Mrs. C., in an ever-so-premature fit of presumptuousness, saw fit to splutter out a few of the activities that would occupy her first 100 days as President.
A list basically consisting of undoing the too-tiny list of things that President Bush actually did right – like cutting taxes and killing terrorists – recited in that venomous, Emergency Broadcast System test-howl voice of hers.
Since you actually have to get ELECTED to have a “first 100 days”, I think her crystal ball has a few cracks in it
As for me, I look into MY crystal ball and see… well, nothing, actually, since I’m not some filthy scamming gypsy fortune teller like the one who told me to take out a second mortgage and bet it all on the Patriots.
All mysticism aside, here are my predictions regarding what Hillary would do during her first 100 days as President (heaven forbid):
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- Replace all the H-less White House computer keyboards.
- Hostess that damn Pampered Chef party that Pelosi guilted her into.
- Go out hunting, just like her grandfather showed her.
- Shoot her eye out, just like her grandmother warned her.
- Bake some cookies for her first press conference. Chocolate chip for Reuters, bitter almond for Fox News.
- Head off future First Husband scandals by making sure all White House phones have a 24-hour dry cleaner on speed dial.
- Bring the troops home so as to ensure that America will have another date on the calender that need only be referred to by month and day.
- Outlaw torture with the exception of those superdelegates who chose… unwisely… at the Democratic convention.
- Be the victim of a tragic – yet not career-ending – light saber accident on the lava planet Mustafar.
- See if OJ would be willing to take time off from his hunt for the real killers to help her hunt for the Bosnian snipers.
- Same thing she does every day, Pinky…
Any predictions from the audience? Anybody?
Ah, yes… you over there, way in the back…
Propose a plan to rescue Social Security by investing the money in Cattle Futures.
Officially propose Obama be confirmed by the Senate as the Secretary of White House Lawn Jockey
Finally divorce Bill.
Have all the mirrors removed from the White House so no one will notice she doesn’t cast a reflection.
How could she possibly properly carry that out. There won’t be piece of silver left in the place after her first two days.
I don’t know why but I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Same thing she does every day Pinky! I’m laughing while I’m typing this
//* Same thing she does every day, Pinky…//
Where is she supposed to get a duck and rubber pants at this hour??? Will mousealopes be classified as endangered again?
I Can’t believe that the evil Glenn only rated a 5/95 on the stupid/evil scale. Of course they overlooked his love of Puppies. that should get him to a more appropriate 2/98
Officially change her name to Kim Il Clinton.
Host the Chinese / American Nuclear Technology Conference to “build better relations.”
Lay waste to Bosnia in retalitation for all those snipers that didnt deem her an important target.
Last year, I developed a four step program to survive a Clinton presidency.
http://thecatholiclibertarian.blogspot.com/2007/10/how-i-plan-to-survive-another-clinton.html
That’s actually a five-step plan, Anthony. But it gets the Good Political Household Seal of Approval!
Now, you need two more plans. One for McCain and one for Obama. Recipes must vary!
Well, I imagine she’ll need a pair of ice skates for the commute to and from her real home. I imagine it would be getting a little chilly in Hell right about then.
Finally have time to get her cankles planed down to something resembling human legs.
Get to work on that Dalmation coat she’s been dreaming of.
Roll a fattie and watch The L Word.
Pull off the rubber mask at her first press conference, revealing…
Scary Evil Monkey!
Get fitted for burkha and make sure she lets the tailor know she doesn’t want it to make her ass look big.
Make sure the rich are paying their fair share of taxes by having the IRS audit them, starting with Oprah!
Pursue her vision of equality by instructing the NIH to begin researching a drug to ensure men get their period monthly AND go through menopause.
With enough funding HHS can begin the forced implementation in her second term.
*Dismount the 7-headed beast and let it run wild over the earth.
*Have congress tied down to chairs, where she will cackle until they all bend to her will.
*Ban sunglasses so no one will be able to see the members of the Democratic party for what they really are (see “They Live”).
Legalize prostitution, but only if all the hookers, call girls, street walkers and just plain sloppy whores agree to wear burkas and veils while working. Then when some camel jockey says “you Americans let your daughters dress like whores!” she can say, “oh yeah? well our whores dress like yo momma!”
“Finally divorce Bill.
#4 – Posted by: FormerHostage on April 17, 2008 12:34 PM”
You forgot what she does in the days after ditching Slick. Legalize gay marriage. Marry Huma Abedin, http://buzzfeed.com/buzz/Huma_Abedin.
First she’ll sit down and have a good cry, then she’ll imprison any journalist/ blogger/ citizen who had the audacity to dis Chelsea.
Neutering Bill and filling her cabinet with the truly reality deficient will fill up a good bit of time as well.
The rest of the time will be taken up with hiding the bodies. She’s good at it and has had a LOT of practice but with so many bodies, it’s just going to take a while.
Cudos NunyaB. Those were excellent.
She’ll emasculate the remaining men in the country and convert the Yucca Mountain storage facility into a gigantic testicle lockbox.