Christopher Andersen’s new book, “Barack and Michelle: Portrait of an American Marriage“, exposed numerous previously undisclosed secrets about President Barack Obama. Here’s just a tiny sample:
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* He isn’t actually black. He’s off-umber.
* Didn’t “pal around” with Bill Ayers, having never been officially promoted beyond “comic-relief sidekick”.
* Despite all the rumors swirling around, he really WAS the first black Czar of the Harvard Law Review.
* Mindless of the threat to national security, never – ever – even once, has he coughed into his elbow.
* Didn’t propose to Michelle until three years after he met her because he was saving up for a downpayment on a teleprompter.
* Tragically, he inherited his basketball skills from his mother’s side.
* Diagnosed with PTSD after killing that fly.
* Doesn’t understand those “secret Muslim” accusations, since five times every day he faces Mecca, kneels on his mat, and prays to Jesus.
* While negotiating with Hillary Clinton to end her primary campaign, got her to settle for the Secretary of State position instead of her original demand of “taking Bill on a tour of Chappaquiddick”.
* Once had a clogged sink full of dirty water. Bailed it out. Been a big fan ever since.
Anyone else who’s read the book, feel free to fill in anything I missed.
* Had an MRI brain scan after becoming president and when viewing the new brain image, the attending medical staff gasped in horror, “No change!”
Was really popular with the girls in his elementary school and high school because he threw just like them.
* First got a bucket stuck on his head during a kegger at Harvard with Noam Chomsky and Ayers.
* Is actually one of Frank J. Fleming’s multiple personalities.
* Developed his economic theories by reading The Communist Manifesto backwards.
just recently discoved to have dyslexia. “Dang no wonder I thought everything was going good!”
* Once tinted his bathroom mirror pink so he could see his race correctly.
* Once tried to negotiate with a bloodthirsty regime that was killing its own citizens.
Oh, that’s right. Nevermind.
Ya know, judging by that picture, I’m going to go ahead and add “dyed his hair black during the campaign to appear more vigorous and youthful.”
Harvey:
Thanks a lot. I laughed so hard I got chewing gum on the wall. ServPro will be sending you a bill.
Basil – If it was Stride gum, you may have just saved yourself from being the victim of a goat attack.
Is he picking his ear, or tuning the hidden satellite dish disguised as an ear?
*He was suprised when he bought a can of coke and all that came out was a dark sweet bubbly syrup.
He’s the only “black” man in the world that can neither play sports or dance.
Michelle placed a Ceti Eel in Barack’s ear, rendering him extremely susceptible to outside suggestion.
Unfortunately for Michelle, the Ceti eel starved inside Barack’s cranium.
Is still trying to work up the nerve to eat a Grand Slam Breakfast.
Barack always won the ‘Who Can Insert The Q-Tip The Farthest?’ Game.
I had to check if this was a Frank J post; it’s definitely on his level. You’ve come a long way since you first joined, Harvey. Good stuff!