Nuke the News: Tough Choices

Posted on February 14, 2012 11:00 am

* Obama says his 2013 budget reflects tough choices. With a $1.33 trillion deficit, what were the choices?

“I could spend an obscene amount of money or a buttload of money. It’s like Sophie’s Choice times a million!”

Oh, here’s one of the choices: Out of a budget of $3.8 trillion, Obama decided to remove $20 million for the highly successful D.C. voucher program. Sorry poor kids; you have to stick to failing schools run by uncaring unions. But hey, Obama will make sure you get free contraception, and isn’t that all that poor people really need?

* There are further subsidies for wealthy buyers of electric cars, though. You know how liberals are always accusing Republicans of only caring for the rich at the expense of the poor? Whatever liberals accuse others of doing, that’s what they’re doing. Always.

* Justice Breyer was robbed by a machete-wielding intruder. In my utopia, Supreme Court justices would be threatened with machetes constantly. It would keep them from getting too arrogant.

* I don’t get the logic of the Greek riots.

“We can’t afford all these entitlements, so we’re going to cut them.”

“Then we’ll riot and burn businesses!”

“Well, since a bunch of businesses have been burned and our economy harmed, WE EXTRA CAN’T AFFORD ENTITLEMENTS!”

The rioters should just try a more relaxing camping out in front of banks like OWS. Doesn’t achieve anything, but it apparently makes them feel like they’re doing something while being a lot less intrusive.

* Samuel L. Jackson says he voted for Obama because he’s black. Well, the first step to ending racism is to fess up to it, so bravo. Still, I have to say, enough is enough! I have had it with these @#$% racists in this @#$% election!

* John Hawkins has a bunch of pictures from CPAC. I also found out that IMAO was mentioned at CPAC, for we were nominated for best humor blog… but totally didn’t win.

One of these days, I need to start attending CPAC and acting like an actual pundit or something. I do write in a newspaper and am a published author, so I’m like totally a big deal now. Maybe I could give a talk at the next one on being awesome. Hopefully they have a stage that will accommodate puppets.

* Wisdom of the Day from Andy Borehol:

time to update my bog [ writes 400-word opinion about lana del rey in the mud with a mudstick ]

* My state, Idaho, is not afraid of wild gorillas.

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13 Responses to “Nuke the News: Tough Choices”

  1. Mxymaster says:

    Not sure what I can add to this. I’d call that news nuked.

    Of course, the Senate won’t touch Obama’s budget anyway because it has been incapable of passing one in more than a thousand days, longer than Anne Boleyn was queen of England. But I guess Obama gets points or green stamps or something for trying. He’ll just blame the House anyway, the big jerk.

  2. Yosoff says:

    I’m SO tired of the “what $40 means to me” ads. Where are the “what would $70,000 mean to my family” ads?

    http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/painful-cost-obama_629745.html
    “Adding all of this up, deficit spending during Obama’s four years in the White House (based on his own figures) will be an estimated $5.170 trillion — or $5,170,000,000,000.00.

    To help put that colossal sum of money into perspective, if you take our deficit spending under Obama and divide it evenly among the roughly 300 million American citizens, that works out to just over $17,000 per person — or about $70,000 for a family of four.”

  3. MarkoMancuso says:

    When it comes to Greece, all I can say is that Socrates might have been right to dismiss the opinion of “the many” if they’re really that dumb.

  4. Rockhead says:

    “I need to start attending CPAC and acting like an actual pundit or something.”
    Stick with or something. It would be a shame if such a promising political satirist (and father of the charming Buttercup) were to take up such a deviant practice as punditry.
    “Look, there goes Buttercup’s dad. My parents said that he’s a pundit!”
    “Oooo, yuck, and I was going to ask her to the prom”

  5. Dohtimes says:

    Greece – When your Morning After Pill is also your Free Lunch.

  6. coldguy says:

    The only difference between the Grecian rioters and the whiny leftists in the US(the occupiers, the unions, the statists) is that the Greeks aren’t that lazy. Just as smelly and snobbish, but not as lazy.

    Stay tuned. The crocodile tears of the lefties here are from the paper-cuts they are experiencing at the hands of the adults in the room, namely the Tea Party supported Republicans that were recently elected. If those policies are not enacted, or overtuned, or maybe over-ruled by a second Obama term, things will get much, much worse. There will be actual cuts, actual suffering, and the hippies might actually start acting like these Greeks.

    And I’ll be at my front door with loaded guns.

  7. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    But hey, Obama will make sure you get free contraception, and isn’t that all that poor people really need?

    Seems to me, whenever anyone suggests that “poor” people MUST use birth control in order to continue leeching off people who work,
    the communists get all upset and talk about their RIGHT!!!111!1!!1!11 to reproduce like insects. So I guess it’s only people with a job
    they want controlling birth, I wonder why that is?
    I’m surprised they don’t lower the voting age of welfare leeches to like…3, then they wouldn’t have to wait 18 long years for their
    investment bribery to pay off. It would allow all the ones who won’t even last till 18 without getting shot a chance to vote for comrade
    Obama too.

  8. NO_MO_BAMA says:

    It’s too bad Just-Us Ginsberg didn’t run into some people over in Egypt with machetes, the terrorists members of the religion of peace know how to use them.
    Then she could say “please don’t behead me, I hate America too!!” Alas, that probably wouldn’t save her…what a shame that would be…..

  9. coldguy says:

    Best of the comments to the Sam L. Jackson story:

    “A lot of people voted for Obama to prove they weren’t racist, now they can vote him out to prove they aren’t idiots.”

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2100210/Samuel-L-Jackson-I-Voted-Obama-hes-black.html#ixzz1mOJyIEfs

  10. zzyzx says:

    It’s true!! It’s true! I called my sister (she lives in St. Anthony Idaho) and asked her if she was afraid of wild gorillas! She hesitated for a moment and then replied that while she was, “afraid of an Obama second term,” she really had never been, “very concerned about wild gorillas.” I then called a friend of mine, a fellow Alaskan, whom I always figured was fearless, a man who would (and has) fought grizzly bears armed only with a pen knife. I asked him the same question. He immediately replied…”What!! Aren’t you!?” Then he hung up on me in fright…go figure.

  11. Monkey Faced Liberal says:

    FrankJ:

    Why won’t you support Santorum?

    PPP shows him AHEAD of Romney in a matchup with Obama.

    I would think you would want a real conservative nominee that has as much a chance of winning as that RINO, Romney.

    What gives?

    Best Regards,

    Monkey Faced Liberal

  12. 4of7 says:

    For those who ignore the Simian Countenanced Progressives’ comments, here are a collection of the Highlights from his recent contributions.
    In other words, I’ll take his text out of context as a pretext to make a point.

    According to SCP, Rick Santorum is:
    “a real conservative”, “he is leading in Michigan”, “a REAL conservative”, “the most consistent, conservative Republican still in the race”, “He represents your views. He has political experience. He is a decent debater. He is a family man”, “able to win three states in the American Heartland”, “He helped enact welfare reform. He is against amnesty for undocumented workers. He is a hawk on Iran. He calls climate change “junk science.” He wants a Balanced Budget constitutional amendment.”, “he is PROUD to wear a sweater vest”.

    And his opinion of Barack Obama is:
    “the current incompetent. freedom-hating, socialist, Muslim, teleprompter-dependent, bad college grades getting, president”, “the incompetent Marxist Muslim that is our current president”, “Marxist, Muslim, incompetent, military-hating”, “incompetent president”.

    “How true that is! …Sir, you have a intellect beyond the common.”
    ― G.K. Chesterton, The Man Who Was Thursday ;)

  13. ussjimmycarter says:

    Greek Riots = THIS IS SPARTA…well…maybe not the real Sparta…since we are all pussies and such…but…you know!!!

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