No hippies allowed at IMAO.
Take this quiz, and if your spirit is impure, throw yourself under the wheels of Jane Fonda’s vegetable-oil-powered bus.
[Hat tip: RightWingNation – “the five-percenter“]

Oh great… I saw in the Washington Times that “debris” fell off the space shuttle at launch. God, I pray that the seven astronauts make it safely back to Earth.
When they are back home, roll the shuttle off the runway of Edwards AFB and scrap it. The shuttle should be a museum piece like the Saturn V rocket and outer space should be commercialized using free market principles on safety grounds alone.

Continue reading ‘If the Shuttle makes it back, scrap it.’ »

(cross-posted from Bad Example)
Matty O’Blackfive says Jane Fonda’s going to be protesting the Iraq war, and…

Fonda said her anti-war tour in March will use a bus that runs on “vegetable oil.”

Vegetable oil?
Sorry, but as a member of People For the Ethical Treatment of Vegetables, I’m protestin’!

“No veggies for oil!”
“Hey! Hey! Fonda, J.! How many carrots did you kill today?”
“Give peas a chance!”
“Jane lied! Turnips died!”
“Your hands are red with the juice of innocent tomatoes!”
“Avacados are not the enemy!”
“Jane Fonda: herbicidal maniac!”
“How many ears per gallon?”
“Kill one person it’s murder; kill thousands of beans and it’s fuel!”
“Free speech, not processed leeks!”
“Jane Fonda is Mazola’s puppet!”
“Real patriots defend potatoes!”
“The road to peace is not paved with pea pods!”

Don’t let Jane get away with this atrocity against innocent produce!

Just came down from the roof of the building I’m working in. First it was just this big flame in the distance traveling skyward, smoke soon forming behind it. It didn’t go straight up, but diagonally instead, the path arcing as it got higher. Eventually the flame died down and all I could see was a snake of smoke continuing to grow into the sky, with little flashes at its tip. Then the smoke stopped completely and there was a little white speck continuing to move through the blue. Eventually, my eyes became watery from looking upwards towards the sun, and I lost sight of it.
Good luck, spacemen!
UPDATE: SarahK took some pictures from where she works and will post them tonight.

NARAL (which is not an acronym for a phrase with “abortion” in it) sent me a script to call my Senators with:

Hi, my name is _________ and I’m one of Senator ___________’s constituents. I’m calling to urge the senator to oppose the confirmation of John Roberts to the Supreme Court. I know Roberts has led a distinguished legal career, but he also has a clear record as a legal activist who has advocated for the overturn of Roe v. Wade and has used public positions to further this goal. This is in direct opposition to the position of the vast majority of Americans and Sandra Day O’Connor’s legacy. I ask that the senator oppose any nominee who will not respect my right to personal freedom and personal responsibility.
I’m following this issue closely and will be paying attention to how the senator votes on this issue. Thank you for your time.

I was thinking of actually calling up my Senators and reading that as robotically as possible. Instead, I had a brilliant new idea:
OUTRAGED LETTER TEMPLATE MADLIBS!!!
Okay, everyone list:
1. a name
2. an adjective
3. a plural noun
4. a singular noun
5. an adjective
6. a present-tense verb
7. a plural noun
8. a plural noun
9. a past tense verb
10. a singular noun
11. a singular noun
Got those all written down? (don’t proceed until you do)

Continue reading ‘A Fun Political Activity for the Whole Family!’ »

Here’s a few samples from Podcast 9 available at IMAOPodcast.com:
* Laurence Simon read Billy Goats Gruff
* SarahK Reviews Harry Potter
* World of Knowledge: Declassified Tapes of the Fall of Man
Enjoy!

Shuttle launch today (hopefully). Maybe I’ll step outside and give it a gander if it’s finally getting off the ground.

George and the Spin Factory Part 2.
Part 1
**
We look in on President George Bush as he glares at his Oval Office Radio. “You take that back you lying sack of sugar. Who in heck is going to believe that boy when he says that Rove has the mark of the beast on his back?”
“Lots of people do, sir. Lots of them.”
“We should get rid of them. How could they be of any use to us?”
“On the contrary sir, each election, a certain percentage of those people mistakenly vote Republican. It’s a small but important number. We call it the Bong Blip.”
“I don’t care, I tell you. I don’t see how people believe this stuff.I have my best people out there trying to fight all these lies. Where’s my remote control? What channel is today’s press conference on?
“All of them, Mr. President.”
“Okay, where’s the All button? Oops. Oh there’s Scotty right now.”
“Thank you for joining us today at this press conference.”
“Al Franken says that Rove bears the mark of the best. Your opinion?”
The President watches from his office. “Watch this — he’s gonna tear him apart.”
“We can neither confirm nor deny that Mr. Rove bears the mark of the beast. In fact, we don’t know WHERE he shops — but we do believe it should be his own personal business. No matter what the Patriot Acts says in the fine print.”
“See — nothing but the best. How do they make that stuff stick?”
**
Slowly, the invitations start to go out.
**
We catch up to Michael Moore, who sits at home — eating.
“Sir, you have received an interesting email.” Said Seymour.
“I told you to tell them it was Artistic License.”
“No, sir. It’s not the usual email. It’s the other kind?”
“Free invite?”
“It appears you are invited to attend a function of Al Franken and Company.”
“Hot dog!”
“So you are excited by this, sir?”
“No. I mean, get me some hot dog. You guys are really slow today. And call the Hygiene Cabin – tell them to have the full crew ready.”
**
Dan Rather sits in his office. “So this is a computer, huh? Wow, this is cool. This is nothing like a typewriter — oh so THAT’S what they mean by ‘font’?”
“Yes, Mr. Rather. ”
“So how come I haven’t heard from Al Franken? I want an invite to that tour. You HAVE been calling him, haven’t you?”
“Sir, I’ve left messages for him repeatedly..”
“And you’re saying–?”
“What you told me to say sir, that the Most Powerful Man in the History of Broadcasting would like a word with him–”
“Funny. He should have called by now.”

Continue reading ‘George and The Spin Factory, Part 2’ »