I’m not sure how familiar most of you are with Scientology. In college, I had a lecture in my Information Warfare class all about how Scientologists have made efforts to fight criticism and keep certain information from being made public. Anyhoo, just as something of interest, here’s the Wikipedia entry for Xenu (as much as I want to hate Wikipedia, the entries in it tend to be thorough and unbiased).
What I find most interesting about Xenu is the message at the bottom of the page when you do a Google search for it. Know of any other search term that yields a similar message?

John Hawkins published his list of favorite blogs, and I rank highly but behind (Damn you) Scrappleface. Out of curiosity, what are your favorite blogs?
BTW, Hawkins also has an interview with Mark Steyn.

Now I’m hearing the prisoners at Gitmo are abusing the guards with monkey like feces flinging and constant violent threats. I even have heard from an unnamed source that some prisoners are taking the guards’ Bibles, touching them with their infidel hands, and flushing them (you know, the flushable sized Bibles the Gideons hand out that only has the New Testament). Some prisoners have even stolen guard food supplies, forcing the guards to not eat pork. Not consuming pork is a special blaspheme in the Christian religion and could lead to much duress.
Now, I know you Christian reading this are quite enraged and ready to riot and kill each other, but let’s approach this calmly. Let’s ask ourselves, “What would Jesus do?”
A. Kill the unbelievers.
B. Body slam a detainee into a folding table.
C. Freak out and knock over tables.
D. Something involving peace and love.
E. C followed by D.
According to the Bible, it’s either D or E. Of course, I’m not Jesus and fall quite short of Him, but I have a few suggestions of my own.
FRANK ADVICE ON DEALING WITH UNRULY GITMO DETAINEES

Continue reading ‘Frank Advice on Gitmo Detainees’ »

and Frank J.’s eye is the sharpest!!
so we’re watching an old episode of CSI from this season on the hi-def TiVo. Frank, the ever-scrutinizing, noticed that when Warrick Brown started thumbing through some money, the $100 bills looked super fake. i said, “but Sweetie, all the new money looks fake.” the great Frank J. said, “no, but these look even faker than the fakest.” so of course, we played it back frame-by-frame for intense analysis purposes, and what did we see?
each bill is stamped:
FOR MOTION PICTURE USE ONLY.
hahahahahahahahaha!!!! not kidding. oh, and Frank was sooooo proud of himself. and was quite sure that waiting for the HD-TiVo was the right move.
p.s. For pictures of Frank in his birthday suit present, go here.

IMAO in conjunction with Townhall.com in conjunction with Trey Jackson has made this video to make fun of Howard Dean. See how well someone can be zinged when the blogosphere works together.
(NOTE: All I did was read the lines given to me. Think I can do a career as an announcer?)

According to James OTB

What’s interesting is how many of the sites on my blogroll who’ve updated in the last two hours have no reaction to the speech at all.

So, to placate James (Are we even on his blogroll? Is he on ours?), Here’s my reaction to the the Dub’s speech. Dub, that’s what the Dub, sorry, the President lets his close personal constituency call him. He wouldn’t get upset if I told yo that either, that’s just Dub. Anyway, here’s my reaction.

Continue reading ‘A spacemonkey Reaction To The Dub’s Speech’ »

Michelle Malkin has brought our attention to a New Yorker piece that focuses on yet ONE MORE thing wrong with our public schools: Too many of the wrong programs. The latest being a New York program called Operation Respect: Don’t laugh at me. If you haven’t read the link, go there now. I’ll wait.
You haven’t read it, have you? You did? Good.
My favorite part is where teachers are guided to other resources such as the music of Peter, Paul and Mary. (The #1 group of 1960) So, now we have all of these programs to help kids become build yet more self esteem. I mean, really, Peter, Paul and Mary? As my mom would say, “Ai, Jesus, Maria Y Jose!”
However, Michelle is too busy to be able to do some serious digging. Enter RWD and the crew at IMAO. Remember, if there are questions that you need answered — we have the best Fake But Accurate data out there.

Continue reading ‘The New School’ »

Man, I haven’t written anything funny today. I guess I would have something if I had been following the news… but I ain’t been following the news. So I’m just here panicking going, “I gotta write something funny!”
To which I reply, Then write something funny.
“But I can’t think of anything!”
So just write something about Chomps biting someone or Buck killing foreigners; that’s always enough to placate the rubes.
“No, I want something brilliant and funny, or otherwise my readers will go read some other blog… and I hate it when people read other blogs!”
Well, I’m not bailing you out of this one, bucko. You make your own humor. Do a top ten list or something. Those are easy.
“About what?”
Check what’s on the frontpage of CNN.com for an idea.
“‘U.S. copter came under fire before crash’… I don’t think there’s anything funny about that.”
“Top Ten Things Not to Do While in a Copter Under Fire” Number 10: Play “Guess Who” with the pilot.
“That’s just sick.”
You asked for my help…
“And you just scared all the funny out of me.”
Hey, I got a fun idea: Let’s see how many racial slurs we can name!
“Go away.”
That’s your problem, bucko; you’re scared of living on the edge. Now, if you let me free to write on IMAO, there’d be so much controversy that…
“No way. I don’t want that trouble.”
Fine. Can we at least get some coffee?
“Yeah, sure.”

It seems pretty certain there are going to be Supreme Court vacancy pretty soon, so I wonder who the next justice(s) should be? I nominate Mr. T.
What do you think?

I completely forgot about the President’s speech last night. Since I now have Tivo, I never check the TV schedule and instead just depend on Tivo to catch all I want to see. I ended up spending last night watching CSI: Miami with my sweetie (it was a rerun of when Speedle got killed – hadn’t seen it). It’s certainly easy to find what the blogosphere thinks, but I want to hear my readers’ impressions. Please put them in the comments.

Bruce Campbell, the star of such cult movie hits as Evil Dead and Army of Darkness, made a swing through Seattle to promote his novel How to Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, a satirical look at Hollywood.
A friend of mine and I got there a little early to the event and promptly got lost in the extremely confusing underground parking lot. Once we found our way up to overcast Seattle daylight, we were on the wrong side of the building. We weren’t the only ones lost: Bruce Campbell and his publicist were also wandering around back there.
“Hi,” Bruce Campbell said. “Do you guys know where you’re going?”
“Yeah we’re going to see you,” I said. “Where are you going?”
What followed was a comedy of errors where the four of us tried various doors into the building that mostly went like this:
   ME: Okay Bruce–This door is the one!
   (Kuh-click! RATTLE! RATTLE! RATTLE!)
   PUBLICIST: (sigh)
   BRUCE CAMPBELL: Yep, I sure am glad we hooked up with you guys…

Continue reading ‘“Thanks… for nothing”’ »