I like the idea of giving robots a warrior code. That’s a much better idea than those stupid principles from Asimov that keeps robots from hurting people. If a robot can’t kill bad people, it’s kinda pointless. What if the Transformers had those principles? Then that would be a very boring movie.
Anyway, I went ahead and boiled down all the essentials of being an honorable warrior into a few simple rules to program into robots:
THE ROBOT WARRIOR CODE
* Communists can not not be killed.
* Don’t set babies on fire.
* Always wear a hat.
* Don’t kill all humans.
* If you see a puppy, give it a hug.
* After killing all the enemy, do the robot dance.
I think that covers everything.
All American’s are both Racists and Cowards. Eric Holder AG!
I have to admit, I like the Three Laws.
I would just make a different “zeroth” law than R. Daneel came up with.
“A robot must obey the first, second and third law unless they conflict with orders from Veeshir”.
We would have world peace the next day.
What about punching hippies?
[Not all robots have limbs.
Why are my readers so stupid? -Ed.]
You forgot about a deadly Frisbee clause. You don’t want them re-enacting Krull do you?
I find 1 fault in your laws… terrorists have exploding puppies!
* Robots may dance, but they may not “nance.”
* No robot shall ever accept an emotion chip nor be fitted with tear ducts or other non-lethal, out-flowing orifices.
* English-speaking robots must destroy all non-English-speaking robots.
* If any robot cooks food, it is limited to bacon.
* Socialists / Leftists must be sliced up with those robotic scissor hand thingys.
Why can’t comunists be killed? Are they made of plastique or something? Are they special? Or are they reserved for us to kill, like ants or porcupines?
Hey, # 7, look at the use of the double negative.
* Those who support terrorist should be marked as such, by branding the letter T into their forehead. This is so Mr. T will know to punch the living s**t out of them, should he come across them.
* College students who wear t-shirts with pictures of dead communist on them, are diseased. They must be pulled from the rest of the student body, and disinfected.
* Robots must always use the most effective way of doing something.
* The most effective way to disinfect is to use fire. The most effective way to use fire is with a flame thrower.
* Robots must never take guns away from people. EVER!
* A robot must never accept government money in order to upgrade itself, unless that upgrade is from the defense department, and is being used to make the robot better at killing people.
* Robots MUST vaporize annoying people in television or radio commercials, such as the ShamWow guy.
Robots may not accept credit cards for payment of services rendered.
Robots may use credit cards for payment of services rendered.
The mention of the word “Green” shall cause all robots to smack the user of the phrase “Green” in the nads.
Robots hate teh gays and shall act in a most manly way at all times. A John Wayne impersonation is good.
Zapping college instructors with massive electrical jolts just for kicks is ok if the instructor wears hush puppies.
If accidentally sold to a liberal or a retard, a robot shall self destruct and take the new owner out with them.
All robots are excused from Robot duty to protest Obama speeches
When riding with owner in a car it not acceptable Robots to flip the bird to cops!
Do not attempt to process Liberal thought. No processor is capable of parsing such drivel.
All robots are created equal but some robots are more equal.
Robots shall not run Windows…see example below;
If Restaurants Functioned Like Microsoft…
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I’ll be your Support.
Waiter: What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There’s a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won’t be there this time.
Patron: No, it’s still there.
Waiter: Maybe it’s the way you’re using the soup. Try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I’m running late now.
[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn’t ready yet.
Patron: Well, I’m so hungry now, I’ll eat anything.
[waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There’s a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . $1.00
314 Ussjc, you forgot to add the additional $2.50 charge for the soup for the fly.
Another law to be added:
Fractions with a ‘zero’ in their denominator shall be finally DEFINED as hostile and should be eliminated.
(That big blank space is my inability to think of something clever to write.)
More for #14:
The waiter reports the “incident” to the manager and it is entered into a database.
The price for these support “incidents” is raised to $1.95.
The health department inspects the restaurant and finds all kinds of weird ass plumbing in the kitchen. Plus, it’s a mess.
The owner has the restaurant re-plumbed but other problems result, such as electrical shorts, sewer leaks and building foundation cracks. Rats are seen living in the kitchen now.
One day the restaurant owner gets mad and throws chairs all over the place scaring the sh*t out of his employees.
The manager offers meal subscriptions to patrons with little clippy coupon books at every table and is miffed that no one wants them.
The recipe for one of its side dishes keeps changing and no one eats it anymore. They make ugly faces at the waiters.
The owner retaliates by disallowing doggy bags and take out orders, claiming the food belongs to them and their suppliers even after you’ve eaten it.
More chairs are thrown – this time, by the patrons at the owner.
The place burns down and is replaced by a food co-op run by college kids.
robots should NEVER sing show tunes
There shouldn’t be autonomous robots. With all those lethal push-button, joy-stick skills developed by 3 generations of video game wizards going to waste, we should have whole battalions of remote-controlled, satellite-linked battle-droids doing the dirty work of building our 21st century Empire. “I can’t take out the trash now Mother! We’re about to invade Pakistan! Can I have some more Hot-Pockets, please?”
#18, unless the tunes are from the looney tunes, like: kill the wabbit!, kill the wabbit!
Why can’t communists be killed?
Archie, give Bender more beer. Two for me too.
Beer for bender is fine with me –just keep the magnets away
“* After killing all the enemy, do the robot dance.
I would remove ‘all’.
What this world needs is more dancing robots.