in the Intelligence Czar’s rocket car?” one reporter asked.
“He’s just taking it for a little ride,” Scott answered.
“What about the stolen Iraqi oil?”
“It was temporarily misplaced, and that is being handled,” Scott told them, “Let’s not blow things out of proportion.”
“Does the President have the intelligence to control the Intelligence Czar’s rocket car?”
“That’s uncalled for,” Scott responded.
“So what are you going to do about it, Tubby?” the reporter challenged.
“Well… uh…” Scott stared at his feet. “Nothing.”

Laura Bush entered the war room, walked past Condi and Rumsfeld playing ping pong, and went to the communications console. “Anyone there at the Iraqi oil storage?” she said into it.
“Buck the Marine reporting, ma’am. Who am I speaking too?”
“Laura Bush. Someone has framed my husband with the stolen oil. I need you to look for clues.”
“Does that involve shooting people?”
“No.”
“Then I’m probably not very good at it, ma’am.”
“Just see if you can find anything where the oil was.”
“I did find one thing,” Buck said, “It’s a Democratic National Committee membership card.”
“What’s it say?”
“Lemme see here… ‘Bill Burkett: Nutso Bush Hater and Unimpeachable Source for CBS’. Does that help?”
“A lot. Thanks, Buck.” Something then struck Laura in the back of the head.
“Ball, please,” Condi called out.

“Are you the President of the United States?”
“No,” Bush answered the 7-11 clerk, “Now gimme my jerky.”
Bush then turned to see a familiar face. “Osama bin Laden!” Bush yelled.
Osama dropped the People magazine he was reading and ran out the door with Bush in hot pursuit. Osama then jumped in a hole.
“Dammit! Escaped down a rabbit hole again!” Bush exclaimed. He then looked down the hole and shook his fist. “I’ll catch you yet, Osama bin Laden!”
Bush’s cell phone then rang. “If this is the police, you’re not talking to George W. Bush,” Bush answered.
“It’s your wife. Bill Burkett was the one who framed you. You need to head to Texas.”
“Thanks, dear; will do.” Bush jumped in the Intelligence Czar’s rocket car and sped off. In a minute’s time, he was in front of Burkett’s home. Bush walked to the door and pounded on it.
“What do you want?” Burkett yelled as he opened the door.
“You framed me!” Bush yelled, “And I’m going to make you pay!”
“Ha! You’ll never catch me!” Burkett laughed.
Bush shot out his hand and grabbed Burkett by the wrist. “Ha! Caught you!”

“Well, I’ve been cleared of all charges,” Bush told his staff, “but Burkett wouldn’t admit to working with the Kerry campaign.”
“You know they’re behind this,” Cheney said, “Big time!”
“We need to get vengeance!” Condi added.
“Don’t bother me until you’re ready for another war,” Rumsfeld growled.
“Forged documents and now framing me,” Bush stated, “That’s dirty pool. It’s time to strike back at Kerry and strike back big!”
TO BE CONTINUED…