31 Comments

  1. I’ve read this like 20 times and it gets better every time. I’m so enthralled by you wordsmanship that I may actually have to click the link at some point. But first, let me read it a few more times…ahhhhhhhh!

  2. We could even help reduce the Debt by selling the rights to whack a pumpkin…..er…..JOOO, based upon their hatred of the JUICE. If they are unwilling to pay a lot of money for the privilege of whacking pumpkins…..er……JOOOS, we can report to their local Imam/mosque that they don’t sufficiently hate the pumpkins…..er…..JOOOS.

    At first I thought that Canadians might not like your idea about destroying Canada, but then I realized that Canada is populated by Hosers, who killed off the Canadians years ago. So it’s all good. Plan approved.

  3. oh wait, my bad. I just read the article. The antichrist will have a WORKABLE plan for peace. Maybe Frank can still be the false prophet or false profit. (If this doesn’t get me banned for life nothing will)

  4. Joe,

    In the short existence of BOBEB, yes, we have always been on strike. Our strikes are generally quite meaningless to the public, but it is jolly good fun to wear I’M ON STRIKE! printed on t-shirts.

  5. Wait a minute – if the mission statement of BOBEB and SOBEB is to eat more bacon, and promote the eating of bacon, and then eat more bacon, and wallow in bacon, and support the eating of bacon, and eat a little more (hell, a lot more) bacon, and feed bacon to our children, and then eat the leftover bacon off the ungrateful little bastards’ plates, and dream about eating bacon, and wake up and eat more bacon – doesn’t being on strike mean we don’t get to eat bacon? I can’t support that. My arteries are softening just thinking about it.

  6. Son of Bob, I will respond with a union-friendly stance:

    na na na na na na na na na I can’t hear you ABC 123 ABC 123 I’m sticking my fingers in my ears and I can’t hear you na na na na.

    Crabby Old Bat,

    BOBEB is still unsure as to the general meaning of the word strike. In fact, our entire group is shrouded – perhaps purposefully – in ambiguity. We had a little too much to drink on the night of our founding, mistakes were made, etc. But one fact remains, my friends, and that fact is that we will eat even more bacon while on strike.

  7. Speaking of living in ambiguity, do we like Canadians because they are brothers who eat a lot of back bacon, or do we wish evil upon them so that we can eat their back bacon?

    Which reminds me. If unions are such a good thing, why is there a union for people who work for unions? And are the people who work for the union workers union actually members of the union workers union? If they go on strike, would the union workers union need to hire scabs to organize the strike?

  8. Suddenly you’ve got a Roadmap to Peace in the Middle East? Wasn’t it, like, two days ago that you were willing to settle for Not So Much War in the Middle East?

    What’s the difference between Frank J’s plan and,say, Jimmy Carter’s plan? Frank J’s plan is more coherent and more likely to actually work.

  9. Burmashave,

    I will offer this warning only once. Canadian bacon is not bacon. Compared to good, hearty, red-blooded American bacon, Canadian bacon is Canadian ham.

    There are no substitutes for real bacon. Say up yours, half-British imposters to those liars up North.

  10. I’m still uncertain about the relationship between the Brotherhood Of Bacon Eating Bastids (BOBEB) and the Brotherhood Of Bear Drinking Bastids (BOBODB). Sometimes, I have bacon with my beer and vise versa. And when I do, I feel like twice the Bastid. Is there something wrong with me that Bacon and/or Beer won’t cure?

    Oh, I know. UMEN!

  11. SOBEB suggests that being on strike means striking people who don’t eat bacon. Perhaps even striking them WITH bacon. Also, Canadian “bacon” is definitely not real bacon. It’s just a cruel, cruel trick to make you think you are going to get bacon, only to be confronted with thinly-sliced circlets of anemic ham. All pork products are not equal. Bacon (AMERICAN bacon) rules.

  12. An Arab from Gaza and a self-confessed member of Hamas once asked me, “How can we have peace?” I though it was a strange question coming from a terrorist. When I asked him if he was ready to recognize Israel’s right to exist, he answered, “There is no such country as ‘Israel’; there is only Palestine, my country.” That’s why negotiating peace with Hamas or any other Arab faction is a fool’s errand. In this man’s mind, Israel’s right to exist is not an issue because there is no Israel; there is just a large, well-armed group of space-occupying Jewish squatters, who deserve death. Furthermore, every U.S. president keeps saying the same mantra, “They [Palestinian Authority] must recognize Israel’s right to exist.” Correction; they must first recognize that Israel exists. Actually, somebody forgot to tell all of the politicians that we Jews don’t need their permission to exist as a nation; G-d gave that to us at Mount Sinai.

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