My Magic Negro Barack really screwed up in the recent debate on ABC (NYT login & password available from BugMeNot).
Since the MSM has no imagination, he’ll be getting these same questions over and over again, and I’d like to see him better prepared next time. As a courtesy to the only hope for the future of America, I offer this cheat sheet of:
condensed versions of the questions (links provided so you can check my accuracy),
[his ACTUAL boiled down answer], and
the correct answer.
1) Why won’t you promise to take Mrs. Clinton as your running mate if you win the nomination?
[Because I haven’t won the nomination yet – DUH!]
Two words: Mondale-Ferraro.
2) Do you understand that you offended people with your “bitter & clingy” remark?
[Did I say bitter & clingy? I meant angry and frustrated & clingy]
No one was offended except racist, Christian gun-owners, or – as I like to call them – Republicans.
3) A simple yes or no question: Do you think Senator Clinton can beat McCain?
[In 474 words – “Yes”.]
Only if she ties him to a chair and uses a tire iron.
4) Why did it take so long for you to distance yourself from the offensive remarks of Reverend Jeremiah Wright?
[I was too busy being a uniter across racial divides.]
Because hanging with that righteous brother gave me more black street cred than starring in a Fifty Cent video.
5) What will you do when videos of Wright are played over and over during the rest of the campaign season?
[Start talking about health care.]
Lock in 100% of the black vote.
6) Given her statements about Bosnian sniper fire, do you believe Senator Clinton has been fully truthful about her past?
[She made a mistake. Income inequality is the highest it’s been since the 1920’s. Also, I stand for change.]
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!WHOOOOOO!HAHAHAHAHA!…(continue laughing for at least five minutes)…hahaha snort chuckle (wipe streaming tears)… yes… yes I do.
7) Why won’t you wear an American Flag lapel pin?
[I wore one just the other day during a photo op. Don’t question my patriotism.]
I respect the flag, but I also respect my $1500 Armani suit too much to poke a hole in the lapel.
8) During your state senate campaign, you held an organizational meeting at the home of a domestic terrorist who bombed the Pentagon in the 70’s. Can you explain why your relationship with this man won’t be a problem during your campaign for President?
[Being friends with bad people doesn’t make you a bad person. Besides, I’m friends with LOTS of evil people. Republicans, for example.]
Hell-ooooo! I’m a DEMOCRAT! Hanging out with violent hippie terrorists is a resume enhancer in this party.
9) Are you going to withdraw troops from Iraq even if it would undo all the gains we’ve made in that country?
[Yes]
Yes, because that way I’ll lock in 100% of the crazy Muslim terrorist vote, too.
10) Should it be US policy to treat an Iranian attack on Israel as an attack on the US?
[Iran won’t attack because I’ll ask them really nicely not to.]
No, because Israel is much better at killing Muslims than we are. We’d just be in the way.
11) Will you read-my-lips pledge not to increase taxes of any kind for anyone earning under $200,000 a year?
[Yes… no… sort of… except for capital gains taxes and maybe some other stuff.]
I won’t increase taxes. I’ll just close loopholes and repeal Bush’s cuts. Totally different animal.
12) Is the D.C. handgun ban consistent with the 2nd Amendment?
[Yes, because ALL Constitutional rights are subject to government regulation.]
Yes, because it doesn’t prohibit the use of flintlocks by militias.
13) How specifically would you recommend changing affirmative action policies so that affluent African Americans are not given advantages, and poor, less affluent whites are?
[Colleges should have a goal of a specific number of each type of person, just without quotas.]
By raising taxes on black people making over $200,000 a year.
14) What are you going to do about gas prices?
[Threaten oil companies with investigations and taxes.]
Send them soaring through the roof with a combination of obliviously short-sighted foreign policy in the Middle East and monumentally blinkered economic policy at home. And that bracelet is to remind me to ask myself “What Would Jimmah Do?”
15) How would you use George W. Bush if you were president?
[Ask him for his dad’s phone number.]
Like Hitler used the Jews. Wait… sorry, I mangled that one… I just meant as a scapegoat to advance my political career.
16) Why are you the better candidate and more electable in November?
[70-year-old women like me a lot.]
Hoping and changing and black, oh my!
All good, but #4, that ball is outta here.
Under Obama, I suspect the country will slide even further into legislative anarchy. This is less a concern than Obamma as Commander In Chief. For that job, one must understand one’s countrymen which he clearly does not.
FORGET THIS NONSENSE. WE’VE HAD A MAJOR EARTHQUAKE HERE IN THE MIDWEST AND WE GOTS PEOPLE SUFFERING DOWN/OVER/UP HERE.
PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THE GREAT AMERICAN BALLPARK IN CINCY AND CLOGGING UP THE BATHROOMS AND KICKING URINALS OFF THE WALL!!!!!!
IT’S A DISASTER. WHERE ARE THE FEMA TRAILERS!
WHERE IS THE WATER AND ICE. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY – WHERE ARE THE DAMN CREDIT CARDS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WE’RE DYING UP/DOWN/OVER HERE AND GEORGE BUSH IS DOING GOD KNOWS WHAT !!!! HE KNEW ABOUT THESE FAULT LINES!!!!!!!!! WHAT’S HE DOIN ABOUT EM ?!?!?!? NOTHING !!!!!!!!! I HEAR CHENEY AND RICE ARE MAKING BIG MONEY OFF OF THIS. I HEAR REAL ESTATE DEVELOPERS ARE GOING TO CLEAN UP OVER THIS, ONCE AGAIN SCREWING THE MIDDLE CLASS !!!!!!!!
WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END!!
DAMNIT WE NEED HELP OVER/DOWN/UP HERE.!!!!!!!!
I feel your pain Bob, still it’s not like your entire town has been destroyed but hey a few bricks in the street and it’s Chaos.
For years those who live in the Midwest have been living with tornados, hail, blizzards et al. What happens when destruction happens. People pull together, figure out what needs to be done and then they…………… wait for it…………….DO IT.
While I know this is not the American way, at least according to Liberals, it is still alive and well in the Heartland. Thank goodness.
PS Harvey you’re a naughty, naughty man ; )
Memphis, TN has been controlled by Democrats for decades, just like Norlens. It has a large black population, mostly poor or middle class, just like Norlens. It’s in the center of the New Madrid fault zone and the damn Mississippi River is 4.5 feet above flood stage. When the Big One hits here (was that just a truck passing?) it’s going to make what happened to Norlens look like a cup of spilt tea next to the sinking of the lost continent of Atlantis. I won’t be waiting for FEMA. I’ll just start walking east. (that’s the only way you can leave this town without crossing a bridge. If you see me comming give me the password “Nuke the Moon” and I promise I won’t kill you for your food and water. God save us all!
I guess it was just a truck passing. I took my medicine and had something to eat and I feel a whole lot better now. What was the question? How to help Oboma? Tell him not to visit Memphis during rush hour. I think Gore lost Tennessee because he visited the city 3 times during the 2000 campaign, each time tying up traffic during rush hour so his motorcade could roll through. Each visit to the city probably cost him 10,000 votes in the general election.
Hahaha Cincinnati Bob is being sarcastic. I too am in cincinnati and found that post hilarious. GWB just doesn’t care about us little people he shoulda flown in his jet and let down a ladder and saved us all. HAHAHAHAHAHA
Obama is black?
I take offense to that!
I am not a Christian.
Not a gun-owner, either, though not for lack of wanting to be.
Mega – As the token atheist on this blog, you’re preaching to the choir here.
… so to speak 🙂
Indeed, Harv. As damnheathens, we should always be vigilant about the 2nd Amendment, which protects our right to be damnheathens.
Or anything other than Wahabbi Muslims.