Random Thoughts: The Gun Debate and Angry Screeching

“We traced the harassing tweets and they’re COMING FROM THE SAME IP ADDRESS AS YOURS!”
“What’s an ip address?”
“It’s the address of data packets. He’s on the same router as you.”
“What’s a router?”
“It’s the gateway to… I’m just trying to say you’re about to get stabbed.”

“We traced it and the CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! …Oh wait, we traced this call. Of course you’re calling from your house. Are you still there?”

Since the gun right people have been steadily winning the debate for decades, maybe the gun control advocates should spend more time analyzing why their arguments are ineffective rather than trying to shout them louder and angrier.
And if you’re really serious, I’d stop pointlessly yelling about the NRA and instead address the millions who believe gun rights are extremely important—the real reason gun control has been a losing issue for so long.
And obviously those people have very good arguments you can’t just shout down as, I remind you, they’ve been winning the debate for decades.

As for the gun debate, great minds discuss the larger principle of rights, average minds discuss gun violence statistics, and small minds discuss the NRA.

All the reviews for Black Panther are saying that the protagonist, T’Challa, is a thinly veiled stand in for Trump while the villain, Killmonger, is obviously meant to be Bernie Sanders. Is this true? I don’t like my comic book movies to be all political.
I just want masked people punching whomever they deem to be “bad guys” without any government getting involved.

Everyone is saying Black Panther is a Marvel movie that actually has a compelling villain. Occam’s Razor is that all these people have been paid off by Disney.
The Marvel movie villain archetype is a wooden post that wants to blow up the world.

I’m always colluding with Russia. Is that frowned upon?

’m always getting Allison Brie and Brie Larson confused. Like I was surprised they got the goofy star from Community to be the lead in a Marvel movie and also surprised Netflix got an Oscar winner for their women wrestling show.

The NRA exists because people believe strongly in gun rights, not the other way around. Politicians get money from the NRA because they support gun rights, not the other way around. Focusing on the NRA shows you don’t understand the issue.
The NRA and its money could disappear tomorrow and building a libertarian utopia on the moon would still be more plausible than repealing the 2nd Amendment.
What are Elon Musk’s plans for that?

People talking about banning guns in the US are the flat-earthers of politics.

I’ll only believe the Russians threw the election to Trump is someone can produce evidence they bribed the Democrats into nominating Hillary.

In a country of hundreds of millions of guns in private hands, any law aimed at keeping a criminal from obtaining a gun is largely symbolic.
I think any common sense gun control needs to start with acknowledging that anyone who wants a gun is most likely going to be successful in getting one. So now what?
One gun control known to be successful are harsh punishments for using a gun in a crime. Of course, this would mean nothing to a mass shooter.
I’m not sure what would help stop a mass shooter other than some sort of security measure. All other gun control I’ve heard mentioned are all in the order of pass some law and hope someone bad doesn’t get a gun—wishful thinking similar to the mocked “thoughts and prayers.”
Really, are the people mocking “thoughts and prayers” also mocking “gun free zones”? How is one more effective than the other?

It’s very freeing to feel no need to defend Trump nor join in idiotic attacks on him.

If you want to get rid of all the guns, you’re going to need a lot of guns.

The smart move for American curling would be to bring MC Hammer with them to the Olympics so he could shout out, “Stop! Hammer time!” just before they launch the last stone of the end.

I don’t even believe there is a Russia. They’re just something Reagan had Hollywood make up to scare people into reelecting him. And it worked on everyone except Minnesota.
What is your evidence there’s a Russia? Sarah Palin once saw it? She’s not a reliable source.

What if one day we discover Trump has never heard of Twitter and it’s been Russia tweeting as him this whole time?

I meddled in the election with my brilliant tweets. It didn’t work. A bunch of people still voted for Hillary or Trump.

Since Wonder Woman and Black Panther both made a gazillion dollars hopefully Hollywood will learn something from that but prolly not.
“But think of how much more money Black Panther would make if T’Challa were played by Tom Hanks.”

I’ll only entertain disarming the citizenry after the government has been disarmed.

I haven’t taken CPAC seriously since they took Trump seriously as a conservative. That guy was an obnoxious clown.
Having a coherent ideology isn’t very popular with the right or the left right now. Maybe I’m the one that’s out of touch.

Okay, let’s say you banned new sales of the AR-15. What do you do when someone intending to commit mass murder gets one anyway (as there are already a ton out there) or some other firearm (which, in a nation of hundreds of millions of guns, is trivial)?
Something I’m legitimately curious about (and don’t know the answer to): What’s the chance the average AR-15 will be used to kill someone versus the chance the average car will kill someone (to give it a reference point)?
Big scary news items about terrorism or mass shooting often make it hard to make a risk assessment. It would be nice to have some numbers.

I hate to break it to you, but Mitt Romney, much like other politicians, is a politician.

If Trump tried to endorse me, I’d say, “Shut up, you stupid clown. No one likes you.” And then Trump would come back with an angry tweet, but I’d know it was actually to cover his sadness. And then I’d die a little inside because I hurt a fellow human being.

I’m going to hold my own CPAC with only me, the one true conservative, invited. It’s going to be a long speech on Bastiat’s The Law followed by Mario Kart.

The reaction to Brook’s column by gun control people is informative. “We’ve been angrily screaming at gun rights people for decades and completely losing the debate AND HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST WE STOP!!!”
For so many issues, the choice is between making progress and righteous angry screaming, and righteous angry screaming is by far the winner.

It might be informative to not just poll people on whether they support certain gun control measures but also whether they think they’ll have a significant effect on gun violence.

It would be nice if people wanted to stop mass shooting more than they wanted to angrily screech at each other.

Over about a fifty year span, support for the banning of handguns went from a majority opinion to a fringe opinion. Does everyone understand why that happened?
A lot of people seem to have it in their heads that if they got rid of the NRA, they could turn everything around. But this is a long time lost debate and no one has any new arguments.

What if they invent an AR-16?

I remember people claiming that all the grieving families from the Newtown shooting were actors, i.e., the government had some massive conspiracy involving hundreds of actors so they could not quite pass a fairly pointless background check law. I did not find that plausible.
The problem with conspiracies is everyone is just so so dumb when politics are involved. No rational thought. Lots of angry screeching. I don’t see anyone on the far right or left plotting anything. They can barely tweet coherently.

I remember back when they had the assault weapon ban and a pre-ban AR-15s were so expensive only the richest gun nuts could afford them. One of the central tenets of gun control has always been you don’t have to worry about rich people having guns.
Oh yeah, and they had that high-capacity magazine ban so it cost like a hundred bucks to get a regular 17rd magazine for a Glock 17. I guess the idea was they were hoping mass shooters would be budget conscious.
Gun nuts are pretty harmless, though. That’s why everyone feels comfortable screaming bloody murder at them because they know they won’t do anything.
Except politicians. Politicians are scared of them. Because they vote.
I always found that a unique American peculiarity: There’s a group of people in this country known for having lots of guns but they’re only feared at the ballot box.

Gun control people seem to be operating under the delusion they’re winning the argument, but history shows the opposite. If they really want to be a part of the solution, they have to swallow their pride and treat people who disagree with them like fellow human beings.
The reaction to the Brooks column was legit disturbing. Gun control people seem to think this is a war and they can just defeat and eradicate who opposes them. If it really is a war, they’re losing and are the ones who can be ignored.
But that’s not how this country is supposed to work.

Proverbs 18:2
“A fool has no delight in understanding,
But in expressing his own heart.”

It’s tough work being the only reasonable person left, but do you know who I do it for? For me, the only person who deserves it.

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Random Thoughts: Obama Portrait and Curling

While I applaud his aims, it seems like Trump could get the left to completely freak out with something less expensive and wasteful than a military parade.

I had forgotten the director of Creed directed Black Panther. I really enjoyed Creed.

I’m pretty sure Salon gets most of its traffic through purposeful trolling.

Why did Elon Musk spend all that money on firing a car into the space when he could have instead done something to help the poor on Earth such as firing socialists into the sun?

Launching a Tesla into space as now successfully tricked my mind into considering electric cars to be cool.

What’s the worst MCU movie? I don’t remember any of them being bad, just some extremely forgettable. Least memorable to me was either Iron Man 2 or Thor 2.


I know I sound like I’m being an ironic hipster being this excited by curling, but I really am glued to the screen when it’s on. I think about anyone would enjoy it if they gave it a chance.
I remember when my wife and I first watched curling in the 2006 Olympics. We saw a guy use one stone to knock three stones off the playing field, and while we had no idea what was going on, that was awesome. Incidentally, that was the last year Americans got a medal.
Curling is a really interesting mix of strategy and skill. There’s nothing like it. Except maybe shuffleboard.
And it’s nice to have an Olympic sport where you might see doughy middle-aged guys compete. I’m tired of the Olympic bias to the young and the fit.
Anyway, give curling a try. You only get to see it at this level every four years. Luckily with the addition of mixed doubles, there’s even more curling this year. USA! 🥌USA!🥌

Black Panther got a bad review? Well, I’m not seeing that.

I didn’t watch the video because I can’t stand the Logan Paul’s face, but I don’t get how tasering dead rats is the line you can’t cross. It’s weird, but why is it bad? It’s disrespectful to the dead… rats?

The Winter Olympics is pretty much the rich person’s Olympics, right? Every event requires expensive equipment and training (and access to large quantities of frozen water).

If the American aren’t doing well, my backup is then to root for the Canadians in curling. They’re like America’s little brother.

Trump probably belongs in prison but I don’t want him impeached because I still haven’t seen any better options for president.

So which country does have the most diverse Olympics delegation?

Aw. That was sweet. My wife and I watched USA lose to China at curling, neither revealing to the other that we were already spoiled on how it ended.

It’s so much more psychologically healthy to read a book instead of go on social media because then you don’t get spoiled on curling scores.

If you feel the need to side with murderous dictators to oppose Trump, you’re more of the problem than Trump.

I really liked watching the new DuckTales Saturday morning with my kids but they’ve been on hiatus for months and no one has any answers on when they’re coming back. Can President Trump finally do something useful and get answers on this? Suspend liberties if you have to.
Not my liberties, though. I like my liberties.

So is the choice Trump or people who are always just inches away from praising murderous dictators?

“What we have in the US is literally The Handmaid’s Tale!”
sees women enslaved by a foreign state wearing basically the same outfits from The Handmaid’s Tale but doing cheering for North Korea
“Aww. How cute!”

Reports are that Trump is enraged by the performance of the Americans at mixed doubles curling and is demanding answers—answers like “What is curling?” and “Why are they sweeping?”

The Obama portrait unveiling is like that scene from Netflix’s The Crown where John Lithgow’s portrait is revealed, but playing out in real life.

“You’ve been a very bad president, Barack Obama. Now go sit in that bush and think about what you’ve done.”

What if you’re trimming the hedges and suddenly saw Barack Obama sitting there? I never considered that possibility before and now it’s all I can think about.

It would be really awkward because I didn’t think he was a good president but I would want to be polite and not say that.
“I was president, you know.”
“Yeah, I remember that. You were on the TV, all talking and making decisions and stuff.”
“For 8 years.”
“Seemed like longer.”

“So, I kind of have to trim there. You want to move?”
“No. I’m good.”
“Yeah… hey, you ever feel maybe you don’t respect other people’s decision-making enough.”
“Like when I’m deciding where to sit?”
“Yeah… and other things. I’m going go trim another hedge.”

So was the artist going for President Obama pleasantly fading into obscurity? Because I have trouble interpreting it any other way.

I’ve been reading Jordan Peterson‘s book, and I encountered something very off-putting. He quotes Homer Simpson to make a point, but it’s from a season 22 episode. That’s way into no man’s land.

I like watching Switzerland play curling because any time they mess up a shot I say, “I guess that was a… Swiss Miss!” As far as I know or care, my wife finds that hilarious.

This new mixed doubles curling has been almost too exciting and fast-paced. Calm down, guys; this is the Olympics, not the X Games.

A new program in which the government can dictate healthy diets to poor people sounds like something the left would love if it wasn’t proposed by Trump.
Me, I’m all for get rid of all the programs, fire all the bureaucrats, and just give people cash.

So “Swiss” isn’t just another nickname for “Swedes”?

Canada is my backup team to root for, but in curling that feels like rooting for the Yankees.

SHUSTER!!! It’s his time this year, I can feel it! 🥌

This time, let’s bring home a medal in curling and make America great again! Like it was in 2006!

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Random Thoughts: Memo and Democracy

Yay! Got my first tax cut adjusted paycheck!
Now give me another tax cut.

I recorded the SOTU to watch later tonight. Please don’t spoil it for me.

So will the new Han Solo Star Wars movie cater to long time Star Wars fans or will it share the opinion of The Last Jedi that die hard fans of Star Wars are to be hated and punished?
“I know: Let’s add to Han Solo’s backstory that he’s a pedophile. That will teach Star Wars fans for ever loving anything.”

Are we to the point now that democracy–this constant win/lose contest everyone is dropped in–is more an obstacle to civilization than what’s lifting it up?
Democracy is definitely better than dictatorships or monarchies (which are stupid), but the way it pits us against each other in contests where there is a definitive victor and loser still seems rather primitive.
The idea that you can elect someone who 49% of the people voting despise is just dumb. And then we had Hillary vs. Trump where I think we exceeded 49% on both of them.
So why can’t the right and left work together? Because the system says they’re not supposed. One wins, one loses in each contest. Why would you work together with someone you’re supposed to be defeating?
No family works this way (at least no functional one). You certainly wouldn’t want to be having constant win/lose scenarios with your wife. And a country where people are constantly pitted against each other this way is going to have problems.
So what should we have instead of democracy? I dunno. But we should look for something. I’m frustrated that everyone’s solution always seems to be “We need to get more people out to vote!”–the same refrain we’ve had for decades (centuries?).
Voting is what got us Trump. Voting is what will one day get us worse than Trump. We need a new system. This one is broken and we need to stop pretending it will one day magically fix itself.

It does feel like a gag from a bad comedy that after the failure of uninspiring, status quo Hillary, the Dems drag out a Kennedy as their next big idea. I guess this is the sort of bad comedy where it’s plausible Donald Trump is president.

I’ve removed checking the news or social media from my mornings. I now drink my coffee while reading a book. Sometimes my 2yo gets up early and snuggles up next to me watching a show on an iPad while I read. It’s the greatest thing ever.

I could see hiring Alan Grayson if you had an opening for a crazed nutjob to bite homeless people, but I don’t know about fact-checking.

Shouldn’t they be middle-aged mutant ninja turtles by now?

Sometimes I wish we had that government from the X-Files that’s competent enough to do vast conspiracies.

Very interested in The Good Place season finale, but they may have set their finale bar too high with their first season.

I’m hearing something about a memo.

What if the memo is really long and none of us want to read it?

What if the memo says “The FBI is smart and doing everything right.”? That will be devastating to Trump!

What if the memo says something about me and it’s not flattering? Why did no one run the memo by me before releasing it?

I’m pretty much on board with getting rid of the Confederate statues, but I’m guessing the SJWs won’t stop there and next they’ll want to tear down a Harriet Tubman statue because she wasn’t good enough on trans issues or something.

My tax cut was bigger than $1.50 a week. But, you know, I pay a lot of taxes.
If you really want to give a big tax cut to poor people, cut payroll taxes.

It has to be said: I don’t think Putin is doing the worst job running this country.

People who say Obama didn’t have any scandals scare me even more than fervent Trump supporters.
In my ideal world, the president would always have a sub-20% approval rating and everyone would be suspicious anytime he tried to use his power.

The Democrats are right to attack Paul Ryan and I support their call for even more tax cuts.

I’m afraid the Democrats 2020 slogan is going to be, “Let’s all return to the depressing status quo that left you so numb and empty inside that you elected Trump president just to try and feel something again.”

Memo news cycles are so boring and involve too many acronyms and names of people I don’t care about. Can’t Trump tweet something dumb and crazy again and we tweet about that?

It used to be “Jon Stewart said this” and “Jon Stewart said that” and now it’s “Jimmy Kimmel said this” and “Jimmy Kimmel said that.” Even our annoying, smug comedians are getting dumber.

For the record, I’ve never heard anything about Samantha Bee that’s convinced me I should find out who Samantha Bee is.

I’ve never paid attention to how I take eggs out of the carton. I just grab the first egg I see.

What we have to overcome to get out of this political funk:
* Partisanship
* Yelly pundits who find outrage in everything and feed partisanship
* Smug political comedians who just feed already existing biases
* Improper removal of eggs from carton

For the Super Bowl, just tell me what commercials I need to watch on YouTube so I don’t feel left out of culture.

So who is more out of touch?
-Paul Ryan, who thought someone getting an extra $1.50 a week was something worth tweeting about
-People who can’t fathom someone would actually be happy about an extra $78 a year

They’re still saying Solo is coming out Memorial Day and we still haven’t seen anything of the lead’s performance. I assume they’re trying to fix it in post.
I sincerely hope the movie is fun. The Last Jedi left a bad taste that’s just gotten worse as time goes by.

I’m not watching the game or the ads, but I feel as a public service I should mention that those Blaze Doritos are really good.

And while I’m not watching the game or even care about or follow the NFL at all, I’m still rooting for the Patriots to lose.

I still haven’t even seen the last Mission Impossible. I barely remember it being in theaters.

If you’re not excited for Donald Glover as young Lando, you live a sad, empty existence.
“That’s pretty good, but let’s do another take where you don’t squeal, ‘I’m playing Lando Calrissian!’”

That’s something new, right? They finally show the trailer for anticipated, coming movie and it adds “BTW, you can watch it at home tonight.”
What would have made this a perfect 2018 moment if it said, “And you can watch the new Cloverfield movie at home, tonight, thanks to the Trump tax cut.”

That Tide ad campaign is pretty brilliant. I expect thousands dead from eating Tide Pods tomorrow.

I hope the Eagles credit their win to the Trump tax cut.

What my wife actually wants is just the Doritos dust without all that unhealthy fried corn to eat.
Ooh. You could do something like a Doritos pixie stick.

I found The Good Place second season finale to be a little odd. It was almost like a combination season finale and next season premiere.

So should I stop angrily glaring at women whenever I hear them bite into a chip?

If you’re a partisan used to poor people being your props, the tax cuts helping any of them is a very bad thing.
Do I think Trump or most of the Republicans care about the poor? No. But it’s also become extremely obvious neither do most of the Dems or the bleeding hearts in the media.

One of the biggest problems in accepting capitalism is the amount of ego one has to swallow to admit a greedy capitalist trying to enrich himself can materially help the poor an order of magnitude more than those who intensely care about the poor.
It seems unjust, and it’s not hard to see why people don’t like it. Caring feels like it should mean something, and it does. It means a lot… just not in economics.

Wow, we’ve had a historic one day rise in dumb things said about the stock market.

Has it really been that long since we had a big stock market drop? I’m kinda surprised by all the people freaking out, but I guess there’s the political angle in making this look like a big deal makes Trump look dumb.
Pro Tip: You don’t need to expend any effort to make Trump look dumb.

If you don’t want to be mainsplained to, don’t woman… not know things.

If women really do want a quieter chip that’s less messy, are the people making fun of Lady Doritos making fun of women?
Reminds me of SNL sketch about a Black Widow movie imaging it being a romcom of her falling for Ultron. Persumably it was to make fun of studios for how they market to women but could also be interpreted as making fun of women for the dumb types of movies they tend to like.
And women do like romcoms. And they are all very dumb.
Romcoms. Not women.

But the stock market will be back up when I retire in 30+ years, right?

I’ll gladly pay into Social Security and get nothing back in exchange for my kids not having to pay into that farce at all.

Remember when Quentin Tarantino hosted SNL back in the 90s? This is probably inappropriate now.
And I don’t know why I always remembered that sketch. It wasn’t that funny or good.
So, first question that always came to mind: Do you think he wrote that sketch?

I would love us to get back into space. I hate how every time I talk to my kids about man landing on the moon, it ends with “Ask your grandmother about it.”

I know a few American have problems with Trump, but I think everyone has to admit he showed great leadership in helping the stock market recover today.
And also great job on the Space X launch, Trump. I don’t see how that would have been possible without the tax cuts.

I don’t quite get Jordan Peterson’s rock star status, but his biblical analysis is some pretty interesting stuff.
His style is interesting. He’ll have like a 2 minute point and take 2 hours setting it up going on seemingly unrelated tangents.

Parades are dumb and boring. Wouldn’t it be cooler to have the military blow stuff up on YouTube or something?

When my daughter was watching video of the Space X launch, she was very excited that it was something that happened today. Usually when I show her cool space stuff, it’s from decades ago.
Man, that launch was one of the only things that made me miss Florida. I used to live close enough to Cape Canaveral to see shuttle launches. A night launch is still one of the most spectacular things I’ve ever seen—and that was from 40 miles away.

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Random Thoughts: State of the Union and Undoing The Last Jedi

Two Part Plan to Reform Politics
1. Pass law that people in Congress are only allowed to talk when they have the talking stick
2. Destroy talking stick

It’s pretty amazing that Get Out is Jordan Peele’s only director credit.

First they came for the Nazis, and I didn’t say anything because I wasn’t a Nazi.
…No, wait, I said, “Awesome!”
Then they came for the Commies, and I said, “Good. For a moment I was afraid you’d stop with the Nazis.”
And then things were good.

Before joining a secret society, ask a lot of questions. If they answer any of them, it’s not a good secret society.

Trying to teach my 2yo to say, “Ha ha, father. How droll.” after I tease her instead of just scream.

If you’re involved with the doomsday clock, you should not be allowed to call yourself a scientist.

This isn’t that complicated. Scientifically, human life begins at conception. The area for debate is the religious question of when do you give value to that life, a debate science can inform but not decide.

Man, I’ve seen a lot of people on the left lately complaining about the NYT not being left-wing biased enough. Sounds like winners.
They need to believe their positions are so good that even the slightest challenge is a huge betrayal, but in fact their ideas are terrible which is why they are so sensitive to them being challenged as they lack the ability to defend them by anything other than spewing emotion.
You would think the antidote to Trump would be some sort of reasoned, intellectual analysis, but everyone is instead just trying to out-dumb him. And succeeding.

Hillary Clinton’s current purpose is to make us feel better about electing Trump and that is very noble of her.

Drove through a whole town in Texas where my Verizon phone only had one bar of 1X coverage. I don’t know how you’d live like that.

I don’t understand why anyone would want to listen to a State of the Union address.

Did they give another Grammy to Hillary?

Congratulations to the winners and my sympathy to the losers, i.e., anyone who watched the Grammys.

Remember when Obama got a Nobel Peace Prize just for existing?
I don’t miss that guy. I’d rather a terrible president people are overly critical of than a terrible president people are constantly trying to prop up as something great.
Even better would be a terrible president people are correctly critical of so their good criticism of him are constantly drowned out by their really dumb ones.
I guess even better than that would be some sort of non-terrible president, but I don’t see the point in venturing into the realm of scifi or fantasy.

Putting Hillary Clinton on reading The Fire and the Fury to anger the right is a bit like someone on the right drinking a gallon of feces on video in an attempt to “trigger the libs.”

I’m reading this book “Heads You Lose” where two people alternate writing chapters and they keep passive-aggressively fighting each other by cutting off each other’s plot threads, and I realized what it reminded me of: the current Star Wars trilogy.

I’m hoping JJ Abrams opens Episode IX by revealing Snoke had Kylo fake his death, Luke only transported himself and didn’t die, and Rose and Holdo are working for the New Order and we were right to hate them.

“Kylo, did you make sure Rey didn’t find out the really interesting secret about her parents?”
“Yes, Snoke, I lied to her about that. BTW, we found some boy on the casino planet who can use the force.”

“I don’t care about that. That’s dumb. Don’t bring that up again.”

“Rose, did you kill Finn?”

“Sorry, Master Snoke, I tried, but he survived me crashing into him. Then I had to come up with some excuse about love or some garbage. I don’t think he bought it. It was very forced.”

“Holdo, did you fool the Resistance?”

“Yes, Snoke, I told them I had to stay behind to pilot the ship–though that’s stupid. Then I made it look like I used the ship as some sort of hyperspace missile–though that’s obviously preposterous or everyone would do that all the time.”

Meanwhile, Luke appears before Rey.
“Are you a force ghost, Master Luke?”
“No, I used the force to transport myself. As long as we’re making up force powers, I can do that. Also, me being cranky and hating the force was a test.”
“Did I pass it?”
“Dunno. It was a stupid test.”

I’m a cord cutter, so I need to figure out the cheapest way I can still watch curling this Winter Olympics.

What are we supposed to do on Twitter while Trump is too busy giving some dumb speech to tweet?

Trump smashes the teleprompter with a baseball bat
“I’ve decided to speak from the heart.”

“So I saw this movie, The Purge, and it got me thinking…” #SOTU

I hope Trump announces some cool new infrastructure project to bring us lot of jobs like a bridge to the moon. I’ve always wanted to mix cement. #SOTU

They really got a Kennedy for the SOTU response? That’s not a joke? They at least made sure this is one who didn’t drown or sexually assault any women, right?

Once again, it’s the party with dumb new ideas versus the one with no new ideas.

“Pence, are the Democrats booing the country?”
“Oh no, they’re not booing the country, sir, they’re shouting, ‘Boo-S-A! Boo-S-A!’”

So what was the Kennedy response?
“I had my butler read me an article about poverty; it sounds horrible.”

“We have to get rid of these jokers and replace them with these clowns.” -partisans

What if in future Trump wrote all his tweets from a teleprompter?

Having a Kennedy give the response was just smart politics plus it’s great cross-promotion for that Chappaquiddick movie coming out.

The words of politicians are so cheap. I don’t know why we keep engaging in this theater like they mean anything.

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Random Thoughts: Government Shutdown and Oscar Nominations

I‘m glad Trump had a clean bill of health because my greatest fear is him dying in the middle of a tweetstorm, we just staring at a “…” but never getting to find out the rest of the problems he had with the waitress at the airport Chili’s.

When was the last Trump scandal that changed anyone’s opinion of him?

With this DACA thing, it feels like the name “Dreamers” was picked in a heavy-handed attempt to manipulate people, but all the name makes me want to do is smack someone. “Get your head out of the clouds, dreamer, and get back to work!”

I think the broader lesson of the Aziz Ansari story is to be cautious dating any actor from Parks and Recreation… even Chris Pratt.

I was disgusted by David French’s “Nukes Are Great Because They’ll Only Kill Millennials Who Eat Tide Pods” article. Plus, it was wrong. The Millennials will already be dead from Tide Pod poisoning leaving the nukes searching for someone else to kill.

National Review makes a compelling argument that getting the country nuked is Republicans only viable strategy for 2018.

For a supposedly responsible adult, I feel like I watch a lot of CW shows.

Holy crap! Each of the Fake News awards comes with a million dollar prize!
You also get a congratulatory call from the president, but he’s extremely drunk.

I’m really interested in finding out whether Nintendo will succeed in getting me to pay $80 for a box of cardboard.

Government shutdowns never bother me. What I hate is when they start it back up again.

Saw an episode of The Simpson’s where they said, “Looks like those clowns in congress did it again. What a bunch of clowns.” But this wasn’t last week’s episode; this was an episode that originally aired in 1994!

People are good. And babies, which are tiny people, are very good.

Know who I blame for the shutdown? Everyone playing the stupid blame game on the shutdown.

Oh no. Now you have to go to Canada if you want some government.

Maybe the government shutdown will fix everything. It’s like when your cable modem isn’t working and you have to unplug it for a couple minutes and then plug it back in.

I don’t think The Last Jedi was terrible, but it was a terrible middle chapter. After The Force Awakens, I was excited to see where that story was going. After The Last Jedi, there’s no plot threads left I care that much about.
The only thing I’m actually curious about is how they’ll handle Leia in Episode 9.

The only thing to do about a government shutdown is to ignore it. They’re only doing this to get attention, and we can’t give it to them.

The Women’s March is to raise woman awareness. Did you know there are people out there known as “women”? You may know one.

Since the government is shut down, does that mean you can now sell loosies without getting strangled?

The Democrats say they’re going to shut down the government until the Republicans admit they’re responsible for the shutdown.

Twitter just sent me an email informing me that I’m a Russian bot in an attempt to help me become self-aware.

I actually understood what Occupy Wall Street was about better than the Women’s March.

The fixation on making mass marches to cause change in the country I suspect to be a confusion of correlation with causation.

Sometimes it seems like Trump is the only thing standing between us and worse than Trump.

I think its fair to say the Republicans have an anti-immigrant fixation that’s counter to American values and that Democrats would vote to give ISIS citizenship if they were convinced they’d vote for Democrats.

One thing Trump could do is come out strongly against eating Tide Pods to make biting into Tide Pods part of the #Resistance.
“These Republicans claimed to be ‘Never Trump’ and yet they keep going along with Trump on things such as not biting into Tide Pods.”

The Republicans and Democrats can do a lot more fundraising off of fighting about illegal immigration than they can from coming together and agreeing on something.

Trump outsmarted the Senate Democrats and a pigeon once outsmarted him to get all his french fries.

The Trump presidency is such a dark and depressing time that sometimes the only thing that can cheer me up is remembering Hillary losing.

The Democrats current strategy is to be so feckless that Trump eventually takes pity on them and gives them what they want. Will it work? Well, I learned during 2016 to stop making predictions.

The way to take the immigration issue off the table is for the U.S. to conquer the entire world, rendering border moot. But no president has actively tried to do this since Polk.

“The Democrats actually won by shooting themselves in the foot because looked how annoyed those Republicans are having to listen to all those pained screams.”

I saw three best picture nominees. That has to be a new record for me.

I think Bladerunner 2049 should have been nominated. It was good.

I don’t get those speaker devices like Amazon Echo and Google Home. I’ve just started to use Siri regularly since getting the Apple Watch, and it’s mainly because it’s the easiest way to set a timer for my French press.
If I need to quickly set a reminder for something, it’s good for that. I barely ever use it for answer I could google.

If they added a comic book superhero category to the Oscars, we’d have a tough race between Logan, Thor: Ragnarok, and Wonder Woman that people would actually care about.

Hopefully the Oscars this year will have another creative way to attempt to explain to the public the difference between sound editing and sound mixing.

All my kids know about The Flintstones is that they have something to do with vitamins.
The other day, I made a reference to my kids about spinach making you strong, and they had no idea what I was talking about.
I think the entirety of my kids’ knowledge of Scooby-doo comes from a Six Flags ride.

I guess Wonder Woman will just have to settle on being a refreshingly fun movie that made a ton of money.

I always thought it would clarify things if we tied voting right and gun rights. If you shouldn’t trust someone with voting you wouldn’t trust with a gun and vice versa.
Do you trust felons with guns? If not, why’d you release them from prison (it’s really easy to get a gun).

We have to understand that in a country of 400 million guns, whether someone is legally able to own a gun is more of a symbolic thing. Anyone who really wants to get a gun is going to be able to get a gun.

A good name for the Michael Bay Duke Nukem movie would be “Trolling.”

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Random Thoughts: Trump, MLKJr, and Editing The Last Jedi

I guess we should be grateful the government never decided people need electronics the same way it decided everyone needs college. If it did, a flat-screen TV would now cost $30,000—though even poor people would be able to get a loan for it.

For a fiction writer trying to kill both of someone’s parents off in a non-spectacular way, you really don’t have many options in the modern world than car crash. You really have to go go out of your way to get killed in a plane crash these days.

This has to be the craziest thing Trump has said since the last thing he said and probably won’t be outdone until the next thing he says.

Maybe Twitter should change the prompt from “What’s happening?” to “What do you think of what Trump just said?”

This is Rowdi. We adopted her 12 years ago this month. We were told she was 3 at the time. She’s hella old, but still likes walks and getting pet.

We got used to the idea she wasn’t going to be around much longer so long ago we’re no longer used to the idea.
It’s hard to believe she’s 15. She was full grown when we got her 12 years ago, so if that’s not her age, it can’t be off by much.

A lot of countries are awful, but I don’t think the conclusion should be to keep all the people stuck in those countries from coming here.

If they had some sort of filter removing any Tweets mentioning Trump or referencing him, Twitter could be a fun website.

Man, I use Stackoverflow all the time, but I still don’t have enough reputation to even upvote an answer. I’ve never really understood a good way to find questions I might know the answers to.
Occasionally, none of the found solutions work and I have to come up with my own. I guess I should pay attention when that happens and write out that answer.
And I never think to post a question as I don’t ever feel like I have the time to wait around for someone to answer it. But you can post questions and then answer your own when you find the solution.
Anyway, thanks for talking this out with me. It was very helpful.

Having a big news cycle every time Trump says something dumb and bad just isn’t sustainable. At some point we have to learn to just shrug and say, “That’s Trump for ya.”

Downloaded that Google app, but I can’t find the portrait match thing—just a bunch of dumb art.

Seems like the time is ripe for a dark, gritty reboot of Grape Ape.

Lots of people claim Trump is a racist, but he just called MLK Jr. a “great guy” who “probably would have loved my hotel.”

A lot of people want to speak for Martin Luther King Jr., but I think the only thing we can be certain about the positions he’d hold today would be that he’d agree that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.

“If you meet Hitler on the road, kill him.” -old Buddhist saying

Police are claiming that the hate crime I reported where someone cut up my hijab is a hoax and that I don’t even know what a hijab is.

If I can speak seriously, I know kids these days are saying it’s cool to report fake hate crimes, but that doesn’t make you cool. I think it’s drugs that make you cool. Or maybe sunglasses.
I don’t know. I was never cool.

The biggest obstacle to turning the reproductive act into a consequence-free pastime is a couple hundred millions years of evolution.

Maybe the concept of not treating women like objects and the culture of casual sex are opposed to each other and in that cognitive dissonance we get those rapey “male feminists.”
Of course, a simple explanation is just that claiming to be a feminist is a good pose for a predator.

Everyone, as usual, is right to make of the the MRAs, but you could you imagine how much tighter The Last Jedi would be if Rose and Holdo were taken out of it?
Rose could be taken out entirely. Holdo would need some of her plot points given to other characters. How awesome would it be if her sacrifice were given to Admiral Ackbar instead of basically killing him off screen?

I’m kind of wondering if they really could have programmed that ship to fly itself and Leia just tricked Holdo.
“Oh no. You have to stay aboard and fly it. Auto-pilot is not working because… I spilled coffee on it.”
“Can a droid–”

I remember one of the most mind-blowing things to me as a kid was finding out there was this reoccurring character named Wedge in all three of the original Star Wars movies.

Cory Booker seems like a fun buffoon. I guess that makes him front-runner for our next president.

Donald Trump could easily put to a rest all questions about this physical and mental fitness by wrestling a bear, and we can only assume the reason he doesn’t is because he’s hiding something.
He’s probably hiding that he’s secretly in love with the White House’s official wrestling bear, but I bet Melania suspects.

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Random Thoughts: The Gorilla Channel and Celebrity Presidents

So Netflix’s orc cop movie had 11 million viewers it’s first week, and I realized I have absolutely no clue how to compare that to a major theatrical release since that’s always in dollars.

I hope the Netflix knows that no matter what they title it, the sequel will be known as “the second orc cop movie.”

Don’t get so caught up in making fun of Oregonians freaking out about having to pump their own gas that you neglect to also make fun of New Jerseyans.

3 days into 2018: Unfixable security flaw in all modern processors.
Not every bad thing has to be about Trump.

I understand how Meldown can trick an Intel processor into putting secure data into a cache, but I don’t understand how you can get the data out of the cache. Is there a good explanation for a low-level programmer who doesn’t want to read a whole white paper?
I mean, we all understand how branch prediction and caching works. But I don’t quite get how that leads to seeing secure data.
Fun fact, as part of a college project, designed a simple pipelined-processor in Verilog that had no branch delays. It was pretty neato.

Is there anything other than voting where it’s considered racist to ask for a photo ID? Like purchasing a gun, for instance (which is a constitutional right).

That it’s trivially easy to commit voter fraud but it’s science fiction to think anyone would ever do that is not a compelling argument even if you really believe it’s true.

It’s an incoherent argument that voting is important so making it slightly harder to vote is the worst thing ever and that voting is unimportant so don’t worry about voter fraud. That’s because the debate is all partisan now and coherency be damned.
My preferred solution is make voting as irrelevant as possible. If people didn’t feel their rights were on the line with each vote, no one would care about voter fraud or whether they were able to vote.

It really warms my heart to see my kids play Street Fighter II against each other with SNES controllers in hand.
Yes, my son is holding it upside down. He still won.

I used to be a contrarian, but then EVERYONE started to be a contrarian so I stopped.

Everything in Michael Wolff’s book other than the stuff about the gorilla channel are complete lies, and I think the gorilla channel incident makes Trump more sympathetic.

I stopped watching The Gorilla Channel because of how it covered the Harambe incident. People watch The Gorilla Channel to see gorillas fight each other, not for political commentary.

I once sat next to Donald Trump on a plane. He made it very hard to read because at random intervals he’d shout at me, “I’m not crazy!” Still, it was very reassuring to know the person next to me wasn’t crazy.

My prediction for the State of the Union is in the middle Trump will start shaking wildly and scream, “My genius is destabilizing!” and then someone in a white lab coat will rush the stage and inject him with a green liquid. And he’ll probably mention the tax cuts.

Why aren’t you always able to digitally rent movies from Amazon? There seems to be this window where you can rent them, but after a certain amount of time (when they end up on HBO or similar maybe?) you can only buy them again.
I’m guess it has to do with all those movies no longer available to rent all have a “watch free with trial of HBO Now” or “watch free with trial to Showtime” which are both done through Amazon.

I don’t get why people are freaking out over recent Trump tweets. If he had tweeted that he was dumb and mentally unstable, that would be concerning, but Trump literally said the opposite of that.

I don’t usually praise partisan spin, but I have to give it to Stephen Miller for sticking to his talking points while on The Gorilla Channel even while the gorilla host pummeled Miller with his giant gorilla fists.
Miller knew his boss Trump would be watching and he wanted to impress him, and I’m sure he did. Knowing Trump, though, he still probably cheered on the gorilla.

Watched Baby Driver and really enjoyed it, but I can’t get over the leads’ name: Ansel Elgort. Sounds like something they assembled from IKEA.

TRUMP: “I need to know what Michael Wolff said about me in his book.”
STEPHEN MILLER: “You could just… read it.”
Trump glares at him
STEPHEN MILLER: “We’ll have it turned into a puppet show right away, sir.”

Can’t they get Trump a helper monkey to do his tweets for him?

I hope Hollywood is doing a lot of back-patting for not tolerating rapists for like three whole weeks now.

Just a few short years ago, Trump v Oprah for president would be a wacky comedy pitch, and now it’s probably the Democrats’ best move.

It’s unbelievable that not a single woman was nominated for best director at the Golden Globes. Hollywood needs to come together with one loud voice saying, “Direct better, gals!”

If they want more public interest in the Golden Globes and Oscars, they should add a “Best Comic Book-Based Movie” category. It would also make sense for Wonder Woman to be nominated for that unlike for best picture.
I’m not sure Wonder Woman was the best comic book movie of the year, though. Logan and Thor: Ragnarok may have been better. I’d have to watch them all again to be sure—which would be fun since they’re comic book movies.

The more I think of it, awards shows should just be about movies based on comic books instead of the usual super boring movies they’re all about.
Oh, and I probably should have said “superhero movies” instead of “comic book movies” because I forgot about all those boring indie comics about feelings and junk where no one ever gets punched into the sun.

I support Oprah for president just so we can shed the silly idea that the presidency is ever not ridiculous.

So I guess in the future we’ll select our president by finding the smartest, most capable celebrity, a group known for being much dumber and less capable than the population at large.
Eh, at least Oprah seems to have some business sense.

Isn’t Oprah the sort of person who could have spoken out about Harvey Weinstein early on because she’s too powerful for anyone to come after her?

My recommendations for a celebrity ticket would be Dwayne Johnson/Chris Pratt. Just win on likability and say vague niceties while never talking specific policies. Could be an ’84 type landslide which right now it seems like we’ll never see again.

I’m not even slightly tempted to read the Fire and Fury book. Why would I want to read a whole book on why Trump is dumb and bad when that’s been the premise of every news article for the past two years?
A more interesting book would be why all the things Trump does that look dumb and bad are actually smart and good. I assume Scott Adams is already writing that book.
I think I could write that book too. I have the science fiction skills.

I realized what’s a big difference between Trump and other politicians: He has to be the only politician ever whose rhetoric is worse than his actions.
Admittedly, that’s because Trump’s rhetoric is the worst — the absolute worst — as he sounds like a tyrant who doesn’t even vaguely understand the principles of classical liberalism, but still it’s refreshing to have a politician who under promises and over delivers.
We’re just so used to politicians like the previous president who talks about freedom and unity but then by his actions is just another aggressively mediocre political hack who furthers partisan divide and our country’s malaise. Trump is different.
Not necessarily good different, but I think it provides some clarity on how much garbage we put up with with previous presidents as long as it came in a fancy package. They could be the worst as long as they threw us a bone to think them respectable.
And in a choice between someone who rants like an idiot and delivers mediocrity versus one who talks of greatness and delivers mediocrity, the former sounds more honest.
So as much as I detest Trump, I have absolutely no desire to go back to politics as usual. While Trump talks like the worst, that was the worst.

One thing that’s always bothered me about Steve Martin’s The Jerk was that the main character wasn’t really that much of a jerk, just dumb.

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Random Thoughts: Christmas and The Last Jedi

Watching The Crown, I keep waiting for Matt Smith to say his famous catchphrase “Fire BAD!”

Million dollar idea: Caps Locks+ which makes even bigger text for when you need to SHOUT EVEN LOUDER!

My 7yo daughter is planning on whispering some of the things she wants to Santa so we can’t hear to figure out who actually gets the presents. I admire her possibly sacrificing presents for the cause of scientific experimentation.

Poor Trump. He passed his big tax cut but it’s the weird robot from Disney’s Hall of Presidents that’s getting all the credit.

I’m going to use all my tax cut to buy fossil fuels.

When you see all the mockery of the significance of $1000, you understand the left care about the poor in the same way a football player cares about the ball.

My kids need a Snopes specifically dedicated to things I tell them.
“Florida is a U.S. state and it’s full of alligators.
Rating: TRUE
It may sound crazy, but your dad did not make up Florida. It’s a real place and he and your mom did live there.”

Love how the tax cuts have turned the people who “care about the poor” into a bunch of Lucille Bluths.
“$18 a week? What can you even get with that? A banana?”

There’s lots of good reasons to oppose the tax cuts, but the arguments we’re seeing now reveal that a lot of the people who opposed it are just idiots who opposed it for bad partisan reasons.

This is the Trump presidency. There are lot of good reasons to oppose Trump, but the loudest voices are still partisan idiots opposing him for dumb reasons.

Guide to telling who is arguing honestly and who is arguing in bad faith:
Arguing Honesty: Just says “I hate Democrats” or “I hate Republicans”
Arguing in Bad Faith: Argues about specific policies as if it’s the source of disagreement
There are a few exceptions to this rule, but they’re largely irrelevant right now.

I love how on all the controversial U.N. votes where the U.S. stands nearly alone, Micronesia always has our back.

I don’t get the U.N. If we pay that much to be part of some anti-Semitic club, it should at least have a golf course.

I like when the poor get tax cuts. I like when the middle class get tax cuts. I like when the rich get tax cuts. I like when the super rich get tax cuts. I like everybody keeping the money they earned.

Donald Trump is a human dumpster fire. And the American left are… what’s something that makes you begin to appreciate a dumpster fire?

I think I’m going to throw caution to the wind and watch the Orc Cop movie.

I’m warming up to Trump. Sure he’s a horrible human being that at times makes me embarrassed for my country, but that doesn’t mean he’s worse than other politicians.
I like him better than Obama. So many in the media acted like Obama was smart and that we should respect him. That’s the worst. But the vast majority now correctly understand the president should not be trusted. That’s better for us.
But can you believe it hasn’t even been a year yet of Trump being president? Already feels like decades.

If spanking screws up kids, is spanking a new thing? Or have all kids been screwed up since time immemorial?

Man, it’s been 3 years since Superego came out. But I finally have a new novel coming out very soon and should put them out at a more regular clip after that (including a sequel to Superego).

We say “Happy Holidays” around Christmas because we don’t want to offend anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but we don’t say it any other time than Christmas because we don’t actually care about other holidays.

My understanding is that “Happy Holidays” refers specifically to Christmas and New Years, and then more vaguely to any other holiday people like to celebrate that happens to be in December.
I guess it’s somewhat specifically refers to Hanukkah now. Not Kwanza, though. No one actually knows what that is or anyone who celebrates it.

Know who isn’t very “bright”? Whoever named the orc cop movie.

Finally saw Get Out. It was really good, but main question I had at the end was how much did Microsoft pay them? I can buy someone having a Surface Pro, but seeing the main character with a Windows Phone and using Bing to google really threw me out of the movie.

The orc cop movie seems like the opposite of The Last Jedi in that it’s universally panned by critics but most of the people I see commenting about it in my Twitter feed seem to like it. Also big split on RottenTomatoes critics versus audience score.

Remember when a five year old said “Merry Christmas!” to President Obama who then flew into a rage and bit the kid in the face? Donald Trump would never do that. Listen to other people, that is.

A lot of people are arguing whether It’s a Wonderful Life is a Christmas movie. While it doesn’t all take place during Christmastime like Die Hard, it does at its core have a story about love and self-sacrifice like Die Hard.

Now that Trump is in charge, if you hear someone today say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”, immediately call the new treason hotline.

Finally saw The Last Jedi didn’t have strong feelings on it. Still feel like they haven’t really sold the First Order as a threat, especially since it’s now run by a couple of dorks.
I guess that would be my biggest complaint: I don’t feel a lot of narrative thrust going into the third part of the trilogy.
My other complaint—which continues from epVII—is I don’t get the scope. Before, we had the Empire and Rebels which was simple enough. Now, we have the First Order which snuck its way into being the Empire again or something?

I don’t get the 92% on RottenTomatoes for The Last Jedi or all the hate for it. It’s a solid three-star movie.

The Last Jedi was good, but I’ve seen a lot of movies this past week — Get Out, Dunkirk, Thor: Ragnarok, Bladerunner 2049 — and it’s my least favorite.
I haven’t watched the orc cop movie yet, though; it has a good chance to beat that.

Oh yeah, I didn’t get all the anti-heroics messaging in The Last Jedi. Seems like a bad movie series for that.
“This is how we win. Not by destroying what we hate, but by saving what we love.”
Well, I hope you didn’t love that door protecting your allies.

JJ Abrams should get back at Rian Johnson for undoing so much of Force Awakens by killing off Rose in the opening crawl of Ep. IX.
“ROSE died on the way back to her home planet.”

Thinking on it some more, there were some real good parts of The Last Jedi and some dumb parts like something from the prequels. And it wrapped things up way too much to be the middle part of a trilogy.
And The Last Jedi has a real incoherent message at the heart of it. “Heroics inspire whipped slave kids—but self-sacrificing heroics are bad—except when purple-haired ladies who don’t share their plans do it.”
In the end, I’m both glad that Rian Johnson is going to get to do his own Star Wars trilogy and that he is not going to do the last part of this trilogy.
Oh, and the feminism of the movie completely backfired. By the end, I was like “The Rebels need some more dudes in charge because these ladies have no idea what they’re doing.”

I enjoyed the orc cop movie. And now I have stuck in my head an orc cop rap I made up.
“He’s the orc cop
And he just won’t stop.
With a hip to the hop
He’s the orc cop.”
You could tear apart the movie if you wanted, but at the end of the day, it made me care about orc cop—and to a lesser extent, Will Smith cop.
Will Smith was actually unlikeable for much of the movie because of how mean he was to orc cop—which comes off as kicking a puppy.

Black Mirror was originally a play in the 1800s produced by the Luddites.
“Hear ye, this machine shall serve us and make many a textile. And I see no possible negative consequences from it.”
people slowly realize it is they that serve the machine

I’ve only seen the first episode of Black Mirror with the pig, but absolutely everyone told me that was the best one and it only got worse from there.

Everyone thinks dogs are tough and cool, but it’s annoying how often you have to worry about stuff hurting their little tum tums. Sometimes feeding them is as difficult as meeting the dietary needs of kid named Kaiden.
This was brought on by I wasn’t able get the regular food and I had to look through the other selections thinking, “Which one of these is least likely to kill my 15yo dog.”

I hope people in Iran get freedom so they can spend all day whining about minor stuff like we do.

2017 wasn’t that bad; everyone is just much whinier.
Also the president now looks as horrible to everyone as Obama looked to me.
But if you were already used to the president being a pompous clown, it’s not that bad.
Anyway, looking forward to 2018. I have a good feeling about it!

Good 2018 Resolutions
* Pay less attention to Trump
* Zero-tolerance for nazis and commies
* Pick no more than one thing per week to get outraged about

One of my favorite things from Christmastime is the Reese’s Peanut Butter Tree. Such a great ratio of chocolate to peanut butter. It’s like a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup that’s all the center part.

Meryl Streep was very very good in The Post. Tom Hanks kind of felt like he was doing a hard-nosed reporter character for SNL.
I can’t believe people are comparing that to the press versus Trump now. That conflict is a couple of clowns hitting each other with giant inflatable mallets that make squeaky sounds.

Thor: Ragnarok was just as fun as the trailers promised. It’s perhaps my favorite Marvel movie since Iron Man.
Can’t believe, though, they brought in Zachary Levi just to be on screen 5 seconds and get killed. Even Admiral Ackbar got it better. Hopefully the DCEU will be kinder to Levi.

I don’t know anything about this Logan Paul controversy, but I saw one picture of him and my instant reaction was “no punishment is too harsh.”

The thing about Trump is he just does what other presidents do more blatantly. A president taking credit for things that just happen to happen during his administration has a long history. Remember when President Obama killed Bin Laden?
And remember any president ever taking credit for good economic news?

A president should get credit for a good economy in the same way you credit your kids for not burning down the house.

What is with Holdo’s purple hair? Is that just a “because space” sort of thing or is there an explanation? Like is she an alien identical to humans except for purple hair or did she just never outgrow her punk rock phase from her 20s?
Holdo was somehow both too mean and condescending to Poe and too lenient with him (“Haha. That flyboy got everyone killed. What hijinks will he get into next?”)

My 2yo makes me feel like a million bucks. When I got off work today, she ran at me yelling, “My daddy!” to give me a big hug. I work from home in the room next to her.

I don’t have a nuclear button on my desk but I do have some those little magnet Buckyballs that are now illegal or something because they’re dangerous if swallowed, so that’s pretty badass.

So how are we planning on celebrating one year of President Trump? Balloons? Pony rides? Maybe a dunk tank? Do you think Trump would agree to a dunk tank? Is he the type of person who can laugh about himself?

That Republicans should vote against bills they agree with just to oppose Trump is an argument so dumb I could see Trump tweeting it.

This whole Trump presidency could just be a stunt by Twitter to increase site traffic.

Why would we fear nuclear war when we’ve already stared tax cuts and the end of Net Neutrality in the face?

If North Korea is really a couple mean tweets away from launching nukes, we should probably do something about them.

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Random Thoughts: Net Neutrality and Tax Cuts

I’m a simple man. The one thing I’ve ever wanted is to be able to right click a folder in a file explorer and open up a command line already in that directory.

If I were running for office, I think a prop I’d have at all my campaign stops would be a switchblade which I’d brandish and say, “I’m gonna cut you, taxes!” I’d be a fun politician. But extremely extremely corrupt.

My biggest problem with Net Neutrality is it’s all about stopping theoretical problems which is always government at its absolute worst.

So is Lisa Simpson now a Disney princess?

If Net Neutrality is repealed:
$4.99 per Tweet
$1.99 per Google search
-$2.99 per Bing search (they’ll pay you)
$0.20 per hitman hired through the dark web
$500.00 if you don’t want Netflix making fun of your viewing habits

Can’t you… can’t you just use a VPN or other proxy to hide your traffic from your ISP?

You’d think Trump being president would cause people to hesitate more about trying to solve everything by giving the government more power, but not even slightly.

Using government regulation to protect your freedom is like using the one ring to protect yourself from Sauron.

Since the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter can consistently put all the evil people into Syltherin, couldn’t they do a Minority Report reboot starring it?

We were watching the repeal of Net Neutrality on TV and my 2yo exclaimed, “Oh no! Dey ‘troy in’net!”
Kids understand.

Just kidding. I don’t watch the news on TV. This isn’t the 40s.

Trump could start a nuclear war, and the left would struggle at how to make that sound worse than ending Net Neutrality or implementing a tax cut.

I don’t care if a celebrity talks about politics — even if their politics are opposed to mine — as long as they have something interesting and not tedious to say.
So I basically want all celebrities to shut up about politics.

Sorry but the “Free Speech” promotion has ended. It now costs a dollar per thing you say, or you can speak as much as you like for $39.99 per month.

Star Wars ranked:
1. Wars
2. Star

Probably a good visual would be for Trump to have some hipster-looking lefty stand in the background and then scream “Noooooooo!” whenever he signs a bill.

Reasons the 70s were tough:
* Failing economy
* Out of control crime/drug problem
* Gas shortages
* The draft
Reasons 2017 was tough:
* The president said something mean and dumb on Twitter and it got me so worked up my tummy hurt

I never watched The Tonight Show so I still think of Jay Leno as “that guy from the Doritos ads.”

If Trump fires Mueller, I’m going to take to Twitter and tweet something like, “There’s Trump, at it again.” I’m working on it in my drafts folder.

According to the RottenTomatoes and Cinemascore, I follow on Twitter everyone in America who didn’t like The Last Jedi.

Merry Christmas! And happy holidays we inflate in importance for multicultural reasons since they happen to be near Christmas!

Maybe things aren’t getting worse and you’re just getting whinier.

I don’t know what helps more poor people: capitalism or socialism.
I don’t know what drives faster: a Porsche 911 or a Barbie Power Wheels convertible.

Politicians are idiots who kill money like Lenny kills puppies. If you want money to thrive and reproduce, you need to get it away from politicians.

I’m writing a survival guide to the rich keeping even more of their own money. It will cost $5, but it will be well worth it when you consider all the hazards of someone else having more money.

If you’re the U.S. President, you can go to Disney World for free whenever you want, but then you have to stand in for your animatronic at the Hall of Presidents whenever they ask.

Trying to do some subtle graphical like from iOS but for a Mac app is a bit of headache. Don’t even get me started on Windows form; I had to write my own class just to do placeholder text in a text box.

If anyone is saying anything about the tax bill, they’re probably lying. Only trust people not talking about it.

If you support everything Trump does or oppose everything Trump does, you’re what’s wrong with this country.

The difference between taxation and a mugging is no one ever tells you you’re supposed to be thankful for a mugging.

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Random Thoughts: Alabama and Hallmark

The Republicans in Alabama have a choice between the party of molesters and the other party of molesters who openly hates and despises them.
here’s also the option of staying in your nice warm, safe home where hopefully no one gets molested.

So do we all have to give props to Trump for doing something every previous president promised but never actually did?

I’m literally shaking with rage with tears in my eyes and then the tears are flying everywhere from all the shaking so I’m like a human sprinkler.
I forget what upset me.

Why would you need a permit for a concealed gun? If it’s properly concealed, no one knows you have it and thus no one is going to ask if you have a permit. Dumb.
his also works for other things like cocaine, nuclear weapons, and ferrets. What you need are permits for things when they’re unconcealed. That’s the trick there.

Are people still freaking out over concealed carry? We’ve had it for decades. It’s in 40+ states. Where’s the problem?
The thing about conceal carry is it’s completely useless to criminals. It’s not like you can rob a liquor store and store and go, “Oh. It’s okay. I have a permit.”

Democrats, you don’t get praise for being dragged kicking and screaming to doing the decent thing. You get detested slightly less.

Had a dog that would run to the door barking in a frenzy every time the doorbell rang. Near the end of her life, she’d only lift her head up to bark a couple times before laying it back down. Reminds me of Democrats and gun control.

Hamas is calling for a “day of rage”? Who sees the situation in the Middle East and thinks the solution is “more rage”?

Meant to buy a bitcoin just for The heck of it back when they were $200 but forgot. 🙁
Eh. Everyone wants money for nothing.

As entertaining as President Trump is, I’m ready for President Ned Flanders whenever we want that. Partisans won’t screech any less, but everyone else will probably be a bit less tense.
“Impeach that one for one count of being Trump. And impeach the other for… um… accessory to being Trump.”

One bitcoin is worth $15,000? That sounds pretty useless. McDonald’s isn’t going to make change for that when you buy from the value menu.

Die Hard is not an action movie.

Weird how we’re acting like the country is on fire when by most objective measures things are going really well for the U.S. right now.
checks the news
Oh, the country literally is on fire.

Maybe there’s stuff in the past that was bad and it’s good we got away from it AND stuff that was better in the past and it’s bad we got away from it.

I watched the Death Stranding trailer and in Norman Reedus had a baby down his throat and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.

Christmas is a Die Hard holiday.

I really like the lesson at the end of “The Grinch Who Stole Die Hard” about how watching Die Hard isn’t about viewing it on DVD at a particular time of year, but in fact we can enjoy watching McClane kill terrorists at any time of year on a variety of media formats.

Can’t we shove all the Nazis and the Commies in a time machine and send them back to the 20th century where they’re supposed to be duking things out?
35% chance they team up, though.

A big problem is all the really dumb criticism of Trump which undermines what should be a treasure trove of legit criticism.

With Daniel Shaver, it feels like the idiot barking contradictory orders at him murdered him more than the officer who actually shot him.

Professional journalists don’t get enough credit for when they occasionally get things correct.

I think it might be kinda fun to try and write one of those dumb Hallmark Christmas movies my wife watches, but I don’t think I could resist adding some cool twist to it, like the guy the woman is falling in love with is actually serial killer. Or she is.

By pretty much any survey, Millennials are the worst generation in history at throwing knives.

I’m the only journalist who has never gotten anything wrong.
Whoops. I just incorrectly labeled myself a journalist.

“Here’s a negative story about Trump, and we swear this is one of the times our partisan bias didn’t cause us to screw up the facts.”

I will criticize Trump when he does dumb things, which is a lot. And praise him when he does good things, which is occasional. And I will criticize the media when it makes dumb criticisms of Trump, which is a lot. And praise them when they make smart ones, which is occasional.

Have we hit peak 80s nostalgia yet?
And isn’t Steven Spielberg the wrong person to direct a movie about 80s nostalgia? As a subject of the nostalgia, I doubt his is the relatable perspective.

When I say “the 80s,” one image pops into everyone’s mind: Ronald Reagan playing a keytar.

People need to get better at finding dishonest, populist grifters who aren’t also perverts.

Yes, Netflix making fun of the viewing habits of their own customers is a bit creepy.

Is no one vetting crying, bullied children?
You never make a mistake declaring someone deserves compassion and love.

It’s the second season of The Crown and I feel I’ve waited patiently enough for the queen to finally utter her famous catchphrase “Off with his head!”

My prediction: If Roy Moore loses, Trump’s first tweet will be about how he supported Luther Strange in the primary.
[Ed. Note: It was his second.]

It’s a tense competition for which aggressively mediocre Democrat will get propped up as some kind of savior for 2020.
They’re all dishonest, calculating dummies, people. It’s okay to use them, but stop letting them use you.

So is The Last Jedi any good? Like if you’re someone like me who watched the original trilogy countless times and has been obsessed with since a kid and even saw all the horrible prequels multiple times and am going to see the new movie no matter what, should I go see it?

Elizabeth Warren’s statement of “It’s wrong for Trump to attack Kirsten Gillibrand for being a dumb slut. No MAN should question her whoring herself out for campaign contributions!” was not quite as supportive as I think she meant it to be.

The election in Alabama could have implications all the way from watchmaking to watch repair.

It seems like Queen Elizabeth should have enough time to finish up her reign before the series The Crown catches up with her, but I mistakenly thought something similar when Game of Thrones started airing.

Luther would have won.

Giving up a senate seat is hard, but at least Alabama Republicans can hold their heads higher than Massachusetts Democrats. A tiny modicum of standards is rare with partisanship.

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Random Thoughts: God and Taxes

How much brain-eating partisanship do you have to be infected with to care about this CFPB stuff?

It’s theoretically possible to have extreme political views and not be an asshole.

Democrats taking a strong stand on Conyers and Franken could lead to getting rid of Trump, but morals for politicians is just for campaign speeches — its not an actual thing that influences your actions.

Remember when the NYTs decided that an extremely tiresome editorial about “assault weapons” that added nothing to the debate was important enough to put on their front page?
These guys like to pretend they’re influential when all they’re doing is preaching to a shrinking choir.

At some point, those of us who never thought to drop our pants in front of random women are going to start to feel like the weirdos.

It’s weird seeing how in other countries Netflix has lots of network American shows listed as Netflix Originals. You’d didn’t make The Good Place, you liar!

Regardless of how you vote, I think it’s fair to say that if you were at any time a Roy Moore supporter, you should feel really bad about yourself or you’re a partisan sociopath.
Politics has been overtaken by people who don’t actually care about anything other than the fight.

I think society is finally putting out a strong statement that sexual assault will not be tolerated from anyone who isn’t an elected official.

If you’re not going to do anything about Franken, shut up about Roy Moore. No one needs your nuanced take on sexual assault.

I was considering sexually harassing some women in the future — it sounded like a fun activity — but now I’m thinking that’s a bad idea. Going to take up woodworking instead.

The left screeching about the GOP tax bill means absolutely nothing because they would screech about it no matter what. But imagine if they were all “This is a GREAT tax bill!” That would creep me the hell out; it would be like the Twilight Zone.

I’m so convinced that everyone on both sides talking about the tax bill are being completely dishonest that I’m almost sure the bill doesn’t even exist.

“This tax bill will raise the deficit, starve millions of poor people, and resurrect Hitler as an unstoppable werewolf.”
“Okay, but let’s get to the nitty-gritty: Exactly how much will my tax bill be lowered?”

Oh no! They’re taxing overwrought political rhetoric no one takes seriously! Millions will die!

America is a country of about 400 million spoiled rich kids and I’m sick of all your whining.

It’s the contention of the ones constantly spewing hate and bile that they care more about people.

kneeling in front of a broken Statue of Liberty on the beach*
“You maniacs! You cut taxes too much! Ah, damn you! Damn you all to hell!”

What does the Bible say about taxes? I remember God warning Israel about having a king because the king would take their stuff and boss them around. Should have listened to Him.
My guess about taxes is that God would much rather us take care of each other voluntarily. There’s quite a bit in the Bible about that.
Anyway, I think it’s biblically accurate to say you should never get righteous about the money you demand at gunpoint.

I don’t know if this is a good tax bill. I also know you don’t know. But no one is going to let that get in the way of some good old fashioned partisan screeching.

I thought that Trump winning over Hillary might help end partisanship by showing how stupid it was to rally behind either terrible party, but partisanship has just got dumber to match Trump.
It’s as if the thinking is “Trump is so terrible, we can still beat him without moderating ourselves at all!” but that thinking is wrong. It is very very wrong.

If I had a billion dollars, I’d probably invest it. I think you could live a long while on a billion if you were careful with it.
And think if I had two billion dollars. That would be twice as good. I might buy a new car (even though economically it’s smarter to buy a two-year old used car).
Probably the worst thing about having a billion dollars is then Bernie Sanders would be on your lawn yelling, “You’re a bad man. You’re a bad man for having a billion dollars.” I’d spray him with a hose. Probably one with a fancy nozzle.

“Come at me, bro!” I taunt, knowing I can run very fast.

The tax bill seems kind of dumb, but all you left-wingers sound like Alex Jones when ranting about it.

Can’t believe all the people claiming the Bible demands a higher tax rate and that it definitively states that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.

I don’t know if it’s relevant to taxation, but remember Jesus’s parable where the money is taken away from the guy with the least and given to the guy with the most because the guy with the least was an idiot?
Anyway, if you think the Bible clearly says “Take money away from the rich!” not so much. There are lots of warnings if you are rich (which, from a historical perspective, is everyone in this country) but I don’t think you’re supposed to worry about other people being rich.

“I AM THE LAW!!!” -Judge Dredd and Trump (probably)

I like when my wife makes the kids bacon and then they’re bad and don’t eat their bacon because then I have bacon sandwiches for lunch.
I don’t know how much bacon costs. I hope it’s cheap.

To solve the problem, have we tried locking the Capitol building and filling it with bees?
I don’t really understand what the problem is; I’m just wondering if we’ve tried bees.
Why are you staring at me? Okay, I’ll try explaining this slowly: BeeEEeeEEeeEEees

Got that fabled iPhone X. It says on the box “Examine your heart before you hold this phone, for whoever touches it and is unworthy will surely die.”
I haven’t touched it yet.

Our political parties are two giant turds and I don’t know why anyone wastes time arguing which one is more appetizing.

“What are you in for?”
“Manslaughter. How about you?”
“Rape. Sexual assault.”
-Senators conversing in the Capitol building

Our political parties are basically prison prison gangs—something that allows awful people to organize against each other.

What if we stuffed a large coat and pair of pants with rats so that it was vaguely human shape?
Just trying to help the RNC come up with a better candidate than Roy Moore.

If I were writing the Trump presidency, my ironic ending would be a nuclear war where the only survivor is Judge Neil Gorsuch.

Why are we talking about anything other than the tax bill that’s going to kill everybody?

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Random Thoughts: Net Neutrality and Alabama

You don’t protect freedom with government regulation. That’s like trying to protect yourself from Sauron with the one ring.

I don’t know why Reese’s Fast Break isn’t more popular. You take a Reese’s peanut butter cup and give it a bit more substance with nougat. It’s perfect.

They already tried Net Neutrality saying all nets had to be equally capable of catching all marine life and it nearly killed the fishing industry.

Here’s an unpopular opinion: Everyone other than me is dumb and should go to jail.
No, wait, then they only one left to run the prisons would be me and that sounds tedious.

Here’s an unpopular opinion: Anyone charged with a crime should go straight to jail with no trial. But jail walls should be made out of paper and be really easy to escape.
I didn’t say this was my opinion — just that it’s a not very popular opinion seldom seen.

Whenever the government says it’s doing something for the benefit of consumers, 99% it’s cronyism and they’re actually doing it for the benefit of a corporation.

So how many more women does Franken have to grope before we can stop pretending the ethics committee is anything other than a stalling tactic?

I’m really curious what Obama’s reaction was upon seeing Trump elected. Devastation at his legacy being crapped upon? Or, like everyone else, did he have to laugh at the disintegration of Hillary’s inevitable win?

“I’m thankful for…”
President Trump jumps out from under the table
“ME! You’re thankful for ME!”

Stuffing is soggy bread! How is that not disgusting? It sounds like the sort of thing people would eat in a universe where Trump is president.

Everyone should have something to be thankful for. Like if you’re a hobo, be thankful for the stick to hang your bindle from. Think if you just had to hang your bindle from your hand; that would suck.

Racists get what they deserve: an entitled, arrogant, douchebag nephew who comes to Thanksgiving armed with charts.

We need to learn to judge who is a good person and who is a bad person without factoring in politics at all.
You can teach a parrot to spout any political opinion you want. There is no morality in it.

Important question: The two big white buttons on the front of Mickey Mouse’s pants—are those functional or just decorative?

1980 Winter Olympics
Al Michaels: “Do you believe in miracles?!”
Co-Announcer Neil deGrasse Tyson: “No.”

The guy who can dominate the news cycle with every half thought out tweet probably is the person of the year.

The Nazi stuff seems like an even dumber version of the militia scare from the 90s.

The best you can say on Trump’s standards on sexual predators is that he‘s no worse than the Democrats.

I hope the US Capitol isn‘t near any schools.

Will the new slogan “Sex crimes are only for Democrats!” be enough to stop Roy Moore?

I feel like one of the biggest threats to liberty in this country is that Disney princesses have trained women to love monarchies.

Stupid Amazon. Despite selecting “No rush” shipping, I still got it in two days.
This actually was a problem. It caused a mix up resulting in my wife accidentally opening a Christmas gift I ordered for her 🙁

The Democrats winning in Alabama would take two things they’re not willing to do:
1) Hold their own politicians to some sort of standard on sexual misconduct
2) Nominate someone who is a little less “ABORTIONS FOR ALL!”

Overall, I thought The Punisher was really good without being quite great. Jon Bernthal was great, though, as was his pairing with Micro.
Reminded me of Luke Cage in that the main bad was just too cartoonish while the secondary bad guy (who I think they set up for being the main bad next season) was really compelling.
Also, I could do without all the soft-core porn.

For those wondering, you have to wait until the last episode of The Punisher to finally hear Frank Castle’s famous catchphrase “It’s punishering time!”

I feel like I’m constantly arguing with Nintendo to let me give them money.
“Please make more NES Classics so I can buy one from you!”
“Please, please add a virtual console to the Switch so I can once again buy games I bought from you decades ago!”

I hope The Punisher season 2 is about Frank Castle seeking revenge after being pwned online.

I honestly have no idea what Seb Gorka is beyond some wacky internet meme.

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Random Thoughts: Sex Perverts and Taxes

I wonder if this whole “sexual assault is bad and we need to help women come forward” awakening would have happened decades earlier if Democrats turned on Bill Clinton.

Overpopulation concerns are bit like someone gifted you a stack of gold bars and your first reaction was to get annoyed because you didn’t have anywhere to put them.

Cholula really should come in gallon jugs.

The problem of going after hate-speech is that inevitably they end up just going after unpopular speech, which is the speech most in need of protection.

It will be interesting to see the reaction of the other Senators to Al Franken. I’m guessing there’s scumbags on both side who don’t want to set the precedent of Franken having to resign.

You know who we can be sure never sexually assaulted any women, though? Mike Pence.

Al Franken can’t resign now. He’s not done grilling Justice Don Willett on dad jokes.

If a Senator drove a car into a river and left a woman there to drown and didn’t notify the police, would that be consider resignation-worthy now? Or are we still not to that point?

Everyone always misuses the phrase “begging the question.” It should only be used for situations where a panhandler approaches Vic Sage.

What happens with Al Franken will help determine whether this tide against sexual assault is an actual cultural shift or just a temporary fad.
If nothing much happens to him, it gives cover to Roy Moore and deflates any push against Trump. And I’m guessing that will cascade.

We can still shoot elephants in self-defense, right?

The whole Vox union thing makes me wish I was overweight and smoked cigars so I could do a deep-belly chortle while chomping on a cigar.

Listened to the country song “Take a Knee, My Ass (I Won’t Take a Knee, Just to Be Clear; I Know It Could Be Read as Telling My Donkey to Take a Knee, But I Was Using ‘Ass’ as a Vulgar Term for Buttocks to Negate the First Part of the Sentence)” and I don’t get the controversy.

I’d certainly rather the rich keep their money than give to a bunch of moron sociopaths who are notoriously bad with money, i.e., politicians.

The left get really angry if you suggest there is any virtue to dressing modestly or anything wrong with wearing a hijab.

The women covering their hair (which I believe originated long before Muslims) always seemed a bit weird and sexist and nonsensical. Isn’t a woman’s head the part least in need of covering?
Why isn’t men’s hair — which is indistinguishable from women’s hair — also in need of covering?
Well, I assume there’s some logic to it somewhere. I guess I could Google it, but that takes all the fun out of ranting ignorantly!

Man, I love all the Red Letter Media videos. I think I like film analysis even more than actually watching movies.

The debate about the tax bill seems be nearly 100% partisan nonsense. I am so sick of it.

You can never tell when anything worthy of attention is going on in politics because of people’s ability to work into a frenzy over absolutely anything.

On these $100 million+ movies, how much is spent on the script?
At that financial level, the script should be basically down to a science. They should be able to analyze each plot point and piece of character development and know whether or not it’s compelling.
These are dumb blockbusters. They should be doing basic plots really, really well. And there is so much data from past movies that what works and what doesn’t shouldn’t be a mystery.

Movies are all about the director. In TV, which is having a golden age, the big name is the showrunner/writer. Maybe dumb blockbusters need to push a little more that direction.

Trump always punches back. Always. Like if a baby pinched him, he would punch the baby.

Who was the sexual revolution more of a boon for?
A) Women in general
B) Lecherous men

Any interesting new sex perverts today?
Wow. I’m both surprised and not surprised.
Well, I’ll check back again tomorrow!

I always love that no matter how dumb Trump is, the criticism of him is always much much dumber.

Super Mario Odyssey used to not be tedious collecting, but that was many moons ago.

You really can’t cut the taxes of lower income people that much unless you go after the stupid payroll tax.
The payroll tax is sneaky because half of it is hidden from you. Your “employer pays it,” but really you do as that’s more money that could have been your salary.
Not so hidden if self-employed. That’s when you really see all the taxes.

I think we’d be a much less greedy society if we went by the notion that someone else’s income was no one’s business but his own. Especially not the government’s business.

So, finally, men are facing consequences for sexual harassment and sexual assault.
As long as they’re not a politician.

If your defense of someone accused of sexual assault involves the person’s politics, just go ahead and sexually assault women yourself for all the good you’re doing.

The only rich person you should be angry at is Uncle Sam, who has way more money than anyone else and didn’t get it honestly.

Just because artists have sexually harassed women doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be allowed to create anymore. Allow them to make license plates.

I might take you more seriously about net neutrality if you weren’t so obviously lying about it. Really, all free speech hinges on something that’s only existed the past couple years?
When people screech to high-heavens like this, I just assume you’re trying to pull something over on me. You can’t, though. It’s just like I always tell my kids: I’m much smarter than you.

Protect Net Neutrality! Hold your mouse like it’s a microphone, shout into it, “I want to keep the internet efficient through government regulation!”, and then punch yourself in the face.

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Random Thoughts: Chainsaw Bayonets and Roy Moore

The depressing thing is seeing people cheering on partisan politics reasserting itself as if they’ve stumbled on to some great new solution to Trump.

Republicans are awful. I know, let’s elect Democrats!
Democrats are awful. I know, let’s elect Republicans!
Republicans are awful. I know, let’s elect Democrats!
Democrats are awful. I know, let’s elect Republicans!
Republicans are awful. I know, let’s elect Democrats!

Speech isn’t violence. Except whining. Whining is violence. Lock people up for whining.

Remember in 2008 when the Democrats were elected to big majorities and everything was fixed forever?

Great news, you guys. The solution to everything in politics is to double down on partisanship.

Our elections forever after will be between two groups, neither of which deserves to win but one of which deserves to lose more than the other.

I never even cared about AR-15s before and now I’m going to run out and buy 6 of them. #ChainsawBayonet

I bet now those freedom-hating Democrats are going to go after the $1000 tax credit you get for adding a chainsaw bayonet to your AR-15.

I despise Democrats, but I still find it hilarious how doomed the Republicans are looking for 2018.
What’s going to be the GOP’s pitch for itself in 2018?
“Um… remember Gorsuch?”
“You have to give us a solid C- for effort.”
“Democrats are going to take away your chainsaw bayonets!”

Chainsaw bayonets are traditionally associated with extreme xenophobia. Just play any Gears of War if you don’t believe me.

The purpose of the chainsaw bayonet is to bypass body armor. Cut off the body armor, and then shoot. Can also include infrared scope to spot glowing weak points.

If USA Today needs a new gun expert, I cost one million dollars.

Did you know there’s no waiting period on chainsaws and hockey masks?

I just can’t fathom how a supposedly professional news organization published a graphic about a “chainsaw bayonet.” That would be unbelievably idiotic on a random nobody’s blog.

I don’t usually spend much of the day glad I never sexually harassed anyone.

The new Republican strategy seems to be to nominate awful candidate with huge warning signs that even more awful stuff is going to come out and then they win anyway.

Why do we have to have a two party system? Why can’t we have four or five soulless, pointless parties?

In Alabama, they should start a write-in campaign for “Chainsaw Bayonet.”

My 4yo has beaten Super Mario Odyssey. I am very proud.

Roy Moore? I’d rather Roy Less! #PoliticalHumor

The people who did “Vote for the Worst” on American Idol have now hacked politics.

Got an Apple Watch. It seems kind of limited what it can do out of the box, but I’m excited for what I can make it do after I learn how to program for it.
I want to control everything from my watch. EVERYTHING!

When I was 23, I decided against dating a 17yo because the maturity difference seemed too vast. If a 34yo dates a 17yo, is it wrong to categorically assume he’s a creep?

I always thought the ending of Goodnight Moon was odd. Why do “noises” get the last goodnight? What are these noise he’s hearing? Is there a sequel?

For those who condemned the Democrats about Bill Clinton and Ted Kennedy and condemn the Republicans today, maybe there can be some sort of “I never treated sexual assault as a partisan issue” badge.

Highly suspicious these women are making their accusations now when people will listen to them and not before when no one cared.

If anyone says anything bad about me on Twitter, it’s a Russian plot. Don’t be a Russian stooge and believe bad things about me.

I literally hate the environment and want it to die, and even I’m a little put off by the amount of waste a Keurig makes per cup of coffee.

French press, yo.

So does anyone want to revisit the importance of sexual morality?
No? No takers?
Okay. Moving on.

I really enjoyed Metal Gear V gameplay-wise, but man was the Quiet stuff super-pervy.
I spent a bunch of in game money I could have used to develop a new rocket launcher to get her a uniform where the only added benefit was not having to worry about my wife or kids walking in on me playing the game.

Even before these allegations, Roy Moore was practically wearing a sign that said “weasel phony.” How do we teach people to be smarter about this?

I want to write an article aimed at FOX News-watching uncles on how to make sure their nephews don’t survive Thanksgiving.
“If they have a list of talking point on why Trump is a failure, grab it from them, dip it in gravy, and eat it.”
“If he comes up with an argument you can’t refute right away, taze him and say, ‘Why would I listen to the opinion of someone who just soiled himself?’”

It’s seeming apparent that the ones who throw out the most red meat in politics are the ones who fundamentally don’t really believe in anything.

I’m all for protest candidates, but it seems like we should be able to find one who isn’t a complete scumbag.
Lately, the candidates have been the equivalent of taking a dump in the middle of the living room. Admittedly, that does tell the establishment exactly what you think of them.

I’d be happy with a nutty protest candidate if he seemed genuine and wasn’t just a bomb thrower trying to get attention. Like a right-wing Bernie Sanders.

I just can’t get behind backing someone like Roy Moore as a protest candidate. While I do despise the establishment, I guess I don’t despise myself enough.

Best solution I have: During the next State of the Union, declare that the entire city of Washington D.C. is now a prison and seal it off.

I’ve long asserted you could train a dog to do 99% of the job of a U.S. Senator. And it would be a lot nicer and less arrogant too. Just putting that out there.

Why do Republicans have to keep bringing up Bill Clinton, the proof that Democrats don’t actually care about what they claim to care about?
Why can’t people just accept being lectured at without pointing out the evidence that it’s partisan BS?
If Democrats have to confront the fact that they’ve treated sexual harassment as nothing but a partisan issue, what’s next? They have to do the same thing for racism?

Do you think Bill Clinton inspired a whole generation of lecherous “male feminists”? It was quite a message: Have the right politics, and you can get away doing anything to women.

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Random Thoughts: Allahu Akbar and the NRA

Are we sure “Allahu Akbar” means “God is great”? Really bizarre thing to yell out while murdering people. Maybe it’s meant sarcastically.

My favorite number has always been 101 because if you draw lines between the zero and ones, you get a tie fighter. Pew! Pew!

If you claim the Obama administration was scandal free, you’re why we have Trump.

Civil War could have been avoided with compromise, but would that have been best? Movie would be boring if Iron Man and Cap didn’t fight.

Seems like half of news articles these days are hoping dumb people get angry reading the headline and not bother to check out the article.

Be smart. Don’t get outraged unless you’re actually paid to be.

To explain Social Security to my kids, I took their candy and said they’d get it back when they’re 65 as they watched Grandma eat it all.

I don’t think most Americans have ever heard “Allahu Ackbar” shouted in any other context than random murder. Not sure whose fault that is.

Maybe you should choose a form of protest where you don’t constantly have to explain you don’t hate the country.
They’re going to have to do another protest to protest people not understanding the meaning of their first protest.

Would never have expected Steve to emerge as a favorite character. #KingSteve

The DNC was united behind their horrible candidate in the primary while the GOP was united against theirs. One succeeded, one failed.

I’m seeing on FOX News that Jake Tapper has joined ISIS. Can I get a second source on this?

The thing I still need an explanation for in Stranger Things 2 is how Dr. Owens was injured but not killed. Did he fall down the stairs?
The Demodogs don’t seem to have a habit of nibbling on you a few times and then moving on.

Just as I suspected: Russia convinced the DNC to rig things for Hillary in exchange for free Communism.

Someone having more money than you – even a lot more money – doesn’t hurt you. It can make you whiny, but that’s you choosing to hurt others

And now to argue about important things in a calm and reasonable manner
starts typing “Nancy: Hitler’s Favorite Stranger Things Character”

I think there should be a Constitutional right to make a living (high burden on regulation/licensing). At same time, no one owes you a job.

Idea: Frank Underwood turn to camera for aside, but gets scared. Whoever he’s talking to has a gun! Now it’s a Who Shot JR murder mystery.

What causes someone to snap like that? Most hate-filled sociopaths I know stick to opining on Twitter.

It is pretty weird that the new reaction to mass shootings is to scream about prayer for a few days and then forget anything ever happened.
Very intense emotion, but no intellectual grounding, so there’s nothing to hold onto after the emotion fades.
We all want to scream at times, but while cathartic, it never really helpful in political debate.

If the left ever want to get anywhere again, they need to forget about Trump’s hate and focus on their own. It’s out of control.

A Christian church was shot up, and it stirred up a lot of anti-Christianity among the left. Is anyone on the left going to take that on?
It’s very ugly. It can’t be healthy for anyone involved. There is a place to direct some compassion.

Remember to factor into your gun control ideas that the government is completely incompetent.

In defense of moron leftist, calling for the death penalty for someone already dead does sort of sound like something Trump would do.

I’m just going to keep saying it: Team Rocket is a terrorist organization.

Who does the NRA terrorize? Can you name any person scared of the NRA who isn’t up for reelection?

The assist mode on Mario Odyssey has been great for my 4yo son. He’s gone through 2/3rds of the main story line all by himself.
When I was four, I was struggling over and over to beat the first stage in the Atari version of Donkey Kong.

For background checks to be useful, need a government to do them competently and guns difficult to get through other means. You have neither

So we’re still in the “if you vote for the blue or the red guy, that will make a big difference!” mode?

So does anyone have any better solution to Trump than “elect Democrats”? Because I suspect that will eventually lead to “worse than Trump.”

I’ve always told my kids that it doesn’t matter the differences in language or culture as anyone can work together for the greater good as long as you have a JSON REST API.

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