"Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh." NICE TRY ONE-HORSE OPEN SLEIGH LOBBY.

— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) December 20, 2013

TV IDEA: Parents are shown a table holding all the money they've ever spent on their child. They then get to choose the money or the child.

— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) December 20, 2013

there's no worse sign on earth than someone promising you it'll all be okay

— Dave Dittell 3014 (@davedittell) December 20, 2013

Girl, are you the point system in Super Mario? Because nobody cares about you.

— Nick Ross (@NickBossRoss) December 23, 2013

Sir, we need you to leave the drum circle. Because you've been drumming "READ AYN RAND" in Morse code for the last hour, that's why

— Brian Gaar (@briangaar) December 23, 2013

Traditional nutcrackers, good at: looking creepy. Terrible at: cracking nuts.

— Bill Corbett (@BillCorbett) December 23, 2013

Let's name these birds! Um, blue birds. Red birds. Those are black. Black birds. Okay, that was easy. Thanks for coming, everybody.

— Jason Miller (@longwall26) December 23, 2013

Can we compromise and agree the Bible says gay sex isn't sinful if it's done solely for the purpose of procreation?

— Lee Stranahan (@Stranahan) December 24, 2013

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas" is a deeply sarcastic sounding lyric

— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) December 25, 2013

If the Antarctic ice entrapping the "climate scientists" is irrelevant data about climate, why did they go there in the first place?

— David Burge (@iowahawkblog) December 31, 2013

A fun thing to do is kidnapping someone and asking them what their favorite song by the Crash Test Dummies is after taping their mouth shut

— The Ruffalo Shuffle (@RuffaloShuffle) January 2, 2014