10 Fun Facts About Brett Kimberlin

It’s Everybody Blog About Brett Kimberlin Day, and since he sues people who tell the truth about him, I’m gonna play it safe and just make stuff up:
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Oh man, those Danish cartoonists are just begging for trouble!

1) Sure, Brett may be a convicted domestic terrorist on the payroll of Democrat power players who files harrassing lawsuits against conservatives for fun and profit, but to his credit, he never ate a dog.

2) Brett’s a little irritable these days because when people hear his last name, they mistakenly assume he’s a Kardashian sister.

3) Brett’s favorite phrase is “I know where you live.” HOW a human being lives, however, is apparently above his paygrade.

4) Brett got money from the Heinz Foundation only after agreeing not to sue them for spelling it “ketchup” instead of “catsup”.

5) Brett categorically denies being 1/32 Cherokee, but has yet to comment on whether he was Harvard’s “First Person of Combustion.”

6) Brett is one the few American domestic terrorists who hasn’t written an Obama autobiography. Yet. We’ll keep an eye out at Amazon & let you know.

7) Brett has a very successful Vegas ventriloquist act, featuring his popular sidekick “Achmed“, whose catchphrase is “I SUE YOU!!!”

8) The only explosives Brett actually set up at the Indianapolis Speedway were Mentos and Diet Coke. However, things went terribly awry because, God help him, he’s just REALLY bad at chemistry.

9) I’ve seen internet rumors that Brett hangs his toilet paper “under” like some degenerate heathen, but I refuse to accuse him of something that vile without solid proof.

10) Also, no one’s ever actually SEEN Brett cry at the end of “Downfall” like normal people cry at the end of “Old Yeller.” Red eyes, runny nose, and soggy kleenex happen to allergy sufferers, too.
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I’ll give Dirty Harry the last word on Kimberlin [language warning]:


[YouTube direct link]

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UPDATE: Linked by Gulag Bound.

UPDATE: Linked by Flap’s Blog.

UPDATE: Linked by The Right Planet

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10 Comments

  1. Each one of these caused a guttural noise to emanate from my throat. #7 caused repeaded emanations.

    Did you hear about the new Japanese-like dish? “So sue me.”

    Ba da… [thunk]

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  2. It is entirely untrue that LYING FELON BRETT KIMBERLIN was a founding member of the Lollypop Guild. He is however the founder of Violent Dwarves Who Know Where You Live!

    [Edited: No accusing him of crimes unless he’s actually been convicted of them – Harvey]

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  3. Pingback: Stalking the Blogosphere: BlogBurst Friday, Free Speech Over Terrorism

  4. Pingback: Flap's Blog - FullosseousFlap's Dental Blog » The Morning Flap: May 29, 2012

  5. Pingback: BlogBurst Friday: Blog About #BrettKimberlin Day | therightplanet.com

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