(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
After the cowardly attacks in London, the Brits went completely whacking hatstand, plotting bloody vengeance against those what done them wrong.
In their own typical, understated, cultured, and excessively polite English way, the Crown’s Tommy’s re-doubled their efforts in the Middle East to stick a dagger in the heart of organized Muslim terror.
Amongst the weaponry rapidly deployed against the filthy terrorists were such diverse elements as:
The Rather Unpleasant Exploding Head Laser Beam
The 20 Megaton Nuclear Crumpet of Mild Inconvenience
The Terribly Sorry About That Old Chap 7.62mm Explosive Sniper Round
The Didn’t Mean to Trouble You Electrified Gonad Zapper and Battlefield Intelligence Procurer
The Double-Oh Eyeball Knife
Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Napalm Spam Spam Spam and Spam
The Bit of a Sticky Rocket-Propelled Wicket
The ‘Tis But a Scratch Depleted Uranium Bugger the Blighters Bunker Buster Missile
The Not Quite Cricket Cluster Bomb
The Nudge Nudge Say No More Bazooka
And…
A special propaganda bomb containing pamphlets imprinted with a single, multiple choice question:
“Sunny morning, me cheeky monkeys, and quiz me this: What word best describes Osama bin Laden?
A) arse-bandit
B) back scuttler
C) battyboy
D) beaver leaver
E) bender
F) brown hatter
G) buftie
H) bum-chum
I) chutney ferret
J) friend of Dorothy
K) fudge nudger
L) jobby jabber
M) knob jockey
N) marmite miner
O) mincer
P) pillow-biter
Q) poncey
R) poofter
S) shirtlifter
T) uphill gardener
U) all of the above
ANSWER: OO! Sorry! Trick question! The correct answer is “You’ll be stone dead in a moment because the bomb after this one won’t be filled with paper. Cheerio, ya rammy arse-monger!”
I do so love the Brits. Bless them and pray for them, and may their swords forever drip with the blood of Mangy Mohammeds.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!
FIRST!!!
Killing terrorists is always a “blast”!
A shame the Socialist mind-et permeates the Brits so.
Oh, and will Monty Python sue you for the obvious rip-offs of their lines?
Hysterical! “The ‘Tis But a Scratch Depleted Uranium Bugger the Blighters Bunker Buster Missile” was my favorite.
Damian – to rip off one of my favorite Dirty Harry movies:
“It’s not a “rip-off”, it’s an “homage”.”
🙂
Touché, Harvey. Touché.
Better not let the BBC get ahold of this list, they might get all puffed up and teary eyed.
TEEEEEEJ
No reference to silly keh-nig-its (knights), harvey?
WARNING!!!
incoming Lefty Hate
Jolly good!!
Why is it that jokes built on typical British stereotypes can riff on a sketch-comedy show from the late 60s and 70s and still work? I mean, wouldn’t it be weird if a Brit made a list of jokes meant to convey a “typically American” sensibility, and several items were references to Laugh-In?
Nice listing, Harvey:
Though I am kind of partial to:
The “WAIT FOR IT!” Airborne Chemical Laser Disintegrating Blast Of Doom!
The “And The Crowd Are Loving It!” Man Portable ElectroMagnetic Pulse Generator! AKA The Bergen Back-Pack Nuke.
The “Lovely Plumage” Fuel/Air Explosive
The “Technicolor Yawn” Depleted Uranium Beehive Round
The “Bangers & Mash” Anti-Personnel Mine
The “Naughty Bits” High Velocity Multiple Projectile Rail Gun
The “Where’s Waldo?” Phoenix Equipped Predator Pilotless Attack Vehichle
Jack.
I never fail to LOL at that old line “This terrorist is dead! He has ceased to be!”
About that incoming lefty hate:
http://badexample.mu.nu/archives/103460.php
“This terrorist is dead!…”
No he’s not! He’s pining for the 72 virgins!
…no he’s shuffled off this mortal coil. He’s f**kin snuffed it.
Holy s**t! One day I don’t visit the site, and look what I missed!! God, I love the Brits, and nothing goes better with British humor than dead terrorists. Plus, that was probably the best multiple choice question I’ve ever read.
As long as you’ve used so many Monty Python references, how about the holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?
I agree with John Tabin.
Nuke Leeds by all means. It is a very silly city. [That is ironical]
The Tactical Nukes who say Nee!!!
A dose of typical British phlegm….pitoui! Right in their eyes…
And remember lads the fuzzy wuzzys dont like it up im They dont like the cold steel up im at all