New Crowder video (with guest star Zo!):
Archive of entries posted on 20th August 2009
Tea Party Tour Tagline Needs Work
I’m all in favor of Tea Parties (the Taxed Enough Already kind, not the froo-froo, blue-haired, extended-pinky kind), but the folks at Tea Party Express have me scratching my head on their efforts to raise money to support their national bus tour:
“The national tea party tour will be supported by paid television ads that include the tagline: “Ask yourself this, would you be willing to put your own family into the hands of Barack Obama’s socialistic health care plan? [emphasis mine]”
Worst. Tagline. Ever.
A tagline is supposed to be pithy, clever, and/or memorable. Let’s see if we can shine this up a little:
* ObamaCare: Let’s test it out on Congress first.
* So bad, even Canadians would vote against it – if they were American and smarter.
* Like treating a paper cut with lemon juice.
* If you’re kidding, I’m not laughing. If you’re serious, I’m getting my gun.
* Like the Special Olympics or something.
* Even Sarah Palin would support putting this plan in front of a Death Panel.
* Ask yourself this, would you be willing to put your own family into the hands of the people who did Pelosi’s face lift?
* It’ll be just like the Post Office, except “going postal” will be known as “going doctoral”.
* The government will protect your health just like they protected GM & Chrysler.
* Tar. Feathers. Democrats. Some assembly required.
If you’ve got a tagline, drop it in the comments.
Frank on the Radio
I’ll be on America’s Morning News (Washington Time’s radio program) tomorrow morning (I should be on around 7:45 ET) talking about the Joker poster and whether Obama is like the Joker.
Tonight, it’s RiffTrax Live!
Secret History of America
Oliver Stone is going to do a Secret History of America series for Showtime revealing interesting things he’s discovered about the past sixty years. I’ve gotten my hands on some of that information:
OLIVER STONE’S DISCOVERED SECRETS
* Elvis assassinated Kennedy.
* The Korean War started when we found out the North Koreans are secretly aliens.
* Communists cloned Obama in a secret lab in Kenya.
* Teddy Kennedy is actually a shaved bigfoot.
* Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups were invented by the CIA to ensnare urban youth with its deliciousness (Reese’s is a sponsor of the series).
* The Snuggie was invented decades ago but kept secret by the government until now.
* The scarce commodity oil that give the Middle East influence — actually made from readily available corn starch.
* The moon landing was faked on Mars.
* We actually totally won the Vietnam War but pretended to give up to give useless hippies self-esteem.
Should America Have Democrats?
Seven in ten Democrats are now against the war in Afghanistan. So, an evil, extremely oppressive regime harbors terrorists who attacked the U.S. killing thousands, but that’s not worth war. What is exactly? Were they polled on whether we should have gone after the Japanese after Pearl Harbor? Or is that one okay because a Democrat started the war?
Once again I have to remind people that Democrats are a useless, silly people. It’s okay to have them piddle around with a few social issues to keep them from whining, but keep them away from anything serious. America is expected to keep the world in order, and with that sort of responsibility I’m beginning to wonder if we should even have Democrats. They’re okay in Europe — no one ever expects Belgium to come to the rescue — but it just seems in a world with terrorists and nuclear-armed rogue states, Democrats may be a silly, harmful luxury we can’t afford right, sort of like a two pack a day cigarette habit when we’re a marathon runner.
Once we make the world safer, then we can let useless, silly people have decisions about America’s government again. Until then, it just seems like a bad idea for everyone.
MSNBC’s New Attempt at Ratings
I think MSNBC is trying to start a race war. I guess they think that would be good for their ratings, but I really don’t see any plausible scenario in which large numbers of people tune in to MSNBC. Even if people want to be lied to, they at least want the people to do it to be marginally competent at it (“Let’s just crop off the black guy’s head so we can claim he’s white! No one will ever find out!”). Maybe if they set Keith Olbermann on fire and threw him off a building, people would tune in to see that. I’d consider it. So, that’s something for them to think about.
Random Thoughts
Under ObamaCare, “Sophie’s choice” will just be known as a common budgeting decision.
Under ObamaCare, the only way your sick grandma will get care is if she’s an illegal immigrant.
Under ObamaCare, every doctor will be as mean as House and as incompetent as Dr. Nick Riviera.
Under ObamaCare, whatever you do, don’t take the blue pill.
Under ObamaCare, health care will be as free and wildly available as unicorns.
Under ObamaCare, there will be plenty of health care choices for anyone who doesn’t mind fines and imprisonment.
Under ObamaCare, Yakov Smirnoff’s style humor will be made relevant again.
Under Obamacare, even Wolverine will not heal.
Sometimes I lie away at night frantically trying to remember if the official name of my favorite procedural is “House” or “House, M.D.”
Under ObamaCare, House will be canceled because, realisitically, there will not be money for a team of diagnosticians. Actually, that’s kinda infeasible now.
Hopefully I can get the hang of a radio interview. I cannot describe just how much I love hearing my own voice.
Lots of people worry about a zombie apocalypse, but I never hear anyone worry about a vampire apocalypse. Why? Zombies seem more possible. Plus, no one has even considered making zombies sparkly.
How are Democrats like Nazis? I don’t quite care for either of them.