Trolls.
Those are the little sh*theads that visit blogs, chat rooms, and message boards just to be … well, sh*theads.
As much as I despise spammers, I think I despise trolls even more.
Now, when I say “trolls,” I do not mean comments of opposing views. Many blogs accept comments. And bloggers don’t always seek positive comments. Opposing views are often welcome at blogs. But there’s a difference between voicing opposing views and trolling. If you don’t know the difference, you’re probably a troll.
Trolls don’t leave honest, thoughtful comments. Trolls want to take over your post, or even your blog.
The term “troll,” in case you weren’t familiar, comes from the act of trolling, or traveling from place to place looking for something. Like trolling for fish on a lake, or trolling for a hookup at nightclubs. Internet trolls usually go from place to place (Website to Website) making a nuisance of themselves — mostly because they live in their mom’s basement and always strike out when trolling nightclubs.
Then, there’s the image of the trolls, like in mythology. Or Children’s stories. Like the evil little creatures that live under bridges and fight the Three Billy Goats Gruff. That is applicable, too, because of the unpleasant nature of Internet trolls.
Conservative blogs get trolls, usually liberals, but not always. Sometimes a conservative who happens to disagree about a certain point (Ron Paul!) will go from conservative blog to conservative blog — trolling — leaving comments (Ron Paul 2012!!1!!). Some call it “drive-bys,” and while that’s accurate, it is trolling at its purest.
Sometimes, they’ll hang around for a bit, but often, conservative trolls will do drive-bys on conservative blogs.
Then, there are the liberal trolls. They will also do the drive-by, or traditional trolling. But often, they’ll hit a conservative blog and try to hijack a post. Often, they’ll post long missives, hitting all their talking points, usually off the topic of the post. Say, a post is about Obamacare; they’ll write 17 paragraphs on Global Warming™ in the comments.
And that’s the thing about trolls, particularly liberal trolls. They want your stuff.
Let me explain.
Blogs that have their own domain name? We pay money for those. We also have hosting fees. In other words, we’re paying for the existence of the blog.
But, we don’t have to. For instance, two of the largest blogging services, Blogger and WordPress.com let anyone — even loudmouth liberals — start a blog for free.
Why is that important? Because if a troll really has a bunch of important stuff to say, he can start his own blog rant to his heart’s content. For free.
Yes, for free.
And, for trolls, that’s not enough. They can’t be happy with using their own blog — a blog that costs them nothing. They want to use your Website … that you paid for … to spread their message. They want to use your domain name … that you paid for … to spread their message. They want to use your Website’s bandwidth and disk space … that you paid for … to spread their message.
Getting something for free isn’t enough. They want more than that. They don’t just want it for free, they want to take away what’s yours.
It’s the way trolls are.
It’s the way liberals are.
If you don’t give it to them you are a racist homophobe…and if you disagree with them you are a fascist.
Ahh, liberal trolls. Those that believe in your right to say or do whatever you want…unless you don’t agree fully with them.
I think Marko is a troll. SHUN!!!
I LOVE trolls! OOH! Remember the Limey?! Although, I guess he wasn’t a troll, per se. He was more of a hate-mailer.
[Trolls taste like chicken. Because they are. – B]
May we inquire as to the situation that led to this post? Or was it just something that was a long time coming?
[It’s been building for a while. To tell the truth, I started to not post it here at IMAO, but just post it on my little blog. But, I thought that with the recent increase in trolls here, I figured the folks here … commenters in particular … might want to talk about trolls. You guys do such a great job of smacking them down.
Don’t get me wrong: Frank, SarahK, Harvey … all the ones here can grind up a troll into little tiny troll parts that can be used to fertilize the lawn. But, they don’t have to. The folks that comment here will often jump in and make troll pie of them. The writers here do have to sleep. You guys seem to be up 24/7, carrying on (in more ways than one).
If you like, here’s a chance to vent about trolls, without limiting it to one specific troll, as is often the case on posts. – B]
You can actually find some dang funny stuff just by typing “Troll” in the search IMAO feature at left. Cave troll, etc. LOL
I’m guessing you can find funny stuff typing just about anything into the IMAO search feature, but I’m a little too afraid to try what is on my mind.
[Sometimes trolls are fun to play with. I admit it. In fact, since their comments are often caught by spam filters (spammers and trolls share many features), the only reason I’ll release them is so that they can be used for fun. – B]
RON PAUL FOR AMERICA.
[Dunning for a shunning. – B]
“Trolls taste like chicken, because they are” Does that mean it’s not considered cannibalism to eat a troll?
[A human commits cannibalism when he eats another human. Things that are less than human are fair game. – B]
I used to think I was an honest climate skeptic, but now I realize I’m a climate blog troll just shooting down whatever the latest post is. It’s like an addiction. I have like zero interest in climate change so I’m not really sure of my motivation except I know I must attempt to poke holes in whatever they say – just staying above the line where they ban me – which is not easy – believe you, me.
[Well, staying on topic is NOT troll behavior. Hitting off-topic talking points is troll behavior.
One difference is: is the relationship with the blog friendly or adversarial? If the former, it’s not trollish. If the latter, then, yes it is trollish.
Short, on-topic comments? Not trollish.
That’s a close call, but actually leans slightly away from being a troll. – B]
Sarah Palin 2012!!!! LOL j/k ;o) Great post!
And, for trolls, that’s not enough. They can’t be happy with using their own blog — a blog that costs them nothing. They want to use your Website … that you paid for … to spread their message. They want to use your domain name … that you paid for … to spread their message. They want to use your Website’s bandwidth and disk space … that you paid for … to spread their message.
Aren’t the long rambling bullet-pointed off-topic no white space troll posts what the Moderator-Delete button is for? Or is that what the Troll Smack-down Commenter Team is for?
And BTW, if I ever make a long rambling bullet-pointed off-topic no white space post, please delete it.
[Honestly, with me, it depends on the mood.
By the way, some blogging systems, particularly WordPress blogs (like this one), have two queues: moderated, and spam.
Here’s how I handle it for my posts…
If a troll comment is deemed spam by the filter I’ll usually leave it as spam.
If, though, it’s simply moderated, then I will look at the content. If vile and profane, I’ll either delete it or, if appropriate, flag it as spam.
If a moderated comment is simply trollish, I’ll often release it to the hounds and watch the fun. – B]
Trolls start their own blog?
That would be like a dog planting it’s own tree instead of pissing on every other tree, like terrorists building subways or skyscrapers instead of damaging them, like blind folks painting portraits, or like the democrat underground blog.
[Which proves that trolls are lazy. Both in action and in thought. – B]
This is my first time reading this website and im making a comment, i guess im a troll, i read alot of websites and well, there not all conservative hate farms like this one, but good job boys keep up the hate and get um.
[Let’s find out if you’re a troll…
Commenting on the first visit to a blog? Nope, that’s not troll behavior. Trolls will do that, but humans will, too.
Suddenly calling a blog a “conservative hate farm?” Ah, now we’re getting somewhere.
Being Canadian and interjecting into American politics? That’s trollish.
On the other hand, being an American and using a Canadian Internet service? Americans can do that. We let other countries use our Internet, because we’re America and that’s how we are. Americans using other countries’ ISPs is not trollish.
So, it’s leaning towards you being a troll. Let’s see if we can nail it down for sure.
Let’s see… fake name and fake email address in order to hide who you really are. Ah, classic troll behavior. Trolls are chickensh*t, after all.
So, sure enough, you’re a troll. And, of course, nor for the reason you listed. That makes you a stupid troll.
Well done. You are now qualified to vote for Obama. – B]
On the other hand, perhaps sanity and cogent thought are overrated.
I think I’ll click over to Cake Wrecks and post a 500 word comment or 500 one word comments about the sexism of the word “cupcake”.
~
Never mind, I’m going to bed- guess the trolls don’t have jobs.
I have two theories on trolls: money and sickness. I believe some trolls are paid shills, just another kind of astroturf like SEUI. Other trolls seem to be masochists, coming back for abuse again and again. Maybe both? That would be a hell of a life, wouldn’t it, to get paid to act out your neurosis?
I wonder if there are conservative trolls on progressive blogs, the kind that come back repeatedly for more abuse? Do Ron Paul trolls ever post on progressive blogs?
I am way too lazy to research and answer these questions myself. So call me a Jonah Goldberg. Let me know what you find out.
Paulbots are particularly annoying but the worst troll I ever had on my blog was a guy named Stan from IL. He styled himself “Stanthesequencer” and left three comments at a time, all typical lefty drivel. It was like playing whack-a-mole!
It turns out he was actually trying to drum up hits for his own blog! He was highly developed in the circular argument but had no visible marketing skills!
[Isn’t that what TrackBacks are for? Trolls are so silly. – B]
What is it about Canadians that compels them to troll on American Conservative sites? Are they somehow angry because we’re that much better?
I say cheer up Canada. You’re our bestest neighbor.
One of the problems, especially dealing with liberal trolls is it is so much fun to watch their little head explode. One is often tempted to feed them just to see how long it take before they burst into righteous liberal frenzy because that really is where the fun begins. Can’t you just imagine their howls of rage, spittle flying on the monitor, arugula stained hands shaking on the keyboard.
I know it’s wrong to bait them, one shouldn’t start a fight with an unarmed opponent but it just so dang funny. Sigh, it a character flaw. I’ll work on it.
My definition of a troll is broader. Anyone who disagrees with me in any way, who variates even slightly from what I think about any and all things is a troll and I ban them immediately. I ban them by the thousands every year. The strawberries that’s… that’s where I had them.
I look at trolls the way a cat looks at a mouse, if I’m bored I’ll bat it around for a while.
Usually, I just ignore.
I also will very rarely read a comment I have to scroll to read it . That cuts down on the number of trollish posts I read.
What is your position on satire trolling? I noticed lately that sock-puppets get sent to moderation. That’s a pain in the neck when I’m trying to stir the pot here.
It’s fun to comment as someone like Saab Erekat or Kim Jong Il.
[Play-trolling doesn’t bother me. It may bother others. I don’t know.
With me, it’s the two queues — moderated and spam — that normally drive how I handle it.
If it’s in the spam queue, I normally won’t read it close enough to determine that it should be pulled out. By the way, that’s where Gravatars come in handy; if I see a real Gravatar in a comment in the spam queue for one of my posts, I’ll check it out and, if it’s not actually spam, free it.
But I’ll only do that for my posts. I don’t know how often Frank or SarahK or Harvey or others check the spam queue. Akismet is good about identifying spam.
For the moderation queue, pretty much the same thing. It has different criteria, but also some overlap.
One thing about the queues is: we all have jobs. Some (particularly Frank) will write some posts ahead of time, which is why they’ll suddenly appear, even though the person who wrote it is busy working for a living. That’s also why a comment might sit for a bit before being released.
Not sure if this helps, confuses, or both. If it does any of those, then mission accomplished! – B]
All you have to do is ban them. Liberals do it on University campuses all the time. They define everything they don’t like as “hate speech”, when they are the worst practioners of hate speech.
Ok for the trolls. Now, how about MSM journalists? How about late night talk-show hosts? Lots of similarities there – this post can serve as a model…
Well, you get the idea.
Ignore the Trolls. You automatically win the argument. The rant is over, they keep coming back to the blog, dejected that nobody has taken the bait, and they “MoveOn”. Hopefully.
If they become a nuisance and have nothing to bring to the table: Moderator-Delete.
Are you sure that you’re the ones enjoying ‘batting around’ at the trolls or ‘watching their heads explode,’ or are they enjoying batting you around and watching your heads explode?
The point of trolling is to yank your chain.
Clearly, it’s working.
Don’t feed the trolls.
Are you people of your meds? Oh wait…
All your traffiks are belong to us!1!
15 asked: “I wonder if there are conservative trolls on progressive blogs, the kind that come back repeatedly for more abuse?”
I once made the mistake of attempting to explain a conservative position on a lib blog and was shouted (typed) down by 20 frothing hippies. They could not explain why what I said was wrong so they resorted to the usual responses. Also I was denounced as a troll because no one would really hold such outdated ideas and so I was deliberately stirring the pot just for the fun of it.
In a positive note; I learned some new references to the sex act with various family members (male and female, living and deceased) and other invectives that even my time in the NAVY did not teach me.
I’m just sayin’
~FE~
#22: ss396….Hero!
“Please don’t eat me Mr Troll, my older brother would make a much bigger meal for you.” It always bothered me that the younger two brothers were willing to throw the next brother to the troll.>>>”Mr. Troll, meet my brother Basil.”
What about George Bush didn’t he invade Iraq for oil so Dick Cheney could order John Yoo to write memos torturing innocent people into confessing about 911 so they could out Valerie Plame who was just telling truth to power.
#15 asked if conservatives troll on lefty blogs.
Yes, but the timing has to right. I had two screen personas on DU during the dem primary; one was a Hillary supporter and the other an Obummer man. I’d accuse Hillary of being a conservative who didn’t support undocumented Americans or suggest that Zero wasn’t committed to cutting and running from Iraq and sit back and watch the place explode!!
Confusion to the enemy!!!
troll bashing is almost as much fun as punching hippies.
I remember posting at message boards around 1998-2000, non-political boards, and these ‘trolls’ would come crashing in, usually 4 or 5 at once and start spewing the shite. They were like patients from Bellview Hospital with hyper ADD, schizophrenia etc. vomiting all at once. Remember, no politics involved. Try to imagine that. The same lefty rage against Bush, but no Bush. I think these are the same brain-damaged adolescent pubes who ‘got politics’ later in their teen years and are now DU, Kos and Huff junkies.
Wow most of the time I don’t even read the comments here……
well I know there is a law against murder, but can we curbstomp those dirty trolls instead?
Thor and Mike are right – we really shouldn’t feed (react to) the trolls. I know we shouldn’t. But seanmahair and I have the same character flaw: it’s just so much dang fun to poke at the trolls! It’s hysterical! A combination of irony and schadenfreude that is totally intoxicating! Actually pointing at the trollish fury and laughing aloud! Aaaah, good times.
Plus, it really is the virtual (and unprosecutable) version of punching their stupid faces.
I know I shouldn’t. I really try. But they’re just so much fun to poke.
So Basil, what is the difference between a european and a troll? Less drool on the keyboard? trolls get better medical?
Remember ron paul rules by the way.
I blame Bush for trolls, ron paul, and goreball warming.
Damn, did someone just punch me?
We had the worst, most insipid troll at TRN. Man, he would not give up. So often, he would sail in and avoid the post by bringing up stupid tangents.
Dispatching trolls is awful, so I feel for you.
If any center right bloggers are suffering a real honest troll, feel free to contact The Rude News under the subject line Trollslaying. We will try to get someone to aid you. No need to suffer alone.
Here’s why I never eat chicken. Didja ever notice how all the weird stuff out there always tastes like chicken? I don’t care if it’s rattlesnake, opossum, alligator, aardvark, or troll….if someone is eating it, and you ask them what it tastes like, it’s always described as tasting like chicken. That’s why I never eat chicken.
Why do I laugh at trolls? Cause it’s soo much fun.
On a similar note: My new favorite bumpersticker. Saw it on Whittle’s PJTV webcast last night.
It’s a shame, really. Even a post about the stupidity of trolls can’t muster up a single decent troll response. What happened to the liberal troll machine? It can’t be that they got jobs and moved out of their mothers’ basements. There must be some hot new video game they’re all playing.
How can you not like trolls? They are so cute and tiny and all that hair poking up….. I always thought it was kind of dirty the way they sat on the end of your penc……
what?
Oh, I see.
Really?
Never mind.