Ted Kennedy Jokes

Frank J., despite having a wicked sense of humor, has class. Or as close to what passes for class when it comes to bloggers.

He was no fan of the Edward Moore Kennedy, late of Massachusetts. But, when he got word of Kennedy’s death, he wrote a post where he encouraged his readers to “try to have good memories about (Kennedy) right now. … And try and think of something nice to say about Ted for the comments (no joke).”

While Frank J. decided to allow for kind words about the late Senator, I have no such class.

I heard many say “let’s think about his family.” Well, how far do you go with that? Do you offer condolences to the family of Baitullah Mehsud? Of course not.

And, no, I’m not saying Kennedy was as bad as a Taliban leader. But I think we agree there’s a line. On one side of the line, you put things aside and offer condolences to the family. On the other side of the line, you wonder why they lived as long as they did. Kennedy’s on the “lived too long” side of the line.

But I didn’t intend this to be a rant about how bad of a person Ted Kennedy was. Instead, I offer the other side of Frank’s post: He asked for kind words. I’m asking for Ted Kennedy jokes.

And I’ll start.

But first, here’s the background on this Ted Kennedy joke. I heard it in either July or August, 1969. I had just turned 11, and this was one of the first “naughty” limericks I heard. Shortly after the Chappaquiddick incident, someone shared this with me:

There once was a Senator from Mass.
Who wanted a new piece of a**
He lucked up and found her
He f**ked up and drowned her
Now his chance to be president has passed

If you have a joke about Ted Kennedy, let’s hear it. If it has any naughty words, do clean them up, if possible, or censor them, as I did above.

Bring ’em on.

Links of the Day Part 1

Is there ever a Part 2? Will you ever know the answer to this question?

First. Rachel Lucas visited Auschwitz-Birkenau. You must go read her post about it. Do it now.

Time’s 50 Best Websites 2009. IMAO isn’t on there, so Frank says it’s a bogus list, but maybe you’ll find something to interest you.

Non-randomness in coin tosses. You wanted to know. Or you didn’t. I don’t know, it’s a toss-up. Thank you, I’m here all week, tip your waiter.

Ted Kennedy: Still Not Good

Also check out Google’s trends today. Seems that Teddy K was remembered by most people for one thing.

Gratuitous self-linkage: Splish splash, baby. (Not a post about Ted Kennedy, regardless of the title.)

Frank J. and SarahK Meet Their New Neighbor








To be continued…

Better Interrogation Techniques

Thanks to the ACLU, the whole world now knows what “torture” means in the United States. Here’s a partial list:

Sleep deprivation
“insult slaps”
water dousing
“walling” (slamming a detainee’s head against a wall)

Apparently, American-style torture consists of attending a frat party.

Still, there’s got to be MORE stuff they use for when these “hard-core” techniques aren’t enough. But until my Freedom of Information Act request comes back, I’m left to speculate thusly:


Switch busted in the “on” position.

* “buzz buzz buzz” – Locking the subject in a room full of breakable objects with a fly and no flyswatter.

* “shinning” – making subject walk through a pitch-black room full of shin-level coffee tables.

* “Lego walk” – same as above, but subject is barefoot and the floor is scattered with Lego pieces.

* “whiffy cat” – subject gets a cat for a “companion”, but is never allowed to clean the litter box.

* “talkin’ corn” – 6 hour drive through Nebraska with nothing but an AM radio.

* “broken glass, sudsy water” – do my dishes, bitch.

* “Nevergizer” – dead batteries in the subject’s remote.

* “South of the Border” – habanero toilet paper.

* “bottomless cup” – re-filling the subject’s half-finished coffee, thus making it impossible to restore the proper cream/sugar ratio to the beverage.

* “beep beep” – a viewing of Eddie Murphy’s “Raw“, edited for television.


What do YOU have that would crack a terrorist?

Random Thoughts

Liberals are just upset that we spend all this time trying to get terrorists to talk but no one cares what they say

So were all now pretty clear that Obama’s main skill is sounding smart to stupid people. Beyond that he’s pretty useless.

New Platform: Useless people out of government. It’s insane the country is run by people who have never accomplished anything.

What evidence is there that Nancy Pelosi is competent enough to have a say in anything, yet she has a say in everything.

The people who should be running the federal government are all the people too busy doing useful, actual things.

We need to put a purge into the Constitution, where every so often everyone in Congress is tossed out and we start over.

Path to Nuclear Disarmament: America takes over the entire world. No reason to nuke self.

Which Party is going to take on movie theater concession prices? No free market at work there. I bet that’s what candy costs in Europe.

Why does C# require a break for the default condition of a case statement? What exactly am I breaking from at that point? Illogical!

I’m tired of C#. I miss pointers. Data in random memory locations, you will dance and do my bidding!

If the Glenn Beck boycott gets advertisers to pull from all news shows and throws Olbermann off the air, that would be the funniest thing ever.

You can’t make the government religiously significant without pulling religion down towards government’s insignificance.

My new nickname everyone agreed on: Awesomeator. It’s a combination of “Awesome” and “Terminator.”

Obama promised he’d lose us the war in Iraq, but I guess liberals will just have to settle on us losing in Afghanistan.

Let’s Remember Our Good Times with Ted Kennedy

I guess I should wait 24 hours before I really lay into Ted Kennedy (well, more so Massachusetts for reelecting him), so let’s try to have good memories about him right now. Best I can do is an old In My World that featured him: Ride of the Warmongerers. And try and think of something nice to say about Ted for the comments (no joke). Think of it as a challenge.