Greyhawk, who is also heading for Iraq soon, has an exclusive document, but check the comments for doubts by many famous bloggers on its authenticity.
Want to find out what it’s like to head to Vegas to try out for American Idol, well, SarahK has the story.
BTW, I saw the movie Hero with SarahK while hiding from Hurricane Frances. I liked it, but Derbyshire, who knows a lot more about China, rips it apart (I agree with the last statement of his review, though).
Here’a great idea in the form of a flash movie (thanks to Major Ownage for the link).
Finally, The Onion has an article so funny, I almost wish I wrote it. The last paragraph is a great payoff, especially if you’ve seen the movie it refrences.
UPDATE: This document looks so similar to those CBS has that were written in the 70’s.
Archive of entries posted on 15th September 2004
Frank Answers: Mossad, Ribbons, Gay Lovers, and Time for More Questions
Jeff Drummond writes:
I’m watching a cool program on the History Channel about Israel’s response to the murder of her Olympic competitors at the 1972 Olympics.
Mossad exercised extreme vengeance against their enemies.
Israel has been pretty good at plotting the demise of its enemies. Are they a good model for the US to follow?
Usually I think the U.S. is the best at everything, but you have to give a lot of credit to those kickass Jews, the Israelis. The Jews have had so many hardships throughout history, and, out of fear those hardships might end, they settled a country in the midst of violent people who hate them. Thus, they’ve gotten good at kill’n bad people, and I think we can learn from them.
Frankly, I’d like to see targeted killings via cruise missiles used to fight local crimes. Think if some drug dealer standing in an alleyway suddenly get blow to hell or if a known carjacker finds his apartment and himself turned into a fireball. That will make criminals a lot more wary.
Also, it would be cool to watch.
Paul writes:
This is Paul. Honest. Please don’t put my email address up on your site though, I hate spam.
I realized you probably don’t want to answer those 2 questions I posted, so here’re two more.
1) What’s the stupidest Olympic sport? Badminton?
2) If you had to appoint the Head of Homeland Security in your State (say, for example, NJ), would you choose your gay lover or an Israeli poet?
First off, what gives you this idea that I randomly publish people’s e-mails?
Anyhoo…
1) I hate all Olympic sports that are scored by a panel of judges. Real sports should have a clear defined winner such as the fastest, the strongest, the most accurate, or, as in boxing, the one still conscious.
Of the judged sports, the dumbest one to me seems to be that one where people dance around with ribbons. That’s a sport? The original point of the Olympics were for people to peacefully compete in skills used in war, and no wars… not even a single battle… has been won with colorful ribbons. Whoever invented that competition should be shot.
Now shooting – there’s a great sport.
2) That’s hard to answer, as the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
Wait a second… I don’t like the implications of that question! I in no way resemble a New Jersey governor!
Alex writes:
I was going to ask you a mind-bendingly and universe-shatteringly intelligent and funny question related to John Kerry’s face, but then I read this and my heart sank:
“Frank Answers is now invitation only, so don’t send me your stupid questions. I hate you.”
I could live with the hate, but Frank Answers being invitation only?
Why, Frank, why?! Why must you destroy the things I love so much?!
PS: I like your hat.
Fine. I’m running out of questions, and this does make good filler at times. Frank Answers™ is now open to everyone again. Just e-mail me your question about politics, science, math, theology, or whatever with the subject “Frank Answers”. Everyone happy now?
P.S. Thanks. I like my hat.
Announcements
Man, this memogate thing is like the most fun news story ever from how hilariously surreal it is. We have a major news organization twisting logic in all directions to justify documents that any Joe six-pack could tell you is fake (whether he wears pajamas or a wife-beater). Then, with all the mention of the blogosphere on T.V., there’s huge blogflation! I’m already having one of my best weeks traffic wise, and I don’t have any useful information whatsoever!
I guess plagarism is the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s also taught me to stamp any funny .jpegs I make with “imao.us” (I went back to the original image and did so now). I didn’t think my forgery would get so much attention as I was late to the draw, but man does this story have legs.
Finally, not enough Chomps t-shirts have been sold since the last In My World™, so Chomps is going to have to die. Any ideas what the world’s angriest funeral should be like?
UPDATE: Remember to visit my sponsors, especially Brian J.’s t-shirt site (the one with “Visualize World Hegemony”). He likes to see his sales spike.
UPDATE2: I now get acknowledgement on eBay.
G.I. Joe foo’, A Real American Hero
My brother, Joe foo’ the Marine, will be heading to Iraq in January. I know I have a number of military readers, some who have been or are in Iraq, and he’d like some advice on what to pack and such. Please give him some good advice in the comments if you know any, as I want my brother to come back safe (he owes me money).
Forged Documents Are Crucial to Good Journalism
An Editorial by Frank J.
The world is a wondrous place, isn’t it?
No, it is not.
In fact, the world is extremely boring and always has been. Yeah, when the continents shifted apart, that was notable. That advent of advanced forms of life was worth some interest. Other than that, really nothing of note has happened. Early man just sat around doing boring things like making clay pots, and early journalists told stories about how everyone was sitting around doing boring things like making clay pots. It was horrible.
Then came the advent of forged documents
The first forged document dates back to 21,000 B.C., though the people showing it at the time said it was written in 21,034 B.C. It’s a cave painting of hunters taking down a woolly mammoth (an animal which never actually existed). Some at the time pointed out how the brownish-red paint used for the mammoth had not been invented back in the 30’s (21,030’s, I mean). Those people were quickly shouted down, and the legend continues to this day.
From then on, there have been tons of great stories in human history… all fraudulent. One of the best examples is the Bible. Any handwriting expert worth his salt will admit that the source material for the more exciting parts of the Bible does not match up with documents known to have been penned by the hand of the Almighty. The original Bible simply wasn’t selling very well, so the faithful decided to spice it up. Most likely, the Israelites happened to find boats when they reached the Red Sea, but the obviously forged sea parting story was considered much more exciting.
Another great example comes from paleontologists. All extinct animals they discovered were just more boring variations of living lizards and rats. So, in 1858, William Parker Foulke made a fossil out of plaster which was later named a “dinosaur.” Because this increased interest in biology many more “fossil finds” soon followed (today’s dinosaur fossils are made from a much more sophisticated plastic).
Then there’s American history. All documents about the supposed “Revolutionary War” used penning techniques that were not available until the early 19th century. What really happened was that the colonists said that they wanted to be their own country, and Britain was like, “Aight.” Later on, this simply didn’t seem like an interesting way for a country to be founded, so the whole war with the British tale was invented which got great play in the media.
I could keep going on, but the point is that any interesting story you ever heard is based on a forged document and never happened because the world is an extremely boring place. Now, with the advent of blogging, we have all these wiseasses in pajamas suddenly pointing out documents are forged and ruining everyone’s fun. If you’re wondering why Rather’s documents are such crude forgeries, it’s because it used to be taboo to point such things out.
So there is the choice we have now; we can have a rich history full of grand epics, or we can pat ourselves on the back for how smart we are for showing how the Dead Sea Scrolls were made with WordPerfect. And just one final thing for those who think it was so great to prove the documents saying Bush was AWOL are forged: There was no Vietnam War! There isn’t even a country called Vietnam! Journalist decided a war would work great for the news cycle, and then some wise ass thought it would be a neat twist if we loss in the end. All the people who thought they were in “Vietnam” were actually in the jungles of Brazil. John Kerry got all three purple hears hurting himself in a pool in a sound stage in Hollywood. I have a co-worker who claimed to have escaped Vietnam with his family when the war ended, but, after badgering him, I got him to admit he was actually Korean and was paid by NBC to say that story to keep the “Vietnam War” story alive.
Now that you know the truth, do you feel happy? No you don’t. So stop questioning any more documents the media presents you unless you want the news to be filled with stories about people making clay pots.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Cool Pictures of Stuff on Fire” and “A Big Thick Book to Hide a Gun In” (with a foreword by Charlton Heston).