Archive of entries posted on 7th June 2005

Me as a Kid Could Beat Up You as a Kid

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So here I am, minding my own business, and I get this e-mail:

Umm… I’m just wondering.. when does the funny start?
Or… am I missing a joke somewhere?
Brian.
P.S. You got beat up a lot as a kid didn’t you?

I’ve grown a lot in popularity since I started blogging, but the hate mail has failed to match it. That’s actually the best I’ve gotten in months. Did what I could to work with it and responded thusly:

LOL! What prompted this one? We’re you molested as a kid?
IMAO stands by its near three year history of humor excellence. If anything at IMAO does not meet your standards, you can send it back for a full refund (except for t-shirts).
Good day and better luck on finding the joke.
-Frank J.
http://imao.us

Beaten up as a kid? You’re talking to Frank J., here. Like I’d put up with such rubbish at any age. As my father always told me when I was young:

“If another kid hits you, hit him back. Or, if someone looks at you funny, hit him. Plus, if you’re bored, might as well hit somebody. Also, if some kid bothers you while you’re in the middle of watching a football game, hit him just like I’m about to hit you.”

UPDATE: He’s already responded. No reference to lyrics from Rage Against the Machine, but I’ll do my best to work my magic on it.

You Talking to Hsi?

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The North Koreans keep resisting six-party talks. There must be some way to get Kim Jong Il to agree to them. I thought of a number of ideas myself, and they just happened to be ten in number so…
THE TOP TEN WAYS TO GET NORTH KOREA TO RESUME TALKS
10. Have Bush stop referring to Kim Jong Il as “Poofy Goofy.”
9. Have talks in Korean instead of the customary ancient Aramaic.
8. Make sure there is free pizza, because I know from experience at college that conferences are more likely to have people show up if there is free pizza.
7. Advertise event as “Disarmament Talks and Karaoke Contest.”
6. Chain Donald Rumsfeld to a radiator to lessen the chance of him fulfilling his vow that he’ll “squeeze the neck of the poofy-haired one until he is dead.”
5. Have the Japanese bring to the talks some of those overly violent, porn-filled cartoons they’re so famous for. Everyone loves those.
4. Special deal this time only – make three concessions, get one free!
3. Have some people there for Kim Jong Il to oppress (maybe some Democrats from Congress) so he’ll feel more at home.
2. Promise Kim Jong Il that we won’t invade his country while he’s temporarily away.
And the number one way to get North Korea to resume talks–

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Please Hurt Our Feelings

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Right now my mind is divided between trying to figure out how to make a better podcast and how to save Africa. All that, and I ended up late to work. Well, I think I have the Africa issue solved as well as possible right now, so I need your help on the podcast.
Yeah? Well, what do I get for helping you?
You get more free funny, and even funnier funny. The plan is to do a lot (and I mean a lot) of cutting for the next podcast to make it shorter and more streamlined, but I want to do my best not to throw the wheat out with the chaff. Thus, I need constructive criticism on the first two podcasts. What worked? What didn’t work? Where was it too slow? I especially want focus on the little things – little things that bothered you and the little things that made you laugh – because the little things make the biggest difference.
We here at IMAO believe podcasting is the further evolution of blogging, but we need your help to evolve better than the others so that we can smash in their Neanderthal skulls if necessary. You are all honorable ronin, and we thank you in advance for your help and support.

Vote Or Diet

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Hmm, this Podcast thing is really taking off around here.
I’m guessing here that you are wondering right now how you can show some support for the IMAO podcast. No? Well you are now, right? RIGHT!
You know you want to show your support for the iMao podcast, don’t you?
Sure you do! That’s why you’ll vote for us at podcast alley and also at podcast pickle (tis on the right, scroll down a bit, brother) and show how you think the IMAO Podcast is extra super happy #1 fun show and how you love us Frank, you really, really love us Frank.

Voting is so totally cool*, everybody is doing it. So c’mon, vote! What are you, chicken?

Oh and the whole diet thing in the title was just an empty threat. I’m sure your personal body image has no bearing on whether you vote or not. Tubby.
*I was going to say ‘totally hitler‘ but you know, that would be so y’know, totally unhitler to say so.
Updates below the fold

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