I’m hearing that my webpage is now taking especially long to load (and it may have to do with the SP2 Windows update). Any ideas to tracing what exactly is slowing it the most?
UPDATE: I temporaily removed one of the blogrolls to see if that will make my site faster.

Apparently Brit Hume mentioned forgeries on eBay, including one from “123 Fake Street, signed by Bush’s Superior Officer.” SarahK confirmed it on Tivo, but messed up recording it.
Damn, I missed it because I was out taking down my storm windows instead of watching FOX…
UPDATE: Go to FOX News, click on “Opinion” on the sidebar and then “Grapevine” to see it. I don’t know how to do a direct link to it.
UPDATE2: Here’s the text.

Friday is going to end this week with a bang with the finale of “In My World: Chomps, the World’s Angriest Dog.”
More importantly, I actually have a huge scoop – an IMAO exclusive – that I’ll be releasing tomorrow. Not to tip my hand right now, but I think I have some pretty solid proof linking John Kerry with CBS’s forged documents.
Be sure to tune in, ronin.

The media has deemed us bloggers as a bunch of ill-informed fools in pajamas, but Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities takes a look at what many bloggers actually wear while practicing his or her craft (hat tip: Michelle Malkin).

First Jonah Goldberg plagarizes my referencing Aquaman, and now he’s stolen my puppy blender lies! In this article (thanks to Wacky Hermit for pointing me to it), Goldberg writes:

Dan Rather has eaten fifteen German Shepherds in the last year alone…

So I wrote to him:

Dan Rather has eaten German Shepherds? That’s a blatant rip off of my famous accusation that Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit.com makes an energy drink by putting puppies in blenders.
Even stealing from me, you’ll never match the genius of my editorials, such as the one I did on the forgery scandal:
https://www.imao.us/index.php/2004/09/forged-documents-are-crucial-to-good-journalisman-editorial-by-frank-j/
That one was even linked to by the puppy blender.
Why don’t you hug that, squeeze that, and name it George, plagiarizer!

No response! He’s hiding now. Obviously, he’s recognized that I am the way of the future so he is trying to mimic me (and doing a poor job of it). Something must be done!
So what do you think is the recourse? Should we e-mail Jonah Goldberg to get him to admit he steals all his ideas from me, or should we inform Rich Lowry so he will just go ahead and give me Goldberg’s job? I need your advice, ronin, because this cannot go unanswered!
UPDATE: Jonah Goldberg says I need “electroshock.” That’s for depression, jackass!
I think one of my readers is right; it’s time for me to use the filthy lie against Goldberg to destory his reputation just like I did the puppy-blender. Otherwise, we’ll probably soon hear him claiming that Cosmo is the “World’s Angriest Dog.”
Now what lie should I use…

Anyone seen Kerry lately? Has he liked dropped out of the race? Tim Blair has something about coming up with a catch phrase for him, but I’ve seen nothing from Kerry himself.
Then again, I’ve had no patience for any story other than memogate.
“Hurricane Ivan is devastating…”
“Get back to how CBS is making an ass of itself!” I yell.
“In Sudan…”
“This doesn’t sound like this has anything to do with Dan Rather,” I say.
Then my brother calls up and tells me, “I’m heading off to Iraq soon, and I just want you to know…”
“What does this have to do with forged documents?” I interrupt.
Man, I just can’t get enough of this. It’s like crack. I mean, this is the best news story ever! Nothing matches its entertainment value. I don’t know how many years Dan Rather has been on the air, but he’s throwing it all away to defend the most obvious forgeries in the history of forge-ology. And then there’s all the attention we blogs are getting. Total blogflation – an influx of new readers for us all to share.
Also, the satire potential is unending (see this from IowaHawk and this from John Hawkins – then again, you can’t swing a dead cat in the blogosphere these days without hitting a great parody at the expense of Dan Rather and CBS). I can’t help but come up with more ideas myself (just stay tuned, sportsfans).
Then there’s the Democratic Underground. Just when you thought the crazies couldn’t get any crazier, they turn total cuckoo for Cocoa-Puffs. If anyone eventually concedes to the blatant reality that the documents are forged, he or she is called a “Rethug” or a “Freeper” regardless if the person has been posting on that site since its ungodly conception. It’s like a shaken up ant farm.
This is just so much fun and such a boon for the blogosphere. When this is all over (which I hope isn’t soon; keep stonewalling, CBS!), we’re going to have to make a blogosphere shrine to Dan Rather and all raise our pajamas in salute to him. He has dealt a blow to the MSM by himself more devastating than anything we bloggers could have managed. I hope the room he eventually ends up in has extra soft padding on the walls as a thank you.

In her “Love Letter to the Blogosphere,” Michelle Malkin mentions how she met two IMAO fans while at Berkeley (one of whom, I suspect, still owes me a Peace Gallery photo). When do I get to meet my fans? I’m even funnier and cooler in person. Meeting me would be an experience people would remember forever… like meeting the pope.
Well, I’m sure one day I’ll be popular enough to go on tour, blogging in the center of a stadium to sold out audiences. They’ll be like, “I wonder what’s he typing?”
And, “I bet it will be funny.”
And I’ll be like, “Shut up! I’m trying to blog! And stop looking over my shoulder.”
Man, that’ll be so cool.

A lot of people are jumping on CBS News and Dan Rather for releasing forged documents, but many people just don’t know how to spot them. Thus, as a service to all, I’ve come up with a list of ways to tell that a document is forged.
TOP TEN WAYS TO TELL A DOCUMENT WASN’T ACTUALLY TYPED IN THE SEVENTIES
10. It Includes clip art to illustrate its points.
9. Instead of typewriter indents at each letter, there’s only a stain from Extra Spicy Nacho Doritos.
8. Signature of well know person is just an ‘X’.
7. ‘X’ is spelled wrong.
6. If you burn it as part of a “test,” the owner just says, “Eh, we can get another.”
5. The document makes frequent references to The Simpsons.
4. The document makes no reference to All in the Family.
3. It’s still warm from the laser printer.
2. The person who gives it you giggles incessantly after you accept it.
And the number one way to tell a document wasn’t actually typed in the seventies…
Half of it is missing because Windows crashed.