Here’s one interesting case we may here those against John Roberts complain about. Apparently he upheld and arrest, handcuffing and detention of a 12-year-old girl for eating a single french fry inside a D.C. Metrorail station. That seems a little extreme. I can understand all that for an onion ring, but one french fry? I don’t know how that will go over with Joe-Six-Pack and Bubba-Jug-of-Moonshine.
What could lead to such extremism? Was Roberts attack by one of the McDonalds Fry-Guys has a child? I don’t know, but Fry-gate could sink him!

Goodbye, Mr. Scott.

You can go to The Puppy Blender or Michelle Malkin and find plenty of links to what conservatives think about John Roberts, but what do the underground sewer mutants think?
One thing: “Your trick about nominating a Supreme Court Justice won’t distract us from Karl Rove!”
Yes, the liberals know that Sandra Day O’Connor announcing her resignation was just a setup to give Bush a smokescreen from the Rove scandal. They won’t let it work, though!
At the Democratic Underground, for instance, many are asking that Roberts be fast tracked so they can get back to important business of harping on Rove.
(OT, here’s one DUer calling the Republicans who freed the slaves and guaranteed blacks the right to vote “pukes”; hard to get more blindly partisan than that.)
Kos is of a different view, thinking they can scrutinize Roberts and harp on Rove. He says that muckadoos can “walk and chew gum at the same time” but fails to provide any video evidence of this. It’s been demonstrated that the lefties of Kos and DU can’t hold on to one coherent thought, so it’s doubtful that they can try and do two at the same time. They’ll probably end up walking into telephone poles while attempting this or falling down open manholes and dying, which, as we know, is the definition of comedy.
In my opinion, I think the liberals would best spend their time by focusing on John Roberts. If he ends up to be a conservative extremist, he may be able to tip the balance of the Supreme Court so that they vote that liberal-wingnuts have no more rights than any other monkeys. Then the posters to DU and Kos will spend the rest of their days having the toxicity of different eyeliners tested on them.
Then again, they’d be doing something useful for once.

ALERT: There are sources indicating that John Roberts is a partisan hack!
This allegation goes to the fact that Roberts is a known partisan and that he allegedly hacked a man to death with an ax in Hoboken, New Jersey.
More as this develops…

So I had gotten back from taking SarahK out to dinner from her birthday, and, as soon we got home, she went into a Harry Potter induced coma where no communication worked on her while she read her new book. So I went to see what was happening on the ‘ole internet and remembered I had completely forgotten about the SCOTUS nomination. And there the name was: John Roberts.
“What? That doesn’t sound like a woman’s name. It doesn’t even sound Mexican. Maybe someone mistyped ‘Rodriguez’.”
Then I saw a picture. He didn’t look to be a minority at all! I thought maybe he was gay at least, but, no – straight white male. You can’t be any less cool than being a straight white male these days. I mean, it’s not as undistinguished as being an Asian at a technical college, but it’s pretty bad.

COLLEGE ADMINISTRATOR: We’re now having a special seminar for our minority students.
STUDENT: Can I come?
ADMINISTRATOR: No. You’re Asian; you’re not a minority.
STUDENT: But Asians only make up 5% of the population in America!
ADMINISTRATOR: You would know facts like that, wouldn’t you, Asian!

But I digress. Currently both Liberals and Conservatives are asking tons of questions – especially Liberals who are trying to figure exactly what they should be squealing about. The questions being asked are:
* What’s his position on Roe v. Wade?
* What does he think about the 2nd Amendment?
* Does he agree with the recent Kelo decision?
* Is he related to Julia Roberts or, worse yet, Eric Roberts?
* Is there any truth to the rumor that he’s the “Dread Pirate Roberts” who terrorizes the Mediterranean?
These are all good questions, and many think they already have answers. I get e-mail alerts from NARAL Pro-Choice America since I love choosing and making choices and stuff (and it’s only a vicious rumor that NARAL was once an acronym where one of the ‘A’s stood for “abortion”). Right after Roberts was announced, NARAL Pro-Choice America e-mailed that he was an “anti-choice extremists.” Holy cow! With an anti-choice extremist, Baskin & Robbins 31 Flavors could be turned into Baskin & Robbins 1 Flavor where the one flavor is mint ice-cream which I like okay but would get tired of eventually.
Why can’t the extremist John Roberts love chocolate ice cream!
Then again, I’m not sure if I really trust NARAL Pro-Choice America. Recently, there was a sale on polos at The Gap, but they only had yellow left. I wanted a choice! I called up NARAL Pro-Choice America, but they wouldn’t help me at all. If they won’t support choices in polo shirts, what kind of choices do they support?
But, once again, I digress. Be sure that the IMAO team will be on top of this story getting all the information about John Roberts we can. IMAO is your number one source for news and news-like information about stuff and things, and we won’t let anyone take that title away from us!

While you’re waiting for me to come up with some brilliant analysis of John Roberts, you can read Greg Gutfeld’s (he’s my hero!) jokes for kids to teach them proper liberal values.
Thanks to reader Ben for pimping IMAO in the comments. More of you useless readers should be doing the same elsewhere!
UPDATE: Heh. Something else to spend time playing with. Those wacky Google people and their hidden moon jokes..