Why is it that the only time we hear of a country in Europe snapping into action, it’s to help the Iraqi government? I still find Germans a little intimidating, even though they’ve basically settled into being another whiny European nation. It’s just that, with their harsh sounding German vernacular, whines from them still sound scary and threatening.

Whackos, possibly encouraged by the mentally retarded Ninth Circuit, are now protesting the mention of God in the Boys & Girls Club code. With all due respect to other people’s beliefs and principles, people who don’t believe in God are a bunch of creepy weirdos. They should probably protest less and just be thankful God is so kind and benevolent, because, if I were God, I’d be smiting atheists left and right. I’d also try to rework things to see if I could get pi to equally exactly 3 – not that I’m being critical of how things turned out. I’m just saying that maybe that wasn’t His priority, but for a mere mortal that calculus can be pretty hard. If I could just get rid of one more symbol by making it a whole number, things would be a lot easier on the mathematics front.

Now what was I talking about…

Abu Nidal, evil Palestinian terrorist, was found dead from multiple gunshot wounds in Baghdad, though, reportedly, it was a suicide. How fearsome a terrorist could he have been if he was that bad a shot?

I’ve always thought that the gun was the greatest invention of mankind – the final triumph of intellect over brute strength – so in a bid to help educate people, I wrote an extremely brief history of the gun.

There seems to be a number of so called Republicans who are cautioning about attacking Iraq. They don’t want us to be “unilateral.” Come on; America is the good guys and there is no reason for us to just stand around while bad guys frolic about. Did Batman wait to get permission from the police before he went after the Joker so he wouldn’t appear to be “unilateral.” Hell no. Anyway, everyday that Saddam isn’t assassinated, baby Jesus cries.

It looks like Hillary Clinton is taking steps towards an eventual presidential run, surprise surprise. If she were actually elected president, it would be devestating to our nations churches since everyone would then be confronted with incontrovertable evidence that there is no God.

A march is planned for tomorrow to demand reparations for slavery. Slavery in America was a horrible crime against humanity, and the governments support of it is more than inexcusable. I say, rather than that forty acres and a mule crap, give every surviving former slave $10 million dollars so he or she can get a condo and a porsche. And, since slavery was such a horrible thing, I think their should also be some reparations for the children of slaves who were never slaves themselves. They should all get free residence in a nursing home, if any are still alive. As for all other descendants, they can get an “I sought reparations for slavery and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” t-shirt for the apologetic price of just $15.00. Act now, because these reparations won’t last forever!

I find it immensely frustrating all the evil warring nations we have in the world, so I finally sat down and worked out a realistic way to world peace. Unlike other pie in the sky world peace plans, mine involves time tested and proven methods like fear and intimidation. I entitled my modest proposal Nuke the Moon. Someone please forward to those in power.

Families of those who died in September 11th are suing the Saudi bin Laden Group, the government of Sudan, and two Saudi princes (are there any kings, queens, and princesses in Saudi Arabia?). I’m more for bombing than suing on account of things becoming morally ambiguous when lawyers are involved, but it’s nice that the Sauds are being attacked in at least some way. Hopefully this can at least keep the Saudis’ involvement in terrorism in people’s consciousness despite what the State Department might want.

Castro turned 76 yesterday, but, if the U.S. were more on the ball, the headline should be “Would Have Turned 76”. Every day a communist dictator still lives, baby Jesus cries.

On hand for the celebration was Congresswoman Maxine Waters, who coddled up to the evil murderous dictator praising the made up virtues of the oppressive government. Now, I want to be careful, because calling for the death of an elected (U.S.) leader is not cool. I’m calling for her execution for treason after the due process of law. The victims of Castro deserve no less.

Dave Kopel found a crossword puzzle that’s nothing but lies about guns. I remember when I was kid McGruff telling me to take a bite out of crime, but what takes a bigger bite than a .45?

I know I’m not the only one who is a little dissapointed in the progress of the war. The middle east is basically filled with enemies of humanity, but it seems like we’re caught trying to befriend some to get permission to bomb others. America should throw the rest of the world a curve ball just to mix things up. Let’s not make the next target Iraq, and instead just choose one of the other evil dictatorships around there and bomb some of their infastructure in a grand and bombastic display. Then, when they complain, the President should just deny it.

Evil Dictator: “You bombed my country!”
Bush: “No, our military was busy scouting around Afghanistan that day. Honest.”
Evil Dictator: “But the bombers all had American flags on them!”
Bush: “I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe it just looked like the American flag. Could be the Puerto Ricans; their flag looks like ours.”
Evil Dictator: “Puerto Rico is part of America!”
Bush: “Really? Hmm… I’ll have to take a look into that. Bye.”

Man, it would be so cool. Everyone would know we did it, but we’d look so crazy denying it that everyone would think we flipped. I bet a lot of countries would fall in line right after that, and Europe might be so spooked that even they wouldn’t whine. But, if they do, that could be the target of the next measures we take…