Archive for the ‘Random Thought’ Category

Random Thoughts: House of Cars, Dress, and Downton Abbey

Monday, March 2, 2015 8:03 am

I like the way Frank Underwood keeps breaking the fourth wall like Abed from Community.

Don’t turn ISIS into monstrous, one-dimensional villains. That’s their job.

Rick Perry: “I’m here to do 3 things: Kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I’m all out of bubblegum. And I forgot the third.”

If someone is claiming to understand how the dress phenomenon works, then make a new image that causes the same color disagreement.

Stay outta the Bushes!

BTW, I intensely believe the dress is the same color you believe it is, because you’re smart. Buy my book.

Don’t know what else to say on my book. Some like an exciting read. Others like boredom. They’re the ones who see the dress the wrong color.

Well, the premiere of House of Cards season 3 was… slow.

The Scott Walker thing was yet another episode demonstrating the left cares about rape only a itty bitty fraction as much as they care about partisanship.

Finally getting around to signing copies of Superego. If you’re waiting on yours, sorry this took so long.

One guy gave the Audible version of Superego a one star review, but don’t listen to him. I hear he also gave one star reviews to sunshine and puppies.

I’m still just thrilled anyone at all liked my novel. It really is a new thing for me, but the sort of writing I’ve always wanted to do.

So has anyone submitted a bug report to God over this whole dress thing?

Right now, House of Cards season 3 is losing out to Supernatural season 2 (also on Netflix).

I’m am planning a sequel to Superego, but I have two other novels in the pipeline before it.

That really was a great article from Ana Marie Cox. It would be nice if more people spoke frankly about their faith.

You don’t have to get far into the first book of Larry Correia’s Monster Hunter series to see why it’s so popular.

Bonus points if you’re into guns.

Interesting, I’m watching Supernatural while reading Monster Hunter — two different takes on all myths are real.

Everything seems more dangerous in the Monster Hunter universe, but you also get paid for killing supernatural things, so that helps.

Won’t someone just finally put the Bates out of their misery? It’s getting ridiculous. #DowntonAbbey

I realized if the Bates do get back together and have a son, he’d be called “Master Bates,” so I guess we have to see this through.

“Now both Bates are cleared for murder. Hooray!”
“I’m from Scotland Yard. I’m to bring the Bateses in on charge of regicide.”

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Random Thoughts: Net Neutrality and a White and Gold Dress

Friday, February 27, 2015 8:04 am

I thought it was disrespectful when my 1yo son said, “Cracker, please!” to me, but it ends up he wanted a cracker.

Working on pilot for show where Lucy Lawless plays character named Lucy who is leader of an anarchist group. Trying to think of name for it.
Maybe “Lucy No-Laws”
“Anne-archy” is another idea. Would have to change the main character’s name, though.

It’s done. Our house in Idaho is sold. Goodbye-daho.

Yes, bio needs updating. I’m now a Texan. I have a big hat and am working on a drawl.

You’re afraid in the future the internet will get slower, so you want the FCC in charge of it? What universe do you live in?

Must be hard to hear people quote “leading scientists” when you’re a trailing scientist. Let it motivate you to do some better sciencing.

So when is Texas planning to secede? Before April 15th, right?

Found an old Armageddon DVD. Fond memories of a time before I knew I supposed to hate Michael Bay.

I’m starting an organization where we nurse lame jokes back to health. Sometimes all it takes is a delivery by Norm MacDonald.

1. Government steps in to allegedly help consumers
2. Cronies go on regulatory board
3. Cronies crush competition and get rich off consumers

No one, no matter who they are, is above the llama.

I heard Scott Walker had a good speech at CPAC, but since he didn’t finish college, he only used one syllable words.

The Slap is a How I Met Your Mother spinoff, right?

My mom says she sees blue and black. Is she part of a flash mob playing a joke on everyone?
White and Gold Dress

Replicants are exactly like regular humans in almost all regards, but there is a subtle flaw in their ability to discern color…

“I’m going to irradiate all the gold in Ft. Knox, Mr. Bond.”
“You’re a fool, Goldfinger. There’s nothing in here but black bricks.”

Saw this weird color phenomenon where I was behind Niagara and everything went B&W. Just assumed colors don’t work all the time in Canada.

So is people not agreeing on colors a known phenomenon, or did we break the Matrix today?

It’s nice some people are taking a break from solving all the world’s problems to chastise people about caring about this dress thing.

Really? Black? You can’t see any yellow in it? You’re not making sense. Get some rest.

Some people who once saw blue and black now see white and gold. There is a cure. Don’t give up hope.

Gold does not become black! There is no color correction where gold becomes black! Stop lying and saying it isn’t gold!

This is some weird government experiment. You let them take over the internet, and now they’re using it to tear us apart. #Dress

“It may appear to be a white and gold dress, but if we color correct it, it’s now a much darker white and gold dress.”

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Random Thoughts: Tolerance, Obama’s Love, and Passwords

Wednesday, February 25, 2015 8:12 am

Remember how Obama made a big deal of not wearing a flag pin in the 2008 primary and then started wearing it in the general? Good times.

Learned a new thing about The Princess Bride in first minute of listening to Audible version of As You Wish: How to pronounce “Elwes.”

I wasn’t even close all these years, I assumed it was one syllable.

So Neil Patrick Harris is getting hate for the single funny joke he had at the Oscars? Poor guy.

We’re going to run out of ways to not offend people. As a white, heterosexual, cisgender male, I’m committing a hate crime just by existing.

When the progressive direction is toward being humorless, puritanical scolds, maybe “progressive” isn’t the best term.

Can we all at least agree there are things President Obama hates more than America?

We can’t even imagine the things our children will one day be offended by.

That’s a good question. Anyone have a particular actor in mind for Rico when reading Superego?

It’s weird how raccoons evolved masks to hide their identities from predators.

I reprogrammed the replicator to respond to “Earl Grey tea hot” with “Shut up, baldy!” Everyone had a good laugh. A few were court-martialed.

The country should love President Obama whether he loves us back or not.

Apparently some people still haven’t heard I have a science fiction novel out. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it.

Got 1 negative review of my novel so far; it’s on Audible. Pretty sure that guy’s a freak, though. Everyone loves me.

If you’d like to say good things about Superego, make sure to put that on internet like Amazon. If you want to say bad things, hide in shame.

New Q for Republicans: If there was button to get unlimited organic kale at cost of destroying America, do you think Obama would press it?

“Obama is busy eating a waffle. A train is headed for U.S. Button to divert train next to Obama. Would Obama pause eating to push button?”

So is there one actual example of a woman getting paid less for same work as a man, or is this all theoretical?

The USPS site has the most convoluted password requirements I’ve ever seen. I’m trying to order stamps, not launch nuclear missiles.

RE USPS password: To require a special character but have a very limited list of allowable special characters seems to add insecurity.

They only allow 13 special characters, and you know at least one of them is in the password. Head start right there.

Funny. Any time I see Alec Baldwin I now think of his portrayal in The Big Bang and like him better.

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Random Thoughts: Aquaman, Patriotism, and the Oscars

Monday, February 23, 2015 8:08 am

This probably wasn’t Obama’s first choice of a country to be president of, but I think he really likes his job.

“All the fish say I look tough and cool.” -Aquaman

This is the kind of hair you get when any criticism of your leaders leads to execution.
Kim Jung Un Hair

“Wow. Cool shirt, Aquaman. It’s too bad you’re completely useless it most situations.”

“Batman doesn’t have superpowers. How do I rank below Batman?”
“Talking to fish is considered worse than no superpowers.”

“Ever notice how Clark Kent is never around when Superman appears? Wait! He must be scared of Superman because he’s really Lex Luthor!”

“This is why I hate this country.” -President Obama on being told what Giuliani said

There are two things the left hates:
1. Patriotism
2. Having their patriotism questioned

“I see you are eating food. Did you know that I enjoy eating food as well?” -dogs

So happy people are liking Superego. Brand new for me entertaining people with suspense and drama and not just humor.

Writing novel way different than blogging. I’m used to write something, get instant feedback instead of waiting years until some sees it.

No one actually believes President Obama loves America, but we all know it’s rude to point out. Come on, jerks.

“You settled on president. I settled on country to be president of. Let’s just be civil with each other.” -President Obama

Alien Gear ( sent me this cool IWB holster to try out. I had to supply the gun, though.
Alien Gear Holster

Pretty comfy, actually. Plastic around the gun, about this nice soft material on the part that actually presses against you.

Did you hear how Bloomberg is trying to make it that every gun has to come with a trigger warning?

What’s happening? We’re doubting whether Obama is a Christian? But I wasn’t done doubting whether he loves this country.

Superego’s page now has that “x many reviewers made a similar statement” section. Does an algorithm generate that?

This past year I watched some old westerns and the first couple seasons of Supernatural on Netflix. Any of that get nominated for an Oscar?

Wow. The opening number isn’t even over and the Oscars have already gone long.

I didn’t even know they did a movie spinoff of Iron Man 2.

I’m tired of all these stuck up rich people. Is Downton Abbey still on tonight?

When is the special effects category with the one movie I saw?

Sorry. I’m morally obligated to plug my novel a few times per day because it’s awesome.

Women only think pay inequality is a thing because they’re bad at math.

Do people not understand how markets work? If you really could pay women less for same work, men would never get jobs.

Ever hear of the Oscar curse where any actor who wins an Oscar has to sit through next year’s Oscars?

I can’t believe my wife is emasculating me by making me watch the Oscars instead of Downton Abbey… I mean a sports game.

Glad they didn’t have applause during “in memoriam.” It’s not nice when they applaud loudly for some, saying, “I’m glad he’s dead!”

Abe Vigoda will never be on in memoriam. He will outlive the Oscars.

People are still doing that rap music? I thought that was just a 90s thing.

Why doesn’t any winner ever say, “Haha, losers! I out acted you! Eat it!”?

Heard a lot of mixed things about Birdman. *sighs* Guess I’ll check it out.

Wes Anderson doesn’t need an Academy Award for best picture. They can eventually just give him a lifetime whimsy award.

Hollywood doesn’t love America.

So now all American Sniper is getting is the love of the general public and hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars?

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Random Thoughts: Scott Walker, Netflix, and Science Fiction

Friday, February 20, 2015 8:45 am

I don’t know about the administration’s theory on ISIS. Getting a job didn’t keep President Obama from being a sociopath.

A fun thing to do if you ever met Scott Walker is to keep quoting the Iliad just to confuse him since he never graduated college.

Wait, was the Iliad the one where Grendel blinds the cyclops?

A better president that Obama would be a white noise machine. Then every time the president gave a long speech, people would calm down.

For the first time in my daughter’s life, we have cable TV in the house. Now realizing huge advantage of Netflix: no toy commercials.

Superego is now ranked in the Space Opera category. Apparently, it’s a very competitive category.

Writing a space opera is not easy. I’m not very familiar with Italian. But if you have a dream, you make it happen.

Science fiction much much more competitive area than political humor. Who knew?

Well, thanks to everyone who bought Superego so far! Hope you all really enjoy it. I just aim to not be boring.

You’re probably asking, “How do I help Superego’s Amazon rank?” It’s simple and I’ll explain it to you: You purchase a copy.

I’m just so happy to have anyone reading my novel. Reminds me of the same feeling I had when I first cracked 100 unique visitors on my blog.

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Random Thoughts: My Novel and ISIS Jobs

Thursday, February 19, 2015 8:23 am

“Audible: Because reading is for poor people.”

You have to be curious what a novel written by me would be like. It’s like reading 3000 tweets of mine in a row.

Actually, that sounds really tedious. Forget that.

Superego is a action adventure with tons of twists and turns, and you know it has to be exciting because I have a very short attention span.

There’s also some themes on morality, redemption, what it means to be human — but mainly cool stuff and action and exciting things.

And it’s edited. Really really edited. Me without grammar errors. Can you imagine? That’s at least worth a nickel a gander.

Anyway, when you give Superego a read, I would love to hear what you think. Unless you don’t like it. No one cares what you think, then.

Someone needs to update my Wikipedia page. Whose job is that?

Yes, new territory for me: a novel with actual, serious drama in it. But I’ve wanted to be a novelist long before I started blogging.

Don’t know if this administration will stop ISIS, but I’m pretty confident they’re keeping an eye on the cast of Duck Dynasty.

“Hi, ISIS, we’ll pay you minimum wage for this new job. It’s called ‘not killing people.’ It’s full time work.”

“Which Ukraine are we talking about?”
“THE Ukraine.”

If ISIS wants jobs, don’t they get to stamp license plates in hell or something?

And I’m telling you about my novel to benefit me. I’m just really afraid you’re going to miss out if you don’t get a copy.

All the excitement, all the twists and turns – you don’t want to miss that. Real roller coaster ride. Be sad to not experience it.

I’m just looking out for you. Because I’m a great guy. And an even better writer.

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Random Thoughts: SNL, Record Players, and ISIS

Wednesday, February 18, 2015 8:25 am

Is anyone going to arrest George W. Bush soon? The statute of limitations is running out on illegal wars.

Ever notice how Alabama kinda sounds like it’s the Islamic version of Obama?

Happy Presidents Day! Be thankful for presidents. Without them, bureaucrats would go feral and attack us.

So was it 40 years from when SNL started, or 40 years from when it was last funny? Bazinga!

Apple is making a car. They’re also making a gun called Apple Payback.

For people who want to humanize terrorists, it would be nice if ISIS would throw them a bone or two.

Hadn’t checked out a book from library in over a decade, and now there is new feeling: guilt. Author doesn’t get royalties for this.

Kids these days get a lot more Mickey Mouse than we used to. When I was young, I remember a new thing with Mickey in it being pretty rare.

Just for reference, I’m “I remember having a record player when I was four” old.

I remember marveling at a CD player like it was scifi. My kids will probably regard a DVD player the way I do a record player.

Some people don’t have Netflix?

How much student debt does ISIS have? Could that be the cause?

“For the Poltergeist remake, how should we update the script?”
“Make the TV the little girl presses against 16:9.”
“Alright. Ready to film.”

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Random Thoughts: College and Stupid, Racist Stories

Monday, February 16, 2015 8:05 am

But without Jon Stewart, who will gently massage our biases?

Anyone actually watch NBC News? Does anyone know for certain Brian Williams actually works for them?

The new Hitman movie looks kind of neat. I thought the first attempt at a Hitman movie was pretty forgettable.

Shouldn’t you assume someone who made a successful career without going to college is smarter than the average person who went to college?

We’re beginning to treat a college degree like a baptism, as if there’s some moral difference in having one.

Full Disclosure: I have a college degree and am very very smart.

I have a useful degree in electrical engineer, but I really don’t see why it should take 4 years to learn enough to get a job in that field.

For so much of the education system, we should start over from scratch and ask, “What exactly are we trying to accomplish here?”

I learned a couple useful things in college that help me as an engineer today. I didn’t $100,000 worth of things.

Only a tiny fraction of my useable knowledge came from college and was blown away by what I learned my first year on the job.

Computer programming is one of the more useful degrees, but really seems like a year of basics followed by apprenticeship would be better.

If the point of college is to give you knowledge and skills you’ll need for a job, even the best schools really suck at that.

I don’t anything about becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but four years of college to learn tech skills is idiotic.

Tech degrees are different. If someone has a masters, you get wary. If they have a doctorate, you assume they can’t do anything practical.

I will teach my dog to wag his tail when evolution is mentioned and then he will be a smart dog.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg also found out that when you drink enough, the Constitution talks to you and tells you what it really means.

I got a one star review for the Audible version of my novel. “stupid and a little racist.” That’s not a good review!

Best I can tell, my story is racist because Islam gets mentioned in it and Islam is now a race.

And he didn’t like the action scenes? Everyone else liked the action scenes. The guy must be a weirdo.

I got some good advice early on: If anyone is ever critical of your work, obsess on that criticism until you tire yourself out.

Anyway, I just want to counter this libel. My story is not stupid or racist. Your face is stupid and racist.

Anyway, promotion for my novel Superego starts soon, so expect to hear a lot more about it. And it is awesome.


I haven’t tired myself out yet.

And the female characters weren’t goofy! Again, you’re mistaking things for your face!

My favorite SNL sketch is the one where the guy is like, “I’m Doug, and I’m outta heeeere.”

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Random Thoughts: Next President, Jon Stewart, and Atheists

Thursday, February 12, 2015 7:57 am

Know what would be a great follow up to the Obama presidency? A mute president.

With all his funny mugging to camera, a good new job for Jon Stewart would be clown for small children.

When I heard John Stewart was quitting, its seemed like a dark day for America. Then I realized they weren’t talking about the Green Lantern.

So has SPLC now been associated with more shootings than most of the organizations they denounce as hate groups?

If the Daily Show is interested in a new host, I’m kinda funny and can act disinterested in politics while being extremely partisan.

Killing people goes against the atheist belief of .

They say if you can reach the end of a rainbow, you’ll find a pot of settled science.

I remember when science was something other than just a fetish of dumb people.

“According to the words of Athor, atheist god of reason, murder is illogical.”

Anyone who murders isn’t a true atheist, because according to the words of the atheist prophet Dawkins: “[profanity deleted]”

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Random Thoughts: Casting, Novel, and Kanya

Tuesday, February 10, 2015 8:08 am

Casting went great. There’s some good talent in Austin. Now back to working on an iOS app. I have a very interesting job.

Sitting at a table with two others judging everyone trying out, I felt like Simon Cowell. Eh, who am I kidding. I was Randy.

Who am I supposed to trust on what is and isn’t Islam? An agnostic white liberal, or a guy who has been in the Muslim faith his entire life?

There’s something really patronizing about a non-Muslim trying to define what true Islam is.

A box of my novel. Everyone should have one.
Box of Superego

Haven’t really started promoting my novel yet; kind of in soft launch now. Available in print, ebook, and Audible (really well done).

So my mom canceled her DishTV because she was moving, and called it the worst phone call she ever had.

She said she ended up shouting to get her point across about canceling. Does customer service like that really yield dividends?

I checked out a book from my local library; I feel so old school. Of course, I did it on my Kindle.

Found this neat site that’s like Twitter but no character limit and it’s not cluttered with anyone else’s thoughts. It’s called GoogleDocs.

Wow. NPR has a lot of good podcasts.

Criminalizing “hate” speech is taking the position of terrorists. You’re saying you’re willing to use violence to end speech.

It would give greater clarity if people didn’t say “I’d like to criminalize” but instead said “I’m willing to use violence to stop.”

I think now they’re not giving Grammys to Beyoncé just for the hilarious Kanye West response.

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Random Thoughts: Religious Beliefs and Neil deGrasse Tyson

Friday, February 6, 2015 8:31 am

So was it bad religious beliefs or bad economics beliefs (i.e. Communism) that led to more people being murdered last century?

If all the major news anchors are known liars, I think that will actually make us smarter about news consumption.

A lot of Neil deGrasse Tyson’s twitter feed just reads like a dumb guy trying to sound smart.

Wow. Some people get mad if you criticize Neil deGrasse Tyson. Aren’t there more worthy scientists to mindlessly leap to the defense of?

I honestly understand more why I’ve heard of Lena Dunham than why I’ve heard of Neil deGrasse Tyson.

All I know about Tyson is he has some sort of relation to science. Or to Science!

Tyson seems to have a following among not very bright people who are quite enthusiastic about what they imagine science is.

None of this is to claim Tyson isn’t smart or that he isn’t really good at… whatever it is he does.

I’m pretty comfortable with the fact that when someone is talking about violent Christians, they’re usually talking about 1000 years ago.

Today is casting for a script I helped write. That is going to be a brand new experience.

I’m okay with how I’m the one who handles the trash cans every week because then I get to growl, “Time to take out the trash.”

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Random Thoughts: Brian Williams

Thursday, February 5, 2015 8:37 am

If you’re worried about the effects of vaccines, you should get a vaccine vaccine.

This is Brian Williams’s worst day since he had to kill his love Jean Grey with his adamantium claws.

What a magical world it would be if you actually could easily mistake things you heard of for things you did. #BrianWilliams

This has to be tough to watch for Brian Williams’s family and his longtime girlfriend who we never met because she goes to a different school.

“Sorry, there was some confusion. My helicopter was not hit with an RPG… because I karate-chopped that RPG out of the sky!”

This whole Brian Williams thing is making me think of that one episode of The IT Crowd. “I’m disabled!”

Perhaps there’s confusion over the acronym RPG. Maybe Williams’s helicopter had to land because of an out of control game of Dungeons & Dragons.

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Random Thoughts: Vaccines

Wednesday, February 4, 2015 8:18 am

It would really help things if scientists just told us what causes autism instead of making everybody guess.

I just found out that my parents vaccinated me as a child without my permission.

I thought Harper Lee was a publishing company.

For the record, vaccination shots made my children very angry. But they were little babies so they couldn’t do anything about it.

Man, does America need a tiger to swallow whole before we choke to death on all these gnats.

The reason we couldn’t get that ultra-libertarian colony on the moon going is we couldn’t agree on what the vaccination policy should be.

It seems like with vaccines and GMO foods, some people aren’t weighing the known benefits enough versus the possible, unknown problems.

If I were presidential candidate, I’d carry needle of vaccine to inject any reporter who asked me about it. “That’s how much I support it.”

I really like vaccines, but I also don’t like people arguing for things they don’t understand by yelling, “Science!”

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Random Thoughts: Mitt, Jeb, and the Super Bowl

Monday, February 2, 2015 8:14 am

Had a nightmare that Jeb Bush and Mitt Romney combined into an unstoppable squish called Meb.

So how is Hillary going to appeal to today’s youth? Offer them hard candy?

For most animals, males are judged by females solely on their appearance, but feminist get angry because in one species it’s other way around.

But without Mitt running, the Republicans only have 83 other candidates to choose from.

If Hillary wanted to really still Mitt’s thunder, she could announce she’s not running for president.

Casting is scheduled. I’ve never written anything before that involved casting. This is cool.

I really like script writing. As you may tell from my novel, I love writing dialogue.

And by script writing, I mean like for a tv show or video. I hate writing Python scripts. I don’t know why; I just don’t like that language.

Need a word for when you’ve never actually heard someone say viewpoint x, but you’re inundated with righteous denouncing of viewpoint x.

For instance, haven’t seen anyone legitimately angry about a female Ghostbusters cast, but I’ve seen tons and tons of responses to that.

Was trying to remember another big recent example: All the righteous attacks on the non-existent people angry at a black stormtrooper.

“Tolerance” is seen as the great virtue of the day, so all the craven people want to constantly demonstrate that’s what they are.

Anger at this made up other used to be the domain of racists, now it’s primarily the domain of the supposedly tolerant.

Another example of history rhyming, I guess.

Who’s Sugar Knight? Sounds like someone from Candy Land.

The reason George RR Martin takes so long to write is he’s constantly going through his manuscript saying, “Wait, who is this guy again?”

“Ha! This will be a shocking death! Or did I already kill off that character?” #GameOfThronesWriting

“So how long do I have to wait between introducing a new character and shockingly killing them?” #GameOfThronesWriting

I believe in traditional gender roles. So far it’s my wife who has given birth to all our children.

All this obsession with organic this and organic that is getting in the way of us becoming cyborgs.

Finally decided to check out Supernatural. When the pilot says “22 years ago” I guess I should adjust that to 31.

I was wondering how long it would take to get into Supernatural, but it has a pretty strong pilot.

For Pete’s sake, could we just stop talking about Obama until his farewell speech.

So does the winner of the Super Bowl go on to play in the Ultra Bowl?

Budweiser always has a number of Super Bowl ads because it take a lot – A LOT – of money to convince anyone to drink it.

Is football a serial? Like will I not understand the season finale if I didn’t watch all the other episodes?

Nationwide: “Your children will die and it will be your fault but we’ll still pay on the policy.”

“Remember, we provide life insurance – for those of you who will die tragically instead of sad and alone.” #Nationwide

So what were the most talked about ads from the first Super Bowl? “Look! A woman – driving a car! Insanity!”

If the Super Bowl were more like quidditch, the halftime show would mainly determine the winner.

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Random Thoughts: Audible, Downton, Devil

Friday, January 30, 2015 8:23 am

Listening to version of my novel is kinda nerve wracking. Hearing it read aloud makes me question every word choice.

Voice actor is good. I think it would be fun to voice the main character, but getting unique voices for all the supporting isn’t easy.

Kind of arrogant how every episode of Downton Abbey ends with the word “Masterpiece” coming on screen.

In “The Devil Went Down to Georgia,” it says the devil is “in a bind” because he’s “way behind” in soul collecting. Who’s setting his quota?

Wife just now looking at kids’ science book: “So narwhals are real?”

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Random Thoughts: Snow and New Ghostbusters

Wednesday, January 28, 2015 8:33 am

If you don’t have anything nice to say, welcome to the internet.

Back in my day, we only got a snow day when there was actual snow, not just a rumor of it.

My dog is 12 years old and 70 lbs; when is she going to stop bounding around the house like a puppy when she knows she’s going for a walk?

I’m not sure uber-serious is the way to go with Fantastic 4.

I know a few people in New York City, so did anyone survive the winter storm?

If not, well, whatever. That’s nature for you.

Since the new Ghostbusters is going to star women, does that mean it’s not going to be a comedy?

See, the joke in that last tweet was that women can’t be funny. And it was a good joke because I made it and I’m a man.

“Back off man; I’m a scientist.”
“No you’re not. You’re a woman.”

We let women drive. And we let women vote. But we need to draw the line at them starring in big budget, special-effects-laden comedies!

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Random Thoughts: World Leaders, Pluto, and My Novel

Monday, January 26, 2015 8:17 am

Suffice to say, there are a number of world leaders we’re allies with that in a more just world would be rotting in prison.

I don’t think I could be president. I couldn’t restrain myself from giving so many of our allies much deserved punch to the faces.

If these trends continue, by 2100 the new iPhone will be so large as to affect the earth’s rotation.

If I were president, I’d declare Pluto a planet again and any scientist who disagreed would have to fight me in the Thunderdome.

If I were president, I’d move the White House to a distant mountain and I’d only to be bothered in case of grave emergency. version of my novel is ten and a half hours. Never seemed that long all the times I read through it.

February is when I will be promoting my novel and you will buy it, BTW. Choice of digital, paperback, or audio.

Right now, my publisher, Liberty Island, is focusing on The Big Bang, which is really good if you haven’t read it.

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Random Thoughts: Minimum Wage and Apes

Friday, January 23, 2015 8:20 am

Is there a good example of someone who never earned more than minimum wage for years and years?

Inequality in the U.S. is millionaires whining and crying they’re not billionaires.

“I just can’t support a movie with a solider as the lead who isn’t portrayed as deranged or a victim.” -many on the left, apparently

I’m pretty much done with human politicians. Maybe I should find some good apes to get behind for when the apes take over.

Which is the most laissez-faire ape? The orangutan?

Parents see a 10 week fetus in ultrasound and fall in love. As long as that happens, abortion will always be horrific to many people.

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Random Thoughts: Free Stuff, Snipers, and SOTU

Wednesday, January 21, 2015 8:17 am

For once, the government should give the middle class something for free that’s paid for by the poor and college kids. I’d like a new iPad.

Is Mr. T part of the DC or Marvel universe?

Oh yeah. Give me some low-stakes Downton Abbey drama.

“I have very black and white views about people who have black and white views about the Iraq War!”

You know, the rich aren’t these infinite piñatas we can whack every time we want goodies.

Maybe a left-winger in Hollywood could make the really nuanced sniper movie that absolutely no one wants to see.

I thought winning free Starbucks for life would be cool but then I found out those cheapskates just give you one free drink and murder you.

So my 4yo daughter Buttercup is going to pay for this “free” college from her 529 college savings? Yeah, that sounds fair.

Yes, tax people for being responsible and saving for college; that’s what we want to discourage. I was totally asking for it.

If you’re middle class and trying to be responsible like me, that’s very provocative to the government. They’re going to go after you.

Going after savings starts to cross the barrier between usual left-wing stupidity and being down right evil.

Obama should wear a bow tie. Then everyone will be like, “You gotta turn on the SOTU! Obama is wearing a bow tie! It’s insane!”

Or a fedora. Obama should bring back fedoras. Then he’ll be remembered for something.

“We should really tackle climate change.”
*cut to audience all shaking heads
“Okay then. Here’s my next idea…”

He better not ask for a raise. #SOTU

It’s distracting how Biden and Boehner keep slap fighting. #SOTU

The easiest way to earn more than the minimum wage is to do work worth more than the minimum wage.

The annoying thing is that people who like free stuff over freedom have so many other countries to choose from. We have just the one.

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Random Thoughts: James Taylor, The Simpsons, and Michael Moore

Monday, January 19, 2015 8:16 am

This inappropriate use of James Taylor has the Obama administration going into “Simpsons did it!” territory.

Government is a great choice for anything where you don’t care about price or quality.

The Academy says they would have considered Selma for more nominations if Ryan Gosling played the lead.

A big problem with the Obama presidency is race relations hadn’t advanced far enough for us to properly deal with a terrible black president.

Pretty excited to have an audio version of my novel Superego in the works because then I’ll know at least someone read it. #humblebrag

I don’t want to sound pro-gun control, but I don’t think I could ever trust a cat with a gun.

Those “Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared” videos are more disturbing then any horror movie I’ve ever seen.

The episode in which Homer went to space will be old enough to drink next month. Am I old?

Was thinking of that episode because of the James Taylor thing. I assumed everyone would think of that.

Don’t think we’ll ever get rid of guns until we come up with something better at putting holes in things and people from long distances.

As far as I can figure, it’s embedded in children’s DNA that they love Mickey Mouse.

Spent two days this week working closely with Richard Dreyfuss but I forgot to take one of those selfies so no one will believe me.

He independently brought up sharks at one point. Felt like that would be worth at least two shots in a drinking game.

So is American Sniper going to be the first financially successful Iraq War movie?

I think the only way to improve our government is to open a competing Capitol down the street from the current one.

I wonder what’s going on with President Obama. Is he going to give us an update soon?

But is this football game “0-0 tie in soccer” exciting?

Michael Moore knows how to make an entertaining documentary but doesn’t have a clue how to convince someone who doesn’t already agree.

Of course, that assumes that’s ever his aim.

Michael Moore has made a lot of money for himself. I see no evidence he’s affected change on the issues he’s spoken out on.

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