Archive of entries posted on 14th November 2011

Nuke the News: Debates, Waterboarding, and Hippy Whomping

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* My ebook drops (downloads?) tomorrow, so expect a lot of this.

I’m excited for people to finally get to read it. Are you excited? You should be excited.

* After watching that stunning defeat of Boise State on Saturday (at least with how bad our kickers have been this year, we expected him to miss that last second field goal), I was hit with even more bad news: There was another Republican debate. These things will just never end. This one was on foreign policy, so Cain just tried to fade into the background while Ron Paul put on his full crazy for all to see.

Winners: Romney, who always seems to know what he’s talking about even while being weasely. Also, Newt Gingrich because it’s just so much fun to see him lecture moderators. It would almost be worth nominating him just to see him talk down to Obama.

Well, only… fourteen more debates to go. Wow. By the end of this, I’m going to be almost as sick of seeing Romney on TV as I am Obama.

* Obama made it clear he disagreed with the Republican candidates on whether waterboarding is torture. He said, “I’ll incinerate an American citizen with a hellfire missile, but I draw the line at pouring water on the face of a known terrorist mastermind!”

* It’s official — the Supreme Court is going to hear appeals on Obamacare. Do we have individual liberty, or can the government force us to do and buy whatever it one day feels like because… Commerce Clause.

If the Supreme Court rules that the Commerce Clause is so expansive as to basically eradicate the entire purpose of the Constitution, I think I might riot. Who wants to riot? Nah, on second thought, I probably have work that day.

* Even though they’ve had their biggest stands in blue cities, everyone is just fed up with Occupy Wall Street groups, and thus police are in full hippy whomping mode, breaking up the occupations in Oakland and other places. I wouldn’t expect too many of the protesters to end up arrested; they’ll probably just be the 1%.

* Wisdom of the Day: “‘We are the 99 cents.’ — Wendy’s Value Menu” –Sean Thomason

* Man, I hope my book sells well. I want Buttercup to be able to look up at her father as a big time author. She really needs that since she already has enough disadvantages on account of us naming her “Buttercup”.

Random Thoughts

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I hear they’re planning a darker, grittier reboot of Se7en.

Basically the debates are Romney laughing away while everyone self-destructs around him.

I’d say foreign policy is the only place where Obama hasn’t performed beneath my low expectations.

How about the shake things up a bit and get some interesting moderators like Simon Cowell and Mr. T.

Debate Question: “If you had to nuke someone, who would it be?”

Paul: “The Constitution says nothing about nukes, so I would trade them all for gold.”

Santorum: “If we’re going to stop Iran from getting nuclear weapons, we first have to take on gay marriage…”

Bachmann: “A woman came up to me and said her daughter getting injected with Gardasil caused Islamists to get nukes.”

Debate Question: “If you were given the opportunity to strangle one dictator, who would it be?”

Debate Question: “Obama pronounces it ‘POCK-istan’. Will you vow not to do that?”

Debate Question: “Which color Angry Bird would you most closely identify you military strategy with?”

If you waterboard someone enough, they’ll admit it’s not torture.

If we’re against pouring water on KSM, we’re not taking this very seriously.

They weren’t booing, they were chanting, “Boo-untsman!”

They should make a series of Newt explaining things to idiot moderators.

I would love to see Newt lecture Obama.

Americans hate answers about letting evil abide, no matter how practical that is.

Foreign aid is only 1% of the budget? Only 1%… of trillions?

No one treats the federal budget like it’s actual money. Where else would ever see someone say, “That’s only a hundred million.”?

Is Arab Spring a competing soap to Irish Spring?

Why do these debates never have a riddle competition?

What’s Lindsey Graham doing in a Republican debate?

Buttercup thinks hitting herself in the head with my iPad is hilarious. I can’t prove her wrong.

The Week in Doug

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From the audio files:

1) “…If Romney ends up as the nominee, I hope he has to earn it, and I hope he doesn’t get it soon. I hope he has to go the whole length [of the primary process] to get it. Because he’s got to be pulled in our direction. He’s got to be KEPT in our direction once we pull him there…”

2) “…The liberals hate the fact… that there are successful, conservative, black men and women who dare to make the ultimate offense of thinking for themselves, of being self-sufficient, or that dare… to leave the plantation of government dependency…”

3) “…Have you ever seen a group of reporters who had such an attitude, just on their faces? A group of reporters who just detested being in the presence of Republicans…”

4) “…So you’ve got two Cain accusers. This one connected with the Obama regime, this one a serial accuser. This is political assassination, my dear friends, and you’re never going to know the truth of the matter – you weren’t there. So you’ve gotta judge the people by their character, by their conduct, by what we DO know about them…”

More audio clips here.

And for those who would rather read than listen, gems-a-plenty:

1) “Anybody who criticizes the media, sort of gives them an on-air spanking during these debates, you’re gonna like that person. But don’t be seduced by that stuff. They must also prove they hold solid conservative values.”

2) “You know, the left is having a complete cow, my friends, about Herman Cain’s endurance. They don’t even begin to understand it.”

3) “In the debates, did you see Mitt Romney looking at Jim Cramer while he was screaming these questions like he was an insect that just crawled out from under a rock?”

4) “Are any of these Republicans a perfect candidate? No. We don’t have a perfect candidate. But ya wanna know something? The Democrats don’t have a perfect candidate either.”

5) “A big kerfluffle has been made out of the fact that Hermain Cain referred to Pelosi as ‘Princess Nancy’ (Maybe that’s abuse! Maybe she’s offended! Maybe SHE’LL file a complaint!). But that’s what most Americans think of Nancy Pelosi, anyway. When Cain says things like that, he just scoops up more money and more support.”

6) “The East-Coast RINO Republican crowd are the ones supporting Romney, but they don’t ever come into contact with regular people, unless they’re being served breakfast by them in a restaurant or in first class.”

7) “We seem to have, under this administration, a bad habit of aiding these companies that make things we don’t need and that can’t compete in the free market.”

8) “These pictures of Jimmy Carter building homes in Haiti in his denim & neckerchief – this is the left’s vision for you. When you are 87, you better have a hammer in your hand, you better be put to work, you better have some gloves on, or they’re going to take your medications away.”

9) “If Cain looks like he’s having a hard time responding to these baseless accusations, it’s because he’s not a smooth, practiced, polished, experienced liar like Bill Clinton. Which is why people like him.”

10) “The Obama administration is as transparent as a cement wall in North Korea.”

That first audio clip: some sound advice on disaster-preparedness. It’s like one of those old Civil Defense “Duck and Cover” films on what to do in the event of a Romney presidency.

Sometimes we need to be strong enough to think the unthinkable.

Note: the debate referred to in some of these is last week’s Michigan debate on the economy, not the defense debate from over the weekend.