He’s a half-windsor’n white boy.
Not surprised Jehmu Greene got it wrong. Whaddya expect from a bare-neck’n Democrat?
[High Praise! to seanmahair for the link]
Archive of entries posted on 4th May 2012
Link of the Day: Best Life of Julia Parody Ever
[High Praise! to EdthePastor]
Sadly, you’ll need to slog your way through the original first to fully appreciate this, but it’s worth the brief suffering.
The Life of Julia Under Obama and Mitt
I found the 37-year-old panel particularly amusing. YMMV.
[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]
UPDATE: Linked by Liberal Whoppers
Life of Julia Was Better in the Original Russian
In the comments at my personal blog (Rated R), Peter of Shakey Pete’s Shootin’ Shack had this to say on the topic of Obama trotting out his new government-services poster child, after I mentioned that I’d gladly opt off the goodies list if I could just have my liberty back:
They don’t want you to have your liberty back. They don’t want you owning a home. They don’t want you owning a gun. They don’t want you owning a car.
They want you living in a small apartment in a city, taking the train to your government provided job. They want you to need their permission to take the intercontinental railroad on your state approved vacation.
They want, no, they lust for power. They don’t care that every time they get that power millions of people die, others live in squalor and fear. They must have power.
Oh, and that small apartment in a big building they want you to live in? It will smell of boiled cabbage. Because that’s what they do. See the Soviet Union, circa 1970, when it was at it’s “best”.
Eff them. Eff them all.
Got ammo?
Well said, Pete.
UPDATE: Linked by Liberal Whoppers
UPDATE: Linked by Voluntaryist Wiki
Forget Julia – The Life of Hank
Obama used the everywoman figure “Julia” to illustrate how a weak, dependent woman can have the government help her at every stage of her life.
I seem to recall an everyman figure named “Hank” who was once used to illustrate how a strong, independent man can help himself through the stages of his own life, until the government sticks its snout in and wrecks everything.
______________
 |
Age 14 – Hank gets his first paying job in an iron ore mine.
Age 24 – Hank is promoted to superintendent.
Age 30 – Hank buys the iron ore mine.
Age 35 – Hank buys a coal mine. He also buys a steel mill and puts his name on both. Now Hank owns all the resources needed to control his destiny in the steel industry. He begins experiments to design an alloy lighter and stronger than steel.
Age 45 – Hank’s 10 years of experimentation finally pan out. He names the resulting metal after himself.
Age 46 – The government passes the Equalization of Opportunity Act. Hank is forced to sell off everything but his steel mill, for which production costs now skyrocket.
Age 47 – Hank is indicted for selling a “more than fair share” shipment of his metal to a customer. He is acquitted at trial. Later that year, Hank orders a shipment of copper from an unreliable supplier who never delivers. His business takes a massive loss. No bailout.
Age 48 – The government passes Directive 10-289, forcing Hank to “voluntarily contribute” the formula and process for making his metal to an “intellectual common”.
Age 49 – Hank’s steel mill closes its doors.
______________
This list was taken from a work of fiction. Any similarities to past, current, or future acts of government interference are completely coincidental.
[Special thanks to Conservapedia and The Atlas Society]
UPDATE: Linked by Raging Bull
Of Course We Nuked the Moon – It Was Coming Right For Us!
Supermoon on Saturday, when Earth’s satellite and natural enemy will come within 221,802 miles of us.
There’s obviously only one solution to this crisis.
Nuke the News: Obama Plans Out Your Life
* In my new New York Post column, I explore whether the the reason people think there is a bullying crisis is because bullying has gotten worse or because kids have gotten sissier. If kids have gotten sissier, then the last thing we need is to end bullying. Instead, I outline a new government agency to get kids the proper amount of bullying.
A new Department of Bullying can determine the precise amount of bullying children need for proper development and send government agents to dispense it. If we’re too cash strapped for a new agency, we can probably just make it part of an agency that already has lots of experience in bullying, like the IRS (or the TSA, but that would probably be too creepy).
* So Obama put up this super creepy thing: The Life of Julia. It’s about how an otherwise capable individual can remain dependent on government throughout her life thanks to Obama planning it out for her. It’s sort of that creeping liberal fascism where they want to be in every aspect of your life whether you actually need them or not. For a country founded on people coming to an empty land with nothing and living and dying on their own ability, isn’t that about as anti-American as you can get? Of all the dog-eaters we could have elected President, why did we have to pick the one with the least understanding of basic American principles?
James Taranto made a good observation in that there is this big gap between ages 42 and 65 because presumably your only function to the government then is to work and earn money for the other Julias. And the timeline ends at 67 as presumably its hoped you’ll die soon after as that will really help the budget.
* Job growth has slowed again. You’re telling me Obama’s focus on contraception didn’t help?
* Things apparently weren’t going so well for Osama bin Laden in his last days. Newly declassified documents reveals he was a very frustrated individual. Nothing was going as he planned, people kept confusing his name with Obama’s, and then Navy SEALs shot him in the head and chucked him in the sea. It’s like that line from the theme to Friends: “Well, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.” I’m sure things are getting better for him now, though.
* Russia is threatening to strike NATO missile defense sites, because they won’t be our friends unless they have the ability to nuke us. It’s starting to seem like the difference with our relationship with Russia between the Cold War and now is how honest we are with where we stand with each other. We need to send Rocky to punch out their champion again.
* Nancy Pelosi apparently wasn’t amused by the Hey Girl, It’s Paul Ryan blog, so her office tried to respond with pictures of Paul Ryan with what are supposed to be humorous captions, but apparently she and her staff understand humor about as well as they understand conservative principles. Anyway, go look at her attempts at being funny and think to yourself, “The brain-dead, out of touch weirdos behind these are the ones trying to control our economy.” That’s our system, and I’m sure that will be pretty funny to the archaeologists who dig us up thousands of years down the road.
* Wisdom of the Day from Alex Baze:
My favorite Occupy Wall Street chant goes “What do we want?! Seriously, we desperately need to clarify our message!”
* New Steven Crowder video! The Dark Knight versus the Occupiers:
I wanted to see Batman punch hippies.
Random Thoughts: The Life of Julia
Liberals: “We’re not fascists! Now here’s what your whole life should look like cradle to grave according to the government’s plan…”
The arc of feminism seems to be moving women from quiet dependent of husband to whiny dependent of government.
At age 50, Julia trades three shotgun shells for a gallon of gas and tells children about the “long long ago.”
The most exciting part of Dreams From My Father is where Obama realizes that his composite girlfriend is a Cylon.
Remember when people ventured west in search of new government to help them out?
At age 32, Julia only ventures out at night to make it harder for the Obamabot hunter/seekers to find her.
At age 22, Julia receives a visit to her home from President Obama. Later that day, she can’t locate her dog, Spot.
At age 27, Julia boards up her door as zombies claw at it, loudly cursing Obamacare all the while.
I hope the dad from Red Dawn is in the Avengers. “AVENGE ME!”
Expendables 2 trailer, you had me at Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger driving around in a smart car with machine guns.
If my name was Munch, instead of painting a screaming guy I’d make my own cookie brand.
At age 33, after living a carefree life thanks to Obama’s government programs, Julia is consumed by Morlocks.
Obama 2012: “You’re nothing without me! Nothing! You hear me, Julia? Nothing!”
At age 68, Julia receives a helpful monthly reminder of how her dying soon would be helpful to the government’s budget.
Obama made sure Chen got some free contraceptives. I don’t know what else you’d expect him to do.
Saw the latest Spider-man trailer. I’m more hopeful this one will be able to get the humor down correctly. A big part of Spider-man is cracking jokes. Toby Maguire didn’t do that part well.
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, “You have to cover contraception in your insurance.” #PelosiJokes