In Lodi, California, a father and son were arrested. The son had spent a summer in a terrorist training camp in Pakistan.
IMAO has obtained exclusive “real news” stuff. (Fake but accurate)
Here for your viewing is the key piece of evidence found by the FBI. A letter sent home by the son.
For some reason, it makes me sing a little tune in my head.
Continue reading ‘Top Secret Information!!’ »
Did Kerry stall on releasing his military record because he was afraid he’d lose his intellectual status when people saw his grades at Yale, because his college picture make him looked like a stoned Lurch, or because of something more nefarious?
I’m not much of a conspiracy theorist, so I’m going to say it’s a combination of the first two.
What do you think?
So Howard Dean insults white Christians (which, he at least pretended to be before a dispute on bike trails), has insulted anyone who votes Republican, southerners in general, and insulted minorites (the hotel staff remark, if you remember). An interesting question is, if Dean is as efficient as possible, how many more statements will it take to alienate absolutely everyone in America?
I remember the blogosphere had a lot to do with getting Howard Dean to be chair of the DNC; I forget whether it was the right or the left side, though.
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
If the Democratic Underground can have little wet dreams about life in 2006 (“GOP Swept from Power in 2006; Impeachment Looms“), figure it’s only fair that other people are allowed to indulge.
Like me.
Self-Desecrating Koran Offers Convenience, Sparks Riots
Looking to cause havoc in you detention facility but can’t trick your infidel guard into mishandling your holy book? The Jersey City based company “Desecrated Incorporated” has the answer to all five of your daily prayers.
“Although Muslims will riot at the drop of a hat,” said Marketing Director Sam Snead, “they prefer a more provocative excuse, like the drop of a Koran. That’s why we’ve created Korans that will give the appearance of being defiled without actually being touched. So when a guard approaches, all the detainee has to do is activate the easily-hidden remote control, and POOF! International incident.”
“There are several models to choose from,” explained Snead. “Our most popular is the Whoopsie Wayward Walker. It has little mechanical feet that spring out, enabling it to “walk” off a table and onto the floor. For added effect, another touch of the remote will make a kick-dent appear in the book’s spine.”
“Then there’s our “magic ink” models. When activated, “stains” will appear on the pages to simulate either water damage, dirty fingerprints, a coffe-cup ring, or wind-splattered urine. Pretty hard for the guards to talk their way out of it when you have the proof in your non-kafir hand.”
“We’re looking to add a poo-stain version this summer,” continued Snead, “but we’re having a little trouble getting the smell right. Scratch & sniff is a tricky medium to work with.”
Also in the works is a self-flushing model.
“It’s the ultimate convenience” said Snead. “moisture sensors in the cover automatically guide the book directly into the toilet, and a tiny, water-activated motor propels it down the bowl and into the waste pipe.”
“Plus the quick-dissolving paper is completely septic-safe!”
Muslims the world over rioted outside stores selling the special Korans, fighting amongst themselves to be the first one on their block to own a copy.
Said one unidentified rioter, “Only twenty bucks for an excuse to riot AND I get to blame the infidels for causing it? Hell, I’m gonna sell my wife and buy a CASE of these things! I love it! ULULULULULULULULU!!!”
I got some hate mail yesterday from one Brian who was unable to find the joke. I responded politely, and then he came back at me with this:
> LOL! What prompted this one? We’re you molested as a kid?
>
>
I guess it’s all the tough guy posturing with a gun. That coupled with your scrawny frame looks like a classic wimp complex. I could be wrong but, I doubt it.
>If anything at IMAO does not meet your standards, you can send it back for
>a full refund
Ok, you owe me seven minutes of dsl time.
Brian
Now we’re getting off topic. I tried a little harder to be helpful this time:
Thank you for your frankness, but I assure you I have an “efficiently compact” frame, and not a “scrawny” one. Anyway, not to sound homophobic, but this focus on my body by another guy is creeping me out a bit.
As for the gun posturing, it is natural to posture when one has guns. If it frightens you, I assure you that statistics show that one is more likely to be stuck by lightning than shot by me (of course, the probably of both of those rise significantly if you live in Florida).
As for owing you for seven minutes of DSL time, I assume you are kidding. The issue of finding the joke as was the focus of your previous e-mail must be of great concern to you to take the time to write me an e-mail. Of more concern is the value of my time, but I still don’t charge for responding to e-mails and always like to help one in need. I gather from these two e-mails that you are probably about eleven years old, not given much attention from your parents, and looking for a father figure (I could be wrong, but I doubt it). While I can’t be that father figure you desperately need, young Brian (understand, I have a busy schedule), I can help you find the joke you seek.
I must ask some questions to find where you went awry. Where did you look for the joke? We’re you of full cognitive facilities when you looked (i.e., not under the influence of drugs)? Most importantly, when you were looking for the joke, was your head inside or outside of your own ass?
I know you can find the joke, young Brian. Just keep reaching for that rainbow.
Cordially,
Frank J.
http://imao.us
He’s already answered with a much longer e-mail, really trying to get under my skin this time. It’s funnier when they try. We’ll try to see how long Brian can give us free amusement.
“Senator Kerry, you finally released your military records. How did it go?”
“The worst day of my life, what do you think? Ugh! Idiot!”
Man, just think if that was released during the campaign:
I’m President George Bush, and I approve this photo.
Not only did I do marginally better than my opponent in college, but girls did not run away screaming when they saw me.
