Bruce Campbell, the star of such cult movie hits as Evil Dead and Army of Darkness, made a swing through Seattle to promote his novel How to Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way, a satirical look at Hollywood.
A friend of mine and I got there a little early to the event and promptly got lost in the extremely confusing underground parking lot. Once we found our way up to overcast Seattle daylight, we were on the wrong side of the building. We weren’t the only ones lost: Bruce Campbell and his publicist were also wandering around back there.
“Hi,” Bruce Campbell said. “Do you guys know where you’re going?”
“Yeah we’re going to see you,” I said. “Where are you going?”
What followed was a comedy of errors where the four of us tried various doors into the building that mostly went like this:
   ME: Okay Bruce–This door is the one!
   (Kuh-click! RATTLE! RATTLE! RATTLE!)
   PUBLICIST: (sigh)
   BRUCE CAMPBELL: Yep, I sure am glad we hooked up with you guys…

Continue reading ‘“Thanks… for nothing”’ »

I saw Batman Begins over the weekend, and it was awesome – leagues better than any of the previous (there was actually acting and character development). I’m all hyped for the sequel and hope they bring back Batman’s main nemesis, the Joker. I wonder who should play him, though. Besides being too old, I think Jack Nicholson just had too much cool to be the Joker. Actually, the previous choice for the Riddler, Jim Carrey, would have been a better fit.
What do you think?
BTW, the rumor of who Nolan is looking to cast could be controversial if true.

The Miss America Pageant has now been moved to the Country Music Television Channel.
I’m a big fan of beauty contests. Some people say that true beauty lies on the inside, but I’ve noticed that only ugly people say that. Anyway, not that Miss America has left the major networks and ‘gone country’ I’ve done some digging and have learned that this pageant will be going through some changes.
Here’s Ducky’s Dozen:

Top Changes for Miss America Now That It’s On CMT
Now on CMT, Country Music Television.
12. Judging panel use gold covered spittoons.
11. Sponsorship provided by Roadkill Helper
10. Orchestra is replaced by Mr. Earl and His Jug Town Band
9. Opening number is one big square dance
8. Kenny Chesney eligible to be a contestant
7. Moonshine Chugging Competition
6. All contestants given the middle name “Sue” or “Lou”
Announcer: “And here’s our next contestant. Margarita Lou Lopez!!”
5. Bikinis replaced with Daisy Dukes
4. New, improved talent show!!
Announcer: And here’s Miss New York, Elizabeth Lou Miller!
Miss NY: At first I was going to recite poetry, but now that we’re on CMT I’d like to do some hog calling. Suweeee. Soweeee. Suweeeeeeeeeeeeee.
3. Official song becomes, “She’s purtier than my red wagon”
2. Pageant contestants would be the first people on CMT with all their teeth.
And the biggest change now that Miss America is on CMT…

Continue reading ‘The New Miss America’ »

Continue reading ‘awwwwwwwwwwwww……………………..’ »

Known for his sharp rhetoric opposing the War in Iraq during his brief run for President, the Reverend Al Sharpton has now come around to giving the War effort his full support.
“While blacks make up over 20% of the US Military, they comprise less than 12% of the casualties,” said Sharpton, “If there’s a downside to this, I’m just not seein’ it.”
“Heh. Crackas be droppin’ like flies!”
Former Ku Klux Klansman and current West Virginia Senator Robert C. Byrd also voiced tentative approval of the war upon reviewing the statistics.
“Although it pains me some to see good White men dying for Bush’s illegal war for oil,” observed Byrd, “I comfort myself with the notion that the ones doing the dying had voluteered to serve in a mixed-race Service. Me, I’d rather die a thousand times than fight under Old Glory with a Negro by my side.”
“It’s God’s justice”, he concluded.
President George W. Bush – speaking at a press conference earlier today – expressed disappointment at the news, but hoped that a solution could be found.
“It seems that “Operation Get Behind the Darkies” has been a miserable failure,” said Bush. “I’ll be meeting with the Joint Chiefs later this week to discuss ways of increasing minority casualties. I don’t want the US Armed Forces to be accused of violating Affirmative Actions laws by allowing African-Americans to be under-represented in this vital category.”
[Hat tip to Mean Mr. Mustard for the link to the stats]

There seems to be a few misperceptions about the podcast, so I thought I’d do a short FAQ.
Q. What is a podcast?
A. It’s an audio file, specifically an mp3 in our case.
Q. So why the fancy-smancy name?
A. So it sounds cool. Originally, the name confused me too, and I thought we were making a special file that only played on Apple products — but I was wrong!
Q. Do I need an mp3 player to listen to the podcast?
A. No, I don’t even own one. If you have a computer with speakers (or headphones), you’re set. The idea is, if you have a portable player, you can listen to podcasts while jogging or at work, but, if you’re like me, you’ll just listen on your home computer.
Q. What’s that weird subscribe XML stuff?
A. If you have a program like iPodder, you enter the URL of that XML when adding a subscription to IMAO. Then, iPodder will automatically see when new IMAO podcast are available and be able to download them for you. Right now, you have to use software like that to download our older podcasts.
Q. How often will there be new podcasts?
A. Every Monday, including a special one for this 4th of July.
Q. I want to support the podcast. What can I do?
A. Tell your friends, tell us what you like and don’t like so we can improve, and make sure to vote so we can gain some stature in the admittedly liberal leaning podcast community (I was told in a forum we’re a niche just by being conservative). Podcast Alley is where we’re making headway from votes, and you can vote every month, so there will be a big push for votes in July so we can try and make the top ten podcasts. Please vote now if you haven’t already (all you have to do is give them a real e-mail address and then click the URL when sent the e-mail). Podcast Pickle is another popular site where we could use your support.
Q. I don’t care about podcasts. I want Frank Answers™ back! Where are my Frank Answers™?
A. The mailbag segment at the end of the podcasts basically is Frank Answers™. Just send your comments and questions to the designated e-mail (podcast [ at ] imao.us) and you might hear me respond in the next podcast. Plus, the best e-mail each week wins a free t-shirt. That makes it even better than Frank Answers™!
Q. Wow! Podcasting is fun and cool! I love it!
A. That’s not a questions, moron! It’s idiots like you that make me hate blogging and podcasting!
Q. I’m sorry.
A. You’re forgiven! Hooray!
If anything else is confusing you, put it in the comments and I’ll update this FAQ.