Ok, Moon Nukers, you’ve got your colors and you’re feeling all juiced up, so obviously it’s time to ride into someone else’s territory and pick a fight.
You know, just because we can.
Trouble is, we need a rival gang to be our enemy.
So… who needs a whuppin’?
I mean, obviously the Dog Eaters
but who else?
[High Praise! to Seanmahair]
Obama’s claim to have improved dozens of historical events doesn’t stop with presidential activity.
The man’s been EVERYWHERE!
Gump-tastic!
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
[High Praise! to Seanmahair for the inspiration]
You’ve heard by now of President Obama noting the accomplishments of previous Presidents, then adding a note about how he one-upped them.
Yeah… those are (no pun intended) incomplete.
Turns out it’s really quite simple to correct, so I don’t know why the White House web masted didn’t do this already.
Here are some examples, with my quick-fix in bold:
* President John F. Kennedy famously suggested the American people: “Ask what you can do for your country.” In 1961, the Peace Corps was created, facilitating service among citizens working toward peace in developing countries. In 2011, President Obama celebrated the 50th anniversary of the Peace Corps with a Presidential Proclamation. And then he went golfing.
* Continuing his work as a lifelong public service, Clinton created the Clinton Foundation in 2001 to improve global health, education, economies and environments. Affectionately calling him “Do-Gooder-in-Chief”, President Obama has worked with Clinton to make buildings in our country more efficient-announcing a $4 billion investment in energy efficiency upgrades for commercial buildings. And then he went golfing.
* President Barack Obama awarded George H.W. Bush the 2010 Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, for his commitment to service and ability to inspire volunteerism throughout the country, encouraging citizens to be “a thousand points of light.” And then he went golfing.
You’re welcome, Mr. President.
WASHINGTON (AP) – After a Newsweek article declared President Obama to be “the first gay President”, Barack Obama admitted that, although not gay himself, he did have a great-great-great-grandfather who was gay, and said that he’s proud of where he came from.
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“You know, I’m proud of my gay heritage,” Obama said during an interview on CNN. “I’m proud of my family. People have looked into my college records, my law school records, every job I’ve ever had, and if they had been able to find those records, and if I’d ever held a job, they would’ve seen that I’ve succeded because I do my work. I work hard. Being a Fractionally Homosexual-American had nothing to do with it.”
“Although I’m certainly entitled to numerous perks & privileges due to my status as 1/32 gay,” continued the President,” I’ve gotten as far as I have only because of my own merits.”
“I’m extremely proud of the fact that I was elected the first barely-measurably gay president of the Harvard Law Review,” said Obama. “Most people think that I was elected because I was black, and – because I filled a color-quota – got away with never actually writing anything longer than a shopping list, while I frittered my days away chasing composite women – who totally existed. But because of my infinitesimal portion of fifth-hand gayness, I had to work hard all the time by occasionally introducing Critical Race Theorists at protest rallies.”
But despite the President’s well-justified unblushing admiration of his remotely ancestral leaning-toward-the-lavender, he insisted that the whole issue was a “political distraction” cooked up by his Republican opponent.
“What really matters to hard-working, middle-class Americans,” concluded the President, “is whether, while working at Bain Capital, Mitt Romney committed acts of vampirism. Did he sparkle? Did he climb trees really fast while seducing teenage girls? The voting public needs answers.”
* Obama, who previously gave himself a “solid B+” has now downgraded his grade to “incomplete” while speaking to the harpies on The View. You can just imagine him pleading to his professor, “Please don’t give me an F! Give me an incomplete instead! My dog ate my homework and then I ate the dog!”
I’m pretty sure the presidency is pass/fail anyway. He’ll get his grade in November.
* The Obama administration has charged CBS and the New York Times with bias. You’d think they’d keep quiet about that bias, but they’re actually claiming it was against them in that recent, devastating poll. Of course, this follows a pattern for Obama of trying to whine his way out of problems. “Wah! We are super popular! That poll is just mean and you’re stupid!” It’s pretty annoying, but the whining will turn to sweet music when it’s them complaining about how they lost.
“Wah! People didn’t vote for us despite how great we are because they’re racist!”
“Whatever, Rosa Parks. Here’s your bags; get out.”
* Romney has likened Obama’s rapid increasing of our debt to a prairie fire. I guess that works as analogy.
CITIZEN: “Oh no! This prairie fire is spreading rapidly! We have to do something!”
OBAMA: “I know: We’ll burn our way out of it. Let me get my flamethrower.”
CITIZEN: “That’s a horrible idea!”
OBAMA: “SHUT UP! YOU’RE STUPID AND I’M SMART!”
CITIZEN: “Gah! You’ve made things much worse! What a complete and utter failure!”
OBAMA: “It’s an incomplete.”
* Breaking News: Chris Matthews is pretty stupid. He’s one of those people extremely insecure about his intelligence — and for good reason — and so he often lashes out at others, especially Palin, to make himself feel smarter. He often mused about how bad Palin would do on Jeopardy!, and then he went on it himself and was a complete boob. Because he’s dumb.
I really don’t know how this dim bulb got on TV in the first place. They should make a show co-hosted by him and Biden where they just let them rant on the news for a half-hour and then award one of them at the end for who said the dumbest thing that night. It will be a tough, exciting competition!
* So the Ron Paul campaign ended. Yeah, I didn’t know it was still going on either. His views just weren’t popular. It ends up that people hate gold and love the Fed. Also, they’re not particularly enamored by cranks and their overenthusiastic crank supporters. Well, there’s always 2016 to… waste money on a pointless campaign that only pesters people. Seems like his politics would be more at place in a road show. He could travel town to town and have some hapless neocon for him to debate and easily defeat — it would be like the Harlem Globetrotters. Something to consider.
I thought I saw Obama hanging out with Socrates and Billy the Kid at the mall. #ObamaInHistory
Tried to hold a beer summit between Jesus and the Pharisees. #ObamaInHistory
Tried to fund high-speed aqueducts. #ObamaInHistory
With the help of Christopher Columbus, he saved or created America. #ObamaInHistory
Obama sent a recorded message to the troops at D-Day reminding them of what a political risk this was for him. #ObamaInHistory
For months now, Obama’s reelection chances on Intrade have hovered around 60% with little movement. Wonder what will finally cause a change.
Sesame Street needs government funding because the letter K and the number 7 don’t give out as much sponsorship money as they used to.
The name of the MSNBC host is Chris Matthews? Why did I think it was “Mongo”?
I’ve been feeling this urge to click my mouse over and over. Maybe I should get Diablo III.
“I Killed Bin Laden: The New Obama Memoir (Now with Accomplishments!)”
What Spanish reading proficiency do I need to play Diablo?
When did “you need to spend less than you take in” become an ideology?
Back in the day, if the Israelis and the Palestinian had only worked together, Yasser Arafat could have won a Ringo Starr lookalike contest.
“Obama: The First Eunuch President”
I like warm soft blankets and the cat likes warm soft blankets but the difference is I don’t vomit on them.
I tolerate the cats so my wife will let me have a dog.
A dog is like a gun: You have to have one to be an American.
A dog is like a gun: You feel safer with one lying around the house.
A dog is like a gun: They don’t like the mail man.
I don’t know where I’m going with this.
If I can make one unbiased observation, I think the main difference between the right and left is that we’re awesome and they’re horrible.
I’ve got “jump away from an explosion” on my bucket list. Maybe I should do that one last.
Preview of Brown/Warren debate: “Prove you’re an Indian; dance and make it rain!”
California’s new brilliant plan to save itself: They’re switching to the Euro.
The Lord of the Rings would have benefited from some midi-chlorians type explanation of how a ring can make you invisible.
I would be the first angry bird president.
Been reading Game of Thrones and now I have a strong desire to work the phrase “mummer’s farce” into everyday conversation.
I didn’t notice the resemblance myself, but Hunter of Atomic Monkey Action Squad [High Praise!] did.
Then I saw them side-by-side:
Apparently a murderous communist thug iconic image wasn’t offensive enough, so Newsweek decided to mock Christianity, instead.
