Shooting blanks

Newsday reports that New York’s new Senator, Kirsten Gillibrand (D), is removing two rifles from under her bed:

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-N.Y.) has moved the two rifles that she kept under the bed to protect her upstate New York home, her spokesman Matt Canter said Monday.

“Given that the location of the guns has been disclosed, they have been moved for security reasons,” Canter said.

That’s silly.

They’re saying that now that people know where she keeps them, it’s a problem.

I don’t understand the problem.

If we had a female Senator in, say, Georgia, Alabama, Tennessee, or some other southern state, and if she kept her guns under her bed, she’d not only tell the reporter doing an interview, she’d have a sign up in the yard warning anyone who dared try unauthorized entry into the home.

Heck, there are eight shoulder-fired weapons (rifles and shotguns) and two hand-held weapons in my bedroom. Yes, they’re loaded.

I guess that means I can’t be a Senator from New York.

Their loss.

Random Thought

Anytime someone is killed, Kevin Bacon is charged with sixth degree murder.

Blogger Title

You know how doctors always get to be called… well doctors. You know, like if I were a doctor you’d call me “Dr. Frank J.” Well, I think bloggers should get a title so people know they’re better than them… or at least top bloggers should. According to Technorati, IMAO is one of the top 1,000,000 right-wing political humor blogs. Considering the number of blogs out there, that puts IMAO in the top .00001% of all blogs. I should get a title for how important I am. I don’t want it to have the word “blog” in it because that’s a stupid ugly word. Maybe I could be “Master Frank J.” or “Chief Frank J.” or “Dark Lord Frank J.” I’m not sure what it should be yet, but I am sure I should have an important sounding title.

IMAO Feed

I hadn’t really used RSS feeds before, but I’ve started recently and realized I like it a lot better when the entire post is in the feed. Thus, I’ve changed it so now IMAO will include the entire post in its RSS feed.

I know what you’re all saying, “I don’t want the entire post there! It’s not the full IMAO experience without the ads!” That’s why I did some stuff so you should see Google Ads in your RSS feed. Now it’s the entire IMAO experience in a more convenient format. Enjoy!

We’re All Going to Be Rich

The stimulus plan is awesome and it’s totally going to work!

I know a lot of you are skeptical about the stimulus plan and think it’s just a big pork bill, but I actually sat down and read it and it is pure genius. There is nothing in there that isn’t part of the plan to give America an indestructible, superman economy capable of taking on anything. If you’re wondering why so many Republicans voted against, it just must be because they never got a chance to read it because it is magical. It’s like a leprechaun riding a unicorn wrote it. When you read it, butterflies just appear all around you; that’s how magical it is. You have never seen a more finely crafted bill. You just read a few lines from it and you’ll want to go buy a bigger wallet for all the money you’re going to have when it improves the economy.

Everyone who worked on this bill must be like geniuses of the highest order. I want to buy them all presents as thanks. I don’t know their interests, so I think I’ll buy them those shiatsu massage seat covers because those seem like a good general present. I hope they like them. Then I need to go buy a bigger house because when this stimulus kicks in I’ll need the room for all the money I’m going to have. If you don’t believe me, go read the bill. You will be so excited you will pee yourself. Maybe even pee others.

Ooh! I can’t wait for the stimulus! It’s like Christmas times a birthday times going to Disney World! I’m going to go read it again!

No Publicity Is Bad Publicity

So a Muslim who made Bridges TV to try and portray Muslims in a better light has been arrested in Buffalo for beheading his wife. This just shows how many challenges Muslims have in America, because look at all the bad publicity he’s getting. A Muslim makes one mistake, and suddenly he’s portrayed as less than his fellow Americans.

So what is it with Muslims and heads anyway? What do they have against them that’s always causing them to behead people? Are they insecure about their intelligence?

“Let’s see how smart you are… without your head!”

It’s Presidents’ Day!

Time to celebrate our American presidents (now with racial diversity!).

Some presidential facts:

* Teddy Roosevelt was shot five times during a speech, and he didn’t even pause (he was too busy reading the teleprompter).

* George Washington once cut the head off a hippie with an ax and didn’t lie about it.

* Jimmy Carter spent half his first one hundred days with his head stuck in a desk drawer.

* James Garfield hated Mondays but loved lasagna.

* Thomas Jefferson actually invented the internet, but lacking computers it was just a bunch of pieces of paper suspended by strings.

* “The Monroe Doctrine” was originally the name of James Monroe’s shotgun.

* Abraham Lincoln started the first biker gang.

* For some reason, most lists of presidents leave off Benjamin Franklin even though I’m pretty sure he was president.

* Much more tech savvy than Carter, Barack Obama spent a lot of time of his first couple days with his tongue stuck in the DVD drive of his computer.

Question

Everyone is always talking about how all this government spending is going to leave a huge debt for our grandkids, but can’t they just turn around and leave it for their grandkids?

Washington’s Birthday, 2009

It’s Washington’s Birthday.

Okay, it’s not really, but today’s the day we officially observe Washington’s Birthday in the U.S.

What’s that? You thought it was “Presidents Day?” Why would you think that?

Oh, someone told you that? You read it on a calendar? Some newshead on TV said it?

Guess what? They’re wrong. And they probably don’t even know it. Living in their own ignorance. Probably Obama voters.

Let’s clear up this whole “Presidents Day” thing first.
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