With All the Different Types of Governments to Choose From, How Can You Go Wrong?

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So now the question is what kind of government should we, the benevolent U.S., establish in Iraq. Before they had a dictator, which made them a dictocracy. Most people want to now establish a democracy, but that doesn’t just magically make a good government like some people think. What if the people voting are all jackasses and they elect crack mayors like in D.C.? So here are some other government suggestions.
Republic: This is where Republicans rule the government. This is the one we have and the best of the imperfect governments.
Monarchy: A monarchy is a government ruled by a monarch. According to my dictionary, a monarch is a type of butterfly. This government probably occurs in Europe where people are pansies and might be scared of butterflies. Come on; it’s just a butterfly! Bloody coup!
Anarchy: This is where you loot things and smash windows. It’s a lot of fun until finally you’re like, “Hey, there are no more windows left to smash! Isn’t someone going to fix the windows?” and someone else says, “No, dude, this is an anarchy.” So then another government has to be set up so the windows can be fixed. Thus anarchy can only last in spurts.
Feudal System: This is a system that involves a lot of arguments, or “Feuding”. I think it’s stupid, but others may violently disagree, and then we’d have a feudal system.
Autocracy: This is a government ruled by intelligent automobiles. It is the current government of Japan.
Plutocracy: This is a government ruled by Mickey Mouse’s dog, Pluto, who is tough but fair. Contrary to popular belief, it has nothing to do with the planet Pluto, which I tell you is one day going to collide into Neptune. Yeah, the scientist say that ain’t gonna happen, but I don’t believe them. For God’s sake, stay off of Pluto!
Ninjatocracy: This is a government that involves a lot of flipping around and cutting people’s heads off. It’s totally sweet.
Smurfaucracy: This is a form a government where one Iraqi would be the leader and named “Papa Iraqi” and everyone else would get names based on their personalities, like “Brainy Iraqi”, “Brawny Iraqi”, “Greedy Iraqi”, and “Perverted Iraqi.” One woman would be named “Iraqette.” I’m not sure what would happen to the other women. Also, Iraq and Iraqi would become a universal words that could mean anything – adjective, verb, or noun – just like the f-word but not vulgar. Plus, I think everyone would have to live in mushroom houses. In the one instance this government was practiced, everyone looked happy, but you could sense a deep sadness behind their eyes that told you that everything was not quite so Iraqi.
Popadopalocracy: This is a form of a government that… okay I made this one up.
Chiracracy: Rule comes from a cowardly weasel. Popular in Old Europe.
Benevolent Dictator: This is the theoretical perfect form of government, where one all-knowing and all-caring individual would rule the country– so this is like if I ruled Iraq. But I have a fulltime job and this blog to keep up, so rule your own damn country.

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  1. Here’s proof that you can definitely go wrong with a monarchy.
    Since 1939, Pacific Grove California has been ruled by omnipotent Monarch butterflies. Every October school children are dressed in butterfly costumes and put on display for the amusement of the Butterfly Queen. The parade is always lead by kindergartners, dressed as Monarch butterflies. Grades 1-6 follow dressed as friends of the Monarchs such as caterpillars, flowers, and trees. It the most insideous form of policical oppression!

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  2. Fascism:
    A system where the government allows individuals to have just enough say in there own businesses that they think they are making their own decisions.
    Saddamocracy:
    A system where dissedents are fairly and equally treated to their day in the wood chipper.

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  8. “Monarchy: A monarchy is a government ruled by a monarch. According to my dictionary, a monarch is a type of butterfly. This government probably occurs in Europe where people are pansies and might be scared of butterflies. Come on; it’s just a butterfly! Bloody coup!”
    Mothera?

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  12. Aristockracy: government ruled by Ari Fleischer and funded by his substantial portfolio. A control study of this paradigm is currently underway in the Fleischer household. Seems to be going well.
    Demogogracy: modelled on the current governments of France and Germany.
    Socialism: political parties are held where the people can eat, drink and socialize. Sort of like Anarchy but without the window smashing. And oh, B.Y.O.B.

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  31. this website is a cool when making fun of governments. I am starting a new type of government. Its called the Code of Thomas, named after my father. It is based on a REAL constitutional republic, fascism, and nationalism. And by the way, to hell with the United Nations. Lets send those commies back to France!

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  47. Hey Frank that picture of the monkey strayed into my dreams last night could you please sent the plastic blow up version soon i just can’t stop having these solo flights anymore.

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  51. “When Iraq got blew off the map that was just a prime example of what is going to happen to anybody else who messes with the United States”
    Who ever f***en wrote this is a moron, China has a larger army, North Korea could nuke you’re f***en yakes ass and shut all of you i-breeds up.
    Canadian And Proud!
    (P.S If you see someone wearing an army uniform, shitting lots, run you f***ing yanks, its shit pants Lee Barber!

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  55. And China’s going to get its army here now…? The Brits showed the way – just control the seas and who gives a shit how many of them there are.
    Not sure why some idiot Canadian thinks America getting taken over would be a good thing – doesn’t he like being safe and warm as things are now?

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  57. Oh my gosh, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen! You must’ve had a lot of people linking to you to get such a high search ranking! LOL! I never realized how many idiots there are out there with internet access! (explains Dean’s campaign supporters though… :o)

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  59. Once we get our SDI up and running North Korea and China won’t mean shit to us. THEN we can focus our efforts on Canada and Mexico.
    I can’t believe all these morons actually came to the site by accident then left a comment telling Frank how much he sucks for having this site. These people should commit suicide so they don’t propagate more morons.

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  65. Invasion of the third-grade social studies tards… Poor baby got an F…ROFL!!!
    Next week’s class topic: How does Google work, and Why You Can’t Believe Everything On The Internet?
    Seriously kids! Frank J is an excellent and reliable research source. You can quote me on that!

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  72. hey i think this site needs more work okkkkkkkkkkkk you fool how ever made this site souck you know why becuse it doesn’t have all informeantion that people needs like me………….. keep working on this site or that worn’t be good fool

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  75. Hey um if any sorry ass third world country ever shot a nuke at us we would just blow the shit out the entire world!!!!! mu hu ha ha ha ha!!! oh and as for you Canadian F***ers, your Country has like 4 people livin in it, and 1 of those is accually in the military. if you piss us off, we’ll just send in some hicks with shotguns tellin them you pansy’s shot Dale Earnheart……….f***in Canadian Pansy’s ……….GO AMERICA!!!!!!!!!

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  76. I thought this was REAL information. So i spent all my time looking through THIS and now its time to leave and NOW i’m going to fail and Now my life is ruined… Oh no! What am i going to do. I am writing in despair. My 89th FAILING GRADE!
    Thanks a lot!
    – done for

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  104. Great info, very humorous. Now to you canadians QUIT YER BITCHING! All you ever do is cry about big brother America. Hell if I were president I’d have troops invade your sorry ass excuse for a country, and then it would really be a war for…..OIL! How come canadians are so ball-less? Oh is it because you are in bed with that Chiraq guy who has as much relevance as a michael moore movie? Is that it? Well considering that mr PM of france is catering to muslims with islamic law I guess you are doing the same, so regaurdless or not we are going to invade your country anyway because canada harbors terrorists.

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  105. Great info, very humorous. Now to you canadians QUIT YER BITCHING! All you ever do is cry about big brother America. Hell if I were president I’d have troops invade your sorry ass excuse for a country, and then it would really be a war for…..OIL! How come canadians are so ball-less? Oh is it because you are in bed with that Chiraq guy who has as much relevance as a michael moore movie? Is that it? Well considering that mr PM of france is catering to muslims with islamic law I guess you are doing the same, so regaurdless or not we are going to invade your country anyway because canada harbors terrorists.

    Reply to this comment

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