Random Thoughts

Posted on November 23, 2009 9:19 am

Shouldn’t Hasan be referred to in the news as “the alleged gunman who totally did it.”?

When there is a scuffle in Ireland, the there’s no need to specifically mention in the news story that alcohol was involved.

If the Large Hadron Collider destroys the universe, is that considered a success in verifying the existence of the Higgs boson?

It would be funny if the universe is destroyed and we’re all met by an excited God asking, “Did you find it?”

If the universe is destroyed today, do you think more people will blame CERN or booooosh?

I’m not going to use Windows 7 until MS writes me a letter of apology for Vista and at least tries to explain how that happened.

Electricity is complicated. And it’s invisible. And it can kill you.

How weird is electricity? You can actually use imaginary numbers to predict its behavior.

And when they made imaginary numbers, why did they stop with square root of -1? Why not also square root of unicorn?

This is why smart people like me worry about electricity so you can all focus on things like sparkly vampyres.

Wait, is the Large Hadron Collider going to kill us or just remove us from the timeline?

If we’re wiped out of the timeline, we don’t get to go to Heaven since we never existed to have souls. That’s trouble.

If they do a Gremlins remake, will sunlight kill them or just cause them to sparkle?

Oprah plans to keep to herself after leaving her show and let a designated individual make her proclamations – the Pope-rah.

If America collapses, my backup plan is to become a pirate. Arr!

One problem with becoming a pirate is a parrot’s massive beak freaks me out. You can’t tell me he won’t bite me and it won’t hurt.

I’m getting tired of partisan politics. I wish we could get rid of it, but the stupid, evil liberals won’t let us.

Work extra hard knowing your money is going towards getting poor people prison sentences for not buying health insurance.

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26 Responses to “Random Thoughts”

  1. MarkoMancuso says:

    If the universe is destroyed today, do you think more people will blame CERN or booooosh?

    They will blame the jooooooooos. But, my friends, we all know the Moon will be responsible.

    If America collapses, my backup plan is to become a pirate. Arr!

    My backup plan is to buy a motorcycle, a CB radio, and ride around the country screaming, “I am the nightrider!” into the CB radio.

    One problem with becoming a pirate is a parrot’s massive beak freaks me out. You can’t tell me he won’t bite me and it won’t hurt.

    Buy a parakeet. Or perhaps a swallow. I’ve heard swallows are quite useful.

  2. Plentyobailouts says:

    If they do a Gremlins remake, will sunlight kill them or just cause them to sparkle?

    What do you mean if? they haven’t had an original idea since they quit being American.

    When there is a scuffle in Ireland, the there’s no need to specifically mention in the news story that alcohol was involved.

    *hic* rasicists *hic*

    Electricity is complicated. And it’s invisible. And it can kill you.

    But it makes you glow really pretty and give you a great hair do before you die!

  3. Cactus says:

    I was enjoying the post until you brought up Vista. That set me off again.

    I can’t make the Mac statement…too many images in my head about all of the beatniks, Bolsheviks, and punk rockers excitedly crowding the genius Bar at the Mac stores…but I’ll be damned if I go any further with Windows after this last debacle.

    I’m screwed. I wonder if Atari will get back in the game?

  4. Jimmy says:

    If the LHC destroys our Universe, God will hold one helluva garage sale and people will flock from all over just to buy our junk.

  5. IH8Socialist says:

    “Random Thoughts”
    Obama can’t rob Peter to pay Paul and expect Peter not to pissed that he’s now poor.

  6. Sgt Relic says:

    “Electricity is complicated. And it’s invisible. And it can kill you.”

    You mean electricity is God?

    Am I going to burn in hell for saying that?

  7. Ussjimmycarter says:

    Dear Frank J

    we understand you are one of only 2 or 3 reported problems with Vista. This leads us to coclude that you sir, are a moron and our OS remains super Awesome!

    Microsoft

  8. IH8Socialist says:

    Shouldn’t Hasan be referred to in the news as “the alleged gunman who totally did it.”?

    it should be “the terrorist that kill innocent Americans that totally did it and should be fried in the chair!”.

  9. RightWingTink says:

    How about “the alleged gunman who totally did it and should be fed nothing but pork sandwiches until we execute him and then we bury him inside a giant pig.”
    Or would that fall under cruel and unusual punishment?

  10. MarkoMancuso says:

    Am I going to burn in hell for saying that?

    You’re asking the wrong people, Sgt Relic.

  11. Carolynp says:

    I’m pretty sure the bird is interchangeable with a monkey, errr…nevermind. I’m thinking you should go for ninja instead. I think there are no animals involved in the ninja thing. Well, unless you count the freaking panda… Maybe you just load up on ammunition and call yourself a pirate and who gives a flip what others think?
    We’re in Oregon. I’m guessing that if the US goes under, we won’t notice.

  12. Basil says:

    Cactus: It’s okay to get a Mac. There are more and more of us conservatives making the switch.

    My name is Basil, and I’ve been Microsoft-free for 845 days.

  13. Plentyobailouts says:

    Basil! Are you turning into a pechouli wearing hippie? Hows bout I give you a nickle and you get a real computer? Cmon say it with me! L-IN-UX.

  14. MarkoMancuso says:

    People who use Microsoft are bad. Microsoft users are the same people who caused the Johnstown Flood. The rich!

    People who use Apple? There are people who use Apple? And they can use the internet on those things?

    Sadly, my own operating system was built by the Soviets in 1983.

  15. zzyzx says:

    When there is a scuffle in Ireland, the there’s no need to specifically mention in the news story that alcohol was involved: Which reminds me, where does an Irishman go on vacation? To a different pub! What’s the definition of an Irish queer? That’s an Irishman who prefers women to whiskey! Hey, I’ve gotta million of um! Ted Kennedy’s ghost, haunting the compound, Massachusetts.

  16. shiggz says:

    Anyone who follows Tech-news knew that Vista was fubar long before it shipped. Thus avoided like the plague. What with huge overhauls months before release and release dates pushed back by years instead of the normal months. Vista got a lot better by sp2. Microsoft tried throw a bone when they made the 7 beta free for a year this spring. 7 is basically vista sp3. The bloat was shrunk in some areas its still 4-5 times the size of xp. 7 is quite acceptable and sometimes a pleasure if you have a semi-decent computer.

  17. shiggz says:

    Random thought:
    Perhaps we should draw a cartoon of scrooge McDuck sitting on a pile of gold with a KKK hat and a 6 shooter in one hand fat cheeseburger/bible in the other. This could be the republican party symbol. That should make life a-lot easier for easily confused liberals who need to believe that is who they are fighting. Liberals dont know why one part of socialism is helpful or harmful and are immune to reasoning since its all about feeling. They only know they are right because we are evil. See they aren’t like us who know that free-enterprise is a better idea then communism regardless of who is supporting it or opposing it. We should take it easy on them since their nap time is coming up soon and mommy government is running out of cookies to confiscate.

  18. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    I was bitten by a parrot once, the little kind, some sort of African American Grey thing, it hurt like a mo fo so I assume those giant pirate types would more than hurt. Ironically, the one that bit me was too damn stupid to talk or fly but he sure knew how to bite people and destroy things…. much like his…never mind.

    I had one of the snotty liberals I work for admit that Macs and Priuseseses are for elitist liberals so until they make one that has a gas engine that gets 8 MPG, I’ll never buy one. She got mad at me when I pointed out the illegal immigrant working next door was pointing a nail gun right at his face while hanging over the side of the house. You can always tell a liberal but you can’t tell them much.

  19. 4 of 7 says:

    “You mean electricity is LIKE God?”
    FIFY. Now it’s just a metaphor and those are OK. (Matthew 24:27)
    Still, it was funnier the other way. ;)

  20. px115 says:

    I had a random thought today… On Facebook, there are a ton of “hug” days (Hug An Asian, Hug An Italian, Hug a Lutheran, Hug An Emily). Why doesn’t IMAO start the “Punch A Hippie” Day? While we’re at it, we can add “Punch An Emo” Day.

  21. Largebill says:

    “Large Hardon Collider?” What is that some kind of gay porn movie? Disgusting. I visit this blog for nice wholesome humor, not to read this perverted stuff.

  22. Son of Bob says:

    “Shouldn’t Hasan be referred to in the news as “the alleged gunman who totally did it.”?”

    No, he should simply referred to as “another murderous Muslim” …or are we afraid we’ll offend him and the rest of his religion that are at war with us?

  23. Largebill says:

    Actually, this long after committing his offense he should be referred to as THE LATE terrorist Hasan. Why are we still wasting precious air and limited medical resources on that turd? The clowns in DC talk about eliminating excess medical costs well a good place to start would be to stop providing medical care to inmates and accused scumbags.

  24. el polacko says:

    the collider can’t destroy the universe or there would be no future world from which to send back birds.

    i don’t get what all the whining about vista is all about. despite my trepidation after hearing how evil it is, i’ve had it for a year now and have never encountered a single problem. guess that doesn’t make me hip and cool like the mac kids, huh?

  25. ussjimmycarter says:

    This post is being expertly typed on a MAC and shall now seamlessly be posted once I hit “Submit Comments”! For you Vista users…not so much!

  26. Paul C. Quillman says:

    “I’m not going to use Windows 7 until MS writes me a letter of apology for Vista and at least tries to explain how that happened.”

    I am going back to Vista until MS writes me a letter of appology for Windows 7, fixes the start menu, and tries to explain how that happened.

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