First Jonah Goldberg plagarizes my referencing Aquaman, and now he’s stolen my puppy blender lies! In this article (thanks to Wacky Hermit for pointing me to it), Goldberg writes:
Dan Rather has eaten fifteen German Shepherds in the last year alone…
So I wrote to him:
Dan Rather has eaten German Shepherds? That’s a blatant rip off of my famous accusation that Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit.com makes an energy drink by putting puppies in blenders.
Even stealing from me, you’ll never match the genius of my editorials, such as the one I did on the forgery scandal:
https://www.imao.us/index.php/2004/09/forged-documents-are-crucial-to-good-journalisman-editorial-by-frank-j/
That one was even linked to by the puppy blender.
Why don’t you hug that, squeeze that, and name it George, plagiarizer!
No response! He’s hiding now. Obviously, he’s recognized that I am the way of the future so he is trying to mimic me (and doing a poor job of it). Something must be done!
So what do you think is the recourse? Should we e-mail Jonah Goldberg to get him to admit he steals all his ideas from me, or should we inform Rich Lowry so he will just go ahead and give me Goldberg’s job? I need your advice, ronin, because this cannot go unanswered!
UPDATE: Jonah Goldberg says I need “electroshock.” That’s for depression, jackass!
I think one of my readers is right; it’s time for me to use the filthy lie against Goldberg to destory his reputation just like I did the puppy-blender. Otherwise, we’ll probably soon hear him claiming that Cosmo is the “World’s Angriest Dog.”
Now what lie should I use…
First! let’s nuke Jonah Goldberg!
That’ll teach him!
wow, a triple first! and All in one day. I’m almost as God like as frank J!
First! WhooHoo!!
rotten slow machine….
“grrr”
I never knew Jonah Goldberg was so cute! Thanks for linking to him!
Well, as Jonah admits, the journalistic standard has changed (perhaps it began with filthy lies about the puppy blender) so you can say whatever you want about him and the onus is on him to prove it isn’t true. So finger him as Rather’s source, come up with documents proving Jonah wrote the memos (of course you’ll need to date these new memos like 2032 and use a futuristic looking font) and frame him up for the whole mess. That’ll learn ‘im.
Oh yeah, and I’m the one who cracked the truth about iraqwarwrong being Dan Rather.
He’s ripping of the puppy bender too. Notice how he has the gall to start an entire paragraph with “Indeed”
Perhaps it’s time for a new blogwar – one where you and the puppy blender unite to take down Jonah …
George Bush sighed, puppies cried! Sorry, I never was good at the wisdom stuff. I mostly focus in other areas.
Yeah. But don’t forget, if they give you Jonah’s job then you have to take his sofa also.
A sofa that talks back to you!
Brrrr….
I recommend employing the Rather Gambit. To wit: your allegation is proven true by Jonah’s refusal to deny the charge.
Frank, Repost that original ad for Blender and box of puppies.
I remember it but don’t remember the date…it was way back when I first discovered you. Or at least make a link to it for me, for the sake of history.
Oh and Goldberg ain’t got nothing…nothing on you!!!
You don’t want his silly paper pushing job anyway..
I suggest a filthy lies post about him
FIRST!
DAng. I’m like soooo getting a new computer.
Yeah, yours is only running 3 hours and 45 minutes behind.
Goldberg lacks talent.
Sure he’s educated, writes well, and is on a national magazine, but that’s never a good indicator of success.
The fact is that his family used their influence to get him his position.
Has he been able to provide documentation that he really works there? Where was was he during the Great Blog War of 02?
He’s just a hack, Frank. He needs to steal off you. I hate when people steal ideas so flagrantly.
BTW make sure you buy my Nuke The Sun t-shirts. AVailable now.
ok, ducky, i am ROFL over here at your “first” claim. that’s so how it is!!!
If you see a guy with glasses walking up to you with a set of jumper cables, get the katana ready. [see the latest at the corner to get that.] I think Jonah, just declared a blogwar, whether he meant to or not.
Sorry pal, Eating 15 german shepards and puppys in a blender are not even close. Time for more prozac!!!
say, if the electroshock leaves you unconscious and stuff, may i administer the CPR?
While I understand why you are frustrated, there are several reasons why Jonah can claim he did not exactly rip you off.
First, blended puppy protein shakes are drunk, not eaten.
Second, German shepards, while dogs, are not necessarily puppies.
Third, he did not accuse Rather of killing hobos only of poking at them with a pointy stick.
Finally, Dan Rather should be fired. I think that last reason is the most obviously true.
While I understand why you are frustrated, there are several reasons why Jonah can claim he did not exactly rip you off.
First, blended puppy protein shakes are drunk, not eaten.
Second, German shepards, while dogs, are not necessarily puppies.
Third, he did not accuse Rather of killing hobos only of poking at them with a pointy stick.
Finally, Dan Rather should be fired. I think that last reason is the most obviously true.
Man, You’re a nut!
“Jonah Goldberg says I need ‘electroshock.’ That’s for depression, jackass!”
Not necessarily. It can also be used for punishment and/or arousal.
Not that I have any personal experience mind you.
Wow. Get a life you mewling childish prat.
Frank,
You lie about Jonah should include unmentionable acts with monkeys (but go ahead and mention them) and possibly some angle on your space laser.
I have in my possession two sets of photocopies.
One shows conclusively how Jonah Goldberg rooted through your garbage and stole your ideas.
The other shows conclusively how you rooted through Jonah Goldberg’s garbage and stole his ideas.
Both are typed on 1963 model IBM Selectrics using Comic Sans Serif font, all in italics.
For a very small fee — just a tiny thing, your soul — I’ll let you decide which set of photocopies gets FAXed from Abilene to Dan Rather.
Otherwise, I’ll FAX both of them, and see if I can REALLY confuse CBS!
Hit Jonah where it really hurts; call him overpaid
RPD,
Good thinking! I’ll have something soon…
You mean you aren’t Jonah?
Psssssst…
Jonah Goldberg is actually Lord Gnarl
Pass it on…
jonah stole my idea to steal your ideas, but that’s okay. I’m going to steal your idea to expose jonah, and expose you, thereby exposing myself.
I like the idea of faxing both sets of garbage rooting documents to Dan-o. Let him decide which to mix and match, like always. His decision is bound to be a ‘good one’. Don’t forget to fax them to USA Today also.
In the 1970’s there was this Dead Tree publication called The National Lampoon. You may have heard of it. They did a cover gag:
Buy This Magazine Or We’ll Shoot This Dog!
I know it isn’t eating or blending, and the dog is grown, but still…
Kevin
Well, you could always accuse him of being Lucianne Goldberg’s son…..
…sort of reluctant to ask this, but, what does IMAO stand for? I’ll take my answer off the air…
Jonah is a traitor! When he takes me to the park he eats cheese while feeding the squirrels! French cheese! Jacobin squirrels! Woof!
Call up CBS on advice for making up a filthy, unbelievable lie! I heard somewhere that they have some experience with this sort of thing…
Hopefully that’s all of your inanity he’ll plagiarize.
Okay, you got what you wanted – a mention on The Corner. Now don’t make us fisk you!
1) Is Zero de Nada male or female? This is essential – the appropriate gender audience must be notified. 2) Will a self-exposed Zero de Nada inspire fantasy or nightmare? Also essential – the audience must be tempted or warned. 3) You folks – and I include Jonah – are having way too much fun….and I, for one, am enjoying it all immensely.