Hey! This isn’t lolterizt!
I know, but I felt morally obligated to celebrate Earth Day. You’ll get your fix tomorrow.
Meanwhile, enjoy these:
FUN FACTS ABOUT THE EARTH
 |
- The earth rotates at approximately 1000 miles per hour. The actual speed depends on the latitude of the observer. Apparent speed depends on how many beers he’s had.
- Roughly 2,000,000 pounds of space dust enters the atmosphere from space every year and reaches the planet’s surface. Some scientists claim that they bring space microbes that cause the flu. Others say that they’re just very tiny space-Mexicans heeding the call of their border-crossing nature.
- Rainforests once covered 14% of the earth’s land surface, now they only cover 2%, thus greatly reducing the number of places from which velociraptors can lurk and pounce.
- 80% of all life on earth is found under the ocean surface. Of that total, 63% can be made tasty with lemon and butter.
- In the last 500 years, approximately 300,000 people have been killed by volcanoes, which is approximately 300,000 more than have been killed by global warming, if you don’t count the people who have been bored to death listening to Al Gore preach on the topic.
- The earth is 93 million miles from the sun, and it takes the sun’s energy over 8 minutes to arrive on our planet’s surface. The sun is also home to the server which hosts the IMAO home page.
- Earth is home to over 10,000 religions, all but one of which are wrong.
- Due to the Earth’s rotation, the planet is not completely spherical, but more of a pumpkin shape. Sorta like Ted Kennedy’s head, except without the persistent odor of gin.
- If all the ice in Antarctica were to melt, it would cause sea level to rise by 200 feet. It’s also currently the only plausible theoretical way to make hippies bathe.
- The total number of animal species currently known is 1.5 million. Although some environmentalists estimate that half of these could be threatened with extinction, history has shown only the ones that don’t taste like beef or chicken need to worry.
- The earth has either one large moon or millions of tiny ones, depending on whether Frank finally got off his lazy ass this morning.
- The second hottest place on earth is Death Valley, which got up to 134 Fahrenheit on July 10, 1913. The hottest place on earth is anywhere a Marine points to while calling for air support.
- Lightning hits somewhere on earth 100 times every second, about the rate at which a typical Conservative shudders while contemplating voting for John McCain in November.
- Although most people are concerned about oxygen, the earth’s atmosphere is actually about 80% nitrogen. This element is useful for providing nutrients to plant root systems and stopping futuristic cyborg attacks – temporarily.
- The largest ocean on earth is the Pacific, which was named after the pacifists who were killed and tossed into it by pirates and other non-pansies.
- Over 99.9% of the earth experienced a slight, but measurable, decrease it its average temperature over the last decade. The other .1% received Federal grant money.
What do YOU know about the earth?
The Earth is approximately 4.5 billion years old, but John McCain says it still has that new smell that it had 4.4 billion years ago.
It makes a really pretty bumper sticker.
Oh, and I drove to work today in honor of Earth Day. I usually take a combination of bicycle and train to work and then bicycle all the way home.
There are currently approximately 5 billion people on Earth. Most of whom can’t seem to understand that it is, in fact, illegal to drive while talking on their cell phones.
The voltage potential between the surface of the Earth and the Ionsphere is approximately 360,000 Volts. This is certainly enough to electrocute every liberal on the planet while simultaneously providing unlimited power to the VRWC.
The Earth is where I keep all my stuff.
Any post that mentions velociraptors is a winner
This is the kind of hard news and original reporting which contributes mightily to the reputation this hard news and original reporting site has developed for being a place to find hard news and original reporting.
However, you failed to mention that Earth is where the pencil was invented.
Irrespective of that minor oversight, thank you, and please continue to struggle against the forces of oppression for your brother workers and the betterment of the Mother planet.
II don’t know much about the Earth but I found a game to celebrate Earth Day – http://www.fyrebug.com/?p=305 – you get to see how many times you can bounce the Earth.
The Earth is controlled by rich, white men who smoke cigars, invented HIV to kill black peoople, and look like that guy from the game Monopoly.
Despite the fact that the Earth has survived several major asteroid impacts, at least 50 very large volcanic eruptions, and many different periods of glaciation all on it’s own, it still needs to be rescued by Al Gore and a Power Point presentation called “An Inconvenient Truth”.
There are three horrendous forces on the Earth that have the power to suck your eyeballs out of their sockets:
1. An F5 tornado
2. The 8 pound Oreck Upright vacuum cleaner. (picks up check from the Oreck company)
3. A film that has been rated M3 – Michael Moore movie
//* Rainforests once covered 14% of the earth’s land surface, now they only cover 2%, thus greatly reducing the number of places from which velociraptors can lurk and pounce.//
Now they work at the Rainforest Cafe…overpriced bastards….
Still waiting for that interstellar bypass to roll through. Bring it, you Vogon scumbags!!
70% of the Earth is covered by water over a mile deep, of which, less than 3% has been explored. There could be some really awesome hippie eating fish down there. I say we scrap the space program and start the hippie bait program. My guess is they will catch really big cat-fish type things. Hippie smell and you know how cat-fish like stink bait.
You forgot to mention that Earth Day is also Lenin’s birthday.
The Earth is the world’s most dangerous planet. The 2004 tsunami that killed lots of people was allegedly caused by a Sumatran subduction zone earthquake. Now, we know that it was really all Bush’s fault, but what are you gonna do?
When it comes to endangered species, I think Cracked had it right.
Nothing to add, just kudos to Harvey and Commenters. Funny, funny stuff. Love the photo caption too.
When Mother Earth has had enough of our crap, she will kill us all. Happy Earth Day Mother Earth, you viscious bitch!
6CO2 + 6H2O = C6H12O6 + 6O2. It’s called ‘photosynthsis’. You need carbon dioxide to get oxygen, you fools.
I spent Earth Day walking around Daley Plaza looking for Hippies to beat up. Hippies smell bad and scare children. WON’T YOU PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN??
However, the only people at Daley Plaza were confused office workers looking for food and the occasional person handing out ex-trees (aka leaflets). The leaflets obviously hate the planet as they killed many carbon absorbing trees.
RE: #1, you beat me to it — I wanted to post that “The earth is nearly twice as old as John McCain”. Dammit.
My original (-ish) one: The earth holds more than 6 billion people. Approximately 400,000 of them are Americans, while approximately 5.6 billion wish they were Americans.
approximately 10,000 scientists, most of whom are not climatologists signed a piece of paper that says they believe in global warming. The total number of scientists on the planet numbers in the millions.
This, according to Al Gore and hippies everywhere is called “overwhelming consensus”. What most people seem to forget is that science is not ruled by consensus, but provable FACTS. If a bunch of scientists got together and declared that Belgium is a figment of our imagination based on cherry-picked data and maps that were drawn before Belgium became a country, as much as we would like it to become true, it wouldn’t.
Just about ever environmental study funded by the government clearly proves the “reality” of global warming, while non-government funded studies are far less conclusive.
From this it can be concluded that government funding causes global warming, and we must reduce the amount of money available to the government to fund global warming by paying less taxes.
If you believe in global warming I got some carbon credits to sell you….
“* 80% of all life on earth is found under the ocean surface. Of that total, 63% can be made tasty with lemon and butter.”
Dang you Harvey, now I’ve coffee on my keyboard and am hungry.
Sorry to interject Harvey, but I believe the phrase you are looking for is: “stinking, fetid, insect ridden, jungles.” (Obviously it would be harder to find people willing to “save” those).
Despite hippie’s assertions to the contrary, all of the water that has ever been on Earth is still here (minus the minute amount that astronauts have disposed of during space missions).
Concerning the caption, since when did John Edwards get a real job as a hand model?
Addendum to #23
If the polar ice caps are sitting in water, and we can travel under them in submarines, why would sea levels rise when the water underneath has already been displaced by the ice???
Here’s an experiment: [Disclaimer–Children do not attempt this without adult supervision].
Fill a glass three-fourths full of water. Add enough ice (email me for the recipe) to bring the water level to a specified point near the top. Allow the glass to sit at room temperature, and then wait for the ice to melt. Unless you live in The Twilight Zone you’ll find the water level to be unchanged from the original reference point.
So this raises the question: Is Al Gore smarter than a fifth grader?
Liked everything except the bullcrap statement that only one religion is “correct.” All religions are valid, Harvey. Get over it.
#24 – It’s the antarctic ice cap whose melting would raise the ocean levels, because it is not floating. Of course, it is not melting either, but that’s just another inconvenient truth. (In fact, it’s thickening and the weight of that is forcing it out to overhang the sea. Eventually it overhangs out far enough to break off. In the Gore-bosphere, this is called “melting”.)
Luipaard – No need to be hatin’ on me. That line was just spoofing the fact that most religions say that their way is the only way, and that all other ways lead to eternal damnation.
Personally, I have no problem with any religion that stresses examining one’s life for flaws and correcting them over murdering unbelievers.
I’m not sure Islam falls into that category.
The current pressure to accept Global Warming as fact is very similar to the pressure exerted for over a hundred years to accept Darwinism as fact. Any honest scientific theory welcomes challenges and debate. If new facts come to light the theory is modified or rejected in favor of a more advanced theory. Neither Global Warming (Goreism) or Darwinism can tolerate any hint of question or dissent.
This alone is sufficent reason for any thinking person to question their validity. How do species change over time? Darwin might have a good idea or two. How did life begin? Darwin didn’t have a clue. Has our planet warmed measurably beyond the limits of random climate changes to explain? Are the other planets (like Mars) warming? I suspect Gore doesn’t have a clue.
The general acceptance of Darwinism led to more bloodshed and debasement of human dignity than any other theory in history. To what will the general acceptance of Goreism lead us?
Happy Earth Day!
C.S. Lewis wrote that Nature is not our mother. She’s our sister. We have the same Father. Our current problems with the environment do not rise to the level of Matricide, merely sibling rivalry! (Dad always liked you best!)
Actually Harvey, I’m almost certain Christianity is the only religion that claims this:
“Jesus answered – I am the way, the truth, the life, NO ONE comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6
Pretty clear cut if you ask me (which you didn’t, I realize.)
I see no reason, unless you’re not a believer of course, that you needed to explain your original post.
However if you are a Christian, stand up for your faith for goodness sake!
(Sorry, I know this isn’t a “religious” blog but I’m just sayin.)
Sulamie – Got it in one. I’m an atheist, but not an evangelical one (I don’t go around trying to convert people). Since I’ve never made a secret of this here, I wanted to be sure people know that the “10000 religions” bit was a general observation and not a slam on Christianity in particular. I understand why someone might interpret it that way, but that wasn’t where I was going with it.
Anyway, I’m pretty sure Islam & Judaism are also of the “one true way” variety.
Global Warming, too, now that I think of it.
Forget that Nuke the Moon business, I think I’ll just Nuke Earth and start fresh.
I know that I am a steward over the earth. It is my responsibility to use it’s resources wisely and to make life better for me, my family and my neighbors.
Using resources does not mean leaving them buried in the ground where they will go to waste. It means using them in the best manner to benefit those who live here.
It also doesn’t mean raping those resources as well as the public, with outrageous fees and costs, by governments, businesses and special interest groups.
Sorry it’s not funny, but these days it’s hard to find.
#28 is right. Even Adolf Hitler based his eugenics on Darwin’s rather incomplete theory. Personally, I don’t think that the evolution of life & a belief in a Creator are mutually exclusive; I presume that God has the time to set things in motion however He sees fit. If it took 13 billion years, then no wonder Lucifer became so impatient, the little bitch…
//Forget that Nuke the Moon business, I think I’ll just Nuke Earth and start fresh.
#32 – Posted by: God on April 23, 2008 11:06 AM//
Can I have a pony first?
Harvey – sorry, didn’t know you were an atheist. I am “newish” to this blog, been a lurker mostly, and must have missed that. I am actually having a good chuckle (at myself) because I SOOOOO misinterpreted the original post. I didn’t think you were slamming Christianity, I thought you were defending it (and then backed down). I probably got a little too excited and assumed (most?) right wingers were people of faith. Big ooops. I should know better, forgive me. (I don’t get out much – mom of 4, h’schooler, evangelical, lucky to get a shower every day ‘cuz my house is craaazeee!) Anyhoo….thanks for explaining. And for the laugh – the post was hilarious.
PS – That explains the Jesus on the surfboard bit (I think that was you?? Lightbulb suddenly goes off – haha!) I didn’t get it and probably spent WAY too much time trying to figure it out, Ho boy maybe me and my hub need a date night.
34 – Go see Ben Steins’ ,”Expelled – No Intelligence Allowed”. The first ‘serious’ film I’ve seen in years. the audience applauded at the end! The only other film I recall seeing that got that kind of reaction was “Independence Day”. Go figure.
37 – hope you have a nice date night.
Rightjabs…me no thinks Al Gore is smarter than a fifth grader…me no thinks he is even smarter than a fifth of whiskey…and AlanABQ…amen. The Creator is always more intelligent than the created. humans are clueless. too bad about your atheism Harvey. that makes me sad. but then again I believe there is always hope…because I believe.