It’s an interesting debate on what dissent is responsible in time of war. We now have no problem defeating the enemy on the battlefield; our only weakness is our resolve. The terrorists know this, and hope to make the dissenters in our own country loud enough that we give up. Thus, irresponsible speech against America and its military gives comfort to the enemy that their attacks are working. At the same time, pointing out a legitimate fault might have the same effects. So when does speech cross the line from valid criticism to aiding the enemy? Perhaps, as Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart said about pornography, “I’ll know it when I see it… and be even more sure the second time.”
Anyway, Senator Durbin should be neutered. What he said didn’t come even close to responsible speech; he might as well start asking Al Qaeda for pay as a PR agent. Censure isn’t enough for that, so I think neutering is a good start. If Durbin were to produce little Durbins, obviously no one would want them. Thus neutering Durbin is the humane thing to do plus sets a good example for pet owners.
Next, a metal garbage pail should be put over his head, and all the other senators should take turns hitting the pail with a stick. Hopefully, this can be done in a bipartisan way. After that, he’ll be dazed and confused. This will be a good time to dress him up in a tutu and parade him through the streets. If he mumbles something about his treatment comparable to what the Nazis did, make sure the crowd on the street has plenty of tomatoes and eggs.
When Durbin is marched back to the Senate hall, next should come the old tradition of ripping off his Senator badge and forcing him to eat his own poo. Finally, the public gets to wait in line to pummel him with wiffle ball bats.
All of this should make it quite clear that Durbin’s slander was inappropriate, thus there is no reason to then kick him out of the Senate. Instead, he should be given a job as cashier at the Senate’s cafeteria so he can still talk to his Senate friends but not be able to vote on legislation (unless there’s some obscure rule where the cashier at the cafeteria gets to make a deciding vote in some situations – which there could be since I don’t even know the non-obscure Senate rules).
I think we can all agree this is a reasonable and appropriate punishment for Dick Durbin. Let’s get the Senate to start voting on it as we pick out a trustworthy veterinarian to neuter him.
Frank J. is a syndicated columnist whose columns appear worldwide on IMAO.us and is the author of such books as “Rap Music and Pol Pot: The Untold Story” and “Fun Things to Do While Chained to the Floor in Gitmo”.
Heh. Durbin wearing a hair net and telling me what the special of the day is. “hey Dick, what’s the special today?”
Dick “Meatloaf with a side order of nazi torture.”
I like the neutering idea.
However, this assumes that you have a Democrat that has balls in the first place. I submit tha,t although technically possible, this is quite a stretch.
How much trouble would I be in if I “accidentally” used an aluminum bat, instead of a wiffle-ball bat?
For punishment, I can take up to a stern, hand-on-hips look, at least. Or maybe even a strongly worded letter. But no disco or rap.
Garbage pail on the head whilst whacking it with a stick…hehehe
Parading in a tutu whilst being pelted with eggs and tomatoes…hehehe
Cafeteria…hehehe
Dude…that was too funny…ow…pain…can’t stop laughing…
Frank, your intellect and wit continue to amaze me.
Then, there’s the whole issue that you own enough weapons to start a small-scale war.
Wit vs. World Domination…decisions, decisions.
Veteranarian? Any good farmer should have the right implement to do the job.
Would he have to dress up in a Nazi tutu? Stalin liked tutus, too. And what would Pol-Pot have preferred, a grass skirt? I’m sure poison ivy would be laced into it for better torture.
A bipartisan whack upside the head is a good start. But let’s make sure the job gets done.
After that, he’ll be dazed and confused.
That’ll be a complete reversal from what he is today: confused and dazed.
What penalty will I suffer if I use a Louisville Slugger instead of a whiffle ball bat? And isn’t it “wiffle” ball?
“Wiffle(tm)” is trademarked. FrankJ used the generic “Whiffle” so that he wouldn’t get into legal trouble.
Because… uh… you know… you can’t take automatic weapons into courthouses.
AS the great master, R. Lee Ermy said so succently to Pvt. Pyle, during their discussion regarding recruit training, “I’m gonna rip your balls off, so you can’t pollute the gene pool!” Ah, R.Lee, how that harkens me back to the days of my youth…
Frank, remember all those times I told you how great your editorials were? Well, I was lying.
But this….this is brilliantly top notch! This might go in my top 3 (with the Michael Moore hate letter and the IMW where John Wayne and Ronald Reagan meet the young Clinton Eastwood in a bar.)!