Nuke the News: Newt Surge, Obama’s Toughest Critic, and They’re Coming for the Fat Kids

* In case you haven’t seen it yet, I was on Instavision with Glenn Reynolds:

I still have a lot of room for improvement in interviews, but I feel like I’m at least moving in the right direction. And, BTW, buy my book.

* NEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWT!

Gingrich got a major newspaper endorsement in New Hampshire (which apparently actually means something there) and now he’s surged on Intrade to over a 20% chance of getting the nomination.

Now, I know we’re all desperate for a not-Romney, but I wonder if he’s the one we really want. He’s got baggage in his past, and you just know in his arrogance he’s going to say things that will anger us and things that anger everyone else. Then again, he does have a record from being Speaker of getting significant legislation through that actually leads to real change — i.e., I’d have more hope of useful things happening during his presidency than Romney’s.

But I’m starting to get kind of worried of how mad will Romney be if he isn’t nominated. We hear over and over how he’s the smart reasonable choice, so will he turn on us if we reject because we just don’t like him? I mean, could he just as easily go from liberal to conservative and back to liberal?

* Speaking of going liberal, David Frum is threatening to leave the Republican Party if we don’t nominate Romney or Huntsman. Didn’t we kick that twerp out?

There seems to be a cottage industry of useless idiots decrying how dumb and unreasonable everyone is in the Republican Party other than them. Of course, these people never have any solution for how to do things such as get real reductions in spending; they just like patting themselves on the back. It’s very masturbatory, and really shouldn’t be encouraged in public.

* Politico has up a story on how Obama’s toughest critic is himself… which is hard to believe since he hasn’t committed seppuku. If Obama ritually disembowled himself, do you know what I’d say? I’d say, “I misjudged him. I thought he was completely out of touch, but now I see he shares some of my own beliefs.”

* More ClimateGate emails have come out about the manipulation of global warming data to make it look like the science is “settled”. We really need to reverse this almost religious reverence some people have for scientists. If you put a white lab coat on an idiot, you don’t get an infallible sage — you just get an idiot with more pockets.

* Wisdom of the Day: “When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple ‘calm down’ in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.” –Bryan Donaldson

* It’s happening. The U.S. government is confiscating fat kids. With us already so much in debt, how are we going to feed all these government-held obese children? And pay for chair repairs?

Anyway, now you have something to help get your kids to eat their vegetable. “You have to eat healthy or you’ll become fat and the government will take you away. It’s true. I can just leave you on the curb Monday; that’s when the government picks up fat kids.”

* It’s an early Festivus miracle!

Random Thoughts

I always thought Huntsman would be a really good candidate if he weren’t so awful.

“I’ve reexamined the evidence, and THIS TURKEY MUST DIE!” -me as president

Is Intrade right that there’s a 6% chance of Ron Paul being our nominee? That’s like hearing we have a 6% chance of being nuked.

Shouldn’t the makers of Laffy Taffy also start making LOL-ipops?

What’s the whole Ron Paul EVOL thing? I tried googling it, but all I found out is that he doesn’t believe in evolution.

Hearing people gripe about Walking Dead season 2 is apparently more entertaining that watching it.

We have a bunch of bad choices for the GOP nomination. On the other hand, the Democrats have only one horrible choice.

A good way to help people be thankful for the holidays is to trick them into thinking their family died.

LL Cool J was always getting annoyed by his tagalong brother LL Nerd J.

To encourage college football players to study, the extra point after a touchdown should be given based on quiz questions.

Maybe those Black Friday shoppers can pick up cheap laptops so next year they can just shop online like civilized man.

My student loan is finally paid off. Now no one can repossess my college education.

I did think the Martin Van Buren part of my book was a nice mix of obscure comic book humor with obscure historical humor.

The toucan is closely related to the pecan.

It makes me feel like an unsophisticated TV viewer that I still enjoy House. I mean the formula is so tired now, but I still really enjoy House being mean to everyone.

If Romney doesn’t win the nomination, he’s going to be real mad at us.

I get angry at the dog for bumping into things, but I guess few animals in the wild have to worry about knocking stuff over.

If Obama were his own toughest critic, he would have committed seppuku by now.