Archive of entries posted on 10th February 2009

How to Handle Iran

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If Iran wants nukes so badly, maybe we should just give them some.

…I know, but just hear me out.

So let’s give Iran a bunch of our old nuclear warheads… the really big ones. Obama can say, “This is a sign of how much I trust Iran and want to be their friends.” And all the conservatives can be like, “Bad Obama! We hate you because you’re black!”

…we don’t really hate him because he’s black, though, this is just part of the plan.

So Amadibbledoobledobber will see his big warheads and American fighting and giggle and say, “Now is the time for the killing of the jooos! Arm the warheads!” So his nuclear scientists will go to arm the warheads and OUT OF THEM WILL POUR TONS OF SQUIRRELS!

That’s right! Instead of the nuclear warheads being filled with radioactive material, they’ll be filled with squirrels! And not just any squirrels — squirrels trained to eat human faces! Then all of Iran’s nuclear scientists will be like, “Ahh! My face! It’s being eaten by squirrels!” Amafoopledoople will probably get away because he’s quick and tiny, but Iran’s nuclear program will be back to square one. Top that, Israelis!

lolbama! Part 7

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This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.

OTHER NOTE TO READERS: So much good stuff I’m only going to drop in one token picture of my own due to space considerations. You guys rock!

From Bryan:

From Russ:

From Peregrine John:

From Zorn:

From Harvey:

My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Wendy:

From Jon of Exurban League:

From Bryan:

From Jeff:

From Joe:

From labcat:

From Susie:

From The Intriguist:

From Goth Bunnyy:

This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:

PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Busy

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Blogging will be light, as I’ve been assigned by the president himself to a special emergency task force to determine whether helicopter doors are at safe sizes. This sounds like a special honor, but I hear Obama is paying for about 100,000 engineers to look into this problem. Don’t worry; I hear it will all be paid for under the stimulus.

The never-ending Obamagasm

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During this recent presidential election … and since … many of us on the Right have concluded that the mainstream media (MSM) get .. the best word to describe it is “orgasmic” … over Barack Obama.

An Obamagasm, if you will. One of the most famous examples is the tingly feeling that Chris Matthews gets in his leg by listening to Obama.

Only, unlike an orgasm, this Obamagasm never seems to end.

Then, I read this article on Fox News. It says there are some that suffer from something called Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD). A “never-ending orgasm,” to quote the title of the article.

To date, there is no explanation for the disorder. While researchers are still trying to figure out what causes PGAD, in “Textbook on Female Sexual Dysfunction,” Dr. Irwin Goldstein, the head of the Sexual Health Program at Alvarado Hospital in San Diego, summarized that possible reasons may include one or more of the following:

— Neurological changes like brain anomaly, post-injury or pelvic nerve hypersensitivity;

— Vascular changes, like pelvic congestion;

— Pressure against genital structures;

— Medications, such as the start or discontinuation of anti-depressants;

— Psychological issues.

(Dr. Sandra) Leiblum has added intense masturbation or partner stimulation, emotional stress, anxiety and starting or stopping a hormone regimen as possible causes.

When I read that, it all made sense. The MSM suffer from Persistent Obama Arousal Disorder … or POAD.

And, for nearly the same reasons:

  • “Brain anomaly” — in other words, they aren’t right in the head.
  • “Pelvic congestion” — and you can’t get more congested than having one’s head up one’s ass.
  • “Pressure against genital structures” — which a head up the ass will certainly cause.
  • “Medications” — and I’ll readily believe that many in the MSM are on drugs.
  • “Psychological issues” — to which I can add nothing; it says it all.

So, let us on the Right have compassion for those in the MSM for getting all orgasmic over Barack Obama.

They’re sick.

But, I’m telling you nothing new.

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