Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

Random Thoughts: Jeb Bush and Frank J. 2016

Wednesday, December 17, 2014 8:12 am

Obviously Jeb more qualified to be president than Hillary. He has two former presidents in his immediate family while Hillary only has one.

Can I just write a check out to “Not Jeb”?

I’m joking. I’d rather burn my money than willingly give it to a politician. At least I’d get warmth out of that deal.

Reminder: I’m now old enough to be president. If elected, I’ll just quietly cash my check each week and leave you all alone.

Would anyone mind if the State of the Union Address was just a single tweet?

My measure of being a successful president would be most people not being able to identify me.

Don’t worry: The government has a national Bush reserve for if we’re ever threatened of running out of Bushes to run for president.

A good slogan for Jeb in the primaries would be “Resign to your fate.”

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Random Thoughts: Serial and the ACA

Monday, December 15, 2014 8:36 am

The one thing I didn’t get from all the talk about Serial is that it’s non-fiction.

BTW, now that I have a decent-sized commute, I’m getting into the world of podcasts and audiobooks. Recommendations welcome.

Man, I have not been following politics very closely lately. When does Wendy Davis take over as my governor?

As an aspiring fiction writer, I was completely intimidated by Serial when I thought it was fiction. “Such imaginative details!”

“And how’d they get such naturalistic performances out of all these different voice actors?”

I did a “die-in” protest in my bed this morning.

While it’s true that “everything dies,” I still don’t get why Obama made that the slogan for the Affordable Care Act.

Maybe someone should host a big international debate on whether Muslims should murder people or not because I’d like to hear both sides.

Shouldn’t we be moving on from killing people because of weird beliefs in God to killing people because of weird beliefs in economics and science?

Waterboarding Gremlins just makes more of them.

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Random Thoughts: Humility, Starbucks, and Torture

Wednesday, December 10, 2014 8:30 am

For me, humility is pretty hard. Takes a lot of effort not to not feel superior to everyone. At least I try to be humble, unlike others.

Is it just me, or do Starbucks cups and lids have a decently high failure rate in keeping a watertight seal? Need more innovation there.

Torture is one of those things we’re against in the abstract but okay with in specific cases.

“Should we torture people?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Should we torture Khalid Sheikh Mohammed?”
“Oh yeah. Go to town on him.”

“I don’t like how police are behaving so I’m going to riot and burn stuff until you want even more police.”

It takes quite a bit of googling and research to realize I’m famous.

One of the problems with the Swift programming language is often when googling for information on it, I get result about Taylor Swift.

Waterboard someone enough and they’ll admit it’s not torture.

You made 24 a hit show and suddenly you’re against torture? Whatever, America.

Resident Evil 4 is a good example of how good story and writing have absolutely nothing to do with good gameplay.

“Everyone other than me is an idiot.” -basis for most of progressive legislation

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Random Thoughts: Christmas Xcode Writer Soccer Liable

Tuesday, December 9, 2014 8:27 am

Merry Christmas! And happy other holidays we inflate in importance for multicultural reasons because they’re near Christmas!

Okay, the Playgrounds in Xcode 6 are pretty cool. All IDEs should have something like that.

Yes, I am now a full-time writer, but I also might do some iOS apps. I write code and prose. I’m a double-threat.

Cultural Difference: In a BBC comedy not knowing about soccer was meant to make characters look unmanly while that means opposite here.

I’m going to hack people’s Twitter accounts and add to their bios “I’m legally liable for the words and actions of anyone I RT.”

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Random Thoughts: Death Swift Library Fool

Monday, December 8, 2014 8:20 am

“I don’t believe in the death penalty; I just believe in passing lots of arbitrary laws that people with guns will sometimes kill over.”

Why have I been spending an hour trying to get a substring in Swift?! Why is that like landing a space shuttle?!

“Your dishonesty about what books you have on hand have turned this truthbrary into a library.”

“You’ve heard it said ‘Condemn the fool.’ But I say ‘Pity the fool.'” -Mr. T as Jesus

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Random Thoughts: Organic Violent Republic

Friday, December 5, 2014 8:34 am

A modern day apocryphal Marie Antoinette would say, “Let them eat non-GMO organic.”

When you criminalize non-violent actions, people will be killed for non-violent actions.

“We now cut from our coverage of Eric Garner to go to the new top story in white people news: The New Republic masthead.”

Oh, it’s fun to make fun of white people. I hope they’re always around.

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Random Thoughts: Eric Garner

Thursday, December 4, 2014 8:16 am

The biggest nonsense about the Obama daughters criticism scandal is that anyone cares about the dignity of a turkey pardoning ceremony.

If you want to show dignity for the office of the president, don’t pardon turkeys in big ceremonies.

So basically NYC cops can choke you to death over 75 cents?

If Bloomberg got his way, people would also be strangled to death over selling large sodas.

Body cameras on police officers will allow us to get even more righteously angry when cops aren’t indicted.

Another reminder that before you propose a law, ask if you’re willing to kill someone over this. Because that happens. #EricGarner

Obama: “Let this be a lesson: Pay your Obamacare tax or I’ll have police strangle you.”

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Random Thoughts: Clamshell and Swords

Wednesday, December 3, 2014 8:33 am

Man, I want to finally see Guardians of the Galaxy. Trying to decide if I $20 want to see it or can wait to rent next Tuesday.

I try to save my outrage for things like mass slaughter, but I tend to use it up on clamshell packaging.

Maybe you’re under constant threat because you’re a jerk who hangs swords over people’s heads, Dionysius.

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Random Thoughts: Ferguson, Justice, and Obamacare

Monday, December 1, 2014 9:00 am

Hey, everyone: Try not to be racist and try not to riot.

What I’m hearing is that a lot of black people are feeling powerless because of Ferguson… except for one who is bypassing Congress with executive actions.

Regardless of the merits of one case, the fact that a large segment of the population find cops a cause of distress must be addressed.

Never be blasé about people who feel oppressed by government power. That’s something to be consistent about.

Trying Objective-C for the first time. “NO” and “YES” instead of “true” and “false” for boolean? Was this made for babies?

So far President Obama’s only plan for Ferguson is to flood the town with illegal immigrants.

If black people like how things are and don’t want anything to change, they should keep voting for Democrats.

US: “We need jobs!”
Obama: “Here’s my new healthcare plan I’m shoving down your throats!”
*4 years pass
Schumer: “Hey, wait a second…”

For people victimizing random businesses in response to a shooting, is it okay to doubt their sincerity in wanting “justice”?

You sure you want “justice”, guy looting liquor store? I don’t think that will work out well for you.

The dad’s burden is that by the time he sits down to eat the pancake breakfast, it’s cold.

“We should make a solar-powered calculator.”
“That’s a great idea! What else would be useful to be solar-powered?”
*thinks a bit
“That’s it”

I never understood putting raisins in cookies. Have you never heard of chocolate chips or are you just some sort of misanthrope?

“What a perfect, creamy chocolate batter for my brownies.”
*the devil appears on her shoulder
“ADD WALNUTS!”

So are you actually allergic to meat or do you just not eat it because that’s trendy?

“We’re out of new lightsaber ideas. What do you got?”
“Tiny lightsaber blades stick out the side.”
“For what purpose?”
“It needs a purpose?”

How do I explain silent letters to my 4yo?
“Our language was made by madmen and psychopaths.”

Best I can figure about silent letters is there are union rules where you have to hire certain letters whether you need them or not.

The air doesn’t seem to like Texas as it’s always in a big rush to get out of here.

You know how when there are 3 urinals, one is hung lower than the others? Why not just hang them all low?

Have you ever been like, “I’m glad I got a higher urinal! Those are so much more convenient for my height!”?

Weird how like every gas pump instructs you to lift the handle even though it’s been years since I’ve seen a pump where the handle lifts.

Barack Obama doesn’t care about black people on a whole other level than white presidents.

I’m so used to sitcoms without laugh tracks that ones with it seem desperate now. “See? My friends think I’m funny.”

My daughter thinks the queso from Trochy’s Tacos is called “tor-cheese.”

Not to sound negative about Obamacare, but I don’t get the advantage of having more of my healthcare decisions made by sociopathic idiots.

Sorry. I just had to pick a new healthcare plan, and it’s hard to do that and not want to strangle people.

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Random Thoughts: Feminism, Avengers, and Ebola

Friday, October 24, 2014 9:20 am

Just a reminder: The left only care about women, racism, or anything else in so much as it helps their partisan politics.

All their feminism will get immediately chucked out the window if they have a chance to humiliate a conservative woman.

About half my thoughts today are of that Avengers trailer. And about all my thoughts are in that James Spader voice.

When they say they can no longer detect the Ebola virus in someone, how do we know it hasn’t evolved a stealth mode?

Okay, I’m finally going to have to ask: What’s google?

Is a GamerGate used to keep out gamers or to keep out other people who might pester you while you’re gaming?

I wish people of all races and ethnicities could have white privilege.

Giuliani knew that when you crack down on small crimes, like broken windows, you keep Ebola from getting in the city.

Today is the last day of my engineering job. Bittersweet. I’m going to pray for something to break so I can debug it.

Wow, lots of stuff going on in NYC. Never have anything that interesting happening in Boise.

The most important things about Ebola is not to panic. Like if you think you might have Ebola, that’s no reason to cancel bowling plans.

I shouldn’t make fun of the doctor. Bravery-wise I don’t stand up very well against a guy who went to Africa to treat Ebola patients.

Are we sure there is a CDC? Like someone called their number and made sure someone answered?

We really need to work on our not panicking. We need to get that down soon or we’re all going to die.

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Random Thoughts: Photo ID, Islam, and Ultron

Thursday, October 23, 2014 9:13 am

Oh, little girls dropping f-bombs for feminism. Great idea, because the one problem with feminism is it’s not angry enough.

When a disaster happens, I’m always afraid of getting caught in the stampede of people racing to lecture everyone not to overreact.

Is the reason they ask for a photo ID when you go through security at an airport to keep minorities off planes? If so, I’m against that.

All those against #GamerGate want to do is hatefully dismiss large groups of people and suffer no consequences. For social justice.

Why so many shooters and such who are recent converts to Islam? They aren’t saving “don’t murder people” for advanced Islam, are they?

It could be the party with a long history of voter fraud claiming voter fraud never happens is why voter ID has 70% support.

As a child, I was always deathly afraid of the boogie man coming out of my closet in the middle of the night and starting a dance party.

So I watched the Avengers Age of Ultron trailer, and it looks sorta, well– GAHH!! I CAN’T WAIT! I WANT TO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW!!!

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Random Thoughts: 80s Kid, Renee Zellweger, and the Palins

Wednesday, October 22, 2014 9:23 am

As an 80s kid, I am kinda curious what it’s like to have a booming economy while I’m an adult.

Here’s how much of an 80s kid I am: I once got a programmable robot for Christmas.

While we’re calling out people with rape allegations against them that get ignored, don’t forget the husband of a likely presidential candidate.

Has Wendy Davis asked Mark Pryor about interracial marriage?

“Hmm. I don’t know what’s wrong with him. We ruled out A through D bola.”

Why is everyone freaking out over how Renee Zellweger looks? How can we even be sure that’s her?

If you visit Alaska, most like you’re going to get punched in the face by a Palin. But you deal with it because the place is gorgeous.

If the left can get some dirt on the Palins, they’ll finally feel better for their loss in 2008.

If the problems African Americans have could be solved by voting for Democrats, shouldn’t they have been solved decades ago?

You have 90%+ African Americans voting for Democrats. Who are you fooling thinking you’ll get change by increasing that number?

Seems there should be a more even vote split for African Americans between party that doesn’t care about them and the one that’s failed them.

Hey, it’s copies of my book (out Nov. 11th)!

I always use humor to make a point. The main point I’m usually making is that I think I’m very clever.

I always remember the Jay Leno-era Doritos slogan of “Crunch all you want; we’ll make more!” It left a deep impression in me.

Don’t get all the chiding about talking about Renee Zellweger. Are we all supposed to pretend we weren’t shocked to find her unrecognizable?

And it’s not that she looks bad or anything. It’s just like “The part of Renee Zellweger is now being played by…”

“Need to investigate this ourselves. Doubt a masked vigilante will help us – a laughable notion in our present day city.”
-quote from Gotham

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Random Thoughts: Wendy Davis, GamerGate, and Apple Pay

Tuesday, October 21, 2014 9:21 am

Wendy Davis has done as well as you’d expect for someone only known for wearing pink sneakers while filibustering for late term abortion.

“Republicans want to keep all interracial marrying for themselves!” -Wendy Davis

So with the Wendy Davis campaign, Democrats donated millions to entertain Republicans.

One of the interesting lessons of #GamerGate is that there are consequences in being openly disdainful of the market you cater to.

“You misogynistic, racist morons, shut up and listen to us lecture you on how enlightened we are!” #GamerGate

I only have an iPhone 5S so I’m going to have to watch people use Apple Pay while I use a debit card like some caveman.

“Aren’t you going to pay for this?”
“One sec. I have to pull my card out of my wallet.”
“YOU’RE WASTING EVERYONE’S TIME!”
#ApplePay

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Random Thoughts: Ebola Czar

Monday, October 20, 2014 9:17 am

I feel much better about Ebola now that we have a partisan crony in charge of things.

“Ebola is not dangerous. To prove it, I will drink this big mug of Ebola.” -Obama’s Ebola czar

No travel ban when people in Britain got mad cow disease, but the government did issue a warning not to eat the brains of English people.

The average human uses only 10% of his pancreas. Think of what could happen if he used 100%.

“Siri, what’s Ebola?” -Obama’s Ebloa czar

“Instead of focusing on the negative, let’s focus on the millions.. maybe thousands now… who don’t have Ebola.” -Ebola czar, year from now

Oh, the Ebola czar is good at management? And Obama has shown such an ability to recognize people who are good at management.

It’s not giving me confidence how the new Ebola czar jumps up on a chair and start shrieking anytime anyone near him sneezes.

Listen to scientists? You mean those losers who can’t figure out where 85% of the matter in the universe is?

At some point most of the misanthropes went from the racist side to the “pro-tolerance” side.

“I’m pro-science except when science goes against my politics.” -the left, everyone else

Want to feel old? The girl who played Rudy on The Cosby Show died of old age ten years ago.

“Beige… it’s the color of the future!” -a lot of convincing salesmen in the 70s, apparently

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Random Thoughts: Sexism, iPads, and Charlie Crist

Friday, October 17, 2014 9:52 am

Wouldn’t maybe a better option than freezing eggs would be giving women more opportunities to start a career later in life?

So the Bush administration lied about Saddam not having WMDs? Did not see that coming.

“I saw an episode of Matlock in a bar last night. The sound was down, but I think I got the gist of it.” -Ezra Klein’s legal credentials

I guess uncredited Simpsons quotes can be construed as plagiarism, but I just assume everyone knows it’s from The Simpsons. It’s like can you plagiarize famous lines from Shakespeare?

According to Apple, they’ve sold 10,000 iPads per every person who says they don’t get the point of an iPad.

I have a 32GB gen 3 iPad. Think it’s time for an upgrade. 4 y.o. daughter can get my iPad 3. Dumb baby can get my iPad 1.

Know what the baby calls the iPad? “Pie.” How do you get from “iPad” to “Pie”? That’s why he’s not allowed to use it.

I’m standing there playing Infinity Blade and he’s all “Pie! Pie! Pie!” Hey, I’m not letting you have my iPad, kid. Go rattle something.

If gender is a choice, doesn’t that make sexism okay since you’re just criticizing someone’s choice?

I think the reason President Obama sometimes appears to be aloof is that he doesn’t care whether any of us lives or dies.

In fairness, no matter what sort job Obama does as president, he gets paid the same, so what would be his motivation?

This is a review that makes me feel good.

Ezra Klein is either an idiot or a super genius at trolling for attention.

Charlie Crist is very sensitive to heat as he is 40% wax.

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Random Thoughts: The Left, Aquaman, and Ebola

Thursday, October 16, 2014 9:11 am

Bigotry grows in whoever doesn’t get his views challenged, and the left want nothing more than to keep people from challenging their views.

The left have lost the ability to work within a liberal society. They no longer debate ideas and instead just try to shut up other side.

If you need a screenwriter for the Aquaman movie, I’m good at writing fish dialogue.

Can’t we infect ISIS with Ebola and take care of two birds with one stone?

So basically when we need the government to be effective it’s still only as good as when we’re not paying attention to it.

With all the panic over a few cases of Ebola in the U.S., can you imagine what it’s like in Africa where thousands are dead?

Operation Ugh, I Don’t Wanna Be Here

If you vote for Charlie Crist, you lose the right to ever criticize politicians for being phonies forever.

I’m excited for the DC Comics movies about Batman, Superman, and… um… the others.

I want a dark, gritty Aquaman movie. That will be hilarious.

BREAKING: Cory Gardner was not particularly memorable as a high school football player. Must credit Deadspin.

“Get one of the interns to google whether Ebola is infectious.” -CDC

So we assumed that when a crisis is going on, the government suddenly starts doing better than government-quality work?

Half the country could die from Ebola, and all that would happen is someone in the CDC will be forced to take 2 weeks paid leave.

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Random Thoughts: W9 and Photo ID

Wednesday, October 15, 2014 9:25 am

Just saw there is going to be a Comic Con in Boise this weekend. Not called Potato Con, though :(

Why do I have to fill out a W9 every time someone wants to give me money? Doesn’t the government know by now who I am and that I like money?

We might have reached the limit of how much racism can be ended by just harping on white people’s attitudes.

Really baffled by how the amount of melanin in your skin cells is supposed to affect your ability to get a photo ID.

I’m actually intrigued by the new Keanu Reeves movie where they kill his puppy and he kills everyone.

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Random Thoughts: Wendy Davis, Book Cover, and Upcoming Election

Tuesday, October 14, 2014 9:29 am

It’s no fun being tolerant if there isn’t someone intolerant to feel superior to.

Good solution for low information voters: Have voting booths where you push buttons and cool things light but no vote is recorded.

*tosses birth control at a woman’s face*
“There you go, honey. Vote Democrat.”

On level 606 of Candy Crush, things really get interesting.

Why we only see negative ads in politics? “No one wants to get burgers from some John Wayne Gacy-inspired clown. Paid for by Burger King.”

“Wendy Davis will always stand up for victims. Unless they’re in a wheelchair. Or if they’re a baby.”

“Wendy Davis wears pink tennis shoes. Greg Abbott doesn’t even need shoes because he can’t walk. Vote Wendy Davis.”

“A tree would never attack Wendy Davis because she’s friends with the environment. Vote Wendy Davis.”

“Greg Abbott is confined to a wheelchair, much like the villain from X-Men, Mag-Neato. Vote Wendy Davis.”

“Do we really want someone who will refuse to stand to take the oath of office? Vote Wendy Davis.”

Didn’t know I got sent this, but here is the finals for my book cover.

My book should be in bookstores on Nov. 11th. If your bookstore doesn’t have it, ask them what the hell is wrong with them. “This is exactly why Amazon is shutting all you guys down.”

With a full-time writing job lined up and a book coming out in bookstores, I’m about ready to call myself a professional writer.

The most frustrating thing about people who rant against religion is that they think they don’t have one.

I think it would be fun to have a coffee mug that says “Not A Very Good Father.”
“My kids got me it!”

Anyone have any idea what this outlet is for? Our house built in late 70s has two of them.

Getting house ready to sell and am replacing beige outlets. Why would anyone choose beige? “I want everything to be the color of sadness.”

Okay. Googled “unknown wall outlet” and I think it may be for a connection to a rooftop TV antenna.

Wendy Davis
CONS: A nut. Not very bright.
PROS: Pink tennis shoes.

I think the reason most people look on abortion as a bad thing is that most people aren’t sociopaths.

If you want to talk about abortion as a good thing that should be celebrated, definitely avoid talking about the actual mechanics of it.

The reason people are repelled by abortions is it involves violently ripping apart a tiny human. Society will never get past that.

It would be cool if they did a biopic of Nic Cage. My idea for stunt casting for the lead: Nic Cage.

Really thrilled to see some Democrats get defeated this November. Kinda meh on seeing Republicans get elected, though.

If everything goes to plan, I’ll be moving from ID to TX week before election. Doesn’t seem proper to vote in either state.

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Random Thoughts: Star Wars, Millennials, and Moving to Texas

Friday, October 10, 2014 9:13 am

I remember the kids in the audience for Episode 1 loved Jar Jar Binks, so shouldn’t there be adults now who admit to liking him?

It doesn’t seem like he’s like the Ewoks – remembered fondly by those who were kids at the time they first saw the movie.

Disney should release definitive Star Wars in HD with original editions for 4-6 and blank discs for 1-3.

“We can all get free lunches if we go around breaking windows.” -Nobel Prize-winning economist Paul Krugman

To me, social issues are the most important issues, which is why I do my best to keep them away from politicians and the government.

Literally, the best thing we can do for Millennials is constantly make fun of them to break their unwarranted self-esteem.

Glad so much attention is being paid to Bill Maher and Ben Affleck debating Islam. Those are the two people who will probably solve things.

Did a very scary thing today: Gave 2 weeks notice to my engineering job which I enjoy. I’m moving to Austin, TX, to be a hipster/writer.

Very exciting opportunity has come up. And SarahK is a native Texan, so she’ll tell me how to behave. Hope Wendy Davis is a good governor.

So used to forcing out my writing in wee hours of the morning, don’t know what I’ll do with a full day. More time to stare at a blank page.

I’m going to be working as a writer for Emergent Order. You probably know them from the Kronies cartoons and the Keynes/Hayek rap battle.

They are a very talented group, and I can’t wait to see what we can make together.

I’m really honored they believe in me this much to hire me on full time. This is really crazy, and I can hardly believe it.

This is also very scary. I’m now going to be financially supporting my family using the part of my brain that came up with Nuke the Moon.

I’ll have to work on being a Texan. Is the emphasis on the “yee” or the “haw”?

And being a creative type in Austin, I’ll have to work on being cool. Like wearing bow ties and fezes.

Yes, I’m the kind of cool that makes obscure Doctor Who references.

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Random Thoughts: Rights and Libertarians

Thursday, October 9, 2014 9:35 am

If it involves someone else having to do something other than just leave you alone, it’s not a right.

Oh, I solved the puzzle: J.K. Rowling is taking over writing the next two books of Game of Thrones.

Wait, libertarians aren’t disciples of Joe Lieberman? Then what the hell are they?

*libertarian president takes office
“It’s time for freedom and–”
“BUT WHO IS GOING TO PAVE THE ROADS?!!”
*libertarian movement collapses

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