You know how doctors always get to be called… well doctors. You know, like if I were a doctor you’d call me “Dr. Frank J.” Well, I think bloggers should get a title so people know they’re better than them… or at least top bloggers should. According to Technorati, IMAO is one of the top 1,000,000 right-wing political humor blogs. Considering the number of blogs out there, that puts IMAO in the top .00001% of all blogs. I should get a title for how important I am. I don’t want it to have the word “blog” in it because that’s a stupid ugly word. Maybe I could be “Master Frank J.” or “Chief Frank J.” or “Dark Lord Frank J.” I’m not sure what it should be yet, but I am sure I should have an important sounding title.
What about “Madame Secretary?” I mean, it’s good enough for Hillary…
Surly Frank J leveling out the Masters of Spin. I know this title would be a lengthly one condensed to ‘FSS’ , but Free Speech Statesman I think has a nice ring to it.
Well there’s always:
–Exalted Grand Poo-Bah Frank J.
–Professor (of Humor) Frank J.
–Sir Frank J. (honorary Knight of Ni!)
–Pope Frank J. I
“Master Frank J.” goes well with the ronin theme though.
I was thinking maybe- “The Venerable Frank J.”
I like Moron, like AoS uses. “Accomplished Moron Frank J said today…”
Allow me to make some suggestions:
1. Grand Potentate (naw, that sounds too close to GRAND WIZARD)
2. Chief Orator (On second thought, that sounds too sexually explicit. Not that it has anything to do with sex but let’s face it, some of your readers need help.)
3. Sith Lord (I like that one! It insinuates that if someone disagrees with your comments that you will hunt them down and execute them with your light sabre!)
4. Grand Master ‘BATER (Quite frankly, I can’t find anything wrong with this one.)
5. Opine Overlord (Now I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel.)
Please feel free to use any of these. or not. I’m here to help!
I thought Frank was your title, and J was your name, like “Spinmaster J” or “Doctor J”.
You can’t have Lord God King for a title, because I am Lord God King B. Hussy Nobama, and there can be only One.
One more,
“Relevant Rhetorician” (Save that one for when your mingling with Doctors at the next New Year’s Party)
Unhonorable Frank J.
Sir Real Frank J.
Comedic Prophet Frank J.
IMAO Ranger & Vice Chairman
IMAO Laser & Dinasaur Master
Aquaman Spokesman
Uh, “King of STD’s”? How about Frank J., the pendejo?
You want to be a doctor? How about “Noted Proctologist, Frank J.”
DamnCat – he likes to do his exams without gloves to show his dedication.
You should use the title “Frank J. Junior” …..then when people ask “Is that really your name?” ……you reply “I have a stutter you SOB…you must love making fun of the disabled”
Obviously, all of those titles are just too vague, how about “The Frank?”
“Ronin without Portfolio”
“Most Dread Satirist”
“Supreme Allied Commander” (that’s what I DEMAND my wife call me)
Any of those hyper-wordy Euro titles like “Crown Prince Frank J, Defender of the Realm, Herald of Truth, Keeper of the Seven Keys, Wielder of Boomstick, Sea Marshal of the Great Fleet, Smiter of Hippies”
Adam: Did you mean: “The Venerable Frank J.” …..or was that supposed to be: “The venereal Frank J.” ?
Island girl: Did you mean: “honorable Frank J.” ….or was that supposed to be: “Whornorable Frank J.”?
Frank I think you have been ointmented Master of ProctoLogic. Its not really boolean. It involveds linking internet ready commodes into a cloud computing vehicle that determines outcomes depending on the flushing action of myriad users. All that and it snaps picks of your daily creations.
Too bad Magnificent Bastard is already taken, or it’d be a shoe in.
Dark Lord is already taken, you racist cracker!
Stop staring in the mirror and get back to Hellbender.
The first time I read IMAO, I figured the title meant “In My Asinine Opinion.” Then I read the About page and was properly corrected. So, therefore, for a title, I’d suggest a confusing abbreviation for you Frank, like…
“Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome our host, FYATHYRIO Frank J.”
How ’bout you just join up with Conan O’Brien and Jim Gaffigan in PaleForce. That way you’d be a super hero!
You could be The Republihonkey-
“Mild mannered SarahK subordinate by day, pasty purveyor of pundit justice by early evening up to 10:30PM.”
Amy suggestions on what Franks powers would be?
(I’ma get banned for this, aren’t I?)
* Glorious Comrade Frank J, Defender of the Revolution, Stoner of Mac users, Chief of Procrastination, Poster of Right Random Rage Against The Machine lyrics
Meh. My snark generator is low these days.
I really needed this thread today. Thanks Frank, you Insufferable Prick!
PS – I clicked on the link for Free Grants for Democ-rats, but nothing happened.
“Postmaster”
You are hereby designated ‘Sire Frank J’.
That’ll get the Brits panties in a wad to boot.
Merciless God of Your Universe Frank J. Esquire
I think it’s obvious, really: “Community Organizer”
It’s not haughty, overly verbocious or memorable but how about this:
Frank J. Patriot
“A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” and all that other B.S. Titles are for people with low self worth, looking for justification and/or undeserved credit. Anyone who uses their real name, in an environment like this, where ridicule from the opposition is the only badge of honor, cannot be titled or knighted or any other such thing. Attempting to do so would be an insult.
Three cheers for Frank J. ….
keep it up dude we’re counting on you!
Well we’ve had Drug Czars, and we were going to have one big Automotive Czar but now we are going to have several small Automotive Czars instead, so how about Blog Czar as a title.
The link to “Free Grants for Democ-rats” still won’t give me any money!
I’ll have to 2nd one of #6’s suggestions. The success with which all of Frank’s personalities summon the Paulbots and the Obots, as well as his being an engineer, the only real choice of title is “Master Baiter.” 😉
Naw, It’s gotta be a suffix, like Frank J Whatsisname, DDS.
Only it would be Frank J Whatzizname, MOAB – Master of All Blogs.
Freemonsandlewould is my new hero. “TAG! you’re IT!”
Did somebody up there say “Hellbender”?
Hellbender Frank J.?
We’re done here, now get back to it.
Okay this is my final entry……The Ayatollah of Blogarolla.
How about “Rethuglican Frank J.”? It would be a good ruse to attract liberals to your site, which would help further increase IMAO’s ratings AND help expose liberals to more morally correct political beliefs. Of course, we’d need biohazard suits to protect ourselves from the liberals, but that’s a minor issue.
Fabulous Frank of the Kingdom of IMAO or maybe bloggers should just be referred to as Truthers, those who speak the truth (whether anyone wants to hear it or believe it or not.
Dipstick
“Darth Frank J”
“Moonnuker Frank J”
“Hellbending Frank J”
“Pharoah Frank J”
Goe, posting in accordance with prophecy.
You could change your blog name to BAIT. Then you could be Master Bait! That would be like totally cool!
“Demon Lord Master FrankJ, the Cacodaemon.”
You can use my title – Field Marshall of the Universe.
You can borrow the title my wife uses when she addresses me. Shuddup FrankJ.
I 2nd “Darth”, it would be a great tribute to Dick Cheney. Also no one seems to be using arch duke anymore, that has a nice ring to it.
The Dread Pirate Frank
Field Marshall of the Universe sounds Goooood!….. can I use it instead?
I’m tired of my old title…….or at least what everyone else calls me……
HERETIC!
I’m thinking Field Marshall of the Universe-elect would be more appropriate at this point.
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