So we now have a right to force other people to pay for something we think we need. Yay.

We need a national point of order on exactly what a “right” is. We have a lot of “slavery is freedom” going on.

If you think you have a right to a job, food, and a place to live, slavery does provide all of that.

Rights do not evolve. Making rights ephemeral like that is a great way to lose them.

If it’s a right today, it would be a right a thousand years ago and a right you’d have alone on a deserted island.

I’m at CPAC, but I’m in disguise with a giant mustache and cowboy hat.

If we get a brokered convention, what the chance we’ll get an awesome ticket versus getting the RINOiest ticket ever?

“So, do you think Chuck Hagel would still want to run as a Republican?” #BrokeredConvention

“Great news! We’ve gotten Arlen Specter to rejoin the GOP. We’ve also picked a nominee. These two items are related.” #BrokeredConvention

“We’ve dubbed our current choices ‘The Three Musketeers.’ There’s a moderate, a different kind of moderate, and a westcoast liberal.” #BrokeredConvention

Today at CPAC, I’m wearing a disguise so I look exactly like Jonah Goldberg. If you see him, it’s probably me. I won’t drop character.

Didn’t Intrade have Romney at 99% chance of winning Colorado yesterday? Not really a shinning success for it.

Santorum, eh? Any analysis on how his jib is cut?

I wait at the end of the level to fight you in a protracted battle… LIKE A BOSS!

Fun Fact: I watched the 2000 election returns come in at a Santorum reelection party. That was a long night.

The problem for Romney is that it’s hard to get excited about him in the primary unless the alternative is McCain.

Was it just a dream, or did America’s deadliest sniper claim to have punched out the E*Trade baby?

Buttercup yells “Go! Go! Go!” and starts running. I don’t think it’s possible for something to be cuter.

Liberals would benefit having someone go through their beliefs they think are mainstream and mark which ones are actually weird liberal bubble things.

Two groups in this country: racists who look at Obama and see a black president and non-racist who see a hugely incompetent president.

I asked CPAC if I was allowed to attend, but they told me no. That’s because it’s RINO dominated this year. All martini sipping elites. I brought my own martini shakers, but they were still like, “You’re too conservative. You’ll cause trouble.”

Elites don’t want to hang with an Idaho conservative. They’re all like, “Why don’t you run off and protest taxes on potatoes.”

I’m going to throw my own conservative conference in Idaho. It will be at a compound. Admission will be $5 less if you bring a gun, because no one will argue over five bucks with someone holding a gun.

Heh. The new Spider-man film is directed by a guy named “Webb.”

Better off having the government get out of the marriage business than have it redefine religious custom. Legal contracts between consenting adults for all!

I like to imagine there is this spookily-voiced voice actor whose only job is to say the title of Resident Evil games.

I have the new Resident Evil game for the 3DS. I also have a deadline for my next book. Being an adult sucks.

Hmm. Maybe playing video games helps me write better. Does anyone buy that argument? Scientists, get on it!

Elder Scrolls, stop having towns load separately from the rest of the world so we can fly again.

I miss the flying from Morrowind. I don’t miss the cliff racers.

If OWS crashes CPAC and is violent, next year consider holding CPAC in a city that recognizes conceal carry rights.

You know how in horror movies you think the bad guy is dead, but he keeps popping back up? Romney is like the opposite.

The new revelations about JFK don’t change the fact that he heroically… what was it he’s supposed to have done again?

Maybe Obama should use the Beatle’s “Getting Better” as his campaign theme song.

It’s not an easy task to channel my awesomeness into the written word, but I do what I can.

For the Red Dawn remake, will the underground resistance run around shouting, “Honey Badgers!”?

Isn’t the whole point of Komen not wanting to be associated with Planned Parenthood them putting women’s health before politics?

Liberals live in Bizarro world.

So Komen is literally trying to split the baby.

It is pretty Orwellian to claim not donating to Planned Parenthood is “being political.”

Why do abortion groups need donations? Isn’t abortion very profitable? That’s like donating to Philip Morris.

The Left: “We still won’t trust Komen enough to donate money to them until we see them publicly strangle a baby.”

Things may seem bad, but just remember that I’ll be old enough to run for president in 2016 so we only have to hold out until then.

Here’s video of little Buttercup singing.

So are the left admitting abortion is awful? Like if abortions were more than 3% of Planned Parenthood, then it would be a bad organization?

For some reason, when Planned Parenthood is mentioned I keep thinking of the underwear gnomes saying, “Abortions is big business!”

If you were making a new candy company, a good name would be Strangers. “You can trust candy from Strangers.”

Madonna is the halftime show? That’ll be huge for anyone who’s been in a coma since the 80s.

Is Madonna Lady Gaga’s grandmother?

Do you know that spousal abuse goes up i% during the Super Bowl?

I hear whichever team wins the Super Bowl gets ONE MILLION DOLLARS!

“He drove a Chevy Volt; he died in a fire long before the apocalypse.”

I give up. You can’t make fun of a movie based on the game Battleship. It is a punch line.

And why is Liam Neeson starring in it? Does he have tax problems?

Was a tattooed soccer player trying to sell me underwear during a football game?

Does the “bend it like Beckham” thing refer to his sexuality?

Why would I pay money for flowers when the phrase “Gimme some sugar, baby” achieves the same end?

The only thing funny about the Budweiser ads so far is that they think I want to drink something called Bud Light Platinum.

The Madonna halftime hasn’t been a complete disaster. I did get cute video of my 16 mo old daughter dancing.

Felt like that halftime show should have been accompanied by Harrison Ford warning us not to look at it.

Don’t tell Americans you want world peace. Tell the dumb, violent foreigners.

A show shouldn’t be called “Smash” unless it’s about the Incredible Hulk.

Hollywood, stop basing movies on board games and old toys and get us that Aquaman feature film.

It’s not Hollywood’s liberal bias so much these days as it is its crap bias.

The Super Bowl has been as good as it could be considering that Obama is still president.

I hope we get to see the new OT rules where the two quarterbacks play dodge ball.

HER: “You have something like photographic memory, right?”
ME: “Yeah, I forget what they called it.”

It’s always great to see really rich people succeed against marginal odds.

* I have a new New York Post column on how the Democratic Presidential Primary has yet to produce a serious candidate for president.

People were very excited about Obama when he first emerged on the scene in 2008, but as his campaign went on — and as he’s actually served as president — it’s become apparent to the general public that he’s simply not a serious candidate for the job.

* Can you believe all this Komen stuff? Komen wants to stick to just fighting breast cancer and thus doesn’t want to be involved in anything controversial like the abortion debate — which you think both sides would be okay with but the left are freaking out that Komen won’t give money to Planned Parenthood anymore. You have to look at this from the left’s side, though. They been supporting something horrific for so long, and they never want to confront that. Part of what helps them sleep at night is telling themselves that Planned Parenthood is an important women’s health organization and not instead some pro-abortion political organization that makes a lot of money tearing up the unborn. This whole Komen thing is making them confront that fiction, and thus you can understand their reaction. It’s freak out about this or contemplate the horror they’ve been supporting.

* Speaking of horrors, Donald Trump has come out in support of Mitt Romney. I think it was Romney’s line about not being concerned about the very poor that put him over the top. Other things Trump is not concerned with is realistic looking hair.

* Obama has started to use Jesus to try and justify his horrible policies, which seems pretty blasphemous. You know how the media freaks out about a coming theocracy if a Republican even mentions God, but Obama can claim that he did all his policies for religious reasons and the media won’t care? I think a big part of that is that when a liberal invokes God, no one really takes them seriously. Actually, I think half the time in Obama’s speech, he pronounced the Son of God’s name as “Jebus”.

* Wisdom of the Day from David Burge:

I support Susan G. Komen’s right to choose who to fund. #OurCheckbooksOurSelves

* In the interest of supporting the arts and interesting forms of capitalism, I should mention that you can now pay to appear in the Bearmageddon comic getting killed by a bear. So if you’ve always wanted to see what it would be like if you were killed by a bear plus be immortalized in the web comic and the eventually print version, here’s your chance. I have to say, it’s tempting.

* Still hard at work on my next book. It’s so awesome and I want to share it with all of you, but it will have to wait.

You can’t be constantly outrageous and a conservative, because eventually you’ll run out of ways to be outrageous from the right.

If you ever need a power rush, find the biggest celebrities and most powerful people on Twitter and block them from following you.

“Fighting cancer is important, so it’s best not to try and tie it to anything politically controversial.” -non-existent reasonable liberal

Abortion is one of those things so horrifying you have keep doubling down on it or risk looking back.

I always imagined that Planned Parenthood has a logo like the Ghostbusters, but with a baby in place of the ghost.

Who cares about Komen? Aren’t my tax dollars still going to Planned Parenthood?

Liberals give you no choice but to pay for Planned Parenthood and NPR, but they’re worried about Christians imposing their views on others?

Is there anything liberals scream about that isn’t pure projection?

“We want abortion to be safe, legal, and paid for by people who find it abhorrent.”

Obama: “Jesus told me to pursue these policies. Jesus is the one with the pitchfork, right?”

My 16 month old daughter is the greatest dancer I’ve ever seen.

Romney: “I’m not concerned about the very poor.” See, he sounds like a true conservative.

Romney: “Shut up, you stupid poor people! No one wants to hear what comes out of your money-less mouths!”

Then again, poor people in this country are a bit whiny when you compare what they have to what historically is considered poverty. I guess we’re all kind of whiny that way, though. #FirstWorldProblems

Romney 2012: “Shut up, poverty.”

I could be an enthusiastic Romney supporter. The Romney campaign just needs to tell me where to send the invoice for that.

They should do a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em robots movie starring Mitt Romney and Al Gore.

Romney: “I’m not concerned about the very poor. I have a shotgun.”

Romney: “Zombies are the undead? I thought they were poor people. Now those movies are sad instead of funny.”

I’m not concerned about very poor people because malnutrition makes them easy to best in hand to hand combat.

Know who could have run as a stark contrast to Mitt Romney? Hobo with a Shotgun.

Romney: “I am in fact concerned about the very poor… especially them touching me and getting poor germs on me.”

Maybe we should just run Eric Cartman for president.

At shooting ranges, they have the paper targets out front, but they keep barrels of fish in a back room so you have to ask for it.

Is it possible for George Lucas to ruin the prequels with new special edition changes? Like Darth Maul now comes back as the lovable Halfy?

Spellcheck, I’m not going to capitalize “internet.” Give it up.

“I’m unfollowing you.”
“And I never followed you in the first place which makes me all the wiser.”

The Republican primary has crushed my soul. I don’t care if Ron Paul is the nominee; just end it.

Google News has given me an Ultimate badge in reading stories about politics, video games, and Nintendo BECAUSE I AM AN INFORMED READER!

I’m such a dedicated news reader that I have a gold badge in reading stories about the XBox and I don’t even own an XBox.

Fun Fact: People pay me for my opinions and no one even wants to hear yours.

Some readers have corrected me that the Arrested Development character Obama most resembles isn’t Gob Bluth but instead Tobias Funke.

As for the Arrested Development character I’m most like, I’d say Michael… but it’s probably George Michael. As for SarahK, she’s most like Rita because she’s very pretty.

I wonder if the Death Wish remake will be as right wing as the original.

Though I do like to annoy cats, gluten free bread is too expensive to waste on the breading meme.

I don’t know why I’m supposed to be so concerned by all this presidential election stuff; I don’t even work in government.

America is dying a slow death, and the best we can get is promises to make it an even slower death.

I don’t care about electability. I don’t care about nominating a true conservative. I just don’t like Obama. Also, I’m hugely tired of this primary.

We need something like the moon mission to get us out of our rut. My suggestion: national effort to build working lightsaber.

They need to come up with a summer version of curling for the Summer Olympics.

There really was a country named “Prussia”? Why would you name yourself like you’re a cheap Russia knockoff? That’s like having a country today named “Sturkey”.

We’ll stop pointing out liberal hypocrisy if they admit that at least 95% of everything they say is partisan BS.

They’re doing new Watchmen comics without Alan Moore? Expect to hear fandom scream like an abattoir full of retarded children.

If President Obama were a character from Arrested Development, he’d be Gob Bluth.

George Strait’s name makes it seem like he’s really over compensating for something.

Are we absolutely certain a rhinoceros is not some sort of mammal/dinosaur hybrid?

Mitt Romney is like a human-colored Charlie Crist.

“Grapes are great, but can we make them weird and shriveled and ruin cookies with them, because I hate kids.” -guy who invented raisins