I have a few blog ad sponsors who need mentioning. Snarkbait is back and is a great blog you should go check out. Infidel Apparel also is back for a full month; go there so you can get merchandise that proudly declares yourself an “Infidel” in Arabic (and other cool slogans). Finally, Life, Liberty, Etc., my longest advertiser and inspiration for my t-shirt babe contest, is back once again. Time for me to finally buy that “Peace Through Superior Firepower” t-shirt.
Remember, good ronin always check out all the advertisers on IMAO.
Also, I’m thinking of having the next IMAO t-shirt be of Chomps. Please vote in this poll (and only once) so I know how much interest there is. Exact design is to be decided on.

Hide your children! Al Gore has gone completely off the rails!
“DESTROY ALL HUMANS! DESTROY ALL HUMANS!”
To think how close we came to having him as president four years ago. Talk about dodging a bullet.
So do you think Gore will drag down Kerry with his insanity? Or will he help Kerry by making him look much more reasonable in comparison? Discuss among yourselves.

There are intelligence reports that more big terrorists attacks are coming to America. So what can the common man do?
Well, I now have a holster so I can conceal and carry two full-size .45’s on me. If I see anything terroristy around… BANG! BANG! BANG! Everyone’s dead.
I also stocked up on bacon. Bacon is to terrorists like garlic is to vampires. Also, it’s tasty and good for an Atkins diet.
Of course, terrorists will probably attack with bombs. So, teach your dog to be a bomb-sniffing dog. The way to do that is to buy a bunch of bombs and keep them around your house so your dog can sniff them all the time.
Also, remember to punch hippies. That discourages terror, especially if after you punch the terrorist, you shout out, “Hey! Any terrorists who are watching! That’s what I’m going to do to you!” Terrorists don’t like to be punched.
If you have any other ideas of what the average citizen can do to fight terror in America, put it in the comments section.
UPDATE: I was just thinking: What happens if the Muslim terrorists team up with the Irish terrorists? We would then have drunken suicide bombers stumbling around and blowing up in random places! We need to stop that from happening.
UPDATE: Readers are right; the best way to fight terrorism is to buy my t-shirt. You don’t support terror, do you?

Gas prices are at a record high right now (if you don’t factor in inflation or count other countries), so I thought as a public service I’d list some ways to save gas while getting where you need to go.
Walk
PROS: No costly equipment needed. Powered by renewable fuel source.
CONS: No civilized man has used walking as transportation since the days of the caveman.
Ride a Bike
PROS: Turns human power into quick transportation.
CONS: If you wear bike shorts, people will think you’re gay… and probably be right.
Use Public Transportation
PROS: Use less fuel per capita by riding together.
CONS: Probably get mugged or stabbed… or just wish you were.
Drive a Small, Fuel-Efficient Car
PROS: Keep the convenience of a car while using less fuel.
CONS: Why don’t you just give up and move to France while you’re at it.
Drive an Electric Car
PROS: Uses no gasoline. Quiet.
CONS: After nine hours of charging, it has a range of about eight miles.
Drive a Hybrid Car
PROS: Uses less fuel by combining electricity with gasoline.
CONS: A relatively new technology, so no scientist has been able to show how it causes cancer yet.
Ride a Horse Drawn Chariot
PROS: Look extremely regal as you stand while riding through town. Especially a great way of transportation if you like whipping animals.
CONS: Crashes can be extremely hazardous if someone sticks something in your spokes. I’d only ride one if it has a rollover bar.
Trade Blood for Oil
PROS: You keep making more blood, so why not trade it for the gas you need.
CONS: Some gas station won’t accept blood in trade and thus have a “No Blood for Oil!” sign out front.
Drive a Solar Powered Car
PROS: The power of the sun is free… for now.
CONS: As for what you do at night or on a cloudy day, I have no idea.
Drive a Coal Powered Car
PROS: Uses cheap, clean coal.
CONS: Shoveling coal while driving is almost as distracting as talking on the phone. With the open flame there, you made need a drink to calm your nerves.
Ride a Dog Sled
PROS: Dogs are happy animals and the friends of man.
CONS: Will need to cause some sort of new Ice Age to be able to use a dog sled anywhere… which is harder than it sounds. May chase after people in cat sleds.
Fly a Zeppelin
PROS: You will be master of the skies. Achtung!
CONS: Just don’t smoke near the… Oh! The humanity!
Replace Car Engine with a Hamster in a Wheel
PROS: Will get you about the same horsepower as a Geo Metro with no gasoline.
CONS: Need to keep replacing wood shavings in the engine to keep down the smell. If your engine dies on you, not much you can do without advanced skills in necromancy.
Ride a Segway
PROS: High-tech gyro keeps you upright as you speed down the sidewalks.
CONS: Riding one, you’ll look like a complete goober… a complete goober from the future!
Ride a Bobcat with a Saddle on It
PROS: Quite exotic and will certainly turn heads.
CONS: Angry.
Use a Transporter
PROS: Instantaneous travel gets rid of commute time.
CONS: If a fly gets in there with you, you will become a hideous mutant that looks like Jeff Goldblum. If a monkey sneak in there with you, that could be the start of the planet of the apes.
Use a Rubber Hose and a Breath Mint
PROS: Can keep driving your SUV for little cost.
CONS: None… as long as no one is watching. And make sure to use the breath mint after you get the gasoline.