Our Military XIV

Here are some more stories. I’ve already gotten some accounts of why people joined the military and will put them up soon, but I would like more. So, if you have a military story or want to explain your reasons for joining the military, e-mail me with the subject “Military”. Thanks.


Chad sent me this letter from Iraq which has an interesting connection with the current controversy:

A feller who used to babysit me when I was a peck has been over in Iraq for quite awhile now. He sent this letter to his dad, who forwarded it to me.
Hey Dad
So let me give you an update. We were attacked yesterday, a rocket went into the TV area, good thing it was at 6am so not to many people were in it, it just destroyed our TV, not to bad, then a Car bomb went off at the end of the block. at the QRF police station 4 dead 14 wounded all Iraqi Cops. three nights ago we lost 2 soldiers just wounded, by an IED in the road, they were placed on a medivac to Germany, they should be ok. I have been on 150 raids, on a raid about a week ago I broke my nose, it hurt, I had climbed the wall into the compund, to check the gate and I was in the yard alone, when we began to take fire from the house so the rest of the SRT team Broke the gate down just as I was moving from my position to another, the gate flew open with 9 guys behind it, my weapon was up so the weapon hit the gate and my rifle hit my face, needless to say my nose lost, it completly knocked me out, but I came to got up and continued, and we got the bad guy. I got a letter of commendation from a general the other day, this is what it said
Dear CPL [name withheld],
I want to extend my sincere appreciation for your proffessionalisim and your dedication to duty. Your success in this theater of war is a direct reflection of your diligence and commitment to excellence. Your accomplishments in single handedly running the entire prison facility are outstanding. You will leave an enduring mark of excellence on the Iraqi Police Officers you are training and the Iraqi Family memebers visiting your facility. You will also leave a very favorable impression of American Soldiers with the Iraqi citizens. You are a source of inspiration and pride. You give every American many reasons to be proud and thankful for everything you do.
Hooah!
Janis L. Karpinski
Brigadier General
Commanding
[Ed Note (from Chad): Karpinski is being called on about the prisoner abuse scandal. The subject of this letter is no longer in charge of this facility; he is home with his family)

AllenS has this little story of what would now be called soldier abuse:

I was drafted into the Army in 1966. I took my basic training at Ft. Leonardwood, MO. I was in awe at the drill instructors. Not so much at their so-called toughness, but by what those guys would say. One day while we were standing in single file outside of the mess hall, waiting for one of those wonderful meals, one of them yelled this: “Awwwwwllllright in that chow line, I want to see you assholes to bellybuttons, if the man in front of you ain’t smiling, you ain’t close enough.” I just about split a gut.

Drew has this story about snipe hunts and things just sound like them:

As a young airman at my first base I was very aware of the snipe hunts devised for young troops, things like finding 50 gallons of prop wash or 100 feet of flightline. I’m suspicious by nature and was determined not to fall for one of these tricks. One day I was told to bring a tool kit to the marshalling area for deployment. The NCO inspecting items before loading took one look at my tool kit and told me I needed a non-flammable gas sticker on my fire extinguisher. To me this was a pretty obvious snipe hunt…but it wasn’t. I really had to get that damn non-flammable sticker.
Are you sure a simple compressed gas sticker wouldn’t do? Oh no, we had to make sure that fire extinguisher was properly labeled non-flammable.
Ammo! IYAAYAS

Finally, Timmer has this humorous description of military ranks:

Military Rank Guide
===================
GENERAL OFFICER:
Leaps tall building in a single bound
Is more powerful than a locomotive
Is faster than a speeding bullet
Walks on water
Discusses policy with God
COLONEL:
Leaps short buildings in a single bound
Is more powerful than a switch engine
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
Walks on water if the sea is calm
Talks with God
LT COLONEL
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
Talks with God if special request is approved
MAJOR
Barely clears a Quonset hut
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive
Can fire a speeding bullet
Swims well
Is occasionally addressed by God
CAPTAIN:
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings
Is run over by locomotive
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
Dog paddles
Talks to animals
1ST LIEUTENANT:
Runs into buildings
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times
Is not issued ammunition
Can’t stay afloat with a life preserver
Talks to walls
2D LIEUTENANT:
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building
Says “look at the choo-choo”
Wets him/herself with a water pistol
Plays in mud puddles
Mumbles to him/herself
SENIOR NCO:
Lifts buildings and walks under them
Kicks locomotives off the tracks
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth
Freezes water with a single glance
Is God

Alea Iacta Est

I give free humor and I don’t ask for much – just check out my advertisers and buy my t-shirts.
Now Wizbang, former Puppy Blender lackey and enemy of IMAO and all things good, has stolen the IMAO T-Shirt Babe first runner up and is using her as his own t-shirt babe. He thinks Willow can out babe SarahK and sell more t-shirts than me!
This can not stand.
Hopefully we’ll soon get SarahK’s modeling photos and put Wizbang his appropriate place. Also, I could sure use the help from the other runner ups. IMAO must be the only blog known for t-shirts and babes, and all other attempted usurpers must perish.
Let the babe war begin.

I Love IMAO So I Click on Its Ads

I’ve got some new advertisers. Larry Diedrich is running for congress in South Dakota – Daschle’s home turf – and he needs your help. Snark Bait is a really well done blog worth checking out (one of these days, maybe I should pay to fancy up my site). Infidel Apparel has renewed its ad. If you want to proudly declare yourself an “Al Kufr” (The Infidel) on a t-shirt and many other slogans in Arabic, there’s only one place to go.
Also, I kept going to the Atomship site (“Enter the Rabbit”) so much to listen to the music samples that I went ahead and ordered the CD. That’s like the first music CD I’ve bought for myself since… uh… well… when was it mp3’s were invented? Anyway, maybe I can do a music review of it. That would make me cool.
I give free humor and I don’t ask for much – just check out my advertisers and pat yourself on the back for being a good ronin.

Frank Thoughts on Abu Ghraib and the Election

Man, things are looking troubling for Bush, especially with this Abu Ghraib prison thing. I just hope we all learned some lessons from it:
1. Don’t abuse prisoners.
2. If you do abuse prisoners, don’t take pictures of it.
3. If you do abuse prisoners and take pictures of it, don’t let those picture get into a major news outlet.
And whose idea was this? Why does someone suddenly say, “Hey! Let’s strip the prisoners naked and stack them. Nothing’s better than stacked, naked prisoners!”
So is this going to mean more Americans are going to turn against the war? When the anti-war left couldn’t convince people with saying the body count over and over, are people finally going to think Iraq was a bad idea because they saw a naked guy with a bag on his head?
Maybe; I just don’t know. I’m no pundit (though I play one on the internet), but I’m starting to get worried about there being a John Kerry presidency and what that will mean for America, the war on terror, Iraq, and, most importantly, IMAO. Will Kerry handle evil of the world with a velvet glove, or will he regain his admitted war criminal spirits and unleash his vengeance on the terrorists to the point it makes Abu Ghraib look like Disney World? Probably the former, but we can always hope.
Who am I kidding? We’re screwed! Terrorists bombs are going to be going off everywhere, and Kerry’s going to be sitting in some underground bunker finding the most nuanced approach to things with much consultation by the French. I need to get my AR-15 with 90rd. drum magazine soon and barricade my windows (though that goes against the home owner’s association). If someone is good with a sniper rifle, you can watch the golf course where I think they’ll attack from. When the attack is over, I’ll form a new government with my house being the capitol and I being el presidente. BTW, blogging may be light as I try to restore order from chaos.
Anyway, Bush better get himself out of this mess because I don’t want my blogging to be light. I hear there are even worse pictures out there, so he has to preemptively do something about them. Maybe before they come out, he could say, “Yeah, these new pictures are pretty bad… and really gay. You can see them if you want… if you’re gay.”
That will keep a lot of people from checking out the pictures. Now he needs to further turn people against Kerry. We already know he may or may not support the troops, may or may not drive an SUV, and may or may not have thrown away his war medals, but we should also let it be known that he may or may not be a hermaphrodite, may or may not be the Parkside Strangler, and he may or may not be for blowing up Americans. I’m sure it should be easy to get a little sound bite out of him as he tries to be nuanced and say in a very haughty and French-like way, “I was for blowing up Americans… before I was against it… or vice versa. By the way, I served in Vietnam.”
It’s going to be an all out slugfest as we approach November, so I’ll soon have to come up with some campaign tips for Bush to ensure victory (especially since I already did for his nemesis). Until then, just be on the safe side and stock up on ammo and not let any terrorists in your house no matter how nice they ask.