Beheading makes you cool, doesn’t it?
No, you’re wrong. It’s totally uncool.
When I was five, a kid in the neighborhood named Billy upset me. So I ran to my mom and said, “I don’t like Billy! I’m going to behead him!”
Then my mom told me, “No, Frankie, you can’t just behead someone because you don’t like him or disagree with him. That would make you subhuman scum.”
Then I’ll never forget the words my dad told me while resting in his easy chair. “Don’t go beheading people, boy, and, most importantly, BE QUIET WHEN A GAME IS ON!”
That’s when I learned that beheading is a wrong thing to do and just something civilized people shun. Apparently, though, in foreign countries, kids didn’t have parents trying to watch a game to tell them that beheading is wrong, and thus they’ve become subhuman scum. That’s why I’ve always been against foreign countries, but that’s an argument for another day. Instead, we have the philosophical question of whether it is right to behead subhuman scum beheaders. So I again asked my mom – this time via phone.
“Hi, mom. It’s your son.”
“Joe?”
“The one in Florida.”
“I thought the hurricanes got you. What do you want?”
“Remember when I asked you about whether it was okay to behead someone?”
“No.”
“Well, is it okay to behead beheaders?”
“Yes, they’re subhuman scum. Kill them and make it slow.
And then I heard my dad yell in the background, “QUIET! I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME!”
That’s the advantage of having good American parents to teach you morals and also why, lacking them, subhuman foreigners should be beheaded. We should make it a nice clean cut, too. That way, the head lives for a few more seconds (I guess, from this perspective, it’s a debodying) and can watch the videotape of him being beheaded and see how that’s not nice at all before his head dies. Then a professional kicker will make a field goal with the head. Kids will see this and know what happens to beheaders and thus don’t do drugs and grow up to be doctors. The body will be converted to pig feed… as is dictated by their religion.
Beheaders just aren’t going to learn while they still have heads, so it’s time to get working on that.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “How to Program in C for Dummies” and “Dummies Programming in C Steal Jobs from the College Educated.”
First?
Anyway, I think the old Bakufu government of Japan had it right- set up municipal beheading spots where Samurai could behead a few criminals. Nowadays, just make it part of the Terrorist hunting safari- catch ’em and chop ’em.
Yes! That IS the answer.
Your parents raised you right, boy.
your book titles are funny.
I’m with you. Gotta catch the gremlins first though.
Cane ’em first, then behead the beheaders. Yeah!
On a totally unrelated subject..
Sept 29th needs to get here faster, still waiting for the Chomps shirts to start shipping, dang.
funny but i just dont feel right laughing about this topic after 2 Americans have been beheaded the day before (and day before that)
I recommend strapping into a chair and letting the toes be eaten by hungry pigs BEFORE any type of killing. Then you can behead the scum, provided you then put the head on a pole as a warning to others.
And when their head is on a pike, look up at their lifeless eyes and wave like this…..
Yeah, beheading the beheaders is good, but answering violence with incredible violence will break the will of the subhuman scum in short order. I say let Rumsfeld pick a deserving Muslim city after each beheading. Then turn that city into radioactive ash. That might send a message. Just a thought.
When not watching the game, I have taken the time to read many books, both fiction and non-fiction, which describe what humans do to one another and I have come to the conclusion that beheading is quite low on the scale of suffering imposed through the ages. Actions such as gassing Jews at Auschwitz, dunking of witches at Salem, burning at the stake during the Inquisition, and the crucifixion of Christ all exceed beheading on the scale of cruelty.
Not that I approve of beheadings, or any method of killing for that matter, but I think we need to keep these things in perspective and not file them under the classification of inhuman where they can not be dealt with. It is human for a female American soldier to point at an Iraqi man’s penis and indicate that said organ is insufficient, and it is human to saw off a man’s head. Only the scale is different.
Frank J, Where oh where can one find your books? Those bastards at Amazon don’t even have a pre-order for any of them!
with all the films these guys are puting out, you’d think they were trying to break into hollywood, god knows their politics are somewhat aligned…
Beheading is too good for these guys. We should start chopping at their toes and work our way up. So they can watch it.
Instead of making a clean cut in hopes of the head living for a few more seconds, here is my solution:
Obtain life-support machines, i.e. mechanical heart, blood supply, respirator, etc. Connect the various devices to the upper neck area of the “patient,” and when all connections are made, remove the head through careful surgery. Close all open vessels and arteries, making sure that the artificial systems are supplying blood and oxygen to the brain. That way, the head will continue to function until the machines are turned off, giving plenty of time to use it in messages to terrorists, stand-up comedy routines, and PBS specials.
Just my guess, but I’m saying that you aren’t gonna get picked up by the op/ed page of anybody in the MSM anytime soon. Your material may be a little harsh for the average American. In your defense though, I’d say that if Jf’inK manages to get elected, and the crazy muslims kill most of us, and he does nothing about it except invite them to Paris for some talks, then at that time your material will find an audience with those who haven’t been murdered yet.
Oh, just stick their asses in a Sensitivity Awareness Training Class!! That’ll learn ’em!
Go research what captain pershing did in the phillipines in the early 1900’s THAT truly was a way to deter these scum.
sadly though it is a snope, would be fun though.
I am with Turkeyhead on this one. I do ask that everyone please say a prayer for these men and their families and ask God to bring whatever justice to these animals that He sees fit as quickly as possible.
Large hole….. big shovel…..
‘nuf said
AIC
you asshats wouldn’t be so glib if you had seen what I seen. I don’t want to watch anyone being beheaded ever again.
I hardly slept more than an hour at a time last night. I kept waking up. I have been sad and depressed all day.
And yes beheading is too easy for these evil scumbags. Dip them in a vat of acid.
AIC, it would be better with pigs. yeeessss.
Large hole… big shovel… stinky,filthy pigs.
Hey infidel,
While Pershing was dealing with the insurgents in the Phillipines, there was also an order to execute any male 10 YEARS OR OLDER, that MIGHT have been involved with the insurgency. I have a 10 year old son-mature they ain’t. The Pershing example might not be appropriate.
Here’s one-feed the “beheaders” feet first into a plastic sredder-after they’ve been given an acid bath. They’ll be BEGGING to be decapitated!
BARB in the PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF ILLINOIS
B
Its a good thing Kerry doesn’t realize he could win the election if he promised to bring the savages that did it back to the states for their own beheading. LIVE and in color.
I think the right thing to do to teach the beheaders a lesson is to cut off their lips,nose,ears,and scalp.Leave them one eye so they can see how they look and let them beg to be beheaded,but we won’t. We will,however,remove their thumbs and kneecap them with a .45.