Decided to try a red eye at Starbucks (espresso shots in coffee). Just tastes like coffee like how my dad used to make it.

They’re finally doing a Gremlins reboot? That seemed like the biggest no-brainer; I can’t believe it took this long.

It’s still a well-known franchise with lots of merchandising opportunity. Hard to believe there aren’t a dozen Gremlins movies by now.

Double secret recusal.

Somehow I’m getting the feeling the guy selling guns to Mexican drug cartels isn’t very trustworthy.

I just can’t understand how anyone could do what the Nazis did, but then again I did thumb up a Nickelback song on Pandora.

I’m just saying we’re all capable of horrible things.

I don’t trust anyone who trusts in government.

Maybe we could get more environmentalist on board with drilling if we just label crude oil as organic and pesticide free.

President Biden is going to be much more on top of things in 2017.

My son has until Friday morning to come out or we’re going in after him.

New Law: Politicians must inhale helium before speaking to further emphasize how we shouldn’t take any of them seriously.

Obama: “Please don’t politicize the government targeting Republicans.”

So, someone got fired for the IRS thing. But who is going to prison?

Conservatives are overreacting to all this. All their crazy, paranoid fears about government are only about 75% true.

Does there really exist people somewhere who watch Chris Matthews and says, “This guy is smart!”?

That’s as hard for me to understand as anyone who took Keith Olbermann seriously.

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He got three first degree murder convictions for murdering babies; stop saying this is all because his place was “unsanitary.” #Gosnell

If you want to talk about moral decay, just look at all the people who feel the need to gloss over infanticide.

You can rest assured that when a major scandal breaks in government, Obama knows nothing about it and is just as scared and confused as you are.

If we want the government to trust us we first have to show we trust it by giving it more money and power.

Not only am I against a gun registration, I’ve never been comfortable with the government knowing my income or even where I live.

I don’t even like the government knowing my Social Security number. That’s personal information.

“These people think the government is out to get them. Let’s get them!” -the government

So when is Bush’s term over and Obama finally takes responsibility for the presidency?

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I think this IRS episode demonstrates that the left should focus on cleaning out all its extremists scum before worrying about the right.

Like anyone who cheers on the IRS targeting certain groups should not be a part of any mainstream movement.

Obama acknowledged Benghazi was an act of terror the day after and did it so forcefully none of us came away with that impression.

Obama did not have time to find out about the IRS; he’s too focused on jobs and the economy.

So the NYTimes has just completely given up on trying to not look like a bunch of political hacks, right?

You can’t trust politicians for anything so give them as little power as possible – can never understand why that is controversial.

Buttercup (2.5 yrs) can now draw kitties that actually look like kitties – on the furniture.

“Jews Get Fundraising Bonanza!” -first New York Times headline on the Holocaust

Gosnell found guilty of murder for three victims who never even got to have names.

I heard Obama arguing against the Born Alive Act saying he trusted abortion doctors to do the right thing without oversight. What a jackass.

We do need to get some clips of Obama arguing abortionists will quickly switch gears from killing to saving to play against Gosnell verdict.

he “pro-choice” side can’t express sympathy for the babies murdered because that would work against themselves.

If you feel the need to gloss over infanticide, you need to take a really hard look at your values.

Fun Science Fact: When an alive fetus is removed from the mother, the technical term for it is now “baby”.

Fun Legal Fact: It’s just as illegal to murder a baby as it is to murder you or me!

Fun Fact: Some cultures consider babies to be precious and try specifically to not get them murdered.

Time for someone to ask Obama what we’ll be doing to make sure there aren’t anymore Gosnell’s out there.

Technology cuts against abortion. We saw Buttercup at 10 weeks, moving her little arms, and we didn’t think “clump of cells.”

Wife is a week and a half past due with my son, BTW. Hope he’s worth the wait.

This is what happens when you don’t have an adversarial press. #VoteRepublicanForPresident

Obama should do a prime time address and give us all that “stop worrying about government tyranny!” speech he gave for OSU.

After Obamacare is fully implemented and gets really unpopular, we’ll hear it was all the idea of some low-level worker in Cincinnati.

All these scandals would really weigh on people’s opinions on Obama if they weren’t all so satisfied with the economy.

Going to have to drag a sobbing Carney out to the next press briefing.

I can just imagine Obama breaking down under tough questions at a press conference. “That’s it! You’re all audited!”

Someone get Jon Stewart to do a joke about the DOJ seizing the AP’s phone records to Obama will hear about it.

Obama going after the press? Talking about biting the hand that… I can’t think of non-dirty way to end that.

The media needs to break up from its abusive boyfriend before they get seriously hurt.

So what were we all worried about if Romney became president? Women being put in binders or something?

Maybe there aren’t many reasons to trust the government, but at least it isn’t murdering us… well, other than the targeted assassinations.

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So low-level people can determine who the IRS targets? Sounds like a really poorly put together organization.

So how does the IRS work? Can like an intern launch an audit or something? How does this come from “low-level”?

We’re past the one week anniversary of my wife’s due date. Kinda given up. Don’t think he’s coming out.

“The Empire would like to apologize for the destruction of Aldreaan. That was the decision of a low-level employee in Cincinnati.”

My son better get born soon. He has lots of people’s Social Security and Medicare to pay for.

“Japan would like to apologize for the bombing of Pearl Harbor. That was the decision of a low-level employee in Chiba.”

I’m glad so much of the media will jump to the defense of the hapless President Obama. He’s such a special little guy.

All this scandal stuff has to be so scary for him.

What is the non-sleazy explanation to the off the record briefing with select reporters?

So Romney gave the stand down order?

So who is this “Bush” character? He like a Gremlin that lives in the White House walls or something?

We need some perp walks for this IRS thing.

The State Department says the stand order in Benghazi came from a low-level worker in Cincinnati.

So will the White House identify who came up with the YouTube nonsense so that person can be publicly mocked?

“I must brake you.” -Ivan Drago to a student driver who is losing control

So about what percentage of my tax dollars last year went towards making sure Obama was reelected?

Don’t be one of those nutso, paranoid people who think the government is out to get him or you will get audited.

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Can’t believe Simpsons Tapped Out made so much; premimum stuff off by factor of 10 from what I’d be willing to pay.

The timewaster stuff can be fun, but even I were a billionaire I don’t think I could justify dropping $100 on one.

The Gosnell case is revealing that many who call themselves “pro-choice” haven’t confronted the reality of the choice they’re supporting.

The Elizabeth Warren fans are just as gullible as the John Edwards fans.

To help protect Texas’s job growth, Rick Perry probably should have barred Obama from visiting the state.

We have to crack down on 3D printed guns to stop all the gang bangers with access to and know how of 3D printers.

They’re going to put up a “Gun Free, Download Free Zone” sign and keep your kids safe.

Is there really someone in the State Department so dumb as to think blocking a download has any possibility of being effective?

So Whitney being canceled means more of chance Community won’t be. I DON’T CARE! I STILL LIKE THAT SHOW!

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Did they do the recount yet to confirm whether Sanford won?

Of course Hillary Clinton is qualified for the job. She was a first lady. And like a lawyer or something. I think.

We all agree by now that the White House was either extremely stupid or extremely dishonest to blame a YouTube video, right? #Benghazi

The Democrats never seem interested in national security, so why don’t they just let the Republicans handle that? Seems less contentious.

It would have been more respectful if Elijah Cummings has just stood up and started singing, “The Circle of Life.”

Somehow I completely missed hearing about Jodi Arias until today. So close to never hearing about her!

We need more lady murderers for equality.

When did America jump the shark? I’m thinking the 80s.

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Community isn’t near as good as it used to be, but I’d still rather it get another season if I get a say. I still enjoy it and the characters, even if the series is no longer as genius as it was.

Any criminal smart enough to make a gun with a 3D printer could have much more easily gotten a real gun some other way.

In America, only the laziest and stupidest criminals have any trouble getting firearms. Been that way for a long time.

“Smart take!” -the Hulk wearing a mortarboard and stealing things

I’m confused; should I vote for Colbert or Bush?

I thought Delaware was just a bridge.

If your child never pretends to have a gun, there is something wrong with him and you should seek counseling for him.

Kids who aren’t pretending things are guns are probably fantasizing about making bombs.

Instead of losing weight, Chris Christie should have just turned it all into muscle like the Kingpin.

We’ll be homeschooling and have a zero tolerance policy on being a hippie.

Didn’t the voters in South Carolina know that her brother is supposed to be funny?

So now there will be an increase in representation of creepy guys in the House… not that I think we were lacking there.

“My brother is on Comedy Central!” wasn’t a great campaign slogan, but it’s still more substantive than “Yes we can!”

All this focus on Sanford is distracting from the fact that pretty much all of Congress are sociopaths who shouldn’t be trusted.

Good rule of thumb: Always vote for the weirdo creep who is for less government and taxes.

Republicans are more vulnerable to these attacks because they actually have values to violate.

Don’t be all judgey of South Carolina; their choice was between an unbelievable weirdo creep and Mark Sanford.

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“How can I be a racist? I support higher taxes.” -Democrat

Common Sense Gun Control: Assume there is nothing you can do to prevent criminals from having access to guns; make laws accordingly.

The internet tax will only affect the rich, right?

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When Buttercup interrupts my wife and I when we talk, I should at least teach her to do it with the phrase, “Hey! Listen!”

They should do a superhero movie that gets rebooted halfway through.

“I must break you.” -Ivan Drago finding a big news story

I hope for this new Superman movie they learned a lesson from the last one: Don’t make it hella boring.

Superman isn’t the Hulk, but audiences still demand to see him punch the crap out of stuff.

Not looking like he’s going to be a May the 4th baby. Thus starts a lifetime of him disappointing me.

A better ending to Footloose would be to have the guy from Safety Dance attack the town. “You are no friends of mine… you are my enemies!”

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How big a factor will Occupy Wall Street be in the 2014 elections?

So Medicaid is useless, making us bankrupt, but politically impossible to cut? Should we just give up and start working on the next country?

This nation needs a reboot!

SarahK’s due date is today. Just going on like everything is normal for now.

“No, not the briar patch! NOT THE BRIAR PATCH! Damn you! DAMN YOU TO HELL!! AAAAAARGH!!!” -Nicholas Cage as Bre’r Rabbit

It would probably be a war crime to inflict Noam Chomsky on another nation.

A good defense to political extremism is to be really lazy. It takes some energy to be extreme.

Obama says this is just “the first round” on gun control, but he can’t have many rounds left since he’s against high capacity.

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Due date is May 3rd, but I’m hoping for May the 4th so we can do Star Wars themed birthdays.

HOLY CRAP! THAT’S TOMORROW!!!

Obama: “The buck stops… Oh, the buck is still going. Bye, buck; I’ll catch up with you later. No need to wait for me.”

Soon they’ll be saying, “Let’s not make a big deal out of this; it was only one lone wolf country backing them.”

Come on, Koch brother; you guys have so much money, so just go ahead and buy the LA Times because it will be hilarious.

So… what’s the support for murdering apostates for Muslims in the U.S.?

I trust that Muslims in the U.S. are peaceful and believe in religious freedom. But, as they say, trust but verify.

My little Buttercup has the sweetest smile…

It’s getting increasingly hard to tell people fighting against racism from huge stupid racists.

Buttercup plotting evil.

Can’t believe I haven’t heard more that Jason Collins had an identical twin brother who is straight. That’s kind of interesting.

People make a big deal about gay marriage, but the really big debate will come when scientists determine exactly what controls sexual orientation.

Was told Boston bombing was a false flag to attack gun ownership, but more likely false flag to attack relaxing immigration laws.

I barely ever get hate stuff directed at me because I’m so innocuous. Everybody loves me.

I thought the dig at the “climate change” hedge was such a throwaway joke, but man did it get a big “That’s not funny!” reaction.

But it is serious, because we could all die from climate change which is supposed to be just as damaging as the sequester.

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I don’t get the big deal about gay people in sports. As a kid, we always assumed everyone on the other team was gay.

“Don’t you hurt her or I will reconsider my options!”

It’s annoying how Obama avoids tough questions by saying, “Lemme finish my juice box!” and then drinks quietly for a minute from his juice.

Obama seems to have had some trouble with Congress. Has he tried whining about it? Oh, he has. How did that work out?

How about we let everyone out of Gitmo, give them 5 minutes head start, and then comes the drones!

As I understand it, there are no moral considerations in blowing people up with drones.

So when is Obamacare going to lower my premiums? It’s supposed to do that, right?

“Mr. President, so you’re just totally over jobs and the economy, right?”

We need to hunt down and expose every gay person in sports and then celebrate them.

I just finally played GTAIV a few months ago, and I’m really meh on the prospect of more.

Instead of trailers, just tell me whether they fixed the gameplay issues for GTAV. Like maybe checkpoints in the missions.

It was so annoying to spend 20 minutes in a mission, die near end, and then repeat the whole thing — 5 min of it eventless driving.

Be suspicious of anything where lots and lots of people are acting self-righteous.

I sympathize with liberals in that I also hate conservative politicians. I just hate them less than all the others.

Distrust of the “reasonable” Republicans is that their plans often seem to be:
PHASE 1: Elect squish
PHASE 2: ??
PHASE 3: ??

How excited can I get working to get some guy I don’t know or like a cushy job?

They changed the name from “global warming” to “climate change,” but we’re still supposed to be worried about the warming, right?

When I was kid, all the fear was directed at acid rain and the hole in the ozone. Whatever happened to those?

Is “political correctness” some sort of dog whistle?

Last person I remember denouncing political correctness was Dr. Ben Carson. That was epic.

For the good of the country, the Democrats should run on Obamacare and gun control in 2014.

BTW, I’ll work for the LA Times if people are quitting… as long as I don’t have to move to CA. *shudder*

I’ll write any sort of story that doesn’t require me to do any research. I have a strict “no research because it’s boring” policy.

I hope Christie will be one of the 2016 hopefuls because that will reduce the number of people in the primary debates due to stage weight limits.

How do you get these cushy newspaper jobs? I could be half as hacky as Paul Krugman for less than a quarter the price.

So has anyone been working on the problem of there not being enough hot chicks in political office?

I know the GOP has been focusing on getting more minority candidates, but hot chicks might also expand their appeal.

I don’t think “hot chicks” is a term we’re supposed to use anymore. What is the PC term for that?

“Redskins” does seem a bit too racist for the modern era. Maybe I am PC.

I think Malachi of Axe Cop fame is evolving as a storyteller. It makes him even more unpredictable.

I’m not sure waterboarding terrorists creates more terrorists, but waterboarding gremlins certainly creates more of them.

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A lot of people seem happy about Tim Tebow getting comeuppance for whatever awful thing it was he did.

Obama: “I put a line in the sand for Syria. And then they erased it, because it was sand. That wasn’t very well thought out.”

Kermit Gosnell is extremely uncommon in the abortion world… we assume, since no one actually wants to check.

I remember when that one basketball player came out as Asian.

Is it news that the Christian belief isn’t have sex with anybody whenever you feel like it?

Of course, that’s just Christians being silly prudes, and we have what percentage of children born out of wedlock now? Of course, that one there is a heterosexual problem.

I think something we learned from the first professional athlete coming out is that people don’t consider women to be real athletes.

I remember as a kid the only compensation for having to get up early on a weekend was that hey, at least now I can get McDonald’s breakfast. If only I were still a lazy bachelor who ate gluten, McDonalds changing its breakfast policy would be the greatest thing ever.

So are people calling it NB-Gay yet? Because ‘A’ ryhmes with “gay.” Seems inevitable.

People understand Christians aren’t going away and we’ll be having some of these same arguments hundreds of years from now, right?

2nd draft of new novel is done! I’m a writing machine!

As for the first novel I completed, still on the waiting game with that one. Don’t people know I’m important and shouldn’t wait?

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If politics ever turns against gun owners, they have an ace up their sleeves: They own lots of guns.

Why does Planned Parenthood have fundraisers? Infanticide is very profitable.

I didn’t know foreign countries would give you video games if you’re president. Again, I’ll be old enough to be president in 2016.

The pen is mightier than the sword, but you don’t tend to chew on a sword when you’re holding it.

You live your whole life a civilized human being, but put a plastic pen in your hand and you chew on it like you’re a labrador.

Working on my third book now for HarperCollins — and this one will be out in print and a self-help book.

It probably won’t actually help you.

That’s strangely satisfying that now when you click the unfollow button in Twitter, you actually see the followers tick down one.

OKAY! I GIVE IN, OBAMA! I CAN’T TAKE THE SEQUESTER ANYMORE! MAKE IT STOP!!!

So have the characters in Star Trek seen the Star Wars movies? Think they’d make a Star Wars related joke doing space stuff all the time.

If I were a character in Star Trek, I’d totally pretend my phaser was a lightsaber handle.

And why don’t Star Trek movies start with “Long from now in a galaxy that is this one…”?

Don’t get the point in brushing Buttercup’s baby teeth. No matter how good a care we take of them, they’re going to fall out.

Paul Krugman exudes a level of stupid you’d usually only get from college kid who is over sure of himself.

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Are we getting another war in the Middle East?

Wish I was an expert giving smart comments on big news. Maybe one day the big news item will be something I know a lot about, like Legend of Zelda.

So how many more turns do you think it is before our enemies in the Middle East get the drone technology?

Why are the Syria announcements while Obama is at the Dubya presidential library? “Quick; Obama is gone; let’s get important stuff done!”

If there are chemical attacks, I’m just glad we have Hagel, Kerry, and a sack of potatoes in charge. Oh; we don’t have a sack of potatoes?

Just thinking of going to some organic, hippie weapon store. “Our weapons are all chemical free!”

Was once told at a candle store the candles were “chemical free.” Bull. All matter is chemicals.

Do kids these days even know how to get past the alligators in Pitfall?

BTW, I got through the alligators by going the wrong direction so if you died, you ended up on the opposite side of the pond.

The Bush presidential library opening is making me nostalgic for the times we had presidents who were somewhat less horrible.

Being a terrorist puts the rest of your family in a really awkward position.

Obama: “There are other color lines that come after red.”

I’m pro-choice in that the less money the government takes from you, the more choices you have.

Journalism school is an actual thing? I thought when people referenced that they were just being ironic.

By the time I finish my presidency, instead of presidential library I’ll get to dedicate a filled Kindle.

Chris Matthews could get his tongue stuck to a flagpole and it wouldn’t make his top 1000 list of stupid.

Unless he did it in the summer.

Actually, I could see that: “I wanted to know what glue tasted like and then I wanted to know what the flagpole tasted like. Hardball!”

I don’t think most of our country’s current problems are solvable. Only good solution is to do a reboot on the U.S. and get new plotlines.

But not a darker grittier reboot.

Think of the American Revolution… but set in the modern era with a younger, more diverse cast.

Probably want to gender swap some of the main roles like they did with Starbuck in BSG.

And maybe Benjamin Franklin could be a dog this time… I’m just spitballing here.

Somehow I missed this in all the years of hearing incoherent screams: What exactly are the awful things the Kochs are supposed to have done?

The Boston bombers got welfare benefits? Man, I’d least hope American terrorists would be self-sufficient.

So how much longer is the New York Times going to be around?

When I think of what books would be in Chris Matthews’s library, I imagine Hop on Pop with a chewed up cover.

There’s something about your look of disgust at me I just don’t believe. #InfoWarsPickupLines

If you don’t go out with me, I’ll be blue… and not just because I ingested too much colloidal silver. #InfoWarsPickupLines

Heaven must be missing an angel… and if so, I blame the Jews. #InfoWarsPickUpLines

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Can’t we give Tamerlan Tsarnaev the proper Islamic burial of chucking him in the sea like we did Osama?

New rule to vastly improve politics: Make it illegal for any politician to use the words “fair” or “fairness.”

“I must break you.” -Ivan Drago eating a Kit Kat bar

So, as part of getting tough on terror, has Obama vowed to never hold a fundraiser in a terrorist’s house again?

Is it the opposite of the “No True Scotsman” fallacy in how the left try to pin anyone who commits violence to whomever they’re against?

My wife’s due date is May 3rd. That’s also the day Iron Man 3 comes out if she can get done quick enough.

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The trailer for the new Thor movies make it look… comparable to the first one. So “meh.”

Can’t wait, though, to once again hear Thor’s catchphrase: “Hammer to the face!”

Suggested headline: “Min Baucus”

Seemed like “news” backwards would have been a really good password for the AP twitter account.

In search of something we can watch with Buttercup in the room, we’re now watching the Cosby Show on Hulu. It is really really good.

The Cosby Show also gives me this big “nostalgic for the good old days” feeling.

For my generation, the 80s are the “good old days”, the 90s the “pretty okay days”, and after that… well, smart phones are nifty.

New gun bill: Anyone who buys a gun gets a tax credit for being awesome.

Wait, they were acting like gay marriage was this inevitable, progressive thing and France hadn’t even legalized it yet?

I don’t think many conspiracists really believe their conspiracies. That’s why they do the “just asking questions” when pressed.

They know if they follow it to the logical conclusion, it’s insane, so they avoid following their ideas to the logical conclusion.

None of this is to imply that Obama isn’t a Kenyan-born Muslim.

It’s a good thing Obama wasn’t really injured in a bombing; the White House had to drop his health coverage because of Obamacare (paying the fine was cheaper).

The only conspiracies I tend to believe are ones about people in government trying to cover up their incompetence.

Buttercup’s review of The Cosby Show: “That daddy is funny!”

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Completely missed it was Earth Day yesterday. I never got all this jingoism over the planet we just happened to be born on.

Obviously the Boston marathon bombers were on the right because they believed the common right-wing assumption that Muslims are terrorists.

Why would you attempt a terror attack in Canada? That’s lack of ambition right there

I wish they made a globe that only had the U.S. on it.

I hope the thwarted terror attack will cause the news to finally explain Canada to us. I never got what they do up there.

So jobs and the economy… are we done with that until the next president?

A conspiracy I noticed: The actions of conspiracy theorists are inconsistent with people who truly believe the government is murdering its own citizens.

If I have a say, please don’t murder babies, even if that’s more convenient for me. #BroChoice

I don’t believe any guy so beta as to actually use the term “Bro-Choice” could successfully impregnate a woman.

I’m just one of the majority of Americans confused about why having immigration laws and enforcing them is so controversial.

I still wondering exactly how killing random people at a marathon was supposed to help Islam, but I’m guessing no satisfying answer exists.

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Yes. David Sirota is a moron and a political sociopath. Can we ignore him now?

Uh oh. Hearing about current events, Biden got a shotgun and locked himself in his room. Don’t knock.

David Sirota really shouldn’t have used that monkey paw to wish for white terrorists.

Thinking about Cheney shooting his friend and Biden’s firing through the door advice, what is it with VPs and shotgun misusage?

America is an awesome country and we appreciate your cooperation in not trying to blow it up.

I’ve been saying for a while we need to crackdown on losers in this country.

So have we completely ruled out they were protesting taxes?

Let’s not act like it means anything or is surprising that one of the suspects preferred Obama over Romney in the last election.

“If that guy Romney get elected, he’ll destroy America. Oh, by the way, DEATH TO AMERICA!”

I hope the new Superman movie has his origin story in it because I’m really curious what that is.

If your state has stricter gun laws than states with less crime and your solution is even stricter guns laws, you’re an idiot.

I mean, there’s basically and mountains and mountains of evidence that “gun control” is not the root cause problem here.

Send in the special dogs trained to eat criminals.

Is punching him in the junk considered torture? Whatever it is, just do it.

This is serious; what’s Obama doing on TV?

Obama: “I was like, ‘We should capture that guy.’ And then we did. And it was my idea. That’s why I’m president.”

Every time I see “Dzhokhar” I think “Dothraki.” I can’t be the only one.

Do you have to read a suspect his Miranda rights before you can beat him with a phone book?

I don’t get Miranda rights. They’re these magical rights you only get if a cop reads them to you?

Why don’t they just release a new edition of the Koran with the parts about blowing people up edited out?

Yes. We really need to ban .50 cal rifles to stop those zero murders a year from them. Gun control people are so smart and serious.

As I understand it, Hitler was like this anti-government, anti-tax extremist who wanted no regulations on guns.

Yay! New book contract! This one will come out in print like I’m a real author.

I get this thing called an “advance” where they send me money even though I haven’t written anything yet. That puts some pressure on me.

This will be another political humor book. Still hope to have news on my fiction getting published in not too long.

I’m rewriting “Candle in the Wind” for Dzhokhar – except it ends with stomping the candle because it isn’t dying fast enough.

Showed Buttercup a clip from the end of Empire Strikes Back. Her eyes lit up when she recognized the exchange we had been practicing.

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What arguments against national reciprocity for conceal carry isn’t refuted by the peace in the 40 states with shall issue laws?

I mean, some people still argue the “Wild West” will break out if conceal carry is expanded. These people have no connection with reality.

So, without the 60 vote threshold, we’d have more background checks but we’d also have national reciprocity. I’d have made that trade.

There are 40+ states with right to carry. There have been no problems. Any objections you have to conceal carry are emotional and stupid.

FACT: Despite universal support for gun rights in the modern era, there were cities in America that banned handguns as recently as 2010.

I was already beating up anyone wearing a baseball cap backwards so I’m good.

I never thought the douchebags would turn violent.

No matter how rich you are, eventually XX gets you.

If you see some douche try to buy a pressure cooker, you report that.

“If you wore the hat normal, it would help conceal your face.”
“No. I just can’t be that non-douchey.”

Well, at least it’s nice the suspect is someone we can all come together hating: guys who wear baseball caps backwards.

“Gormless” is bad? To me, “gorm” sounds like something you don’t want.

Was a long time ago the grandfather clock known as just the father clock?

Or maybe even longer ago “kid clock.”

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