SarahK didn’t make it to the American Idol finals, but you gotta love the way she exited.
Though I read Michelle Malkin pretty regularly, I missed her post about being on the Chris Matthews show (I know it was one of the reasons Zell Miller physically threatened that bastard) until I was pointed to it by the Derb.
Finally, I’m getting advice I’m not sure I’m ready for just yet…
Archive of entries posted on 22nd September 2004
One-Point Plan for Iraq: Don’t Elect Kerry
Kerry recently came out with his four-point plan for Iraq, but they were all basically what Bush is already doing… except Kerry would do it while haughtier and more French-looking. It took a lot of brainstorming for him to come up with those points, and I obtained a probably non-forged document of the rejected ideas.
TOP TEN REJECTED POINTS FOR KERRY’S IRAQ PLAN
10. To help fund it, have corporate sponsorship. I.e., the interim government becomes the Coca-Cola government.
9. Calm fears of allies by negotiating new corrupt deals with France over oil.
8. Don their clothing and become one of them ala Laurence of Arabia.
7. Give troops more nuanced weaponry that never does anything useful but has lots of electronics and switches.
6. See if the insurgents would be any nicer if they knew the president of the U.S. served in Vietnam.
5. Send his wife over there to give them an example of what a liberated woman is like.
4. Get people against Sadr by telling them that ‘S’ stands for “stupid.”
3. Rename Iraq “Happy Fun Desert Land” for better marketability.
2. Have all the different factions meet at Kerry’s (wife’s) Cape Cod estate for a dinner party to resolve all differences over hors douvres.
And the number one rejected point for Kerry’s Iraq plan–
Run away!
Finally Got My First Speeding Ticket
Stupid cops. Always got to be hassling honest citizens like me just because I was going a little over.
Our Military XXIX
I’m about out of stories, so if you’d like to give your own explanation of why you joined the military or have a military story, please e-mail me with the subject “Military”… especially if your name is Joe foo’. Thanks.
Nick writes about his joining the Army:
For as long as I can remember, I have always felt I should join the military. Both of my grandfathers fought in WWII, my dad was an MP in Korea during the Vietnam war, and my uncle was in the Ohio ANG. I spent 13 years living next to Ft. Knox, KY, so I was fairly familiar with the Army.
Upon graduating high school in 1998, several of my friends left for the Navy; I had plans to attend the University of Kentucky. Over the next few years, I talked with some of them, and visited my best friend, who was stationed in NASNI San Diego. It was very interesting, but I don’t much care for ships and open water. September 11 came and I wanted to enlist, but my parental unit (mom) resoned that I should finish school and then join. Almost three years later I am finishing at UK; dealing with five years of ignorant, whiny, liberal people who only see their own little view of the world really irked me, so I talked to my best friend, who had just retired from the Navy and joined the Army Reserve back in KY, at Ft. Knox. He just happened to talk to the top recruiter in the region, who set up an Army Reserve enlistment package for me.
I went and talked to the SSgt., with the solitary intention of joining on the spot. He asked me why I wanted to join the Army, and I said because it was just something I felt I should do. My parents paid for my college, we’re not rich but not strapped for cash, and with a bachelor’s degree I could get a decent job; I didn’t HAVE to join the military. All those years of college, the trend of anti-American politics, and constantly seeing people with no redeemable value badmouth the President and what our armed forces are doing in the Middle East really galvanized me.
The SSgt. got the paperwork going, and a week or so later I went to MEPS. Only once did I wonder/question what I was doing, but I quickly reminded myself of why I wanted to join. Any remaining doubt was washed away when I stood in front of Old Glory (and the Marine officer swearing us in) and took the oath. I swelled with pride and knew I had done the right thing. I’m in the DEP program, so I’ll leave for BCT & AIT at Ft. Jackson, SC in late December. Right now I am an E-3, and after I get my degree/before I ship I’ll be an E-4. My unit is at Ft. Knox, a training command. Within a year I’ll be certified as an instructor and get to teach ROTC and future officers one or more courses like small arms, land nav, or FLRC (field leadership reactionary course). I feel better as an American, and I am proud to be serving in the Army Reserve.
MT LAGO writes about his family’s military roots and why he loves the Air Force:
I will cross 17 years time in service as of this fall. I have been active-duty Air-Force (6.5 years), and 10 years in 5 different National Guard units (both Army and Air). My wife is active duty Air Force and is headed to Iraq, my “baby” brother is active duty Air force and due to deploy in the near future. I have a nephew currently in Korea with the Air Force, one in Iraq with the National Guard, and another cousin that is due to deploy “somewhere” in September. My father is an Army veteran (between Korea and Viet Nam), two uncles were Navy veterans (Korea), another was in Korea in the Army (he was “black toe-tagged” at an aid station but managed to survive), two more of my older cousins and one uncle were Air Force during Viet Nam (all in Thailand). Last but not least, my Grandfathers on both sides were Army veterans from WWI. My family has a long history of service. We do occasionally get into debates about which is the best service, but the Air outnumbers the other services by a large margin.
The biggest difference I have noticed is that in the Army, “field conditions” normally means “T-rats” and a night spent in a “GP” that smells like a combination of wet dog and mildew, if you are lucky. More likely you will be eating MREs and and sleeping under you “wubby” because you didn’t get back “home” to your cot and sleeping bag. Air Force “field conditions” can range from the MRE and “wubby” for the Security Forces/PJs/Combat Comm., etc. (rare exception) to “Motel-6” with no cable-tv or swimming pool (more common). I will admit it, I like the Air Force field conditions, I like to go “camping” on my own terms. I like to go to the dinning hall and have the fine Air Force cooks make an omelet to order, I like sleeping in a heated or air-conditioned (as climate dictates) tent or motel room, I like having an air-conditioned truck to haul my troops from job-to-job. I like the fact that I am treated like a “technician” with a brain rather than being treated like a “grunt” without one. Am I a “wimp”? Maybe, but at least I am a well fed, warm, and comfortable “wimp”. Aim High!
Stephen writes about the call back to duty after 9/11:
Well, I had always wanted to be a Navy officer, my father being career Navy. My eyesight was not 20/20 and I did not get a waiver for the Naval Academy so I thought it was a nonstarter. While in college I saw a recruitment ad for the Army Reserve and figured, why not? So I enlisted and did four years, sometimes taking a semester off to get some extended active duty (shows you what I found more fun to do!).
Just before my final semester I heard that the Navy’s requirements for OCS were not as strict as for USNA, i.e., vision only needed to be correctable to 20/20– so I spoke with some recruiters, did the paperwork, and was accepted. Within two weeks of completing my degree requirements I was at Newport, Rhode Island. Served eight years on active duty after commissioning and then did three years in the Reserves, but missed being at sea. So right before Saddam’s invasion of Kuwait I joined Military Sealift Command, an agency of the US Navy, and went back to sea as a Purser (ship’s paymaster and admin officer). Spent the first Gulf War as a Supply Officer aboard a Navy oiler, providing refueling at sea to carrier battle groups. Served aboard six different ships, all providing fleet support in the Western Pacific, Indian Ocean, and Persian Gulf. Seven years later, decided I had enough and left.
Boy, was I wrong (happens from time to time). Spent five years working ashore and missed the ships daily. After 9/11 I decided the job I had was not right and reapplied to MSC. They wouldn’t hire me back as a Purser, so after some thought I resubmitted my application as an Ordinary Seaman. They liked that one better, so off I went. During Gulf War II I was aboard USNS Shasta, an Ammunition Ship in the Gulf, working the hardest I ever have and having more fun that a grown man is entitled to, at least when getting paid. I am an Able Seaman now, still having fun, and planning to get a Deck Officer’s license and eventually get back into khakis. Not that there’s anything wrong with wearing dungarees, but so long as there’s an upward path I’m aiming to move along it. Unlike most civilian occupations, being a mariner for MSC gives plenty of opportunities for doing new and different things and seldom gets boring. They’ll give you as much responsibility as you are willing to take on, much like the military will.
Panacea for Dictators
There are reports that Saddam Hussein is depressed. Aww… po’ Saddam. As the cat batter mentioned, electroshock can be used to treat depression though scientists aren’t sure why it works. Just make sure the electrodes are connected to the head and not the genitalia.
But I have a better solution:
Yes, space lasers can cure a murderous dictator of anything. Help support its funding now!
Question of the Day
What should be done to the attacker of this soldier?
I say we at least hunt him down and put a boot up his ass (it’s the American way). What do you think?
(As always, DU thinks Karl Rove is behind this)
To Behead or Not to Behead
An Editorial by Frank J.
Beheading makes you cool, doesn’t it?
No, you’re wrong. It’s totally uncool.
When I was five, a kid in the neighborhood named Billy upset me. So I ran to my mom and said, “I don’t like Billy! I’m going to behead him!”
Then my mom told me, “No, Frankie, you can’t just behead someone because you don’t like him or disagree with him. That would make you subhuman scum.”
Then I’ll never forget the words my dad told me while resting in his easy chair. “Don’t go beheading people, boy, and, most importantly, BE QUIET WHEN A GAME IS ON!”
That’s when I learned that beheading is a wrong thing to do and just something civilized people shun. Apparently, though, in foreign countries, kids didn’t have parents trying to watch a game to tell them that beheading is wrong, and thus they’ve become subhuman scum. That’s why I’ve always been against foreign countries, but that’s an argument for another day. Instead, we have the philosophical question of whether it is right to behead subhuman scum beheaders. So I again asked my mom – this time via phone.
“Hi, mom. It’s your son.”
“Joe?”
“The one in Florida.”
“I thought the hurricanes got you. What do you want?”
“Remember when I asked you about whether it was okay to behead someone?”
“No.”
“Well, is it okay to behead beheaders?”
“Yes, they’re subhuman scum. Kill them and make it slow.
And then I heard my dad yell in the background, “QUIET! I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME!”
That’s the advantage of having good American parents to teach you morals and also why, lacking them, subhuman foreigners should be beheaded. We should make it a nice clean cut, too. That way, the head lives for a few more seconds (I guess, from this perspective, it’s a debodying) and can watch the videotape of him being beheaded and see how that’s not nice at all before his head dies. Then a professional kicker will make a field goal with the head. Kids will see this and know what happens to beheaders and thus don’t do drugs and grow up to be doctors. The body will be converted to pig feed… as is dictated by their religion.
Beheaders just aren’t going to learn while they still have heads, so it’s time to get working on that.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “How to Program in C for Dummies” and “Dummies Programming in C Steal Jobs from the College Educated.”