* In my new New York Post column, I explore whether the the reason people think there is a bullying crisis is because bullying has gotten worse or because kids have gotten sissier. If kids have gotten sissier, then the last thing we need is to end bullying. Instead, I outline a new government agency to get kids the proper amount of bullying.
A new Department of Bullying can determine the precise amount of bullying children need for proper development and send government agents to dispense it. If we’re too cash strapped for a new agency, we can probably just make it part of an agency that already has lots of experience in bullying, like the IRS (or the TSA, but that would probably be too creepy).
* So Obama put up this super creepy thing: The Life of Julia. It’s about how an otherwise capable individual can remain dependent on government throughout her life thanks to Obama planning it out for her. It’s sort of that creeping liberal fascism where they want to be in every aspect of your life whether you actually need them or not. For a country founded on people coming to an empty land with nothing and living and dying on their own ability, isn’t that about as anti-American as you can get? Of all the dog-eaters we could have elected President, why did we have to pick the one with the least understanding of basic American principles?
James Taranto made a good observation in that there is this big gap between ages 42 and 65 because presumably your only function to the government then is to work and earn money for the other Julias. And the timeline ends at 67 as presumably its hoped you’ll die soon after as that will really help the budget.
* Job growth has slowed again. You’re telling me Obama’s focus on contraception didn’t help?
* Things apparently weren’t going so well for Osama bin Laden in his last days. Newly declassified documents reveals he was a very frustrated individual. Nothing was going as he planned, people kept confusing his name with Obama’s, and then Navy SEALs shot him in the head and chucked him in the sea. It’s like that line from the theme to Friends: “Well, it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.” I’m sure things are getting better for him now, though.
* Russia is threatening to strike NATO missile defense sites, because they won’t be our friends unless they have the ability to nuke us. It’s starting to seem like the difference with our relationship with Russia between the Cold War and now is how honest we are with where we stand with each other. We need to send Rocky to punch out their champion again.
* Nancy Pelosi apparently wasn’t amused by the Hey Girl, It’s Paul Ryan blog, so her office tried to respond with pictures of Paul Ryan with what are supposed to be humorous captions, but apparently she and her staff understand humor about as well as they understand conservative principles. Anyway, go look at her attempts at being funny and think to yourself, “The brain-dead, out of touch weirdos behind these are the ones trying to control our economy.” That’s our system, and I’m sure that will be pretty funny to the archaeologists who dig us up thousands of years down the road.
* Wisdom of the Day from Alex Baze:
My favorite Occupy Wall Street chant goes “What do we want?! Seriously, we desperately need to clarify our message!”
* New Steven Crowder video! The Dark Knight versus the Occupiers:
I wanted to see Batman punch hippies.
Department of Bullying?
Isn’t that these guys?:
http://www.imao.us/index.php/2012/04/obamas-civilian-national-security-force-training-video/
For your plan to work, Frank, we need new units to measure bullying.
I propose, the “Rancor.”
And of course, there would have to be a U.S. Government-approved, minimum daily requirement for children under 18.
Ok, set 1 Rancor as the equivalent torment and humiliation of being pantsed before an assembly of 1000 people.
Being pantsed in front of 1 person would then be a millirancor.
I’m guessing the sort of “being insulted on Facebook” stuff that Obama is so worried about needs to be measured in microrancors.
It seems the Ruskies have taken Hillary’s big red button to heart. Obama may need to interrupt his bravery tour for a little bit of pants wetting.
Now see, this sort of post makes me feel quite humble, because phrases like “Of all the dog-eaters we could have elected President, why did we have to pick the one with the least understanding of basic American principles?” are simply beyond my current level of creativity. I’m jealous of that level of talent. Also, I want that on an extra-large bumper sticker. I want that on a T-shirt. And since I’m not the kind of guy to simply chant “I want! I want!” all day, I should probably clarify: I’d happily pay for that on a bumper sticker and/or T-shirt. Thank you, Frank!
When I think of Osama, all I see is Amish Weird Al saying, “I really don’t care, in fact, I wish him well. ‘Cause I’ll be laughing my head off when he’s burning in Hell!”
Wisdom of the Day from zzyzx: If you’re a Chinese dissident do, not ask for asylum, nor try to take refuge, in the embassy of any country that’s in hock up to it’s collective a$$ to the government of your country.
I’ve seen legless chihuahuas that were less feeble that the Pelosi staff’s attempt at “humor.”
Harvey, this raises the question of what is the standard IMAO bullying coefficient applied to TROLLS?
I think it’s about 20 millirancors. That’d be like 20 of us pantsing the troll.
I would like to nominate Fred Thompson as the czar of Obama’s new Department of Bullying when it is created ! If he’s not available..second choice is the D.I. from “Full Metal Jacket”.
The Russians will pre-emptively attack missile defense stations just to prove how peaceful and unaggressive they are. I wonder if they will use missiles in the attack?
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At what point in “The Life of Julia” does it cover the government collapsing because we’ve continued spending money we don’t have, driving us into a complete crisis mode like Greece’s? Is that the part where Julia begs her conservative neighbors who weren’t leaning on the government their entire lives for help?
“Job growth has slowed again. You’re telling me Obama’s focus on contraception didn’t help? ” how can something slow from a dead stop? By the way, the reason the unemployment numbers look so good is that they don’t count those whose unemployment has ended or who are working two or three part time jobs if we can find them. Slow, try dead stop and moving backward.
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