(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
After the cowardly attacks in London, the Brits went completely whacking hatstand, plotting bloody vengeance against those what done them wrong.
In their own typical, understated, cultured, and excessively polite English way, the Crown’s Tommy’s re-doubled their efforts in the Middle East to stick a dagger in the heart of organized Muslim terror.
Amongst the weaponry rapidly deployed against the filthy terrorists were such diverse elements as:
The Rather Unpleasant Exploding Head Laser Beam
The 20 Megaton Nuclear Crumpet of Mild Inconvenience
The Terribly Sorry About That Old Chap 7.62mm Explosive Sniper Round
The Didn’t Mean to Trouble You Electrified Gonad Zapper and Battlefield Intelligence Procurer
The Double-Oh Eyeball Knife
Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Napalm Spam Spam Spam and Spam
The Bit of a Sticky Rocket-Propelled Wicket
The ‘Tis But a Scratch Depleted Uranium Bugger the Blighters Bunker Buster Missile
The Not Quite Cricket Cluster Bomb
The Nudge Nudge Say No More Bazooka
And…
A special propaganda bomb containing pamphlets imprinted with a single, multiple choice question:
“Sunny morning, me cheeky monkeys, and quiz me this: What word best describes Osama bin Laden?
A) arse-bandit
B) back scuttler
C) battyboy
D) beaver leaver
E) bender
F) brown hatter
G) buftie
H) bum-chum
I) chutney ferret
J) friend of Dorothy
K) fudge nudger
L) jobby jabber
M) knob jockey
N) marmite miner
O) mincer
P) pillow-biter
Q) poncey
R) poofter
S) shirtlifter
T) uphill gardener
U) all of the above
ANSWER: OO! Sorry! Trick question! The correct answer is “You’ll be stone dead in a moment because the bomb after this one won’t be filled with paper. Cheerio, ya rammy arse-monger!”
I do so love the Brits. Bless them and pray for them, and may their swords forever drip with the blood of Mangy Mohammeds.
SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!