Lord of the Flies

Beelzebub (n): Beelzebub, prince of devils, from Latin, from Greek Beelzeboub, from Hebrew Baʽal zĕbhūbh, a Philistine god, literally, lord of flies

If you needed more proof that Bill Gates is the Devil, then you now have it.

As a Mac user, I can’t say that I’m surprised.

On the other hand, Steve Jobs is the Anti-Christ, so either way, we’re all screwed.

Watchout for the Watchmen

Not to Start Rumors…

…I hear that Obama is planning to get us through this crisis and fund the failing banks and corporations by giving us a hundred percent taxation. We’ll then all have to fill out forms telling the government how much money we need each month and then they’ll review the form and decide on how much money to give us back. This will help Obama control things until we’re out of this economic crisis or he can fully consolidate power and build camps to contain all the crazy right wingers who oppose economic recovery. This will be called PATRIOT Act II.

The True Threat to the Environment

Friends, there come a time when we must fight evil at its source. For example, actress Ashley Judd, is bravely fighting the evil Governor Sarah Palin, who “authorized” the killing of wolves from helicopters. Sure this sounds like fun, and tours are available virtually anywhere and you can get a discount if you mention the IMAO name, but that’s besides the point. Of course we can stop the innocent slaughter of harmless wolves whose only goal in life is to take the food (Caribou, Polar Bears, Whales, etc) that would otherwise be used to feed “innocent” women and children. But before we do that we must address an evil that threatens to not only destroy the world, but you and me as well.

(Content warning: Not for women, children, or people with heart conditions.)

Continue reading ‘The True Threat to the Environment’ »

Stupid Unhealthy Poor Kids

So Obama has expanded the SCHIP program, which seems like a pretty stupid idea right now. We’re in an economic crisis and it’s time for making cuts, and frankly healthy poor kids doesn’t help anyone right now. Obama assures us, though, that it will all be easily funded as long as lots of people keep smoking and paying the new higher tax. In fact, they’re going to change the warnings on cigarettes to things like:

SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Smoking may cause cancer and lung disease, but it also funds health care for poor kids so it all evens out in the end. Smoke ’em if you got ’em!

Also, packs of cigarettes will now all have a picture of a smiling Obama smoking a cigarette on the front.

You know, if we could just get unhealthy poor kids to smoke cigarettes, then they could pay for there own health care.

Cheney’s Threats

So, do you think Cheney is threatening an attack on the U.S if Obama reverses his policies? Does he have WMDs? Is anyone keeping track of him?

This is why we must prosecute Cheney for war crimes — if he’s in prison, then he can’t attack us.

…Then again, he’s is an evil mastermind, and he could probably sneak instruction to his minions out of prison. And prison would only make him angrier and more likely to attack us.

I guess we’re better off just doing whatever he tells us.

Gotta Encourage This

After reading this post about the wonders of Sarah Palin and the idiocy of liberals, Reader NunyaB has started a blog:

Why Sarah Palin Is So Freaking Awesome

And Nunya is holding a coloring contest featuring the wolf picture mentioned in the post.

Here’s a link to the pdf picture.

Here are nice, clean, .png files of the image, suitable for messing with in MS Paint or other drawing programs:

With annoying “please stop killing wolves” text.

Without.

Here’s a tiny, artifact-ridden, not-suitable-for-coloring .jpg file so you can see what we’re talking about if you’re too lazy to click a link:

Now color it up and send it to: i8nunya (at) aol (dot) com

Economic Doom

According to an official government report released by Nancy Pelosi, because of the Obama economy we are now losing jobs at a rate of 500 million a month. That means all of you reading this will lose your job in the next month. Also, most of you will then get a new job and also lose that before the end of the month. A lucky few will also lose a third job. Luckily, Nancy Pelosi says that can be stopped by passing the one thousand dollar bailout plan.

(NOTE: Numbers previously mentioned may all be off by a few orders of magnitude)