Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
(Based on a recent email query from Nuking Politics’ Anonymiss)
Why don’t you comment on Anonymiss’s Straight Line when you check for the winner of the IMAO Straight Line at Nuking Politics?
I predict the most popular answers will be:
“I’m sexist”
“I’m allergic to cookies”
“Girl questions have cooties! Ick!”
cause if you ain’t first, you’re last.
I am. It was Nancy Pelosi, and I made her cry after presenting her with logical facts about how idiotic she is being about the 2nd Amendment.
[squeaky nerd voice] Well..I get kind of nervous around girls, and don’t usually know what to say… but I’ll give it a try [/squeaky nerd voice]
Um.. I’ve been…. er… ah.. NICE BOOBIES!
*facepalm*
My wit is under exclusive contract to IMAO.us; see Harvey for website license fee structure.
(Oh, stupid me… I’ve been posting answers to Anonymiss’ question, not the actual straigh tline… *facepalm for real this time*)
“I already have an Internet woman.”
“The first name, ‘Anony’, scares me.”
Harvey….you SNOT!!!! I did NOT CRY!!!!!!!!
Geeez….
I blame Bush.
“Is this some kind of contest? Where are the prizes?”
Harvey, you better hope she doesn’t go all Hillary on you…I’m just sayin’ – You might get hit by an ashtray or commit suicide, or something.
(Took me a while to fully parse out what your straight line meant. The question for me means why do I only comment 3-4 four times on it instead of 20.)
I usually comment because She’s Good Enough, She’s Smart Enough, and Doggone It, People Like her!
“My browser doesn’t support comments.”
“It’s not her – it’s me.”
To quote a woman I’d really like to see cry, “What difference does it make?”
Why don’t you comment on Anonymiss’s Straight Line when you check for the winner of the IMAO Straight Line at Nuking Politics?
* Hmmm? Oh, sorry dear. Did you say something?
* I will once she brings me a beer.
* Because my Boy Scout training tells me to just ignore her. She’s more afraid of you than you are of her.
* Because by definition “Straight Line” is homophobic.
@5 – It’s both a real question AND a straight line. Much like Shimmer is both a dessert topping AND a floor wax.
@8 Great. Now you guys made her cry in the comments. I hope you’re proud of yourselves 😛
*hands Anonymiss a Kleenex Extra-Fluffy With Aloe*
“I always feel like she’s judging me.”
“Her site doesn’t support HTML5’s ‘bacon scripting.'”
I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!”
“Cookies for Nuking Politics are disabled.”
Anonymiss is a GIRL? I thought Anonymiss was just a guy with poor spelling skills. Now that I know, I’ll never get in line behind her at a cash register, or ask her to parallel park or balance a checkbook.
Great. You Made a Girl Cry. I Hope You’re Proud of Yourselves.
Hey, what with the “yourselves” BS? If I can’t make a girl cry all by myself, I’m slipping. Just ask my wife.
I have what Bill Cosby called ‘The Gift’ in one of his comedy routines. (though I can’t find a quote or clip of it)
I’ve been offered a role on TV as “angry white man”. I’ve been practicing misogyny to get into character.
Am I the only one who is sitting here without a sammich?
[steinem] Because she should be AnonyMS.!!!!![/steinem]
“For Anonymiss, I only comment anonymously.”
Because you’re G damned ^^^#@ing thieves! You Libertarians truly are the scum of the earth. Or so I’ve been told.
420, 421, whatever it takes…
You screwed up… you trusted us.
I only punch line the straight lines, that the voices in my head tell me to punch line.
You want attention, you need top provide incentives. You’re seeking favor from a bunch of nerdy guys. You’re a girl on the internet. Do the math.
Because the profanity filter keeps taking out my entire comments.
“I’m sexist”
“I’m allergic to cookies”
“Girl questions have cooties! Ick!”
I win!
There once was a girl, Anonymiss,
O’er the internet you could not kiss,
Her straight lines were sound,
But often not found,
And now we’re taking much flack for this.
[angst-driven rage] MAYBE IF SHE WOULD JUST PICK MY OBVIOUSLY HILARIOUS LINES INSTEAD OF ONES FROM THESE LOSERS, I’D POST SOMETHING NICE IN RETURN. [/angst-driven rage]
@Jimmy #35; Darn…. you broke the code.
It had to be done, Rodney.
Did I not pay enough attention to you? I’m SO, SO very sorry. What can I do to make it up to you? Flowers? Chocolates? A nice foot rub? Of COURSE you can go out clubbing with your girl friends… I’ll just stay home and take care of everything on the “to do” list while you have fun. (Can you tell I’ve had practice at this?)
a) ’cause it’s imao’s straight line
b) when i try to post your site won’t accept me
c)boycotting until keln returns
@41c. Oh. MY. Hmmm. We’ll see how THAT works out for you…..
@33. I’m a NICE girl on the internet. I know. I know. You didn’t know they existed.
@26. Oh I usually make COOKIES. Not sammiches. Lots and lots and LOTS of cookies.
@6. Sigh of relief.
😛
@40: And I say that with all of the false sincerity that it deserves.
If she’d taken her shoes off and got back in the kitchen like she’s supposed to, we’d of been fine
seriously, who didn’t cry when they found out Bieber was hooking up with Selena Gomez…
what would you expect from marvels new superhero “makes-women-cry Man”
@43: Though, admittedly, that ought to be a disclaimer added to all of my posts.
@42: (Re: @33) — I can’t help it if YOUR mind went THERE.
Oh quitch yer whinin and get in the kitchen and make pie!
@44 “we’d OF” been fine??? Well, sweetheart, it’s actually “we’d HAVE” been fine. But…well……….I’m not entirely sure you would have. 😛
@10 the prizes are COOKIES!! I thought that was clear. Who doesn’t like cookies??
seriously, who didn’t cry when they found out Bieber was hooking up with Selena Gomez…
1) Selena Gomez is a lesbian?
2) I got a little misty when my thumb got caught between a nail and a hammer and just slightly moreso at the requiem mass for a beloved grandparent. For pop media people? Not one lachrymose moment.
…it’s just that posting stuff in forums is so….anonymous.
@50-1: I won’t believe that without evidence. Preferably video. High-def.
@50, er, that should be directed to @48-1. Otherwise, we get some sort of universe-destroying recursive loop going on, and we all know how painful that sort of thing can be.
On IMAO, one comments with a username and an email address.
To comment on Nuking Politics, one selects from the following options:
Google Account – don’t have one.
LiveJournal account – dont have one.
WordPress account – don’t have one.
TypePad account – don’t have one.
AIM profile – don’t have one.
OpenID URL – don’t have one.
Name / URL – does URL = website? Don’t have one.
Anonymous – No user name? What fun is that?
@52
prezackly
@50/51:
Gomez hooking up with Bieber would, I postulate, be highly indicative of latent lesbianic inclinations and a desire to assume the role of alpha-dominant.
It’s not like she’s seen cavorting with Jon Cena or some retired Navy SEAL.
@54: Or she’s just being a “beard” for a friend and latching on to him for free publicity.
The Name/URL option only needs you to type in a name. But letting everyone here know that makes it harder for me to win, so never mind.
@56 the name/url option should only need a name, but it wouldn’t let me post last time i tried.
some may consider that a feature not a bug, but if it shut me out it might shut out others, too.
“What is this ‘Nuking Politics’ website? Why am I only just hearing about it now?”
“Bob in Feenicks infected the Nuking politics comment server with a virus preventing any punchlines better than his from being posted.”
I always get distracted reading Rodney Dills Blogger profile.
Harvey Bogarts the good pixels before I get there.
Failure is not an option if you don’t even try.
Letterman’s Top Ten writers pay for our GOOD stuff.
Jimmy installed a potato cam in his garden and only has one monitor.
@56: You’re right; I just tried it and it worked. I filled in only the “Name” field and left the “URL” field blank.
@52, 56,57, 60
I posted as Anonymous for so long on NP that Keln insisted I become Anonymiss so he could keep better track of me. I had to google “how to make a blogger profile” so I wouldn’t have to ask Keln and look all stupid and such.
I had NO IDEA you brilliant IMAO readers were just as stupid!! :)! COOKIES for Dohtimes and Oppo for finding a quick solution!!
Why don’t you comment on Anonymiss’s Straight Line when you check for the winner of the IMAO Straight Line at Nuking Politics?
That’s a straight line?
My Spidey senses weren’t tingling enough.
Because then the circle will not be unbroken, by and by Lord, by and by.
We are supposed to? Nobody CC’d me the memo on that.
Damn restraining order.
I will do so, when Allah wills it.
My keepers only allow me a few minutes on the internet per day.
When I try to talk to girls I go all “squishy”.
This particular contest winner will go into a recursive quantum loop if they don’t comment on Anonymiss’s Straight Line.
@44 I actually spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen baking in my bare feet. You have a problem with that? 😛
This
http://www.nukingpolitics.com/2013/04/the-grammar-hammer.html
is for the “we’d of” comment. 🙂
Wouldn’t using your hands make it easier?
Actually, I have tried commenting over at Nuking Politics. My comment appears for a few minutes and then disappears. I figure I’m banned.
@66 — that’s so you can say: “The name is banned. James banned.”
Or, are you banned on the run?
I don’t know, Oppo, but I do know I’m paying close attention to Frank’s “It’s a Conspiracy!” thread and am afraid to comment there lest I encounter The Langoliers!
Wise, Jimmy, very wise. That is how you have lasted here so long. You don’t ruin the internet for everyone.
@ 64, yes, I deserved the hammer there, had a 6 hr delay and reroute flying from Philly last night, part due to the furlough part due to US Air saying “nope can’t get there from here”. must not have the cobwebs out yet……and I guess we see where the cookies come from, chocolate chip for me please, since your there….;)
I actually spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen baking in my bare feet. You have a problem with that?
Just so long as it isn’t baking using your bare feet.
nope
yep
@30 Bacon to Apostic!
And Double Bacon for providing his own reference link
Which reminds me… anyone heard from Carpenter lately?
Proud of myself? Not really. Making hippies cry is easy. Making girls cry takes marginally more work. Now, if I can make grown (non-hippie) men cry, I feel like I’ve accomplished something. (Making the moon cry… well… that’s why we have nukes.)
@12 I KNOW Rodney! Only 3-4 times??? What a SLACKER 😛
I leave that sort of thing to the true professionals…
Pingback: IMAO » Blog Archive » You’ve Been Judged!