Wow, I had like at least a 400% increase in traffic today. I think it’s do to the inclusion of the unnamed Mexican to my In My World post today. Don’t worry; you’ll see him again.
In a completely unrelated subject, Glenn Reynolds lamely denied my filthy lies, despite mounting made up evidence. He then hit me with some sort of denial of service attack to my visitor counter, because I was unable to see who was linking to me today, since, for some reason it said every referrer was instapundit.com. Well, I’ll get him back with even more filthy lies and even worse photoshopped evidence this weekend.
I’ve just added Cold Fury to my blogroll. Other people seemed to link to him, and I thought I better do it to so people think I’m cool.
I’ve also added The Yankee Herald to my blogroll. He ripped off my interview idea right after I did it, so, just like with Oscar Jr., I’m only adding him to my blogroll so I can later do the ultimate insult of blogdom – a delinking! No blogger can stand the insult of being delinked. Michele’s blog had been nothing but incoherent babble since someone once delinked her.
Fisking Michael Moore is like shooting the broadside of a barn… but with a larger target. Frank of Zogby blog takes aim.
I mentioned On the Fritz yesterday, but I’m doing it again today. I don’t know how many visitors his blog is getting, but it’s not as many as he deserves. He really is like a daily Onion with funny pictures to go along with the articles as well. I know a lots of these has been going around, but check out the phony Eminem obit. I especially like the sequence in the lower left corner.
Oh, and for no particular reason, I want to say that Loretta is cool. Go to her site.
I was given money, so, as promised, the big event is tomorrow. You will get to choose what will be the official picture of Frank J. to go into the About Me section from a selection of ten pictures. Please alert the media to this ground-breaking event.
Oh, and give me more money.
Archive of entries posted on 21st April 2003
Money! Money! Money!
I new this would happen. I put up a Paypal donation button and now all I can think about are ways of tricking people to give me money. I was thinking maybe I could have one of those PBS fund drives:
“Without your support, we won’t be able to provide you with quality postings like ‘In My World’ and investigative reports such as ‘Know They Enemy’.”
And then I would promise people tote bags… but wouldn’t deliver. Muh ha ha ha!
Someone mentioned having a t-shirt to sell. Does anyone have any good design ideas or any good phrases I’ve used in the past that would go good on a t-shirt?
Now, I’m usually curious about my fellow bloggers, but most don’t put out much information about themselves. Maybe I could do that in exchange for money. Here I go:
“Now, I was afraid of putting out a picture of me before since I didn’t want all the female readers getting lost in my hypnotic blue eyes, but I’ve finally held out a digital camera at arms length and snapped a few shots of my self. I was thinking then people could vote on which should be the picture of yours truly to go into the About Me section. I’m having trouble accessing comments today, so they only way to communicate if you like the idea is to give me money.”
Oh, if someone knows an easy way to set up a poll, that can be put in the comments (or e-mailed to me).
In My World: Bush Plans to Use Blasphemy Instead of War
“President Bush…”
“Just wait a sec, Condi,” Bush said as leaned out the window, waiting for the right moment. Finally, he released the water balloon. “Got him!”
“You got me all wet!” Senator Tom Daschle whined.
“Ha ha!” Bush laughed, “So what are you going to do about it?”
“I’m telling the press!” Daschle yelled.
Bush slammed the window shut. “Crybaby.” He then turned to Condoleezza Rice. “If the press comes asking about this, I was here with you.”
“You are with me!” Rice said impatiently.
“Good, you know how to play the game,” he answered smugly as he took a seat. “What’s on your mind?”
“I wanted to talk about more of our military strategy.”
“Again!” Bush exclaimed, “But I wanted to watch T.V. now. You keep working me like this and I’m going to have to complain to my union boss.”
“There is no presidents’ union!” Rice answered irately.
Bush looked confused. “But Ariel Sharon keeps taking my dues each week…” A thought then struck him, and his expression turned to anger. “That Jew bastard! If he just wanted more money to bulldoze Palestinian homes, he could have just asked. I hate those Palestinians, always blowing themselves up. Why don’t they just kill themselves?”
Rice had a number of things she wanted to say in response, but she decided to let it go. “We need to talk about Syria.”
“Why can’t we just talk about Iraq?” Bush complained, “We kicked ass there. I thought for a moment there was going to be trouble, but then ‘zip’ ‘bang’ ‘pow’, we took Baghdad. Now I just have to set up a new government there chock full of democracy, and people will be like, ‘Hey, Bush, you’re the best president ever!’ and I’ll be like, ‘Yes I am. Now get me a soda, bitch!'”
“But we have to move on the popularity of the Iraqi war to go onto other wars,” Rice told him, “And the troops have about run out of people to kill; they’re getting restless.”
“I thought we were just going to use diplomacy and scare Syria, though.”
“A relentless barrage of bombs and ground troops is scary,” Rice assured him.
“I dunno. I’m gonna ask Dick.” He turned on the monitor with the satellite connection to Cheney’s undisclosed location. “You there?”
“Si, senor.”
Bush stared at the man on screen for a moment and then turned to Rice. “Did we replace Dick with a Mexican?”
“I don’t believe so.”
Bush looked to the Mexican. “What are you doing there?”
“I see this place here, and there was food and a T.V. So I sit down to watch T.V. but instead see American president.”
“Is the Vice President around there?”
“I know not of this Vice President, senor.”
“He’s has white hair, is balding, tends to have heart attacks, and answers to the name of Dick.”
“I would certainly have noticed such a gringo if he were here, senor.”
“Alrighty, then. Well, you stay put in case we have to kill you as part of some cover-up.”
“Si, senor.”
Bush turned off the monitor. “Dick Cheney is loose!” he exclaimed, “He could kill millions!”
Rice just stared at him.
“Sorry, I forgot why we locked him away in the first place,” Bush admitted sheepishly.
“Let’s just get to my war plans,” Rice demanded, “We attack Syria, then we go on to Jordan. Next, we skip over Saudi Arabia saying, “Oh, you’re our friends, Saudi Arabia; we won’t attack you,” and then we attack Yemen. Now, when Saudi Arabia least expects it, POW! We hit them too.”
Laura Bush then came in the room. “George! You’re not letting that harlot talk you into more war again, are you?”
“Excuse me, Mrs. Bush,” Rice said politely, “We have important matters of national security to talk about. Aren’t there some books you need to order into the Dewey Decimal system?”
Laura just stared back angrily. “I have a mind to give you a good talking to one of these days,” she threatened.
“Hey, let’s not fight,” Bush urged, “I have a great idea that doesn’t involve any war. The problem with lots of those countries is that some people interpret the Koran to mean violence is okay. So let’s steal their Korans and rewrite them!”
“I don’t think that will work, sir,” Rice said.
“It will. We’ll just steal them the same as I stole Tom Daschle’s Koran.”
“That’s the antenna to his car, dear,” Laura told him.
“Whatever; same principle. We just take the Korans, put in bold letters, ‘Don’t kill people… especially Americans,’ and there will be no more interpretations that violence is allowed. It’s a great idea!”
“Hello, Mr. Muslim,” Tom Daschle said, opening his front door, “How can I help you.”
“I’m fulfilling my religious obligation,” the man said and then kicked Daschle in the groin.
“That bastard rewrote the Koran again!” Daschle wheezed, “I’ll get him… and his little tax cuts too.”