Trolls

Trolls.

Those are the little sh*theads that visit blogs, chat rooms, and message boards just to be … well, sh*theads.

As much as I despise spammers, I think I despise trolls even more.

Now, when I say “trolls,” I do not mean comments of opposing views. Many blogs accept comments. And bloggers don’t always seek positive comments. Opposing views are often welcome at blogs. But there’s a difference between voicing opposing views and trolling. If you don’t know the difference, you’re probably a troll.

Trolls don’t leave honest, thoughtful comments. Trolls want to take over your post, or even your blog.

The term “troll,” in case you weren’t familiar, comes from the act of trolling, or traveling from place to place looking for something. Like trolling for fish on a lake, or trolling for a hookup at nightclubs. Internet trolls usually go from place to place (Website to Website) making a nuisance of themselves — mostly because they live in their mom’s basement and always strike out when trolling nightclubs.

Then, there’s the image of the trolls, like in mythology. Or Children’s stories. Like the evil little creatures that live under bridges and fight the Three Billy Goats Gruff. That is applicable, too, because of the unpleasant nature of Internet trolls.

Conservative blogs get trolls, usually liberals, but not always. Sometimes a conservative who happens to disagree about a certain point (Ron Paul!) will go from conservative blog to conservative blog — trolling — leaving comments (Ron Paul 2012!!1!!). Some call it “drive-bys,” and while that’s accurate, it is trolling at its purest.

Sometimes, they’ll hang around for a bit, but often, conservative trolls will do drive-bys on conservative blogs.

Then, there are the liberal trolls. They will also do the drive-by, or traditional trolling. But often, they’ll hit a conservative blog and try to hijack a post. Often, they’ll post long missives, hitting all their talking points, usually off the topic of the post. Say, a post is about Obamacare; they’ll write 17 paragraphs on Global Warming™ in the comments.

And that’s the thing about trolls, particularly liberal trolls. They want your stuff.

Let me explain.

Blogs that have their own domain name? We pay money for those. We also have hosting fees. In other words, we’re paying for the existence of the blog.

But, we don’t have to. For instance, two of the largest blogging services, Blogger and WordPress.com let anyone — even loudmouth liberals — start a blog for free.

Why is that important? Because if a troll really has a bunch of important stuff to say, he can start his own blog rant to his heart’s content. For free.

Yes, for free.

And, for trolls, that’s not enough. They can’t be happy with using their own blog — a blog that costs them nothing. They want to use your Website … that you paid for … to spread their message. They want to use your domain name … that you paid for … to spread their message. They want to use your Website’s bandwidth and disk space … that you paid for … to spread their message.

Getting something for free isn’t enough. They want more than that. They don’t just want it for free, they want to take away what’s yours.

It’s the way trolls are.

It’s the way liberals are.

lolterizt! Part 88

This week terrorists, next week That One. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com

Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.

NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.



[reference link]


My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:

From Dneff:

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Also from Dneff:

From Jeff:

From JFK:

[reference link]

From NunyaB:

From Peregrine John:

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From Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

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Also from Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

[Mortal Kombat reference]

Also also from Rick of The Rabid Conservative:

From Ron Rockstar:


This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:


PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolterizt! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.

#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.

MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.

STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.

HAT TIP: Snapped Shot for handy links to ripe-for-captioning photos.

Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.

Glenn Beck Boycott

Just to update you, Glenn Beck called Obama a racist which makes him a racist (but doesn’t make you a racist if you call Glenn Beck a racist), so the nutroots — who never pick a fight with anyone worth the energy, you know, like terrorists — are screeching at him and demanding boycotts of companies that advertise on his show. Now a bunch of companies have pulled out of advertising on Glenn Beck’s show, except they are still advertising on FOX News just in different advertising blocks so it’s no loss of revenue for FOX News. Most likely, after the nutroots find something else inane to screech and fling poo about (to be clear, I’m comparing them to monkeys, particularly stupid irritable ones), everything will go back to normal.

I’ve never seen Glenn Beck’s FOX News show as it’s on during the day. I don’t think he can keep getting the ratings he does and not be put in prime time, though. That will really cause the nutroots to screech, so it would great if that’s done during a time when it would be nice to have them distracted, like campaign season.

Guide to Real Americans

A CNN reporter got angry at protesters calling themselves “real Americans”. Of course a reporter would be confused by that, because journalists are not real Americans. In fact, there are a lot of faux-Americans out there confusing people as to what a real American is. Here’s a handy guide to help out:

GUIDE TO REAL AMERICANS

Real Americans only approve of massive spending for going to the moon and building giant war robots.

Real Americans punch any hippies they see.

Real Americans not only don’t want a single-payer health care system, but want to invade Canada for the offense of having one.

Real Americans treat socialists about the same as they treat gophers and rats.

Real Americans never have too many guns.

Real American think there are far too many foreign countries and someone should do something about that.

Real Americans consider “European” to be a vulgar insult.

Real Americans are not only insulted by the idea of government handout, but homicidally enraged.

Real Americans think enemy dictators can save their negotiations for Judgment Day.

Real Americans don’t like any messages in their movies other than that explosions are really fun to watch.

Real American don’t like to be patronized by useless people.

Black Lantern Aquaman

I don’t know if any of you have been reading the Blackest Night series, but the new zombie Aquaman is actually kinda badass. He rips out someone’s heart and then has people torn apart by zombie sharks. It’s kinda like if you combined Fred Thompson and Aquaman… well, I guess you’d still have Fred Thompson because that’s like combining infinity and one. But if Fred Thompson crapped out the Aquaman part, then you’d have Black Lantern Aquaman punching out people’s hearts.

Random Thoughts

You know that fund I put my blog money in to save up for a laser rifle whenever those are available? If the government asks, it’s a 401k.

Maybe the solution is to get agreements with other countries to make it easier to move there. Find freedom scary? Try another country. Britain, Canada, Cuba: They love their health care! You should totally go there! For us free market people, we’re kinda stuck. Show some compassion, liberals, and just move to a country that already espouses your ideals. Everyone will be happy. It’s win-win.

Prediction: When the health care bill passes, it will have been scaled back to a resolution declaring health a good thing. Obama will declare victory.