It’s an interesting debate on what dissent is responsible in time of war. We now have no problem defeating the enemy on the battlefield; our only weakness is our resolve. The terrorists know this, and hope to make the dissenters in our own country loud enough that we give up. Thus, irresponsible speech against America and its military gives comfort to the enemy that their attacks are working. At the same time, pointing out a legitimate fault might have the same effects. So when does speech cross the line from valid criticism to aiding the enemy? Perhaps, as Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said about pornography, “I’ll know it when I see it… and be even more sure the second time.”

 Anyway, Senator Durbin should be neutered. What he said didn’t come even close to responsible speech; he might as well start asking Al Qaeda for pay as a PR agent. Censure isn’t enough for that, so I think neutering is a good start. If Durbin were to produce little Durbins, obviously no one would want them. Thus neutering Durbin is the humane thing to do plus sets a good example for pet owners.

 Next, a metal garbage pail should be put over his head, and all the other senators should take turns hitting the pail with a stick. Hopefully, this can be done in a bipartisan way. After that, he’ll be dazed and confused. This will be a good time to dress him up in a tutu and parade him through the streets. If he mumbles something about his treatment comparable to what the Nazis did, make sure the crowd on the street has plenty of tomatoes and eggs.

 When Durbin is marched back to the Senate hall, next should come the old tradition of ripping off his Senator badge and forcing him to eat his own poo. Finally, the public gets to wait in line to pummel him with wiffle ball bats.

 All of this should make it quite clear that Durbin’s slander was inappropriate, thus there is no reason to then kick him out of the Senate. Instead, he should be given a job as cashier at the Senate’s cafeteria so he can still talk to his Senate friends but not be able to vote on legislation (unless there’s some obscure rule where the cashier at the cafeteria gets to make a deciding vote in some situations – which there could be since I don’t even know the non-obscure Senate rules).

 I think we can all agree this is a reasonable and appropriate punishment for Dick Durbin. Let’s get the Senate to start voting on it as we pick out a trustworthy veterinarian to neuter him.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Rap Music and Pol Pot: The Untold Story” and “Fun Things to Do While Chained to the Floor in Gitmo”.