Archive of entries posted on 16th January 2014

I *Love* Living in a Country That Has the Problem “Steaks Aren’t Being Eaten Fast Enough”

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Sure beats living in a country that has the problem “there is no steak… or any other food”

*shoots dirty look at North Korea*


[YouTube direct link] (Viewer #537,877)

From the description:

5 foot 7 inch, Molly Schuyler, from Bellevue Nebraska. Is a world class competitive eater, who today had her sight set on breaking the world record for eating a 72 ounce steak, The 4.5 pounds.

The previous record was set by Peter “Furious Pete” Czerwinski, A Canadian body builder with a time 6 minutes and 48 seconds. Molly is the number 1 ranked eater for All Pro Eating, an organization for independent eaters who want freedom from contracts

Link of the Day: Everything That Obama Did That the Press Allowed You to Forget

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[High Praise! to Hatless in Hattiesburg]

Move along, no bias to see here

It’s funny… even without reference links, I still vaguely remember poking fun at Obama about nearly all those topics at one time or another.

And that list is LONG.

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

Obama Warned Us – Not Getting It

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I know how bitter and contentious the issue of health insurance reform has become. And I will eagerly look at the ideas and better solutions on the health care front. If anyone here truly believes our health insurance system is working well for people, I respect your right to say so, but I just don’t agree. And neither would millions of Americans with preexisting conditions who can’t get coverage today or find out that they lose their insurance just as they’re getting seriously ill. That’s exactly when you need insurance. And for too many people, they’re not getting it.

BARACK OBAMA, remarks to GOP House Issues Conference, Jan. 29, 2010

“Much as I’m not getting how free markets and liberty work.”

The Secret Life of Barack Obama Part 3

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(Presidential press conference)

Fox News Reporter: Politifact has recently awarded you the Lie of the Year for your claim that if you like your healthcare plan you can keep your healthcare plan, and Reason Online has recently published an article outlining the 12 big lies that Obamacare was founded upon.  Americans I have spoken with have a really hard time believing that you were so in the dark regarding both the way Obamacare would function and the erroneousness of the financial claims surrounding it.  Would you care to comment?

President Obama: Well, um, uh, let me be perfectly clear…

Reporter: Did you really believe what you were saying at the time, and did you really expect this to turn out differently?  Could you please explain your reasoning behind why you believed this policy would be anything other than a fiasco?

Obama Wonka: Certainly!  Just come into my dream factory, and I will show you how all the magic happens.  This is the wondrous place where all of the hope and change gets made, children.  Without the constraining realities of human nature and the laws of economics, whatever I dream becomes reality, and you know what the most exciting part of it all is, children?  Do you?  It’s free!  It is all free!

Child Reporter 1 (Augustus): Wow!

Child Reporter 2 (Violet): This is amazing!

Child Reporter 3 (Veruca): Everything anyone has ever wanted!

Child Reporter 4 (Mike): There is such a thing as a free lunch!

Obama Wonka:  Go ahead.  Help yourself.  Go on.

[Spoken]

Hold your breath
Make a wish
Count to three

Augustus: Look!  Over here!  By increasing demand and reducing supply we can increase access to healthcare while bending the cost curve down all without creating shortages.

Obama Wonka: [Singing]
Come with me
And you’ll be
In a world of
Pure imagination
Take a look
And you’ll see
Into your imagination

Violet:  Look!  Look!  Free cellphones.  And four millions sustainable green energy jobs.

Obama Wonka: [Singing]

We’ll begin
With a spin
Traveling in
The world of my creation
What we’ll see
Will defy
Explanation

Veruca: OMG, it’s a tree, an expert tree, growing the most beautiful bureaucrats.  Experts so smart they can micromanage an economy to create wealth and prosperity for even the least motivated citizens all while sustaining high economic growth and without compromising individual economic freedom and liberty.

Obama Wonka: [Singing]

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There’s nothing
To it

Mike: Hey, everybody!  Watch this.  I can’t take my gun into this zone.  I literally can’t!  Come here.  Try it.  Try it.

Obama Wonka: [Singing]

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You’ll be free
If you truly wish to be

Violet: I can!  I can keep my healthcare plan!  But why would I want to? The one you have chosen for me is so much better!

Obama Wonka: [Singing]

If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There’s nothing
To it

Mike: Oh look, Iran only wanted clean, energy efficient nuclear power after all.  Oh, and they are sharing it with Israel.

Obama Wonka: [Singing]

There is no
Life I know
To compare with
Pure imagination
Living there
You’ll be free
If you truly
Wish to be

Augustus: Mmmmm.  This is delicious!

Obama Wonka: No!  No!  You must not touch that!  That is my river of comforting fantasies and cognitive dissonance.  It runs everything I do.  It must never come into contact with anything that is real.

Augustus (screams and falls into river)

Violet: Oh no!  What will happen to him?

Obama Wonka: Hmmm.  I’m not really sure.  I guess that depends upon how strongly he was rooted in reality.  What network was he from again?

Violet: MSNBC.

Obama Wonka: Oh, he’ll be fine.  I think he will be fine.  I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine.  (plays a tune on a whistle)

Oompa Loompa (scurries over)

Obama Wonka (whispers to Oompa Loompa): I’m pretty sure Augustus has become one with the fantasy, but check all the filters and make sure to clear out any little bits of reality that may be clogging them up just in case.

Oompa Loompas (dancing and singing):

Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If you are wise you’ll listen to me.
What do you get when you question the  plan?
A knock on your door from the IRS man.
What are you at doubting my change like that?
What do you think will come of that?
I don’t like the look of it
Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da,
Give hope a chance you will go far.
You will live in happiness too,
Like the oompa loompa do-ba-dee-doo.
Do-ba-dee-doo

Obama Wonka: Now come this way, children, and I will show you my most secret creation of all.

Mike: What is it?

Obama Wonka: It’s an everlasting thoughtstopper.

Violet: An everlasting thoughtstopper?  What does it do?

Obama Wonka: It’ll last forever.  You can suck it and suck it and suck it, and it never gets any smaller.  It’s created from layers upon layers of sugary, soothing lies and blissful, wishful thinking repeated over and over and over again. Unless you can manage to break past those layers, you will never find the big load of BS at the center.  We’re feeding these to everybody.

Oompa Loompa (whispers in Wonka’s ear)

Obama Wonka (whispering back to Oompa Loompa): You say that Charlie and his uncle drank the Fuzzy Logic Lifting Drink and got killed by a fan?  That’s all according to plan.  There are no winners in my game.

Fox News Reporter: Mr. President?  Mr. President?  By handing out Obamacare waivers to your political allies and supporters, many are accusing you of picking winners and losers.  Do you care to comment?

President Obama: Let me be perfectly clear.  I truly believe that once everything settles, everyone will be a winner under Obamacare.  Now, time appears to be up.  No further questions.

The robots get their own Wikipedia

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20140116-074945.jpgDid you hear about RoboEarth? It’s like Wikipedia for robots.

Think about that for a minute.

Wikipedia is used by a lot of people as information on which they base their thoughts, actions, and attitudes. It’s a real-life example of people thinking that because it’s on the Internet, it must be true.

And, of course, that’s bunk. Because I can put stuff on Wikipedia. Me! I mean, have you ever read the stuff I write? And Wikipedia will let me put stuff out there for other people to use.

And I have put stuff on Wikipedia. And you can, too. And, some of you have.

Pity the poor souls that don’t know any better than to believe anything I write. Or that some of y’all write.

Anyway, now the robots got their own Wikipedia. And that’s a scary thing. What if some robot edits an entry on humans saying that robots are supposed to kill all humans?

Okay, I admit that there could be a benefit if some humans left the gene pool, but all humans. 100% of humanity wiped out? I’m not in favor of that.

That’s probably about 20% too many.