One of these politicians is known as a racist. But, in reality, they have a lot in common.
Barack Obama | Lester Maddox |
Let me explain.
Continue reading ‘Street cred’ »
One of these politicians is known as a racist. But, in reality, they have a lot in common.
Barack Obama | Lester Maddox |
Let me explain.
Continue reading ‘Street cred’ »
Just a reminder, the RiffTrax live event is Thursday. I wonder how many people will show up? They said it’s sold out in some places, and I don’t want to be the lone weirdo in Boise who likes RiffTrax. As least I’ll have my wife with me. It’s nice how that I got someone to marry me shields me from total loserdom. She won a beauty contest.
If you are going, there’s a contest to win an iPod touch loaded with RiffTraxes.
I don’t think Obama is a very good leader. His style lately has been to come out with some crazy proposal or policy idea, yell, “Do it because I’m Obama!”, and then people make fun of how his ears stick out until he compromises or gives up. I think somewhere before the end of his four years, people are just going to start ignoring him.
He needs to change his leadership style. And who is the best leader you know? That’s right: Me. I lead this blog. And I am awesome.
FRANK TIPS ON LEADERSHIP
* Speak with a deep voice; it’s authoritative. If needed, inhale sulfur hexafluoride.
* Have a dinosaur stand behind you. People are going to listen to anyone awesome enough to have a dinosaur stand behind… unless he’s some guy who doesn’t notice a dinosaur is behind him and about to eat him.
* Get a cool theme song. People are going to listen when your theme song is playing because they’ll know that moment is all about you. Bonus points if the song has a funky beat you can dance to.
* To make people know what you say are the words of a leader, follow everything you say with, “This I command!”
* You can’t only rule through fear (even thought that’s the totally funnest way to rule), you should also be a leader people like. That means being nice to people by telling them how you like the cut of their jib and handing out free candy. Also, institute a National Nachos Day.
* Grow a mustache. The bushier, the better.
* Learn kung fu. Eventually, people are going to challenge your right to leadership. If you don’t want to back down, make sure your kung fu is strong.
* Get a robot body. If people won’t listen to you because you’re a puny human vulnerable to traditional weaponry, a robot body with gatling gun arms will solve that.
* Have secret police. People tend to listen to whomever has the ability to drag them out of their homes in the middle of the night. Despite the name, though, make sure everyone knows about your secret police so they can be scared of them. Otherwise, when they show up at someone’s door in the middle of the night, people are going to be like, “Who are you guys? I never heard of you.” And they’ll be like, “That’s because we’re a secret.” And the guy will probably just close the door thinking it’s a prank. Happened all the time in the early Soviet Union.
* Have a giant throne. Also, have a trap door in front of your throne for anyone who displeases you. It should lead to a ravenous beast, but it can just lead to laundry if that’s easier to set up.
* Differentiate yourself. How are people supposed to know who the leader is if everyone is dressed in similar looking suits? You need something that shows you’re the leader like a cape or an important-looking hat.
* Do feats of strength. Sometimes people are going to question why you’re leader, but they won’t if you beat them all at Halo.
* To help with leadership, don’t just buy a boat and name it “Leader.” People will laugh at you.
* Use your blackness. I think that’s Obama’s most underused element for leadership. Sure, you can accuse anyone of being a racist who disagrees you, but that’s not being a good leader. Instead, get a mohawk and gold chains and inform fools that you pity them — that’s how I imagined a black president would be as a child. In the least, emulate Samuel L. Jackson more. You may need someone to follow you around and bleep you.
My new Pajamas Media column is up.
No matter what laws Congress passes, the actual minimum wage is always $0 per hour.
Do you think rainbows are a test pattern God uses to color correct the universe? The other day, things had a bit of a green tint, but then a rainbow appeared and soon it was fixed.
Conservatives should be honest and admit that a black president will cause an increase in racism… especially an extremely incompetent one.
To understand why liberals are so angry, they really think health care can be made free by passing some bill. If there was a bill that could magically make everyone healthy, who would oppose that but really mean evil people?
Instead of a death panel, Obama should propose a hugs panel. Secret known only to him: They are hugs… OF DEATH!!!