Here are some more stories. I’ve already gotten some accounts of why people joined the military and will put them up soon, but I would like more. So, if you have a military story or want to explain your reasons for joining the military, e-mail me with the subject “Military”. Thanks.
Chad sent me this letter from Iraq which has an interesting connection with the current controversy:
A feller who used to babysit me when I was a peck has been over in Iraq for quite awhile now. He sent this letter to his dad, who forwarded it to me.
Hey Dad
So let me give you an update. We were attacked yesterday, a rocket went into the TV area, good thing it was at 6am so not to many people were in it, it just destroyed our TV, not to bad, then a Car bomb went off at the end of the block. at the QRF police station 4 dead 14 wounded all Iraqi Cops. three nights ago we lost 2 soldiers just wounded, by an IED in the road, they were placed on a medivac to Germany, they should be ok. I have been on 150 raids, on a raid about a week ago I broke my nose, it hurt, I had climbed the wall into the compund, to check the gate and I was in the yard alone, when we began to take fire from the house so the rest of the SRT team Broke the gate down just as I was moving from my position to another, the gate flew open with 9 guys behind it, my weapon was up so the weapon hit the gate and my rifle hit my face, needless to say my nose lost, it completly knocked me out, but I came to got up and continued, and we got the bad guy. I got a letter of commendation from a general the other day, this is what it said
Dear CPL [name withheld],
I want to extend my sincere appreciation for your proffessionalisim and your dedication to duty. Your success in this theater of war is a direct reflection of your diligence and commitment to excellence. Your accomplishments in single handedly running the entire prison facility are outstanding. You will leave an enduring mark of excellence on the Iraqi Police Officers you are training and the Iraqi Family memebers visiting your facility. You will also leave a very favorable impression of American Soldiers with the Iraqi citizens. You are a source of inspiration and pride. You give every American many reasons to be proud and thankful for everything you do.
Hooah!
Janis L. Karpinski
Brigadier General
Commanding
[Ed Note (from Chad): Karpinski is being called on about the prisoner abuse scandal. The subject of this letter is no longer in charge of this facility; he is home with his family)
AllenS has this little story of what would now be called soldier abuse:
I was drafted into the Army in 1966. I took my basic training at Ft. Leonardwood, MO. I was in awe at the drill instructors. Not so much at their so-called toughness, but by what those guys would say. One day while we were standing in single file outside of the mess hall, waiting for one of those wonderful meals, one of them yelled this: “Awwwwwllllright in that chow line, I want to see you assholes to bellybuttons, if the man in front of you ain’t smiling, you ain’t close enough.” I just about split a gut.
Drew has this story about snipe hunts and things just sound like them:
As a young airman at my first base I was very aware of the snipe hunts devised for young troops, things like finding 50 gallons of prop wash or 100 feet of flightline. I’m suspicious by nature and was determined not to fall for one of these tricks. One day I was told to bring a tool kit to the marshalling area for deployment. The NCO inspecting items before loading took one look at my tool kit and told me I needed a non-flammable gas sticker on my fire extinguisher. To me this was a pretty obvious snipe hunt…but it wasn’t. I really had to get that damn non-flammable sticker.
Are you sure a simple compressed gas sticker wouldn’t do? Oh no, we had to make sure that fire extinguisher was properly labeled non-flammable.
Ammo! IYAAYAS
Finally, Timmer has this humorous description of military ranks:
Military Rank Guide
===================
GENERAL OFFICER:
Leaps tall building in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Discusses policy with God
COLONEL:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God
LT COLONEL
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved
MAJOR
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
CAPTAIN:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals
1ST LIEUTENANT:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can’t stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls
2D LIEUTENANT:
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
Says “look at the choo-choo”
Wets him/herself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to him/herself
SENIOR NCO:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Is God
I can’t believe it … my first ever IMAO comment and I’m FIRST! WOO HOO!
Oh, wait … I guess that means I just pooped my pants. Sigh …
Based on that last entry, I suppose it’s a good thing I didn’t go to OCS.
Ditto. Senior NCO…wow.
I’d seen that last one, but with the titles reffering to university department staffers: Everyone from the head to the tenured to grad students. The last entry? Departmental Secretary.
I’ve seen that list applied to personnel evaluations. I liked the one progression better:
“Talks to God”
“Talks to angels”
“Talks to himself”
“Argues with himself”
“Loses those arguments”
What about midshipmen? Do we get credit? 😛
My best friend got back from Iraq late last year (Navy, HS-8) and is now in the Army Reserve at Ft. Knox, KY instructing. In a recent conversation, he made a play on “Shi’ites” and said, “I’m going to go take a Muslim.”
Well, LibertyBob, if you went to OCS and were prior enlisted – you get significantly less grief. Plus you know how NOT to piss off your NCO’s by minding your own business and let them do their work! 😉
True, Rockynoggin.
Unfortunately, I’m a bit of a smartass. No situation was going to be really good.
“What about midshipmen? Do we get credit? :P”
Hey look! A Middy who’s still asking questions! Where’s Master Chief? He’s not going to believe this…
All Midshipmen report to BM1 on the Foc’sle for mail buoy watch training! SN Stains report to laundry.
After nine years as an enlisted Marine I became an officer. As a 2ndLt I wondered into the Battalion maintenance shack to talk about the poor condition of my vehicles. I looked over and saw a similar version of this posted on the wall. I read it, then promptly tore it off the wall, wadded it up, and tossed it on the deck. There were several Marines present to include the Warrant Officer and Senior NCO’s – no one said a word. This kind of stuff is moderatly funny, but no Senior Marine NCO worth a shit would put it on the wall in his office.