Nuke the News: No Union, No Jobs and In Reagan We Still Trust

Posted on November 2, 2011 11:00 am

* You know how everyone has their idea of what a fair tax plan is? Well, I have now unveiled the “Frank J. Fleming Super Double Extra Fair Tax Plan” at PJ Media and it is the fairest of them all. I mean, it’s crazy fair. You’ll recoil in horror and scream, “No! Too fair!” That’s how fair it is.

* According to Nancy Pelosi, no jobs is better than non-union jobs. And considering how little is union these days, I guess Pelosi wants to see something like 90% unemployment before things start improving.

Again, I ask, why do we give these people any influence whatsoever over business? I wouldn’t trust these people to sort paperclips, and yet we have them making decisions about important things. We won’t have a recovery until these people lose all their power, and we won’t have justice until they live penniless on the streets.

* Obama is taking aim at election laws that prevent fraud because they’re really going to need that edge this next year. Also, some liberals are actually talking about giving children the vote. The left like to claim that the Tea Party are dumb and uninformed, but how come their reelection efforts always amount to them trying to get as many dumb and uninformed people to the polls as possible? I don’t think the left is going to be satisfied until voting for the president is done through an internet poll. And that’s how we’ll end up with Ron Paul as president.

* A new Ronald Reagan statue has been unveiled in D.C., and that made me think you could easily take this column I did comparing Obama to a sack of hammers and replace “sack of hammers” with “Reagan statue”. Think of if: President Ronald Reagan statue. You know he’ll be laissez-faire.

* BTW, in a recent poll, more people wished Ronald Reagan was president for this crisis than wanted FDR back in office. Ha! People trust Reagan over Roosevelt. What a great left-wing realignment Obama started.

* A French satirical newspaper got firebombed for making fun of Mohammad. In the war against Islamists, we need to protect our satire. I can’t stress that enough. I mean, it would really suck if you had all these great Mohammad jokes and couldn’t use them out of fear of firebombs. Me, I am always eating bacon to keep Islamists at bay. Works like a crucifix to a vampire. And is tasty.

* In a radio ad for handgun classes in Texas, it was advertised that the instructor would not teach Muslims or Obama voters. He may be in trouble for discrimination against Muslims, but I don’t see any law that prevents you from refusing service to Obama voters. Maybe it would be illegal, though, if being an Obama voter was taken as evidence of having a mental handicap.

* Wisdom of the Day: “SC sheriff advises on self-defense: ‘don’t get mace, get a firearm.’ If your heart’s set on mace, get the medieval kind with spikes.” -Fred Thompson

* If you want to see NPR attempt humor, this is kind of fascinating from a sociological perspective. It’s a humorous list — like I often do — targeting Metallica. It has a few things that are borderline funny, but as a whole it’s like they have a vague understanding of what humor is, but never quite seized the concept in full. Anyway, your tax dollars helped pay for that, and anything my tax dollars pay for should be as absolutely hilarious as the rest of federal government.

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17 Responses to “Nuke the News: No Union, No Jobs and In Reagan We Still Trust”

  1. Burmashave says:

    Ohhhhhh, that was good, Frank J. This just in from the CBO: the CBO scores your plan an A+.

    Some Muslim nit wits defaced our church website over the weekend. The hackers want people to convert. Fear not, my faith remains unchallenged.

    So this is what happens when Muslims feel better about their scientific achievements. Hacking WordPress and PHP is not exactly tantamount to a trip to the moon, but mebbe it’s a start.

  2. DamnCat says:

    Abdul: “Hey, Achmed. Did you hear about that infidel newspaper editor getting beheaded?”
    Achmed: [whispers] “Shhhh! That’s next week!”

  3. coldguy says:

    Hi there. Day two of legal concealed carry in Wisconsin. We’re still here. Yeah, we’re fine. Am I carrying? I’ll never tell.

  4. MarkoMancuso says:

    “Let the little children vote for me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

    Turns out I’ve been reading the wrong Bible all these years!

  5. Jimmy says:

    The “Frank J. Fleming Super Double Extra Fair Tax Plan” is on double-super-extra-secret probation!

    Oh, and Moose Lambs are best cooked slowly on a large rack or rotisserie over an open fire.

  6. zzyzx says:

    I think the members of Metallica should firebomb the offices of the NPR infidels in retaliation for this gross insult to Metallicaism.

  7. Mxymaster says:

    Hmm — I seem to recall a mace does 1-8 vs. small and normal, 1-12 vs. large.* Am I right? Guarantee Frank J. knows.

    *Not sure if it’s the spikey kind, though.

  8. Dan S. says:

    Also, some liberals are actually talking about giving children the vote…

    Out: Occupy Wall Street
    In: Occupy Sesame Street

  9. Son of Bob says:

    “If you want to see NPR attempt humor, this is kind of fascinating from a sociological perspective. It’s a humorous list — like I often do — targeting Metallica.”

    Not the slightest bit funny. NPR is still upset because Lars actually wanted people to *gasp* pay for albums instead of just stealing them.

  10. Ernie Loco says:

    …more people wished Ronald Reagan was president for this crisis than wanted FDR back in office

    In a related poll, more football fans wanted Peyton Manning for the quarterback of their team than wanted Liberache as quarterback.

    I mean, c’mon!? Comparing Reagan and FDR on economic issues? That’s pretty much picking the person who did the most economic good for this country ever and comparing him with the person who did the most long-term economic harm to the country. (In case you’re a moron with no knowledge of history, Reagan was good for the economy; FDR was a disaster.)

    What that poll actually tells me, is that 29% of the people in this country (the number that voted for FDR in the poll) are too stupid to live. And just to safe, we should probably kill any offspring they have too, to make sure their genes are removed from the gene pool.

  11. Basil says:

    Giving children the vote? Where have I heard that before?

  12. Basil says:

    >I am always eating bacon to keep Islamists at bay. Works like a crucifix to a vampire.

    But a crucifix doesn’t work on sparkly vampires. Maybe bacon won’t work on sparkly Islamists. Unless the Islamist is sparkling because he’s on fire. Then, you don’t really need the bacon.

  13. CTCompromise says:

    @#10 Ernie Loco:

    The 29% KNOW that they are living off the socialist programs FDR started…as “temporary measures”, in order to secure his popularity. Even he knew they were not sustainable. He only meant them to survive about as long as he did, in order to make his place in history as the benovelovent leader (who would never have to find a way to fund his largess).
    I just hope that the other 81% KNOW, or at least suspect, that this country was founded by, sustained by, and continues to need people who are concerned more about the survival of the unique democracy; The first democracy which was created by very wealthy men who chose to risk everything, including thier very lives, in order to secure a government which would encourage all people to be responsible.
    It is THAT 1% which we, the 99%, still owe a debt of gratitude to. Somehow, I do not think any of the I-Got-Nothin’-Else-To-Do OWS protesters are willing to risk as much as next weeks allowance in order to affect whatever change they think they want…They should also remember that the great socialist republic also came with gulags for people like them !!

  14. Burmashave says:

    @Basil: As I recall, the Khmer Rouge relied on children soldiers/judges because they saw children as ideologically pure. Mao did the same during the Cultural Revolution.

    Have you actually seen Wild in the Streets? Whenever I see Shelly Winters, I think of what a joy it was for Montgomery Clift to push her out of the boat and drown her in A Place in the Sun.

  15. Basil says:

    Burmashave:
    Oh, gosh, it was way back when. I remember thinking what a waste of time it was. I wonder if I’d like it any less now.

  16. Penultimatum says:

    The Frank J Super Double Extra Fair Tax Plan is . . . wait for it . . . Preznitential! Frank J. for Preznit!

  17. Harvey says:

    Son of Bob – I wouldn’t say the list is COMPLETELY worthless. #3’s actually pretty good, since it’s an obscure reference to Van Halen’s infamous “brown m&m’s clause.”

    8’s not bad either.

    17’s ok, since at least Gaga is in the music industry.

    The rest of ‘em are crap, because they aren’t even related to Metallica or music. They’d apply to anyone.

    #5 could be passable if re-worked for brevity.

    “Singer James Hetfield starting a feud with Minus 5 frontman Scott McCaughey, just to see who gets the reference”

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